Coming today had changed things, more than I ever imagined it could.

~⊰⊱~

I was confused. Had I come at the wrong time?

No, this is when she's supposed to be here.

This is when I would find her, usually sitting on her sofa, trying to stay awake if she hadn't already given in to sleep.

But she wasn't here.

Maybe she was in a different room. I would wait a few minutes, I didn't want to go searching for her, and invade her privacy if maybe she was showering, or simply using the bathroom.

I perched on the end of the counter between the kitchen and living room area, impatiently swinging my feet and picking at a cuticle as I waited for her to appear.

But after a few minutes went by, I started to think maybe she really wasn't here at all.

Where could she be?

Okay, I needed to check, and know for sure.

I hopped down from the counter, and even though I could have easily just thought myself there, I decided to walk down the small hallway, seeing two doors, both opened.

I peeked in the first one, and saw an empty bathroom. The next one was her bedroom, and I stepped in cautiously, looking around.

The bed was neatly made, not a wrinkle in the crisp comforter stretched over it, the pillows fluffed and propped up against the headboard. There was a stuffed cat sitting in the middle of the bed, it's whiskers bent weirdly, it's fur patchy and thin in places.

There was desk in one corner, everything on it neat and in place.

The closet door was opened, and I could see the clothes hanging there, a few articles draped over the back of a small chair just inside the door.

The shade was down on the window, so the room was cast in shadows, but it was easy to tell that it hadn't been used in quite some time.

She must come in to get clothes, and that's it.

But I didn't care about that.

Where was she? Why wasn't she here?

She was always here at this time.

There wasn't anything I could do. I couldn't sense where she was, because the only ones I could sense were those trying to fall asleep, with no success

Clearly, that wouldn't be the case for her.

I took an impatient breath, wondering what to do.

I could feel that I was needed elsewhere. I could only ignore it for so long. If I tried to keep ignoring it, the pull just got stronger and stronger, until I couldn't take it anymore.

But I wanted to see her. I wanted to make sure she was okay.

What if something happened to her?

I shouldn't think like that. Just because she wasn't here, didn't mean something happened.

But it was odd, this was the first time I'd ever come to check on her, and found that she wasn't here. How could I not be worried?

I could feel a chill taking over my body, and I felt a sudden flash of fear course through me. It wasn't something I was used to. I'd never been afraid before.

I'd never worried about anyone before.

All of this was new to me. Apparently, it wasn't something one got used to quickly.

On top of that, I really wasn't supposed to be feeling these emotions.

It wasn't that I couldn't, because clearly, I was.

But it was very strongly advised against.

I understood why, very well.

It was because of exactly what was happening. I was getting attached to her. I was ignoring my responsibilities, because I was worried about her, wanting to make sure she was okay.

She didn't even need me, yet here I was, all bent out of shape because she wasn't here, and I couldn't check on her.

I knew this wasn't good, but I couldn't just push what I felt aside.

I looked around the bedroom once more, but I knew I wouldn't find any clues here as to where she might be.

I turned and left the room, glancing into the bathroom as I passed by. I was sure there was nothing there either so I made my way back to the living room, stopping to look around, but I didn't know what I expected to find.

She wasn't home, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

The pull of those needing help falling asleep was getting stronger, and I knew I had to go.

But I hated it. I hated it so much.

If only I knew where she was. If only I knew that she was fine, I could go do my job and I'd be fine.

I had to go, right now. The pull had gotten that strong, and I was no longer able to ignore it. It felt like there was a wire attached to every pore of my skin, and each wire was being pulled by someone who needed me, some being stronger because they'd been trying to fall asleep longer.

At this point, it was hard to tell which one had the strongest pull. That made it almost impossible to know who to go to first, but I had to start somewhere. If I made the wrong choice, I'd know it soon enough.

I blew out a frustrated breath, and closed my eyes, concentrating on what I felt was the strongest force tugging at me.

Just like that, I was in the room of a teenage girl, tossing and turning, hugging a pillow that looked to be made out of yarn, crying softly. She'd lost someone dear to her, and she wasn't handling it well.

That wasn't strange, most people who'd lost someone didn't handle it well.

I dug deeper into her worries, seeing that it was her grandmother who had passed. The pillow she was holding onto for dear life was something her grandmother had made for her. She had been very close to her.

I stepped closer, moving my hand over her head and letting some of my magic sand float down onto her, leaving her hair sparkling, and as her lashes fluttered opened, then closed, repeating a few more times before finally resting on her cheeks, her arms relaxed a bit around the pillow and her body seemed to sink into the mattress comfortably.

I had done my job here.

I stood for a few moments, watching the young girl slip into a very sound sleep.

I wondered about her, the girl that was haunting my every thought.

I couldn't see what her nightmares were about, but I did know what happened to her. I'd been able to see that the very first time I'd gone to her, when she had been a child. That was the only time she had actually been trying to fall asleep, or at least, her body had wanted sleep, and I'd been able to see into her mind, and see what was causing her distress.

So I believed I had a pretty good idea.

I wanted to stop them, those horrible nightmares.

I wanted to take her pain away. I wanted to give her back what she had lost.

I couldn't, of course. But it didn't make me want to any less.

I gave her comfort the only way I could.

Was it strange, the fact that my job was literally to put people to sleep, yet, I felt that my greatest accomplishment was waking her up when it became necessary?

Maybe it was. I didn't care though. I would continue to do it for as long as I could, as long as she needed me to.

I felt the tug of many, and realized I had been lost in thought here for too long. If I wanted to get back to check and see if she had returned home, I needed to take care of them, at least the ones who had been waiting the longest.

For the first time in forever, I hated my job.

~⊰⊱~

Namjoon walked me home, and the whole way there, I knew I should go inside and actually do some laundry and clean up a bit.

But something in my head kept saying I should invite him in, even if just for a few minutes. He'd been such a help, listening to me, and letting me cry without making me feel silly, and I felt I owed him that much.

"Joon, would you like to come in for a bit, maybe have a soda before you go?"

I glanced at him just in time to see a brow go up.

"You're asking me in?"

I smiled, looking down at my feet and feeling ashamed that I'd for even a second made him feel like I didn't want his company.

"I am." I replied, the hopeful look on my face causing him to chuckle.

He nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"I'd love to come in, Mal. I thought you'd never ask."

I turned to unlock the door, stepping inside and looking back to make sure he was following me.

"I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have been such a horrible friend."

"Stop it Mallory, you've never been a horrible friend."

We entered the living room, and I gestured for him to have a seat on the sofa.

"Do you like Sprite? If not, I might have a Coke in there..."

"Sprite is fine, actually."

I nodded, stepping into the kitchen area and grabbing us each a soda from the fridge.

I sat next to him on the couch, handing him the can, our fingers brushing as he took it. He smiled shyly, his cheeks tinting pink, and I felt a bit uncomfortable, hoping that Joon didn't like me in that way. He was a great friend, and as much as I sometimes thought about how it would feel to be in a relationship, I would never want to ruin the friendship I had with him.

It felt strange, after he'd let me cry on his shoulder earlier, to see him looking flustered at such innocent contact.

I hoped things didn't become awkward.

"Mallory, I know you may not be ready, and that's fine, I understand, but if you ever decide you want to talk to someone, a professional I mean, well, my uncle is a therapist. He specializes in this type of thing. Most of his patients have experienced some sort of traumatic event that they can't seem to let go of, and he helps them learn how to do that."

I glanced at him, taking a breath.

"Really? I didn't know that."

"Yeah well, it's just never come up. But I don't mind putting in a word for you, if you ever want me to. I'm sure he'd be happy to see you."

I swallowed, wondering if I could ever really talk to someone.

I felt like I wanted to, really wanted to, because the thought of getting rid of these nightmares, if that were possible, was overwhelming, but in the best way.

"I...I'll have to give it some thought, Joon. I want to, I mean, getting rid of the nightmares would change so much for me. But I just don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet."

"You talked to me. It wouldn't be any different."

It would, and I wasn't sure why he didn't realize that.

"I know you Joon. We've been friends for a long time, and it still wasn't easy for me to talk to you about it. It would be very different, opening up to a complete stranger."

"But he's a therapist, Mal, it's his job to listen without judgement, and to give you advice, help you try to learn what you can do to be able to let go of everything you're keeping inside that's holding you back. Not knowing him should be a good thing, it should make it easier."

He was right. Why did I care what someone I didn't know thought of my situation, of my inability to sleep because of my nightmares, of how messed up my life was because of those nightmares?

I did say I would need Namjoon to get me to the literal point of being in front of someone I could talk to.

Besides, I was at the point where I would do almost anything to make these nightmares go away.

Almost.