AJ_Mardlin -Loving Lola

Title: 5/5 

The title of this book is, without thinking about it, a cute title for a romance novel. When you think about it more deeply, however, the multiple meanings behind it are brilliant. The reader does not know if it's the story of one who loves Lola, or "loving" is the adjective used to describe her. Knowing the plot of the book, the vagueness inherent in the title makes it appropriate, interesting, and marketable.

Blurb: 8/10

You definitely know how to craft a blurb, and it does everything that blurbs are meant to do. You present the main characters, the conflict/struggle, but what falls a bit short for me is leaving the reader with an unanswered question that compels a person to open this book. It's simply a matter of some rewriting to take the suggestion that these two have demons that could separate them and give the reader a more dramatic question that needs an answer. I always suggest putting any awards, review quotes, etc, inside the book rather than in the blurb itself. Blurbs are all about keeping things clean and simple. However, that is just a personal preference.

Cover: 4/5 

I could have sworn that once upon a time, this book had a cover with a Georgia O'Keefe-type flower and both the colour and symbolism in that was perfect. I may be thinking of another book entirely, but for some reason, I remember a more vibrant cover. I frankly don't think your current cover and the black-and-white palate does the story justice. Lola and Alfie are tempestuous, vivacious, tormented characters. The portrait of a lovely woman is too common to represent the depth of this story.

Plot: 18/20 

Based on your blurb,it would be a tough sell to get me to read this book--and yet I have read it previously and know how good it is. The oversaturation of the romance genre with "bad boys" and "kinky millionaires" and "submissive women waiting to be tamed" kind of gets to me. I always joke that I deduct five points for every "bad boy makes beautiful woman with damaged self-image his possession" story that comes my way. This story and the characters presented run much deeper than that, and it's something I appreciate enough to keep reading the book. The writing far outclasses the premise, and the plot is not as simple as the blurb suggests. Still, it's the characters and writing style and not the plot that make this book stand above others. The obstacle this book faces is how to get today's empowered female 20-somethings (the typical chick-lit demographic) to see this story as far more than Fifty Shades Of Grey without spoiling the plot twists. I won't spoil the plot twists, in case the score sheets are published, but I'll simply say there's far more to this story than meets the eye.

Characterisation: 20/20 

As mentioned in the plot section, it's not the plot that makes this book intriguing. Romance novels with the basic premise of this one are a dime a dozen. The characters are what brings this story to life, and though it's Lola's name on the book, Alfie is the character whose story is the most compelling. Figuring him out and loving to hate him with a passion is key to why this book is so well-read and is a wonderful example of its genre. (I would not consider this a chick-lit book, as I noted for one of the other entries. Chick-lit is traditionally geared toward women aged 20-40, and differs from romance in that it focuses on the life of the female characters, with romantic relationships being subplots. (A few examples are "Sex And The City" and "The Devil Wears Prada".) This belongs firmly in the romance genre, in my opinion, where your scores will be higher and your audience slightly different.

This book is a long one, and yet the characters are dynamic enough and carry enough secrets to keep people reading week after week. That's a sign of success with a Wattpad novel that needs to be applauded, but at least for me, I keep reading because of the depth in Lola and Alfie. Characters that strong definitely transcend the "bad boy/submissive girl" stereotype and will carry this book to a publisher.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10 

I'll try to keep this short, because I've already mentioned the reasons this category is a mixed bag for me. The premise and basic plot and character tropes are far from creative or original. What you've done with the expected plot and character tropes absolutely is creative and original, but it does fight the trope syndrome fairly deep into the book. Eventually, the characters propel it into different territory, but it takes a while to get there.

Spelling/Grammar: 13/15

I'll preface this by saying that your writing style is absolutely beautiful. In attempting to judge as if I'd never read anyone's work before, I was still reminded of the fact that the way you write puts you amongst some of my favourites on Wattpad. However, grammar is your weak point. You have sentences that begin and end with prepositions, sentences that aren't complete sentences in narrative description, and a habit of using a string of modifiers (adjectives and adverbs) when one will do. Editing the grammar and the flow will go a long way towards enhancing your natural talent with descriptive writing, and using adjectives when they have greatest impact will make your characters shine.

Enjoyability: 5/5

Alfie Tell is a character I love to hate, especially given I write mostly female protagonists who'd try to murder him. However, for me, that's where the enjoyability lies. He is an extraordinarily damaged narcissist who doesn't have an understanding of the pain he can inflict on himself and others. That doesn't sound like a protagonist you want to keep reading about, but most readers do, and will. For me, it is his character that carries this book, and puts him in the League Of Misunderstood And Despicably Sexy Villains. As soon as you give me a book where the protagonist is an anti-hero, you've pulled me in.

Literary Devices: 5/5

Your writing style is descriptive without being literary and romantic without being cloying. You make liberal use of simile, metaphor, rhetorical questions, and other simple things used to enhance description. Some of your writing is downright sexy in a sophisticated way, and that's because you use these techniques almost without being aware. Your style is natural and well-suited for the genre you write.

Descriptive Writing: 5/5

It's your naturally descriptive style that makes you a favourite of mine. Aside from falling into the romance-novel-trap of befriending every adjective you find along the way, you create a sensual, emotional, enthralling world (Oooo, see what I did there?! ;) ) that is utterly immersive. Though I know you have a large fan base on Wattpad that reads each chapter as soon as it's published, this is the sort of book I find more enjoyment in reading in one sitting. That's a testimonial to the immersive nature of your story, your characters, and the words you use to share your vision with your readers.

Total: 91/100