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Jaemin can't say that he hated the position he was in. Quite the contrary, actually, because the warmth radiating off of Jeno was very comforting. Soothing. Familiar.
Which only annoyed him more because Jaemin wanted to feel like this all the time. Fucking relationship trauma messing with his head.

He looks over to the bedside table, sighing when the time reads 4:56 am. He woke up only 30 minutes ago, laying in Jeno's bed, unable to fall back asleep. And it wasn't the nightmare's fault.

"Jaem..?" Jeno's groggy voice broke out from beside him, making Jaemin feel guilty for worrying him. "You alright? J'ya have another nightmare?" His voice was sluggish but his eyes were on high alert and filled with concern.

"Yeah...I'm fine." Jaemin smiled softly. "Go back to sleep, 'kay?"

But Jeno only shook his head, yet his eyes were already closing. "Not until I know you're feeling better." Jaemin frowned but didn't answer the boy, instead just running his hand through Jeno's platinum blonde hair. Jeno hummed but cracked an eye open, watching Jaemin who just stared off into space.

They spent a few minutes like that, silent as they lay there, one boy looking at the ceiling at the other looking at him.

"Tell me," Jeno's voice was a whisper, barely audible to Jaemin. "What's on your mind?"

Jaemin stopped his hand for a moment and gently brought it down to Jeno's cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered back, voice threatening to crack.

"For what?" Jeno captured Jaemin's hand and brought it away from his face and instead intertwined their fingers.

"I- I want to love you...but I-" Jaemin stopped talking and just looked down. "I wish things weren't so difficult."

"They don't have to be Nana, not if you don't want them to be." Jeno lifted Jaemin's chin with his thumb. "What do you want?"

Jaemin let a tear fall before saying the one word Jeno had been waiting to hear for so long.

"You."

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After that, Jaemin had permanently moved into Jeno's room, now sharing his bed and only ever going back to his own when he needed some time for himself. The whole apartment became even more domestic than it was before, and for once, instead of hurting Jaemin, it made him smile. Slowly, with the help of Jeno, he was opening back up. Just a bit. Just enough. His heart was just wide enough to let that light shine through, and although it would take Jaemin some more time to return to normal, he was happier now.

Their relationship had...somewhat progressed, in the sense that they were certainly more touchy-feely; but Jaemin still needed to get over that night and Jeno was still careful about boundaries. But forehead kisses and cuddling was much more normal now, which made both boys extremely happy.
And as grateful as Jaemin was to Jeno for respecting his space, sometimes, just sometimes, he wished Jeno would take the lead and bring them both to the next level. Not that far, but Jaemin couldn't hide the fact that he missed the feeling of Jeno's lips on his own, the vanilla taste overwhelming his senses, driving him wild. But, that idea just remained in his head. Silent. Unspoken. Yet somehow, Jeno could still tell something was off.

No, not off. More like, restrained. Held back. As if Jaemin had something to say, but couldn't find the words or actions to express it. And it almost frustrated Jeno as much as it did Jaemin. The tension between the two of them had only grown, and the great dam that was Jaemin's heart was about to burst from the flooding emotions that he couldn't let out.

But Jeno finally decided that if Jaemin wouldn't bring it up, then he would.

"Jaemin-ah." Jeno placed his book down on the bedside table and looked out his bedroom door to see Jaemin sitting on the couch, his face illuminated by his computer screen.

The other boy looked up. "What is it?" He stood up and made his way to the bedroom once Jeno beckoned him in with his hand. "Is everything alright?" He sat down in front of Jeno, crossing his legs under him.

Jeno sat up and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Jaemin, are you doing okay?"

Jaemin lets out a huff of air, an attempt to laugh. "What do you mean?" He tilts his head in confusion. Jeno merely frowned.

"I don't know. You just seem...you seem like you want to say something," He says finally, running a hand through his hair.

Jaemin gulps and follows the boy's hand as it falls down to his lap, the few veins colorizing through his pale skin. He had to look away quickly before he embarrassed himself. "I...well..." Does he tell Jeno the truth? No, that would be too blunt. But he can't really lie either, because that would probably make everything worse. No it would definitely make everything worse. "I mean...I guess I do?"

He turned his head back to Jeno, who had leaned in slightly, his eyebrows knit together. "What is it? You know that I won't–"

"It's– it's not that easy!" Jaemin said quickly. He looked away once more, really not trying to make eye contact with the too–close Lee Jeno.

"How come?" In reality, Jeno knew exactly what was wrong. If the awkward vibe coming from his ex was anything to go by, Jeno had a pretty solid idea of what the boy wanted. He just needed Jaemin to say it. "Just tell me Jaemin. I might be able to help."

Jaemin sighed and sucked up his pride, this time making direct eye contact. Which was a horrible idea; how Jeno got this close he had no fucking idea, but their noses were only centimeters away now. Jaemin was sure Jeno could see just how red his face was. And Jaemin had half the mind to roll his eyes because he knew Jeno was doing this on purpose. "W-well...I–"

But Jeno didn't let him finish his sentence, making them lip-locked. It took the honey-haired college student by surprise, but in no way was he disappointed. Instead, he let Jeno push him back onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Jeno's neck, deepening the kiss further. He curled his fingers through the blonde hair, palm brushing against the undercut, the buzzed hair tickling his hand. It made him shiver.
Jeno only stopped once Jaemin gently wacked his arm, signaling he needed air.

"Jesus Jen," Jaemin pants out, his chest rising and falling in rhythm with Jeno's. "Warn me next time." His lips quirk up in a half smile, his heart feeling joyfully bewildered.

Jeno raised a brow. "So there's a next time?" He copied Jaemin's smile, pride filling his chest.

Jaemin just rolled his eyes and pulled Jeno back down to him. "Maybe," he whispered against the boy's lips, smiling into the kiss. And just like he had hoped, it tasted of vanilla.

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∆aha ha ha...hi lmao :) okay im actually kinda happy with this chapter even if its awkward sifhsifh so yeah im backkkk and i hope you liked thisssss ifhwihf∆