Smirking Danger - PRNTAI

Title (5): 4

The title is quite intriguing and gives an idea of what the story is about. I like it much better than your previous title.

Blurb (10): 5

Your whole blurb stands or falls on that one joke. That’s dangerous. If a reader doesn’t like the joke, then he’s not going to read the book. I would strongly suggest fleshing the blurb out and adding some detail on the main character, the setting and the conflict of the story.

Cover (5): 3

I find it a bit too much to have the same person on the cover three times. I really think one picture of him will be enough. I like how you put the title on.

Plot (20): 14

In the first five chapters, I’m finding the plot line a bit unconvincing. The MC goes to a new school and is immediately bullied by the most popular boys there, and in a sexual way as well. And what does she do about it? Absolutely nothing. She just stands there and waits for it to happen. Why doesn’t she talk to a teacher? She’s had plenty of opportunities but stays passive. Other than that, it’s an interesting story. I would just suggest making the mc more active.

Characterization (20): 14

Tying in with what I mentioned above, I find the MC a bit too naive, but also a bit bland. There’s no power in her, she seems unable to do anything by herself. I might be completely wrong here (I hope I am) but this is how she comes across in the first chapters. I also found dialogue nog very convincing. Maybe it could help you reading it out loud.

Creativity/Originality (10): 5

You said in an author’s note that the first couple of chapters might seem cliche, but that the story isn’t cliche. The thing is, the first couple of chapters is where you’ll need to hook your readers in. It’s where you’ll lose readers, if you’re not original enough. In other words, you have to show the originality and creativity of your story in the first chapters, rather than the later ones.

Spelling/Grammar (15): 10

There are some grammar errors, and quite some strangely phrased sentences. If this isn’t your strength, I’d suggest asking help from an editor. There are plenty of free editors to be found in wattpad.

Enjoyability (5): 3

There is a lot happening in the first few chapters, which I like. I was never bored reading it. Make her reactions more believable and it would be perfect.

Literary Devices (5): 3

Try and implement literary devices more in your descriptions. It’ll really bring your writing to life.

Description (5): 3

You’ve got a lot of description of what people look like, which is good. Try to also show us what her surroundings look like.

Total (100): 64