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'It's fine. We're fine. We're good. Jeno won't be like...mad at me or something. I've done this before– we're fine.'

No Jaemin. We aren't fine. You are hiding behind the couch, Jeno peering over towards you from the front door– the two of you frozen in your spots. That isn't "fine".

"Jaem? Is everything okay? Mark said it was urgent..."

'Of-fucking-course he did.' Jaemin thought to himself, groaning. "Uhm, well, that depends on what you count as urgent," he said, trying to seem as vague as possible. "Would you consider thinking about dating again urgent? I don't know if I would, I mean yeah it's a topic we've danced around but you know how I am with this stuff. And like, I don't know if now is the best time to talk about this because exams are coming up since it's the end of the year and–"

Jaemin kept rambling but Jeno was speechless. Na Jaemin, the boy he'd been pining after for almost a full year after their break up...just...

"What? What did you just say?" Jeno rushed towards the couch, looking the college student dead in the eyes, not blinking. "Repeat that?"

Jaemin recoiled but didn't break eye contact– to be honest, he was too scared to. "Uh– *cough* Would you consider thinking about dating again urgent?"

"Would I....consider it urgent?"

"Yes?" Jaemin responded with a questioning answer, not helping his situation in the slightest. Jeno seemed even more frozen than he was, which was next to impossible seeing as Jaemin hasn't moved from that one spot for god knows how long. "That's what I said."

"So..." Jeno took the initiative and sat on the couch first. He buried his face in his hands, too many thoughts running through his brain at once. "You mean to tell me, you're okay with dating? Is that right?" He lifted his head to peer over at the boy, who had now stood and sat next to him on the couch.

"Uhm....yes." Jaemin drew out the last letter, thinking this through best he could. Was this really a road he wants to go down right now? Well...he stole a glance at Jeno, who was doing his best to hide his smile– it wasn't working. "I just...god this is embarrassing..." he hated feelings. "I missed you. That's– that's the bottom line."

"I've been here the entire time, Jaem."

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean like, you've been here but it hasn't been the same. Not like it was and I realized just how badly I missed it."

['My Youth' is playing and I'm so mad about that perfect timing😡]

"And I just...I was talking to Donghyuck about it and I guess he told Mark who then texted you, right?" Jeno nodded but stayed silent. "Right and I...I don't know, Jen. I missed you. I missed us. And– I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that." He frowned and looked at the boy beside him, who was covering his mouth with his hand, eyes crinkling sadly.

"Jaem...don't apologize. I hurt you badly, and I don't want to do it ever again. Please don't apologize, because I would be waiting for you. As long as it takes, I will wait. You know that."

Jaemin wanted to cry. Badly. "I know," he said, finally shedding a tear. "And I'm sorry I made you wait so long. It wasn't fair to you." He let another tear fall and turned away, wiping his eyes before it became worse. Jeno placed a hand on his shoulder, which did the exact opposite of what Jaemin wanted and he only cried harder.

"Jaemin. Don't apologize. Stop doing that. You had to figure this mess out for yourself and you did that, and I'm proud of you for it. You've been doing so well, and if us being an item was only going to ruin that, then you having me wait this long until you were ready is worth it. I've hurt you too many times and I want to make sure that you are in a spot where this is something you want, not just something you'll do because you feel obligated to it. The life we have right now? It's wonderful. And if that's all you can handle at the moment, then I'm fine with that, okay?"

Jaemin nodded and bit down on his fist. Screw Jeno and being this sweet. "That's the thing. I've wanted to be with you again for a long time. I was just...I was scared. I don't want you to leave me again, and I know you won't. I know that. Your dad is out of the picture, and your family is really nice to me. I know nothing will happen but I was so scared that you would get hurt or one of us would have to leave the other. Jeno," he turned to the blonde, holding his cheek lovingly. "You are all that I want. What we have is all that I want. I just want to make sure that it's not the wrong time. I want to know that this is the perfect moment. I don't want this to end..." He dropped his hand but Jeno caught it and gave it a squeeze.

"Jaemin. I can't tell you whether or not this is the moment, only you can say for sure. But I know that I love you, and that I'll continue to love you. I know that I'm going to stay, no matter what. And if the gods truly hate us, and keep me away from you, I will find a way to keep you in my arms. No matter what. I don't care if my dad comes back. I don't care if you move halfway across the world– I'm always here. I'm always here for you. I love you."

"I–" Jaemin choked, the tears flowing freely now. He clutched Jeno's hand tightly, and leaned down into his chest, crying the hardest he had in a long time. He cried for all the hurt Jeno made him feel. He cried for all the pain the two of them had to go through just to get here. He cried for all the sleepless nights they spent together, calling, cuddling, or just being in each other's presence. He cried for their past, and their future. "I love you too, Jeno. So much. It hurts...it hurts my heart loving you this much..."

"Jaemin..."

"But it's the best kind of pain I've ever felt. I don't want to stop loving you, Jeno. I want to love you forever and ever. I don't want this to end. Not now."

They both know Jeno couldn't promise that. He'd be promising the impossible...but he could try. "I will always be here. Through it all Jaemin, I will be right here for you."

"I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. I never said it, and god I wish I had said it sooner, Jen. I love you. I really, truly, love you. I always have. And I hope to god I always will." He sniffled, now fiddling gently with Jeno's fingers as the older placed his head on top of Jaemin to calm him.

"I know. I love you too. Now and forever." He kissed the top of Jaemin's head before letting out a content sigh. "You're mine, you always were. I would have waited eons for you to know that, Jaem."

With a soft laugh, Jaemin said: "I like being yours."

"Good, 'cause now you're stuck here."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jaem."

"I love you, Lee Jeno."

Jeno laughed. "I love you too. So so much, Na Jaemin."

∆

Jaemin smiled as Jeno glared at the cat that was walking across his laptop, the animal laying down and spamming the S key.

"Useless feline," Jeno muttered, picking up the cat and placing him down on the seat beside him. "I'm working."

"He doesn't know that, Jen. He's just a cat."

"Babe," Jeno said, exasperated. "Let me complain." He looked over his shoulder to where Jaemin was laughing while he was putting away the clean dishes. Jeno was still getting used to his boyfriend's new look; after talking it over with Ling Wen, Jaemin had decided to take a big step and dye his hair a rich black, which looked way too hot for his own good.

[no because Hot Sauce era Jaem is something else bro]

Not only that, but his style had changed as well and he began working out alongside dance. He had gained quite a bit of muscle, and he began to wear more form fitting clothes. Jaemin had gone from this honey-haired bookworm, to an actual adult with a strong future ahead of him.

"How long do you plan on staring at me, baby?"

"I don't know, as long as I can." Jeno chuckled, an arm slinged across the back of the couch he was on. "Is that an issue?"

"Not at all." Jaemin turned with a smile and blew his boyfriend a kiss. "Oh, Donghyuck wanted us all to go out for drinks tonight."

"Why? It's a Tuesday night before exams."

"Because," Jaemin said, placing down his cloth and going to sit next to Jeno. "He said that we need to loosen up a bit. We've all been studying like crazy the past couple weeks and it's time we let loose....according to him."

"Right..." Jeno laughed and shook his head. "Shouldn't we celebrate after the exams?"

Jaemin smiled and shrugged, leaning his head against Jeno's shoulder contently. "I don't know. We can always go to the roof if we wanted to. Like we used to." He smiled up at his boyfriend, who simply smiled back and gave him a kiss.

"Whatever you wanna do, baby."

"I love you, Lee Jeno."

"I love you too, Na Jaemin."

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