Chapter Fourteen: Live and Learn

"Shadow," I could hear Carla shouting. I looked up to see

Carla was leaning over my limp body. "Shadow, speak to me."

"She's gone," I said and rose to a sitting position.

"Mary?" She questioned. I nodded indicating her correctness. "She said you were dead," she added.

"Came close." I explained no further and saw that Carla was confused enough. "Where are we?"

"The woods outside Wilmington."

I looked at my surrounding. "Virginia?" Everything was so quiet, eerily quiet. Something had happened here, but I could not remember what. "This is too confusing."

"Mary, we have to go," Carla said. I could see the urgency in her face. "We have to get as far from here as possible. Doctor Brown won't be far behind."

"How can we escape?" I asked. I felt him close, perhaps more so than Carla did. I looked to her for the answer.

"Through Wilmington," she said.

"Where will we go?" I finally rose to my feet, but held on to the tree for support. I could felt Carla's hands on my back. She must have been afraid I would fall.

My back was still facing her as she said, "What about New York. Your uncle is there. I know he..."

"No," I shouted, cutting her off. My strength quickly returned as turned around to face her. Visibly upset, my lips trembled as I continued, "I told you before that he doesn't want me, Carla. Please, don't force me to see him."

"All right," she said. "I won't make you do anything you don't want to. Don't worry, Mary. We'll figure something out."

"I hate him, Carla. I don't know why but I do."

"I understood why you hate Brown."

I looked surprised that Carla didn't realize that I spoke of Martin Drell and not Doctor Brown. In my resentment of Uncle Martin I started to feel a little of what Shadow did. I realized I had been a bad mother to her. My compassionate side had taken a back seat over my need for survive.

"It's not Brown I hate," I said as we went walking towards Wilmington.

"Then who?"

"Uncle Martin," I said and relinquished no further information. I walked quietly on feeling fatigue come over me. I had to remain in control. If I was pushed back inside just one more time I felt as if my life would end. Even now my control was minimal.

A thin clumsy thread held my life in place. At any time, the forces that would destroy me would come. They had made their way inside. Shadow was about to murder us both.

Mother said that I must bind with Shadow and infuse myself into her, and she must act as such, two sides of the same person. I had a hard time believing this. I had no wish to bind with someone I hated.

Carla never comprehended those two simple words. In my confession of hating a man I was supposed to love. Perhaps it wasn't me who hated him. Perhaps it was Shadow's feelings manipulating me into believing in the hatred.

Entering Wilmington I felt as if I had been here before. Flashes came into my mind of a crying boy. I had been here before, or rather Shadow. She had been the cause of the tears he shed.

As we walked the streets, wanted posters were raised on every corner. Wanted: Woods Vampire dead or alive. $10,000 reward upon capture. I looked into the photo drawing. It was me they were after. The drawing didn't look like me, not my human state, but the monster sketch at best was a reasonable facsimile.

"Oh, Shadow, what have you done," I whispered, but not loud enough for Carla's ears.

"Mary, what's wrong?"

"These posters," I said. "These people want blood, and I can't blame them. I wish she would go away. Shadow makes a mess, and I'm the one to pay."

"Mary, don't think like that. Shadow is just confused. Now, let's go, and please, try to be inconspicuous."

So she wanted me to blend. In a small southern town a girl of mixed blood was designed to stick out. Carla didn't see it that way. She believed everyone to be one of two things, good or evil. Perhaps she was right except for me. With two other people in my head the good and evil multiplied itself times three, although I believed the evil played the winning side. Shadow seemed to me nothing but.

Even still, I cared about her. She was an angry soul. I only wished to shelter her. I didn't want to hurt her even though she wanted to hurt me.

Carla led me to a small house that looked like a bed and breakfast.  As we walked in I saw how cheap looking the establishment really was. The old musty wallpaper, stained carpet and dusty furniture sent chills through me, but I remembered the studio in Chicago where I once lived. This place would have seemed like a palace compared to that run-down old building, but suddenly I longed for it.

I had been a captive for so long I had forgotten how real people lived. Carla paid for our room just in time. I was feeling the need for sleep coming upon me. My physical body had not rested in some time. Shadow had a knack of wearing us as out quickly.

Our room consisted of two small beds and a nightstand. It was really all we needed since we would be leaving the next day. Carla had purchased a used car for us to use until we figured out what we were going to do. I didn't want to think about that, now. In fact, I didn't want to think about anything but sleep.

I fell into dreams easily and saw the remnants of my glorious past, but in my dreams Mother didn't die and Doctor Brown didn't exist.

I woke the next morning being shaken awake by Carla's panicky voice. I rose from my bed even though I was still exhausted. Eight hours of sleep didn't curb my fatigue.

"We have to leave now," she shouted. She frantically gathered our few possessions.

I was confused by her erratic behavior. "Why?" I questioned as she tossed me my clothes. "I'm still tired."

"Mary, listen to me. Doctor Brown's people are here looking for us. If we don't leave now they will catch us, and lock you up again."

"No, I won't let them," I said and became hysterical. My body was shaking and it became hard to breathe.

"Mary, calm down, she said, holding me. My shaking subsided but the anxiety remained. She looked me in the eye, and continued, "We can't lose our heads. Now, hurry and dress. We'll figure some way out of here."

I trusted Carla to be right even though my own fears crept up sending horrifying images into my head. I imagined Doctor Brown locking me up in that cage again, while his people stood around laughing at me. In another I imagined the people of this town burning me alive for Shadow's crimes. I thought about her and my mother at the same time. That is when I heard two distinct voices in my mind. One I recognized as my mother's, and the other I believed to be Shadow's. She was fighting for control. I was maintaining it, but I wondered how long my strength would hold out.

Carla and I took the elevator down to the first floor. Stepping out of the elevator I had a terrible feeling Brown was just waiting for us.

In the lobby I saw several men in suits. I knew instantly that Brown sent them. I looked over at Carla. Our eyes met and I knew mine carried the same worried look as hers.

"They have come," I said and trembled.

"Quick, Mary, the back way," Carla said. Her fast thinking eased my tension but only slightly.

Our world was now surrounded by danger, a danger that was inflicted upon us my Doctor Brown.

Once I was the hunter, but now I had become the hunted. We reached the back door in no time only to be greeted by two more of Brown's minions.

"Hello, Carla," one said and pulled out a 32.

Carla tried shielding me, but I was too busy trying to protect her. "Big man with the little toy, I see." I walked slowly towards him and felt my one-time fear flee my body. "You want to try using that thing on me?"

"Mary, no!" Carla shouted as the man fired and grazed my shoulder.

Almost automatically the blue glow of healing devoured my body. My wound healed almost as quickly as it was inflicted. The man continued to fire and put my powers into overdrive.

The man with the gun held the fear of a trapped animal that was frozen in its stance. He fell to the floor and wept like a small child. I casually walked passed him and out the door where I noticed that his partner had run off.

"Are you coming?" I directed to Carla.

She ran after me only to be stopped by some obstacle in our path to freedom. A face of a man I had once feared. He had manipulated me, but I turned the manipulation around. Now, my fear had evolved into what it had always been. Hate.

"Well, if it isn't the good doctor," I said and came towards him. My eyes glowed red in my anger. A sight he seemed to marvel at.

"Aren't you going to run?" he asked.

"What would be the point? You would find me eventually. So, let's have it out right here."

"Foolish girl. The locals would swarm on you like locus."

"They want blood, and they should have it. Yours."

I felt myself starting to change, not just physical but mentally as well. I heard the voice of Shadow. For once we were working together. Our goal was the same in this. I felt a change slowly taking place inside me. An emergence was starting to take shape. It was something I feared and craved at the same time.

"So the monster returns. Come, Shadow, attack and kill me. You do, and you will assuredly seal your own death."

"Then so be it," I said and lunged towards Brown. My only thought was to kill. I heard Carla scream in terror. I saw fear consuming her as I looked into her

eyes. Had she ever seen me before in this state? It was more than likely she had. If that were true then why did she feared me now?

"Mary, Stop," she screamed, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. The mind of Shadow took over even though I was still in control.

My intention wasn't to kill Brown. More than anything I was just playing with him. I wanted to see how far I could go without actually killing him. I felt his blood boil inside him. I wanted to liberate it from his body and give him the sweet death he forced upon my mother. Brown never cried out once. If he had I would have stopped, but I continued. I felt myself becoming lost in my own madness. To live and to learn, two forms of education I had recently been forced to endure. I was giving Brown a dose of all he had taught me, but my teacher took no pride in my graduating from his level, so I stopped.

There was no pleasure in killing a man who already wished to die. He didn't fear me, but he soon would. I vowed that he would, and on that day he would die.

I looked upon his broken body and turned to Carla and said, "He's not worth it. No more killing."
She smiled as we ducked out the back way. I wasn't for sure if I could keep that promise, but I would do my best to try.

In a small parking lot Carla led me to the car she had bought. Although it was compact it would suffice in our getaway. My thoughts returned to Brown as we rode on. I felt less and less like myself, and for some reason Mother's voice was silenced. I felt her to be close but still unreachable. I called for her in my mind, but she wouldn't answer. What I did hear was the faint calls of my counterpart. Shadow was always on my mind. She was my own personal dark angel of madness.

"Come, if you must," I said in my mind. "I have to strength the fight." At some point I fell into sleep. If I would ever awaken I could not be sure.

"Wake up, Mary," I heard Carla say as she nudged me out of sleep.

"Where are we?" I asked. My body felt stiff as if I had been sleeping for days. "Why did you call me that name?" I said without thinking.

She took a long hard look at me. Had I blown it? Her trust was important now. She spoke in small tones when she said, "You are Mary, aren't you?"

"Yes," I said, but truthfully I didn't know who I was. Mary, Shadow, Josie? Or could it be that I was someone else entirely. I felt tired and didn't want to talk. Sullen images were cluttering my thoughts. I longed for the peace of mind not granted to my counterparts.

It was strange that I knew my fidgety companion but had doubts about myself. I had memories that I could not place. Were these my memories? They didn't seem so. Perhaps they were Mary's. The name of the girl Carla felt was me. I had to make her think I was Mary for the time being. She seemed relieved at my pretense.

"Where are we going?" I asked, as exited the motor vehicle.

Carla looked surprised at my question. "Don't you remember, Mary? We discussed this."

"Please, refresh my memory."

"Don't you remember me telling you about my cousin's cabin?"

"Oh, yes, of course. I'm sorry, Carla, but with everything that has happened I'm just not myself. Forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive. We'll have to stay in a motel tonight. The cabin's pretty far."

Carla went on and on, but I didn't pay much attention. Her words seemed more like a test pattern, jumbled and incoherent. I took in the view of the city. Carla said we were in Phoenix, but I didn't care where we were. One city was as good as any other. No matter where I was I felt out of place. I didn't know where I belonged. In my mind all I could see was blood. I heard the screams of impending death, but were these simply illusions or were they memories? I saw two faces. One I recognized as my own reflection in the looking glass and the other that of a dark creature.

The face I saw in the mirror was not mine. It belonged to Mary. My face was that of a creature, born of rage and vengeance. I thought myself to be the source of Mary's power, but where did Shadow fit into all this? She only wished to destroy even the very thing that gave her life. I should feel as if I am a part of her, but I do not.

I can remember that day in the woods where the two hunters died. Shadow felt remorse. There was enough guilt that lied inside to make her want to destroy herself, but Mary saved her. I wondered how I knew all this. I am not either Mary nor Shadow. I felt this overwhelming need to destroy them, and Josie as well, but I didn't know why. She was the foreign entity who was trapped here accidentally. Mary being so young and naive couldn't bear life without her mother. Josie's mind connected with Marianna's, but she remained too long. Poor little Mary blamed herself. It was a guilt she could not bear.

Now I feel the guilt, pain and loneliness Mary felt but also the rage and the need for blood Shadow craved. My feelings leaned towards the rage. One I hoped to nurture further.

"Mary, are you alright?"

I turned to Carla in surprise. It was not the first time she had asked that. I didn't want to answer, because in truth I wasn't all right. I remained in a state of confusion over what I was and would become, but I believed it was my duty to hide this revelation from Carla. She could not understand the state I was in. How could I appease her continual belief in me being Mary? I couldn't keep this up much longer.

"Why do you keep asking that?"

"You just seem different, calmer."

"Than what, Shadow's rage? I hate her, Carla. I wished I never borne her. If she never existed, she would have never learned to hate."

"Don't say that, Mary. It's no one's fault that Shadow is the way she is. She chose to succumb to hate. You're not responsible for what she has done."

"I don't blame myself, Carla, but I won't stand by and watch her hurt people. First she killed Kristin and Jimmy and now, those two hunters. They never harmed us. She killed them because she liked the feeling of killing, and she will continue to kill unless I stop her."

"This isn't like you, Mary. I thought you loved Shadow. You told me you wanted to protect her. Unless you're not..."

"Not what, not Mary? I'm not Shadow, so I must be Mary. Who else could I be? I'm not the one who killed Kristin and Jimmy. Those were acts of self-defense. I don't kill for survival. It just feels good."

"What about the woods? Shadow felt the remorse over what she did."

"But I don't. So, now you know. Mary and Shadow are indisposed, and with them no longer in control of this body I can live. You see this body was mine all along. They were the ones that took it from me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Centuries of wandering and hiding in shadows. No more will you bleeding heart mortals lock me away. You took my immortal body but not my essence. I told you I would be back. Now that I am, you must die."

I lunged for my prey, but Carla Benson had been smarter than I thought. She steered herself away from my blows, but still kept a close distance. I wondered what her game was. Why did she not wish to escape? She must have known that my intent was to kill her, something neither inhabitants of this body had the gumption to do.

"What are you?" she shouted.

"I've asked myself that very same question. What are any of us but pawns of the master? You wish me to go, but I refuse." I realized that I had revealed myself much too soon. I didn't have the ability to turn back time, so I must learn to live with any and all consequences."

"Who are you? Do you have a name?"

"Name? What is this obsession with names? You mortals are so funny that way."

Seeing the fear in Carla's eyes I relished at the thought of killing her, but I thought it more fun to play with her for a while.

"Where's Mary?" she asked.

"Gone. The Mary you know is dead, so let's just say that I am who she was always meant to be.

Does that clarify things for you?"

"Not really. Now, how long have you been with Mary? I already know that Shadow came three years ago. When were you created?"

I laughed at her silly question. "Oh, Carla, sweet naive Carla. Mary didn't create me. I created her. I chose to be born the heir to the Faigon fortune, and I intend on being reunited with my father. You say you care about us so much, and yet you have done nothing to locate Roland Faigon."

"That's not true. I pleaded with Mary to contact her uncle."

"Martin Drell? What a joke. I want nothing to do with the self-important bastard. Enough talk, Carla. It's time for you to die."

All I heard was the paralyzing screams of Carla Benson. A power radiated from my body. I was aware of the transmutation abilities born into this body, although I could not as of yet learn to utilize it. Still this body was strong and its senses sharp. I was determined to end my association with Carla, but she fought me with every blow.

"Stop this," Carla screamed. "You don't want to kill me, Mary."

"Mary's dead!" I screamed and threw her onto the floor. "So shall you be."

As I lunged towards her I felt a striking blow on my head. I fell inside myself and was now facing not Carla but the mother of us all.