Mystic - SmilingAtTheCamera

Title (5): 4

Short and catchy, giving us a quick glimpse of the story, but not very original.

Blurb (10): 8

Quite an intriguing blurb! I feel like you've included exactly the right things in it, yet you haven't worded it perfectly yet. Some sentences are left a bit vague, rather than mysterious. Still, I was hooked after reading it.

Cover (5): 3

I like the picture of the girl, but I feel like there could be a bit more on the cover. The mist at the top doesn't quite cut it for me. There isn't anything to really grab the reader's attention.

Plot (20): 17

There's a danger to stories like this. A character with so much power, could become all-powerful. In your story, I'm not sure yet how you'll fix this problem, though I do feel that you don't want to make her all-powerful. I can tell that there are flaws, but from what I have read so far, there seem to be no boundaries to her powers. The other thing I have to mention is that, apart from Dumbledore coming to get her and her warning about the Burrow not being safe, not a lot has actually happened here. The first five chapters all seem very introductory - a little too much so. Try and find a way to already get the plot starting, while we find out more about her.

Characterization (20): 17

I'm having slight trouble figuring out Lisette's personality. On the one hand, she comes across as a mysterious, strong character, having lived by herself in the woods for ten years. On the other hand, she comes across as shy and nervous and not strong at all. I'd love to see a little bit more consistency. I do feel like you've written all the other characters, the ones we know and love, perfectly.

Creativity/Originality (10): 10

I adore the premise of this story. I haven't read a story like yours yet and I just love how much you can do with this. I can't wait to see which way the story is going to go.

Spelling/Grammar (15): 11

I feel like you're trying to make the sentences more complex than they have to be, to make the writing style look more sophisticated. However, that causes some problems in sentence structure, leading to strange sentences. Also, mind your commas and full stops! One more small tip, try and use the word "was" less often. It makes for a passive writing style, while active is much more fun to read. See if you can some of those passive sentences and reconstruct them into active ones. (The cat was licking the milk vs. The cat kicked the milk).

Enjoyability (5): 5

The first chapter especially was very hooking. The main character is an intriguing character and I'm excited to see where you take this story.

Literary Devices (5): 5

You have used a good amount of literary devices in your story. It makes the writing look rich and interesting.

Description (5): 4

I like the descriptions you have, but I feel like you could use some more. I couldn't always picture the scenes, because there wasn't enough description. An example is the scene in which Lisette came downstairs for the first time: I thought Mrs Weasley was there until she suddenly came in through the door, getting me confused. A little more descriptions would've prevented this confusion.

Total (100): 84