Chapter Even: In and Out

Hearing voices was not the same as seeing them and feeling pain without movement frightened me more. One voice I did recognize was that of Carla's. A

woman I both liked and despised. I felt her hand touch my forehead. Her caress was sweet and loving. It was something I never felt before.

"Marianna," she said in her usual demur voice. "You must wake up. Come back to us."

So this was the truth. She wanted Mary and not me. I don't say I blamed her. I was in fact the killer and not Mary, but I so hoped she would be my friend, too. I never had a friend before, and I thought it would have been nice.

I felt my eyes fluttering until I was sure that they were opened. My vision remained blurred as I tried to focus on my surroundings, but all I could make out was Carla's silhouette as she spoke.

"That's it, Mary. Wake up."

"I'm not Mary," I said through my weakened state. My eyes became more focused as I was able to make out Carla's face. She wore a shocked look with her eyes filled with fright and her mouth

dropped open. "I'm not Mary," I screamed.

"Shadow," she whispered. "Please, let Mary come back. Can't you see you're not helping her? Killing is not the way."

For the first time I realized that I was bound. No wonder I was unable to move. I screamed in fright and realized not only was I bound but trapped in my demon state.

"Release me," I demanded.

"I can't do that, Shadow. You killed six good men. That makes you a threat. So we can't let you go. You're too much of a risk."

"I had to do it. They were hurting us," I cried in pain but I felt no remorse for the dead men but for my own failed venture. "I'll do it again. I'll kill anyone who hurts Mary. Let me go, and I'll let you live."

"I can't do that," Carla said, "not until you bring Mary back."

"No deal. I'm in charge, and I'm going to stay in charge. This is my body, now, and I'm not giving it up."

"Even if in the end, you kill Mary."

"She's already dying. She'll have peace once the doctor dies. He created me you know. When he killed her mother I was born. He made everybody hate her. Father, Uncle Martin, they hate her. They blame her. Shadow will make it all better."

"Martin? You wouldn't mean Martin Drell?" I neither confirmed nor denied the claim. "Oh, dear god, if this is true then you're Marianna Faigon."

"I'm not Mary!" I shouted. I struggled with the metal restraints, but I was not yet strong enough to break them.

"I'm sorry, Shadow, but Mary was supposed have died. A body was found."

"Wrong body. We became Aurora after that day. That was my idea, but all it did was get us into trouble."

"Us," Carla questioned. "How many of you are there?"

"Let me up, and I'll tell you."

"Nice try, Shadow. Until Mary's ready to come out this is where you remain."

She left me to my prison. No one came for me. I was left to rot without a fighting chance. I figured that if we were to survive I would have to break us out of here.

Rest was what I needed, but it was the one thing that I had no time for. I struggled for a while until someone came through the door.

"Hello, Marianna. How are we feeling?"

The man who spoke was our worst enemy. I offered him no reply; instead I spit in his face. He in turn slapped me hard on the cheek. I felt a burning, stinging sensation, but it was my ego that was more wounded. How could I let myself be captured this way?

"When will you learn to trust me, Marianna?"

"Perhaps when you stop calling me Marianna."

"It is your name. I didn't think you were still going by the name of Aurora. Who are you today?"

"I am what you made me. I am Shadow."

He laughed at my declaration of my true identity as I roared out in anger. I still remained in my creature state. I worried how I would ever return my normal human form. Normal, that was a word. None of us had ever been normal. We never had a chance, although Josie never believed that. She was the one who never faced reality. Silly Momma Josie insisted on dwelling on the positive fantasies instead of the true reality of this dirty world.

"Sweet little Marianna, she was always pretending."

Suddenly the black glow returned to my body, or rather my hands under the restraints. That is when I realized that I was human again. I felt the metal melt and burned my hands. I ignored the pain. Instead I concentrated on regaining my freedom. Before long my hands were free and found their way around Doctor Brown throat.

"Let go," he choked out.

"Die, you dirty bastard. Die."

"Stop, I command you," he choked out. I lost my grip. He quickly found his voice once again despite my efforts and continued speaking, "You are my creation. Therefore I own you. Shadow, you must obey. I am your master. The one who loves you."

"No, you're lying," I said. "You killed Josie! You must die!"

"No, Shadow, you are confused. It wasn't me. It was Martin Drell who betrayed you. He is one who killed your mother then denied your existence. You must believe that I am your friend. You want revenge, Shadow. I can help you get it."

"Yes, revenge. I have to do it. For Mary, I must. Help me," I cried. "Help me, please."

"You shall have your revenge, but you must listen to me and only me."

I fell unconscious again. If it were drug induced I don't recall. My thoughts were confused by Doctor Brown's words. I didn't know what to believe.

"Shadow, don't listen."

"Shut up, Josie."

"He's manipulating you. Please, let me help."

"No! I'm in charge. I'm the one who must protect Mary, not you. This is your fault anyway. I see what you are. You don't want to help Mary. You just want her body. Well, you can't have it. It's mine. Do you hear?"

I was shouting out loud, until I realized that I was in the presence of others. Two nurses came in and blotted the sweat from my brow. I then realized I was back in my room, or rather the prison that was perceived as a room.

They stared at me for a minute until one of them spoke. "The doctor requests your presence."

"Why?" I asked.

Neither of them answered my question. They just served as my escorts. I didn't protest, for my own curiosity had taken hold of me. I wondered what Doctor Everett Brown really wanted. I tried marking the distance and coordinates of the road I traveled, but my mind was losing its concentration.

I was led into a large room as big as a gymnasium. I heard the click of heels while walking across the hard floor. I was instructed to sit on the bench and wait. It was amazing to me that I didn't feel the need to run. I stayed there contemplating a plan to eliminate this man.

Oddly my rage for him seemed to be faltering. I still hated him, but my feelings seemed to be confused. It became misplaced somehow.

Suddenly I heard noise again and looked up to see Doctor Brown coming towards me. He stopped in front of me, frozen in his stead.

"What do you want?" I asked. I remained seated. I felt compelled not to move.

"So who am I speaking to? I would say Mary, but something in the eyes tells me you're Shadow."

"How observant," I said. "Now, answer my question. What do you want?" This time I had the courage to stand up to him. "Tell me!" I shouted.

He only laughed at my pleading and simply answered, "You."

"But I'm just a consolation prize. You wanted Josie, not Mary."

"Josie's dead," he said.

"Maybe, maybe not. Don't you know that death is only an illusion, sort of like life? I was born because of what you did. You may have killed Josie's body, but you didn't kill her."

"Stop speaking in riddles and tell me what you mean."

"Josie's alive and closer than you think."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm saying she's right here, and she wants to see you dead as much as I do."

I felt myself losing control and being sucked back in. Was it Josie trying to push herself out? Or was it Mary? I couldn't let them take what little life I had away from me.

"Stop it!" I screamed and fell onto the floor. Sharp pains poked at my brain. Then I knew for sure that she was trying to get out. "No," I cried. "This is my body, not yours. You gave it up, you whiny little brat. I hate you. I hate you."

"So, Shadow, you're not as strong as you think."

"Make them stop," I cried.

"I can," he said, "but you must pledge your loyalty to me. You're mine, Shadow. I made you, and only I can sustain you."

"You can have anything you want just make them stop."

I looked up to see Doctor Brown pull out a vial. So, it was more drugs. They made me strong once, and perhaps they would again.

I took the injection without a fight. It was like Mary to cringe at the thought of a needle, but I felt myself being filled up with some new-found power. I was able to push Josie back from her blatant interference and continued on.

I felt calm but not contented. I still didn't trust Doctor Brown, even though he had become the savior of my survival, but I was restless and was looking for
some new sensations.

I looked to the doctor and said, "I want my freedom. I'm tired of being caged up."

"I can't let you do that, Shadow. There are some out there that would not understand. They would kill you without a second thought. It's best if you remain here where it's safe."

"No," I shouted. "I want out. I crave freedom. If you want me on your side you will grant me what I ask."

"And if your alter-ego escapes?" He hesitated for a moment, especially when he realized that my determination hadn't faltered. He looked straight into my eyes. "Marianna is a smart girl. She won't stay shut away for long."

"Let me worry about Mary. You keep up the supply of candy, and she'll never be seen again."

"Alright, but not without an escort, perhaps my assistant Carla Benson. I believe you owe her an apology."

"Very well, as long as she doesn't ask to speak to Mary."

"As you wish," he said and bowed.

I tried keeping my objective in mind, but I found myself more and more drawn to his. I couldn't understand the attraction nor did I care to analyze it.

Perhaps it was the father complex. After all, this man did sire me in a way, but I kept clear in my mind that this man had hurt Mary. It didn't matter how much I grew to hate her. My job remained as her protector, but I would never relinquish control to her. She had given up that right in denying who we were.

Our demonic form didn't make us a monster. It was her denial of our rages that made us feel alive. I knew for sure that she felt them. It was Josie I couldn't figure out. Mary hadn't created her. Josie was her mother in life, and somehow crossed over into Mary's body. We were three beings sharing the same vessel. One I hoped I would always dominate.

Because my eyes were so sensitive to solar light Doctor Brown made me some protective glasses. Strangely I started to trust him, although I heard Josie's
screaming voice giving me negative thoughts about him.

I wanted to trust him. I needed to trust him. I needed someone to depend on and take care of me. These last few years I was the one watching over Mary. Part of me wished she would just go away.

She's the one who got us mixed up with Peter Briggs and that near homeless life on the streets of Chicago. I wished her to die as I wished this for Josie as well. She should have already been dead.

I stood outside feeling the warm breezes against my skin. "It must be spring," I said. Time became irrelevant. I didn't know at this point how long we had been here or even how old I was.

I saw Carla coming into the garden overlooking the facility. She smiled my way. I hated the fact that she was always smiling. What annoyed me most about her was that she never called me by my rightful name. She was always called me Mary.

"Beautiful, isn't it, Mary?"

"Whatever," I said and refused to look at her.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "I'm worried about you."

"Why Carla?" I said and looked her way. "Do you think the sun would melt me? Those kinds of things only happen in the movies. Save your concern for someone who cares."

"I'm talking about the drugs, Mary. What you're consuming is enough to kill ten grown men. You have to stop."

"No," I shouted. "I can't. Don't you see I need it just to stay alive?" To change the subject and because of my own curiosity, I asked. "What time is it?" Through the protective glasses even day looked more like night. Plus there was the argument of the drugs.

"Two-thirty," Carla said. "Why?"

"I have to have my injection," I said frantically.

"No, Mary. I can't let you. Can you see it's killing you? Can you, Mary?"

"I'm not Mary!" I shouted through my frustration. "I hate her!"

"Shadow?" she said finally. "Shadow, let me talk to Mary."

"No, not until you give me my medicine," I screamed. "Give it to me, now."

"No, Shadow. I won't let you kill Mary. You have to stop taking the drugs." Carla grabbed hold of me and shook me into submission. "Listen to me, Shadow. You have to stop."

I shook my head vigorously, but I felt myself going back. I was being pushed back into the darkness.

"No," I cried and fell to the ground. "Stay back, you bitch. I won't go back. I won't. I won't."

"Shadow," Carla called. "Shadow, wake up?"

"What?" I asked.

"Shadow," she said.

"No, Shadow's gone."

"Mary?' Carla questioned, giving me an intense look. Her behavior was making me uncomfortable.

"You are Mary, right?"

"How do you know me?" I asked and sat on the grass. "Who are you?"

"I'm Carla. Don't you remember me?" I nodded slowly but unsure if I truly did. "Good. Mary, how did this Shadow take over your body?"

"Because I let her," I cried. "I thought she was my friend, but she hates me. Everybody hates me." I was slowly becoming hysterical. If it wasn't for Carla's kind words I may have lost control again.

"I don't, Mary," she said, stoking my hair. Her touch was warm, one that reminded me of my mother. She then looked me in the eye and said, "You have to listen to me. Stop taking the drugs."

"I don't know it I can," I said, turning away from her. "I'm not strong like Shadow."

"Yes, you are. If you weren't I would be speaking to Shadow right now. You have to stay in control and to do that you need a clear mind. You have to stay strong, Mary."

"I'm not strong," I shouted and rose to my feet. "I'm not the one who fought her way back. She did it. Mother helped me. She's the one that forced Shadow back in. It was her and not me."

"Your Mother? How?" she asked and stopped me from walking away. "How many others are there?"

I turned and slowly walked away, but the further I stepped the closer Carla felt. I turned to her and said, "I don't know. As far as I can tell there's just Shadow. I remember the day she came. I road my horse to the lab, because I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen."

"It did, didn't it?" Carla asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

I nodded and sobbed as I sunk to my knees. Through tears I continued my story, my voice cracking a little. "I was hiding in Father's office when Mother came in with Doctor Brown. They were fighting, because she refused to run off with him. And then..." I stopped because I was too overwhelmed with emotion. When I composed myself enough I finished in nothing more than a whisper. "He killed her."

"You mean Doctor Brown killed your mother." I looked up at Carla to see that her jaw had dropped opened and a look of horror in her eyes. How can this
be? For what reason?"

"He was my father's partner. They were working on this healing serum, but something went wrong. They had an argument. My father threatened him, and he went berserk. He blew up the laboratory. I don't even know if my father is still alive."

"Oh, dear, then that means that you really are..." Carla embraced me, but I believed her to be morehysterical than I was.

After a time she released me, and I looked into her face and revealed who I truly was. "My name is Marianna Faigon, the only daughter of Doctor Roland

Faigon and Josephine Marx."

"Did you say Josephine?" I nodded. "Shadow mentioned a Josie."

"She was my mother," I said. The pain of losing her had not faded, and I knew Carla could see that. Even though the essence of my mother still lingered inside my mind, it wasn't the same as having in the physical world.

"Then Martin Drell is your uncle." The revelation wasn't that much of a shock. I just wondered how she knew of Martin Drell. I figured that Doctor Brown must have told her. "He has to know you're alive."

"No!" I shouted frantically. "You can't tell him. He can't know that I'm alive. As far as the world is concerned Marianna Faigon is dead. If you tell him that I'm alive, and I'll run. I'll run so far away no one will ever find me."

"Marianna, he should know. Don't you think he has grieved enough? You should be with your family who loves you."

"Stop it!" I shouted. "He doesn't want me. I called him at the orphanage, and he hung up on me. My mother is dead, because I was too scared to help her. He has every right to blame me. It's my fault!"

"There's nothing you could have done, Mary. Can't you see that? You would have been killed, too. Don't you see that your uncle loves you? Go to him, Mary, please. End his suffering."

"No, I can't go back."

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't know. To escape, help me, please. Don't let Doctor Brown hurt me anymore." I cried silent tears as Carla only watched.

"What about Shadow? She could resurface at any time. Mary, you need help, and it's obvious you won't get it from Everett."

"Leave Shadow to me. She is not really dangerous, Carla. Doctor Brown is just manipulating her. She doesn't know what she's doing."

"That's what scares me. Mary, she's a time bomb just waiting to go off. She must be contained."

"Contained, yes, but not destroyed. Carla, I hate to admit it but I need Shadow, and she needs me. I created her out of rage, and now... I need to keep her safe. She bared the brunt of my rage. For that

I will forever be grateful."

"Gratitude only goes so far, Mary. She has already killed."

"Carla, I wanted her to. She does what I haven't the guts to do. I'm not innocent little Marianna anymore, the child genius everyone marvels at. My life was destroyed, so what I've done I have done out of survival. There is no more Marianna. She's dead."

"And what about Shadow? What happens the next time she takes over? How many more innocent people will die?"

I hesitated for a moment and moved several paces away. "We only kill when necessary."

"For what crime. You're no killer, Mary, but Shadow is out of control. Stop her, before she destroys you both. Go to your uncle. He can help you."

"No!" I shouted. "He's part of the problem. Even before Mother died, he was never around. He didn't care about her or me. He didn't want to be bothered with me. He has his precious school to look after. He doesn't want or need me around."

"If you won't go to him I will."

"Don't threaten me, Carla. I can make Shadow come out at any time. She wouldn't think twice about killing you. I'm getting out of here, Carla, with or without you."

I started to walk away from the building and to the locked gate. I was going to escape or die trying. I tried melting the lock, but my concentration had once again gone array. I then tried climbing the gate, but my body was too weak. I became frustrated not being able to overcome this hurdle.

On this clear sunny day I felt a dark shadow creeping in to devour me. I turned in a heated spinning sensation I saw a dark figure of a man standing over me. I screamed in terror.

"Shadow, it's time to come inside," he said and held out his hand.

I shook my head vigorously. "No," I said and moved as far away from him as I could. "Stay away."

"You know I can't do that. Now, come inside. It's time for your medicine."

"No!" I shouted. "You're not going to hurt me anymore or Shadow."

"Marianna, you have come back." He was laughing at me, as beads of sweat possessed my blow. He came charging after me. I held onto the gate while traveling along it and looked for a glitch in its makeup.

"Mary," I heard Carla's voice.

I looked around to see Carla running towards Doctor Brown. "Carla, help me," I cried.

"Let her go, Everett, please."

"Stay out of this, Carla," he said and hit her so hard that she stumbled to the ground.

As she hit the ground blood flowed from her mouth. She stayed still, which made me even more frantic. I ran to her. My concern was in making sure Carla was all right instead of my own personal freedom.

"Carla, wake up." I held her head in my hands. I felt for a pulse. I found one although very faint. My hands once again gained the blue glow. I refused to let another die because of my negligence, but the process quickly drained me of what little energy I had. I threw my glasses onto the ground and looked directly into the sun. I felt like I was on fire as I slowly fell into unconsciousness.