Guest stars Colin O'Donoghue as Dr. Jones and Drake as the neighbor across the street.

Robbie woke up next to his better half. He blinked his eyes and looked around. What a beautiful morning. The sun was shining brightly, no cloud in sight. The kids weren't screaming bloody murder. It was going to be a wonderful day.

Robbie sat up. Suddenly he felt his stomach turn. It was practically doing cartwheels and back flips. Before he knew it he was throwing up everything he ate from the past month.

"What the hell?" Thomas groaned as he sat up. "I hope you plan on cleaning that up cause I sure as hell ain't."

"Screw you." Robbie's stomach was now doing a full on gymnastics routine and he raced to the bathroom just in time.

He couldn't understand it. Several mornings were like that, and that wasn't all. Robbie felt nauseous when he was at work playing Angry Birds. He was sick during his afternoon shift while he binge watched Better Call Saul. And also when he left his job twenty minutes early, his usual quitting time.

Later when he picked up the kids and took them to their activities he did his best not to puke on them. That evening Thomas made a nice dinner of spaghetti and clam sauce. Robbie wanted to die instead.

That night Thomas snuggled up against him. "Hey, babe."

Robbie was on the other side of the bed hugging his pillow. As soon as he felt Thomas' arms around him he thought God no, not tonight. That was the last thing he felt like doing. "Uh, what is it, hun?"

Thomas rubbed Robbie's thighs. "Want some of this?"

"Uhhh, now?"

"No, next year. Of course now. The kids are sleeping." A crash was heard in another room. "Shut up in there!" Thomas yelled. "Okay, some of the kids are sleeping. But they won't be bothering us so we got a good ten to twenty minutes to bang our brains out. How about it?"

Robbie groaned, trying to keep his stomach from another gym routine. "Umm, okay. Just let me get up."

Slowly Robbie sat up. He carefully leaned over and straddled Thomas.

"Alright," Thomas lay back. "Give it to me, babe."

Robbie moved down to give him a kiss. Then suddenly "BLEECH!!"

He totally gave it to him.

"Jesus Flipping Christ!" Thomas screamed. "A simple no would have been enough."

After a steady week of this Thomas dragged Robbie to the doctors. They went to Dr. Jones.

"I can't take this anymore," Thomas complained. "It's putting a cramp in my style. Please fix this."

"I'll look into it now." Dr. Jones said. "It could just be the stomach flu."

Dr. Jones gave Robbie a barrage of tests. Blood, urine, ultra sound, etc.

After a while the doctor called them into his office. He closed the door and made them sit down.

"Is everything okay?" Robbie asked, sensing the doctor's grim mood. He felt Thomas take his hand.

Dr. Jones sat behind his desk. "We had to double and triple check your exams. But we were able to confirm it one hundred percent."

Thomas and Robbie looked at each other. They were worried. Was it cancer? What if he were dying?

"Robbie," Dr. Jones said. "You're pregnant."

They just sat there looking at the doctor in disbelief.

"What! What the actual fuck?" Thomas said.

"Are you sure it's not cancer?" Robbie asked.

"There's no sign of cancer. You are indeed pregnant."

"It could be cancer, you never know." Robbie said.

"Stop fighting this," Dr. Jones said. "You are in your first trimester. What you've been having is morning sickness."

"Yeah, that last all damn day," Robbie said. "They need to call it the 24/7 bug."

"Soon you'll be showing in a few weeks." the doctor said. "We'll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins and you'll have to watch what you eat."

"Um, doc?" Thomas interrupted. "I'd like to point out the fact that Robbie here is an actual male. With, you know, male parts."

"I am more than aware," Dr. Jones said. "There is something that the medical community refers to as the One In A Million Shot. It's a rarity. Every so often a male will produce eggs and if he is sexually active with another male, boom! Male pregnancy, the one in a million shot. Last time I saw this the guy had quadruplets. Damnedest thing too, all girls. Labor lasted over fifty hours."

"Dr. Jones?" Robbie suddenly turned pale. "Since I don't have a. . .you know. . .lady parts, where will the baby come out?"

"One small guess."

"NOOOO! No no no!" Robbie wailed. "I want a C section. Why? Why me? Why not him?"

"Hey, don't look at me," Thomas said. "I'm the one that uses a condom. We should talk about paternity."

Robbie's face turned red with anger. "Oh yeah? Well guess what? It's gonna be an ice cold day in hell before you get another taste of this! Welcome to Bottom Country, my friend!"

"Okay, okay, shhh." Thomas tried to comfort him. "It's okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. It's okay. We're having this baby together."

"No, I'm the one that's gotta push out a ten pound screeching creature from my a--"

"Shhh, it's okay, baby. Let me take care of you."

"If you don't mind me asking," said the doctor. "How did you get your other kids?"

"We used to go with women," Thomas said. "For some reason they chose to let us raise the kids."

There were sounds of crashing and yelling coming from the waiting room where they left the kids. Robbie jumped up and opened the door.

"Who did that? Which one of you did that?"

"He did!"

"Nuh uh, he did!"

"Gilmore? Gilmore I swear to God you're gonna get it!" A balled up piece of paper bounces off Robbie's head.

"Yeah," Dr. Jones said. "Huge mystery there."

"I know right." Thomas turns to Robbie. "Why don't you go check on the kids while I talk to the doctor."

"Okay,"

"Love you, sweetie."

As soon as Robbie leaves, Thomas leans across the desk to the doctor. "I just have one question."

"Robbie and the baby is fine."

"Yeah glad to hear that but that's not the question. Do you have any pills or shots that can keep that shit from happening to me?"

As the months moved on Robbie had to adjust to his growing belly. It was round like a pumpkin. He had a hard time covering it, hiding under large shirts and sweatpants.

"Daddy," Andy said. "You're fat."

"Shut up," Robbie wailed before bursting into tears and eating his cookie dough. His emotions were all over the place. Every little thing got him upset.

Thomas had to adjust too. Robbie wasn't kidding about the no sex. He got absolutely nothing. The bed was cold. The only thing Robbie took to his bed was a pound of salami, and not the good kind.

"I got plenty of salami if you're interested," Thomas tried to seduce an always eating Robbie.

(The language from Robbie's mouth is too harsh to write here.)

"Damn." Thomas said.

One day Robbie had to take the kids to school because Thomas had to work early. Robbie managed to squeeze his plump belly into a large furry coat. He tried to round up his herd of kids into the mini van.

"Come on, kids," Robbie said. "Get your butts into this mini van."

"Daddy," Brodie pointed across the street. "Look at Mr. Drake. He looks so funny."

Robbie looked across the street at their neighbor Drake. He was bending backwards flailing his arms around like a drunk person, trying to get something from the ground. Something caught Robbie's eye.

One, Drake was wearing a large coat, just like Robbie.

Two, Drake was trying to carefully bend over. Just like a pregnant person (Robbie all day) would.

H'mmmm.

"Daddy," Andy tugged at his coat. "Is Mr. Drake trying to dance bad again?"

"Be nice," Robbie told him. "Mr. Drake can't help dancing that bad. Come on, let's go say hello."

Leading his kids Robbie waddled across the street to Drake's house. "Good morning, Mr. Drake."

Drake struggled to stand, using his mailbox for support. "Morning."

"Are you trying to dance?" Thobert asked. "You look so funny."

"No no, just getting something." Drake said.

"Good," Gilmore said. "Your dancing sucks."

Robbie popped Gilmore upside the head. "Heh heh, kids, what are you gonna do? They can't get right. Boys, how about doing something that's actually good and help Mr. Drake out."

Drake looked suspiciously at Robbie. "Little warm for a coat today."

Robbie looked suspiciously back. "I agree, Drake."

They circled each other, waddling as they continued to watch each other.

"You gained some weight."

"So did you."

"Your butt's kinda big."

"Yours always was."

"Shut up."

"Hey." Thobert blurted out suddenly. "Are you going to have a baby like my dad?"

Robbie wished he could kick his little boy to the nearest planet. "Thobert."

Drake leaned in. "Is that true?" he whispered. "Are you pregnant?"

Robbie sighed and opened his coat, revealing his huge belly. "Yeah, I'm knocked up real good."

"Dude," Drake looked around quickly before opening his, showing an even bigger belly. "Me too."