YvonneKindle-Speaker's Way

Title (5): 5

The title is interesting and intriguing, raising questions for me. It corresponds with the story well.

Blurb (10): 8

The blurb includes everything it should; insight into the MC's, their goals and the conflict, and a few bits about the setting. I just feel it lacks something exciting, something to really hook the reader in. Something to make them ask questions.

Cover (5): 5

The cover is pretty, eye-catching, fitting for the story and has great fonts. It looks great.

Plot (20): 17

The plot is coming along nicely, moving at a steady pace. Every chapter definitely furthers the plot. However, the balance is very heavily on narration, as opposed to dialogue (and action, actually), which lead to large parts of the chapters feeling a bit like infodumps. A good example of this is the first scene; although there's a lot of necessary narration on how things work, this almost-info-dump also slows down the pacing considerably. Halfway through I was wondering where our MC Yui actually was.

Since there is so much to explain, I really don't think it's a good idea to introduce Haruto in the first chapter as well, and switch pov that way. It becomes too much.

Characterization (20): 17

In general, characterization is pretty good in this story. Both characters clearly have their own personality, with strengths and weaknesses. However, I feel like there is a large emphasis on worldbuilding, causing character building to slip through a little bit. Although a lot of things are made overly clear, I feel like some crucial things are not. For example, although the difference between men and women is made abundantly clear, at the end of chapter five I had no idea why Haruto doesn't want to go to the Tear. What is it about that place that he would hate so much? Especially since he's considered it before, I didn't think it was that bad. In short, a larger emphasis on how the characters are feeling while they're going through all the (pretty terrible) things they're going through, would help readers connect to them.

Creativity/originality (10): 10

Both the characters and the plot are unique and creative. I've never read anything like this, and that's great. There were no clichés to be found.

Spelling/Grammar (15): 14

There were a handful of typos, but really not that many. Great job.

Enjoyability (5): 5

Both sides of the story, Yui's and Haruto's, were intriguing and engaging. Their misfortune drew me into the story and had me feel for them. They made me want to find out what would happen to them. Nicely done.

Literary devices (5): 5

Very good use of literary devices. Your writing is definitely rich and flavourful, and the writing style fit the story really well, too.

Descriptions (5): 4

The descriptions used, especially those of physical surroundings, were very impressive. You've got some beautiful descriptions, helping me picture the scenes. However, as mentioned there is a slight lack of descriptions of characters' feelings. An example of this is (the lack of) Yui's feelings at the very beginning, when her mother is taken away.

Total (100): 90