Guests:  Freddie Highmore as Freddie the Chatty Neighbor
           and Young Freddie Highmore as Junior

About a month after Wendy was born Robbie and Thomas was beginning to get their mojo back.  Whenever they were able to dump their kids onto some unsuspecting person they would sneak off and get their freak on.

But then that pain in the ass thing called Real Life gets in the way and they have to join the Real World.  The Sangster Kays were shopping at Walmart for their supplies when they heard a familiar voice calling them.

"Hey, guys.  Hey."

No no.  The men froze.  It wasn't.

"Is that him?" Robbie muttered.  "Is that Freddie?"

"I don't know." Thomas muttered.  "Turn around and find out."

"Hey guys." That voice sounded a lot like Freddie, they were sure.

"You turn around." Robbie hissed back.  "Last time, I had to spend an hour listening to his ass talking about which was the best toilet paper.  It's your turn."

"Hell no," Thomas said.  "Just keep walking, don't look back."

The store was crowded so the men figured it was easy to dodge him.  They picked up the pace and strolled through the aisles, zigzagging this way and that while weaving through the crowds.  Finally they paused to rest.

"I think we lost him," Robbie said.  "Is it safe?"

Thomas snuck a peek.  Sure enough it was Freddie the Long Talker.  Freddie was right behind them. 

"Hey guys." Freddie said. 

"Oh crap." Thomas muttered.

"You guys must not have heard me," Freddie said.  "I was calling you and you kept on walking.  Funny, a lot of people keep doing that."

"No kidding." Thomas said.  "I'm shocked."

"How's Robbie doing? I heard he just had a baby.  That must have been. . ."

Thomas looked around and noticed that Robbie was already gone.  That little sneak! He had to remember to do that first next time.  "Yes, we just had a little girl, Wendy.  She's a month old now."

"Wow, congratulations," Freddie said.  "We should have a playdate sometimes."

Thomas looked at him.  "Play date? With our kids?"

"Yeah, my Freddie Junior doesn't get to play with kids his own age, cause I homeschool him.  It's tough being a single. . ."

"Yeah, yeah, so you actually want my kids at your house?" Thomas said.  "Is your insurance paid up?"

"My Freddie Junior is the same age as some of your kids," Freddie said.  "I think they would get along well.  My Freddie Junior likes playing. . ." 

"Yeah, would you excuse me for a minute." Thomas moved away.  He took out his phone and made a call.  Robbie picked up.

"I'm not telling you where I am," Robbie said.  "Not until he's long gone."

"Guess what?" Thomas said into his phone.  "Freddie wants a play date."

"With who?"

"Our kids."

There was a long pause.  "Is he sober? Check his eyes, he could be doing crack."

"Seriously.  His kid is around the same age as our kids." Thomas said.  "I'm guessing he doesn't know what bad asses our kids are."

"What an idiot." Robbie snickered.

So the men allowed the play date.  To their amazement it actually worked out.  Junior fit right in with Brodie Thobert and Little Andy.  They were all equally destructive.  Luckily for Thomas, Robbie and their checkbook Freddie was a good sport.  "Boys will be boys." Freddie said.  "Junior is a hyper one just like me.  When I was his age. . ."

 Soon the men found themselves getting along as well.  Thomas and Robbie discovered the art of tuning out Freddie whenever he would start one of his everlasting talks.

One evening after they were sure their kids were knocked out asleep in bed, Thomas and Robbie got to talking.  "You still think about having a three way?" Robbie asked as they tucked themselves in.

"We had one in Vegas a while back, remember?" Thomas said.  "With that guy from that boy band, whose name I can't think of ever."

"That doesn't count, we weren't sober then." 

"Hey," Thomas said, leaning closer.  "What do you think about Freddie?"

"Freddie?" Robbie turned up his nose.  "Why him? He's about as sexy as my grampa's old undershorts."

"I don't know, he's got something about him." Thomas said.  "He's such a goody goody I just want to do bad things to him.  What do you think? Wouldn't you like to try it?"

Robbie scoffed.  "If you want him you can have him."

"Aw come on, Robs, don't you want some too?"

"I'm not that desperate.  Goodnight."  

Thomas lay there in the dark.  He decided to play one more card. "You know my birthday's coming up."

"Fine.  We'll do it.  If it'll shut you the hell up, we'll do it."

"Sweet."

The men tried to figure out how to approach Freddie with this three way.  What if he was repulsed? Disgusted? And if he was agreeable what if they couldn't get a sitter? So many things.  The next day Thomas and Robbie met Freddie at the park.  They sat on the bench with Freddie between them while the kids played on the swings and monkey bars.  

"So, Freddie," Thomas was saying.  "Since our kids like to play, and we like to play, we were wondering if you like to play too?"

"I love playing," Freddie said.  Thomas and Robbie looked at each other in surprise.  

"Really?" Robbie said.

"Yeah, I like to play Sudoku and Solitaire and Angry Birds. . ."

"Yeah," Thomas interrupted.  "That's kinda not what we had in mind."

Freddie looked confused.  "What do you mean? Like sports? I used to play soccer and hockey and. . ." Robbie put his hand on Freddie's thigh.  "Oh, you mean play?"

Thomas put his hand on Freddie's other thigh.  "Yeah, we mean play.  Me and Robbie were thinking of having a play date of our own, if you know what I. . ."

"Okay."

Thomas and Robbie looked at each other, making sure that word didn't come from either of them.  No it was Freddie.

"What?" Robbie asked.

"Okay," Freddie said.  "Sure, I'll do it."

They hadn't expected that.  "Seriously?"

"It's been a while since I've been in a good old fashioned three way," Freddie said.  "I remember the first one I ever did.  It was back in college, you never forget your first. . ."

"Uh huh, so where do you want it?" Thomas asked.

"How about my place?" Freddie said.  "I can only get freaky in my place."

"Uhh, okay," Robbie said.  "What about the kids?"

"They're fine," Freddie said as he stood up.  "Junior!" He called to his son who was hanging on the monkey bars.  "Daddy's going to go play with these nice fellows! Try not to kill anybody or eat any sand today until I get back! And don't talk to strangers!"  He nodded to the men.  "Let's go take my car."

Freddie led the men into their house.  The second he closed the door he threw off his clothes, leaving on a pair of Mickey Mouse boxers.  "Sorry," he said.  "If I had known I was going to be in a three way I would have worn my sexy Spiderman drawers.  He is so hot, but not as hot as Superman.  I used to like Batman but not anymore with Ben Affleck ruining it. . .

"How nice," Thomas said.

"Go ahead, strip down, get comfortable." Freddie said to them.  "I'm out of booze cause I'm behind on the shopping, but I do have juice boxes. . .

"No thanks, we're good."  Thomas and Robbie looked upstairs.  "Aren't we going to your bedroom?"  Freddie was clearly leading them down to the basement.

"My play room is down here."  Freddie said as he unlocked one of the padlocks to a black door.  "I keep it locked cause I don't want little Junior wandering down here and getting traumatized."

"Traumatized? Excuse us for a minute." Robbie pulled his husband aside out of Freddie's hearing.  "I don't like this.  What's he got in there that's gonna traumatize a kid?"

"The same shit we got in our closet and nightstand."  Thomas hissed back.  "Come on, let's do this shit."

They went back to Freddie who finally unlocked the door.  He opened it and led them in.  As soon as they stepped in Thomas and Robbie froze in shock at the sight.  There were chains, whips and tools of every kind.  They even saw barbed wire!

"Gentlemen," Freddie said.  "Welcome to my Dungeon Of True Pain.  Who wants to get the drill first? I am so excited to be using my brand new whip.  I just got it on Ebay. . ."

Robbie was already running out the door.  Thomas was right behind them.  In their underwear they raced down the street.

"Hey!" Robbie said.  "We forgot to schedule the next play date!"

"What are you, on crack?" Thomas said.  "Just keep running, dammit!"

A/N a big shout-out to ravioli_is_life_xx for my new awesome cover! I just love it.  Thanks 😁😁