DYSTOPIAN WINNERS
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If you do not get your reviews by this Wednesday the 22nd, Do reach out to us.
Winners!
Personally message me with your email, book title and category to claim your prizes 💎
THIRD PLACE 🥉
Everett revised edition by violetadowski
• Title: 10/10
Yes! This title is very relevant to the plot for the main character's name IS Everett! It's actually very helpful to have his name as the title- easier to remember the protagonist's name. Therefore, it's short, memorable, and goes with the plot because it follows Everette's life!
• Cover: 5/5
Without reading the book, you wouldn't be so sure what the cover was hinting at. Maybe a sad lonely life, a deserted world? You wouldn't know. The cover looks a bit sad and not so appealing but it does make you wonder what it's about. But, since people judge a book by its cover, though we're taught not to do so, people wouldn't stop swiping by the look of just this cover. But I assure you, you should not judge a book by its cover because the look is deceiving to what is inside!
The fonts are large and therefore easy to read and it does pull you in if you're looking for a dystopian vibe!
• Blurb: 10/10
Wow! This is a wonderful little blurb. It sets up with a question so it piques your interest. The question helps you to understand what it is you might take from this story and then it flows very nicely to the main character, the society, the change that is to occur and then leaving us with a cliffhanger question that is sure to make you want to read on! It's very well written, interesting, and it even had some rhyming!
• Setting: 10/10
In only a matter of seconds, we are teleported into Everette's life with his heightened emotions following where he stands. I quickly could see where he was, the vibe of this society and world. I could see the dynamic between characters and how the way everything looked around him was very different from the way our world looked like. I got attached to the setting, knowing how the house looked like, the streets and how it was different during different times of days and it was written so clearly, that when Everette had to leave, I felt his surprise and fear of having to change his environment. Knowing everything, head to toe, in only two chapters, and then adapting to the new environment was easy to do with the author's direct writing.
• Character and emotions : 9.5/10
Our character, Everett, from the beginning, has a clear persona, clear habits, feelings, and it's all brought out with the changes happening in his life and how he reacts to them. To the adrenaline and fear of doing something different. His character is reletable, a character that sets out to do the right things, tries to follow the rules but manages to break them with the pressure from his rebellious friends. And then, as the story moves along, he finds out that breaking the rules is probably the only way to be set free. This change in his life is what will strengthen him. It's a great message!
Everett's character isn't described to the toes, on appearance, but maybe in future writings, edits and/ or chapters there are more mentions on his looks. That could be one thing to focus on more but it isn't completely necessary for, his experience in his point of view is what's important.
Other characters are also very memorable and though they aren't as heightened or always around, they definitely pop out with a one liner phrase, and a description that tears them apart from other people. It's a lot of fun to see how Everett describes the people he sees when not knowing their names.
I can imagine each character clearly and each character intrigues me further to see what the rest of their story/ relationship with MC will be.
• Plot and detail: 19 /20
It is not cliche. It's very captivating from the eery society walls, the guards, the people's habits and not only is the world completely weird, but it is extremely intriguing when our MC is also starting to realize how odd this whole system is played out.
I am very interested so much that the chapters flowed from one to the next until my five chapters were up and I still wanted to know more!
I can compare this to life today, with the abuse given to children, how society is used to people getting hurt and someone hurting them, I think we can all see this abusive habit in our own society. Instead, this book is more open and harsh towards this treatment. These days, abuse can be discreet in front of society, to hide it, but it has definitely happened in the past where it was completely open. This book explores the openness of abuse, how it's affecting the feel of society, how people act and how our character reacts. It's a very different aspect for a story and how our writer sets it up from one point of view, that keeps everything in one clear lense and we're able to truly see it all as it is, discovering it slowly with him. Many dystopian stories show an aspect of our society to the extreme and give it a twist, revealing many truths of our lives and the wrongs of what's happening. It's a very important aspect of dystopian stories and our writer captures it very well in only a few paragraphs. This book, story and writing style will definitely go far. It's a book that many readers will eat up and want to taste it over and over again. I definitely see this as a movie one day.
I don't see any plot holes where something happened and didn't follow through/add up, it was mostly small little details that could expand, be more in depth and become clearer so that there wouldn't be any small confusions in the little scene.
There are definitely moments that could be improved but this is definitely an impressive start!
• Flow and style: 18/20
It was always easy to go from the next scene, action, thought and chapter. It was introduced with one sentence and I wasn't left wondering for too long that I lost interest and had to make too much effort to understand. I knew exactly how the setting looked different from the recent scene and could get sucked into the world in no time. His thoughts, our MC, were never too out there and confusing/hard to follow along. I knew where he was going with a mix of staying on my toes, intrigued to find out what was next. Each thing was executed very precisely and seemed to always have a reason and future foreshadowing and it was easy to catch those moments for it wasn't a jumble of actions, feelings, thoughts and descriptions.
I feel there were some transitions from one scene to the next that didn't have a proper marker indicating that it was a new scene. In Chapter 4, author, from Everett changing in his room and then exiting the dorm, there was a gap in spacing. It was just blank white and then words a few spaces down. Instead of that spacing, there could be a sepearter mark like you did for other scenes. Or, since it isn't much of a transition from scene, you could simply write *then I exited*. No need for transition/big space. Depends on you.
I think some moments where I felt the flow was interrupted was the few times when you switched tenses and when you repeated the same thing twice.
Other than that, I feel I was always able to follow along, words were legible, aside from Grammar mistakes and new words I didn't quite understand fit in the sentence.
I suggest just going over and editing a few parts of Chapter 4. Possibly because it was a longer chapter, but it had more errors.
• Grammar and Spelling: 7.5 /10
Hi! Grammar mistakes are inevitable to happen, we are born to make mistakes and learn from them, mess up a lot and pointing them out isn't a criticism, it's simply helping out to get better, stronger and smarter.
Plus, even published books hold typos from time to time- ah!
There were a few moments where commas were placed incorrectly, I usually pointed them out for you but sometimes I didn't because I was gonna write some here.
There were many sentences, very well written, but were slowly growing into run-ons and dancing on the curb on having too many adjectives to see the full picture. Sometimes you'd repeat certain words and it would stop the flow of the scene and the amount of adjectives used in one sentence can make it feel a bit jumbly.
I personally really like when one uses adjectives, describes certain aspects in deep detail and repeats the appearance of a person to be reminded, but sometimes it felt a little too much but only when it was repeated in the last two paragraphs. But, I really appreciated your repetition when it came to a new chapter, so it would remind us- good job!
One scene in the dorm room where the roommates are introduced, I was unsure who was talking and which kid was which. I feel if you take more time pointing them out or saying who is who, that scene will brighten and we won't be too confused. Another scene is when Evertte is eating at home and the robot comes to take the plates, and then it says a few lines later that the robot finally takes the plate of food. Right there is an inconsistency, a little hole in the scene. Another scene is where he's at school eating and Evertte's recalling how at home he didn't have to put up his food but now he does. Then afterwards, he is told that he doesn't have to and just sets the food on the table. But, before we were told he had to put it up. That's a moment where there's some inconsistency.
There were a few moments that didn't follow through. Only because you had mentioned a few sentences before that it had already happened so it confused me to see it repeated as if it hadn't happened.
Other than that, a few typos, I see so much potential and I'm so intrigued to see how it evolves.
I see so much potential in each relationship, person and within the story!
• Personal Enjoyment: 5/5
I felt completely involved and sucked into the story and when reading, that's what I'm looking for. A way to go into a different world and see new things, it really opens up possibilities and makes you feel better about yourself. I felt very good after reading a very well written story!
Additional Feedback- numbers are just numbers. Nothing wrong with your story or writing, just keep working on it;)
Total: 89/100
SECOND PLACE 🥈
Operation One Percent By Tsoni1994
Judge: @tulja
• Title: 10/10
I'm not sure if it fits yet, it hasn't been revealed to us readers but we can definitely guess the reasoning behind the title. Especially from the foreshadowing lines, the genre and lifestyle of the book. I know that I didn't reveal my book title choice until around the 14th chapter.
I think it's a clever name and definitely intriguing! It peaks my interest and it's not too short or too long, memorable as well.
• Cover: 4.5/5
Covers don't always have to be beautiful or appealing, but have to attract, attract people who are interested in your genre, in this case dystopia! And it also has to make sense to you as an author and reflect what you want to show.
This cover isn't necessarily beautiful, but it definitely attracts the eyes of dystopian fans!
Though, if I hadn't read the blurb and simply looked at this cover, I don't know if I'd have clicked on it. But that would've been a big mistake because this book is a must read! Don't judge a book by its cover.
The style of font also displays the theme of the story perfectly!
• Blurb: 7/10
This is a good way to introduce the story. It definitely piques your interest and as a romance fan, I'm head over heels excited to read the second I read through it. Some things to work on though is, the opening line didn't catch me fully and felt a bit rushed, wordy, therefore, I didn't feel like reading on. The question didn't relate to me and I didn't fully understand what you were asking. Also, the beginning portion of your blurb felt smushed with a lot of details, many specifics on the story that I felt too much was given to me yet not enough for me to completely understand- I was just a bit confused. Possibly also because the spacing was too close and topics kept changing so it was hard to follow.
But then, the conclusion came and I had a true feel of what you wanted to say. I suggest maybe starting right with the last few lines, that caught my attention the most. Aside from that and one word *character development* that got thrown in there kind of randomly, I suggest to not use that since it's implied when reading a story, this is a very cute and wonderful blurb!
• Setting: 9.5/10
You have a true way of words. It swirls in a magical way as you describe tiny details that fully expand the world! It's truly beautiful and I am captivated!
Imagery is taking over! The way you write about just a room, describing it from head to toe with a few phrases, it enhances the experience fully and it's like I'm watching a movie, or living inside it.
Second chapter, I could always see clearly where we were. Of course, there could be a few minor points to add a little clarity to show exactly where the MC may be standing, but other than that, I could see it all and was sucked into the world. Working on detailing further could help, check out my comments.
In the third chapter, I always knew where we were and the relation to it to the character. Though sometimes you could work on showing the distance from a door or from a robot to make it as clear as possible, but that little detail would only be to strengthen your writing.
Chapter 4 and 5 didn't have setting problems and it was easy to find myself in her shoes, as we went into the past and listened to thoughts as she stayed in her little apartment.
• Character and emotions : 10 /10
The first character seen is our MC, Margaret, someone who, from the beginning, we can tell, doesn't live a regular life. This distinction is clear and helpful for us readers to know what we're getting into.
I could feel her emotions and the thoughts running through her head. It made me easily fit myself in her shoes. I could see her appearance once the author would mention her clothes, hair, and it would paint a picture in my head as to what her disguise looked like. Our MC is an assassin and has to blend in so that she can find her target without getting caught. And that's where...
The antagonist is introduced. Once he's introduced, I think we all got chills. To his sharp jawline and blue attire, his aura was popping out of the page and we knew exactly how the encounter looked like between the two.
The way our MC felt was very clear the second she saw him and our breaths stopped along hers. It was an interesting turn of events and one that had you keep scrolling, the switch in energy on the page was inevitable and we wanted to know what was to come next.
I think one thing I'd like to see more is her appearance without her disguises, maybe you've mentioned it but it wasn't often where it stuck. But that's just me being picky. Overall, Margaret is always in character, her emotions, and feelings always make sense and I can feel/see it all!
• Plot and detail: 20 /20
From the first chapter, first sentence and word, I was hooked. Each word written had a hidden meaning behind it, causing us readers to wonder what exactly it was that this MC was doing. Our author created the tension, intrigue and foreshadowing very cleverly from the beginning. I wanted to get more and more inside Margaret's head, the MC.
The plot is not cliché at all, it's very much a mystery and you're left on your toes, especially when the scenes escalated and the stakes seemed higher. It was like someone telling a ghost story and all eyes were on that one person in the middle.
Comparing it to real life is a bit of a stretch and I think that's why I liked the plot so much because it was very out there.
But, I think we can always look at the deeper meaning behind a fantasy and unreal world.
This story showed the dangers of technology in an extreme manner but it definitely can relate to those who use social media. If too much information is shared or not enough, there's a lot of judgment and fears that come alongside that. In this case, with the story, you had to share thoughts so the government could keep an eye on you, making sure you weren't causing any trouble and also getting money in return for this spying. So, not only were you spied on but you had to be careful what you were going to share because otherwise, a consequence was entailed - death.
Another thing that could be relatable to real life today is violation. When someone violates you, abuses you, searches through your belongings, looking for your secrets and you have to exchange your body for money, is a very real thing today. The author did a good job in cooperating these qualities in her story without making it seem like a reality- that's what dystopias are, not a reality, yet relating to our current one.
This story doesn't have plot holes and it's different!
• Flow and style: 19/20
Each thought was easy to follow along and flowed from one paragraph to the next very naturally. I felt I was taken to a different dimension and was able to get carried with the story and words.
There was one moment in the first chapter that felt a bit sudden, which was the after she hung up on a caller. The caller didn't call back and then she got a big offer- that was a bit hard to follow because it was a big shift from her being tired to then getting excited by the huge news
Another moment: The STD's topic felt random so it stopped the flow because of its abruptness. But you connected it nicely as to why it was mentioned in the end. Maybe having a clearer intro to the topic could be helpful.
The paragraph structure sometimes threw me off because you'd start a topic and then indent to create a new paragraph but that new paragraph was talking about the same thing. And sometimes you'd do the opposite where you'd change topics in the same paragraph so it didn't give us time to adjust to the new topic. Keep the same topic together and don't worry if it'll be too long of a paragraph or too short.
But overall, your writing has a very river like quality, it flows, it's gentle and peaceful. It took me to your new world, intrigued me and I was flying up in the clouds. Though it talks about a very scary world, topics that can seem harsh, it's a nice approach to talk about important events in life and being fantastical about it. I felt like I was part of this world and I always look for that in a book. Good job.
• Grammar and Spelling: 9.5 /10
Are there any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes? Did they mix up their tenses? Is the punctuation correct?
Overall, it's very rare that there were grammar mistakes in this book.
But when there was one, I'd point it out in a comment. Typos are inevitable.
I think what can be worked on is present and past tense, which I'm sure everyone struggles from time to time without even realizing it. But even those errors didn't occur often and I'd tell you on the sidelines when it would happen. I think the grammar was always on point otherwise. Sometimes a sentence could be wordy and so it would take us out of the moment. Other times, it was an incomplete sentence or was phrased oddly which I'd point out to you with a question. I suggest to check those comments out and use that as a way to see what you should answer in your writing.
Well done! It was an easy and captivating read.
• Personal Enjoyment:5/5
Yes, I most definitely enjoyed this story! I love dystopian stories that mix with love, tension and a crazy world! Reading stories that aren't a normal day to day experience yet relating it to our life today is always a story that's inspiring or educational or simply fun for me!
I absolutely loved this story in particular because it swooped me up and took me places. I loved Margaret's story. I would love to read on to know what will happen next in her life and get used to her reactions more and more.
It was unexpected and fun, had me reacting as I kept scrolling!
Total: 94.5 /100
FIRST PLACE 🥇
The Specter Upon Us by StoryCoach
Judge: @tulja
• Title: 9/10
From the five chapters I've read, the title is still a mystery to me. You can certainly hypotheses how it may connect but we aren't quite sure. As we continue reading, it'll probably be introduced. But I've noticed our author usually likes to keep up the intrigue and for us to sense the foreshadowing, leaving details for the readers to connect. I see many authors try to play this game of leaving it to the audience, and sometimes it fails because it leaves too many questions and the descriptions are left empty, but this author created a healthy balance between wonder and answers. Well done.
I don't know if this title is quite memorable. It's hard to remember a title on Wattpad because it's not like you look at it often, but it isn't too long neither too short. I'm definitely intrigued and want to read on to figure out the meaning.
• Cover: 5/5
I feel covers don't always have to make sense or fit the plot because it really depends if it's what the author wants and if it fits with what they were going for. A story could be a comedy but the cover gives a sad and different insight. It all depends on the author. So, with that, I can simply judge their cover by inferring their intentions for why they chose this cover.
I'd say it fits perfectly. The story is about war and I could already see that in only the first few paragraphs of the prologue. And without having to read anything, I could tell with the cover. The cover shows skyscrapers, dust and explosions and to anybody who's looking for action in a book, they could totally infer that this book would be perfect for them. The phrase above says 'war has come to America ' and it gives a clear story to readers. I can clearly see the fonts and it definitely looks like the book will be intense. The top phrase may be hard to read, not only because Wattpad covers look small, but also because the font color is gray so it kind of blends with the White dusty background. I would suggest changing color but I also see why it was chosen to be a bit camouflage. Maybe to show secrecy, tricks and it's only to be caught by those who really look. With that inference, I think that this cover is well made!
• Blurb: 9/10
Oh wow damn. It definitely peaks your interests with an eye grabbing last line that plays with your heart. It makes you wonder what could have gone wrong with America and it makes you want to see what could happen. Which is the perfect reaction to receive. I only see a few Grammar mistakes and it could be spaced out and maybe phrased differently to help be understood but other than that, it's a great blurb.
• Setting: 9.5/10
The setting is explained thoroughly to create a true meaning to why we're there. You see where we are as the character is walking, with each detail popping into the vision once written on the page.
The setting is a nice background always. Not the main prop but detailed enough to be seen while not interrupting the flow of thoughts and the flow of the story.
There are a few moments where maybe the setting can take awhile to set in but it didn't have major problems. Maybe a minor area to work on could be to detail more the objects to enhance it further but so far, it's very beautiful. You staged it clearly.
• Character and emotions : 10/10
How can I truly judge a character?!? Am I right? Characters are like people, complex, misunderstood and very much a part of the author yet, very not real people. How can I judge 🥹
The characters in this book are described with poise, very detailed and with only a sentence that draws it all in, quickly and sharply! Personalities speak loudly with only the show of descriptions. It hooks into your mind with one phrase the person says or one movement and the character is remembered forever!
It was so much fun to read this and listen to the characters' thoughts. It switched from perspective each chapter, so it was easy to know exactly who we were listening to rather than moving around all the time. Only the beginning of chapters left some intrigue on who it was. That was a fun aspect of the book.
Our MC Kevin is a very mysterious awkward guy, but he's a reletable kid, with his dark past, glasses and the drawings he carries around. Our other characters, though not always the center of attention, always had an impact on the scene. I remembered their names as soon as they were written, which sometimes doesn't happen if they aren't introduced with such clarity and clear reasoning for the name to drop. Yet, our author here wrote the characters along with a memorable trait that just stuck. If you're looking for a story that's an easy read and has a diverse and reletable cast, check this book out for sure!
I could feel our MC's emotions very deeply. When he thought, it was easy to follow along, feel his feelings, or understand how he felt.
Especially in chapter 4 where he's in a building, where a party is, full of people and alcohol, and he's worried where his friend is, wondering if she'll turn up or not. That sequence of thoughts, him scanning the room, listening to his peers' conversations yet thinking all his worries was a great flow of emotions connecting to the scene. Very clever, each thought written was vibrant and related to the scene, it didn't just come out of nowhere.
• Plot and detail: 20 /20
This plot is not cliche. From the beginning, you have no idea what is about to happen. We still don't truly know what's going down and that's part of the intrigue and spark within this story!
The flow from thoughts to scene, as I've mentioned before, is very effective. Each line had a purpose and it brought me to the scene quickly, it was very rare when I was lost or didn't know where I was. Maybe only once but it wasn't too big that it felt it left a gap. Even in only the prologue, though it takes me a while to get into the scene, after rereading the first sentence to prepare myself for this new world, I was hooked! The whole world came to life.
The story is different and unexpected, from the prologue to the switch in perspectives, the modern yet clear dystopian vibe.
And it hasn't been made clear to the MC yet, so the readers are also left in the dark, we don't exactly know what dystopia this story will consist of. This is a new twist for a dystopian genre, it's usually right away told- example of how your story is different!
I can relate this story to real life, though not all the characters have related to me completely, there is still more to read and therefore, more possibility for me to relate to the character's in the future.
But from what I read so far, I can see that a lot of people will probably relate to the mother, her story, her sacrifices, her fears and responsibilities. The author captured the hard work of a woman, taking care of a child, worried for her son's life while having to maintain safety, going to work and having to compromise her dreams to fit into the work standards yet keep the family protected. This is a harsh reality of a mother and even for simply being a woman working in a man's world, this character could relate to you. The author displayed that very well. As to drinking and parties and our MC being a bit shy and awkward, we all have a little aspect of each character in us. I can't wait to read on!
• Flow and style: 18.5/20
I have to compliment on how well this all flowed together, the sequence of thoughts blending with one another, it all had a meaning and I could follow through easily as if I was the character. Living the life of the character is exactly what we readers want.
There were a few words I was unfamiliar with being used in the situation you placed it in, so I'd spot it out with a comment, but other than that, it was always legible to read and understand.
I think the prologue is one chapter where I felt it was harder to follow along. Since this world is just introduced to us, going slowly wouldn't be the worst idea. Sometimes it was hard to tell who was talking because we were just getting used to everyone, but this confusion wasn't extreme and didn't last long. Other than that, this was wonderful, each chapter better and better, clearer and sucking in deeper.
• Grammar and Spelling: 9 /10
Grammar mistakes are meant to come from time to time, inevitable as we work in the writing world and as we're learning, but this author rarely made a mistake. So if you're a reader who needs perfect grammar, this book is very close to having perfect Grammar. But, we can't be perfect, and it's okay to not be perfect!
There were a few typos from time to time, but when I caught them, I'd write it in a comment so it was brought to your attention.
When reading your story and reviewing, I was just commenting on some of my reactions but also I was being a bit picky, only to help you become the best version of your writing self. So, though this version and this start is beyond amazing, I pointed out points to maybe look at in future edits, to possibly go in more detail, explain further or switch around phrasing. When I would point out incomplete sentences, it was to let you know, just in case you want to change it, and also let you know that, some moments when there were incomplete sentences, it interrupted the flow and confused me. I only suggest fixing those, so you can complete the sentence so it brings meaning to the thought, otherwise it doesn't feel as whole and can leave us hanging. But some incomplete sentences were okay to have, other times they weren't because it confused rather than enhanced.
Example: "There, in the midst of dry land, pink sky, red fog, lighting striking, magnificent sparkles and crazy people." (Not in your story but example of what you did.)
This feels incomplete because it doesn't conclude the thought and gets lost with descriptions. That is what I mean to fix. Fixing this can make this make sense to what the list is meaning to the characters and scene.
There were a few spacing issues sometimes but it didn't stop the flow and I usually pointed those areas out. I have to compliment you on how easy it was to find my way in your story. When sometimes it wasn't specific as to who was talking or moving, it was always answered in the few sentences after, rather than me being lost for the reminder of the scene.
• Personal Enjoyment:5/5
I am absolutely in love with this story and so want to read on!!! It's characters, each one with their own story, and I can't wait for their stories to be exposed to the audience. The author did an amazing job on creating a huge intrigue!
Total: 95/100
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