Chapter Thirteen: Breakdown

Racing down the halls I realized that they were empty. I wasn't sure how long I had been living here, but long enough to learn the workings of this place.

I ran down to the lower levels where I knew the staff went to get away from their so-called patients. More than anyone I was looking for Carla. She was partly to blame for my current situation and Mary's demise. To think I probably never would have killed her if it wasn't for Carla. Then again Mary was meant to die. Now Carla would have the chance to join her.

"What are you doing?" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned to look on the face of Doctor Brown.

"Oh, Shadow, you're back with us."

"Yes," I said. "Now, where's Carla?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to kill her. She wanted me to die, but she didn't get her wish. I'm doing her a favor. She wants to be with Mary. Isn't it generous of me to let them die together?"

"You can't kill Carla. She is mine. I won't let you destroy what is mine."

"And do you claim me, too? No one owes me, Everett. I'll do what I please, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"Oh, yes, I do, Shadow. You need me to sustain you. I have the drug you need to live. As long as I have that, you my dear, are mine."

"To be your slave? I think not. Marianna is gone. I got rid of her for good. Which means I don't need you anymore."

He laughed at my words then grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall. He held me there for a time before he pulled out a tiny vial.

"You need this, Shadow. Marianna may be gone, but you need this."

I stared at the shiny vial. I was hungry for its contents, "Give it to me," I shouted.

He laughed again as my body shook. He had me where he wanted me. He was the one who introduced me to the drug, and now I couldn't live without it.

"Give it to me," I cried. "It hurts. Make the pain go away. Give it to me, please."

He stood over me and smiled devilishly, but I didn't care. As long as he gave me my poison I didn't care. I felt the pinch of the injection. He stood over me once again. He was like a god hovering over me, and I knew he had won.

"You're mine. Remember that." He walked away from me and left me to wallow in tears there on the ice-cold floor.

I thought about what he said, and I truly believed him to be right. I did belong to him. As long as I needed the drug I would be dependent upon him just to survive. I hadn't the strength to give it up. I feared only death would free me. I thought I was wrong getting rid of Mary. She didn't need Doctor Brown. She was able to survive on her own, but not me. All this time I thought I was the strong one, the one protecting Mary, but maybe it had been the reversal.

I wanted to cry out for her help, but she couldn't hear me. I wished to return to that safe place before I was forced into this life. I didn't hate Mary. She was my mother in a way. She shielded me from the everyday task of living. I wanted to crawl back into that shell and hide. In my obsession for her return I wished her demise. She was not dead; only lost somewhere deep within the mind we shared.

"Marianna, this is all your fault."

There was a hammering in my head that wouldn't stop. I decided it was time to leave this place. Doctor Brown's candy wouldn't be a part of my life anymore. If I were to die, it would be a wish clear in my mind. To live in a haze of confusion was not to live at all.

I started for the outside doors. I was thankful there was no one to stop me. I smashed the security monitors to cloak my presence. I didn't want anyone to know I had gone until it was too late to stop it.

Instead of trying to melt the locks as Mary did. I decided to climb the gate instead. My legs were a little cramped, and I thought I could use the exercise. It was harder than I thought hurdling over this tall obstacle, but I made it through without too much trouble. Once over I ran for the woods across from the laboratory. My heart raced as I trampled through the trees desperate for the other side. I wasn't much of a tracker as found myself going in circles.

I marked the trees as I went along in the hopes that this would help me a little. It turned out to be a godsend as I made it out the other side. By now, the effects of the drug were wearing off and left my body in fits. I stayed hidden inside the woods, because I didn't want anyone to see me.

I would wait it out and hoped not to get caught by Brown's people. Why did I ever let him have his way by giving me that poison anyway? Whatever reason I was now paying the price. I don't know at what point I fell asleep, but when I woke I was still disoriented.

I heard sounds of human voices coming from a close distance. Fearing capture I ran towards the edge of the wood and climbed a large oak. I hoped to get a better view of who they were. I scanned the area to see two men and a boy with shotguns. I wished them to depart, but they stayed. I decided that they were a part of a hunting party.

I could smell the flow of bodily fluids flowing through them. It brought back my own blood-thirst. The screams of unsuspecting victims raced through my head. It was a glorious sight to behold, the stench of dead bodies. Shadow's famed handiwork.

I trusted that they were normal hunters and not part of some posse waiting to take me back to my drug induced prison. I sprang out of the high oak tree and ready to walk out of the wood unseen by these three unsuspecting humans, but something came over me. My need for blood took precedence over my senses.

In a fit of fury that I couldn't fight, I changed into the primal creature whose skin I felt most comfortable in. I made not a sound as I stalked my victims.

One had put his gun down long enough for me to grab it. He turned in astonishment to see his weapon missing but realized where it had gone.

"Hey, Fred, you got m' gun?"

"No, Hank. You drinkin' too much t' remember. Maybe Boomer here took it."

"No, way, Pa. I ain't never took nobody's gun."

My foot slipped and made a noise. The boy picked up on it right away." You hear that, Pa, Uncle Fred. The Moth Monster must be out here."

"Or some vampire. Son, ya gotta stop readin' them horror comics."

"But, Pa, they's true," Boomer pleaded. "The Moth Monster come out at sundown eat the flesh of all who crosses its path."

"But it's day time," Fred said. "Now, come on. The animals don't hunt themselves."

The two adults grumbled as they moved on, but I was not about to let them get away. I came out of my hiding place as the boy looked back.

He screamed in terror seeing me in my true light.

"The Moth Monster, run!"

The two adults looked back at me and scattered. So it was a game of chase they wished to play. I was willing. The kill was so much sweeter when a challenge was induced.

I ran through the woods feeling the rushed heartbeats of my terrified prey. I stalked behind trees and intently listened to the almost silent footsteps of my would-be victims. I found myself just inches away from the man called Fred.

I caught him by the throat and dug my claws deep inside him. The blood spewed out of him, as I tasted his death. He was dead without so much as a whimper. I trailed down the opposite way and looked for another victim. I came upon the other adult male who held his pretty little shotgun. He fired it, and hit me in the shoulder.

I screamed out in pain as I came closer to him. He fired again. This time he hit me in the leg. I got close enough to grab the gun from his hand. I threw it away, because I felt I didn't need it.

"You hate me," I shouted. 'Time for you to die." He screamed as I held my palms on either side of his head. I utilized the destructiveness of my power. I

disassembled his brain. His torso fell to the ground. I threw what was left of his head to the ground and intended to continue the hunt.

Then I saw the boy standing before me. I wondered if he had seen me kill his father. He must have to be looking at me like that. As first glance I wanted to kill him, but suddenly I wanted him to live.

"Get out of here, kid. Go home."

He ran away and disappeared in seconds. I still wondered why I couldn't kill him. Perhaps my conscience had awakened that being my annoying counterpart Mary.

"Stay dead, insufferable little bitch," I cried out.

I heard nothing from her, but I knew she was near along with that sanctimonious mother of hers. I took a guess it was always Josie persuading her to spoil my fun.

Without the drug I had to stay on my guard. There was nothing to push her back to leave me to live the life I chose. I felt as if my existence was about to end, but if I were to die I would take Mary with me. Without the two of us I hoped Josie would also give up her pathetic life. She could never live with the guilt of Mary's death and to take over her own daughter's body is one thing

Josie would never have the guts to do.

I walked out of the woods to find myself upon a small town. 'Welcome to Wilmington,' the sign read. So I was in Virginia. But for how long? I had to know.

Now, in my human form I decided to pay a visit to this little town.

I didn't see too many people walking down the streets of this quaint little setting. My own heritage became a hindrance that made me stick out like a sore thumb.

I had to know what day it was. I had to know how long I had been a prisoner at Doctor Brown's lab. How old was I or should I say us. I envied her because of the fact that she had been born to the physical world. I didn't want to share a body with her anymore, but that meant death for one of us. That would not be me. Either she died or we both died.

It had to have been close to sundown, because the sky was turning the purplish pink it always did for this time of day. I would be grateful when darkness fell. Then I would be able to take off my glasses. In my human state I had no fear of being recognized as the fatal creature that destroyed lives and put panic and frenzy into its few survivors.

I heard some of the locals' rave about the terrible hideous creature. Inside I was laughing as I thought of being the focal point of some silly local legend. A man ran up to me and shouted, "The Moth Monster is real. Run for your life."

I thought of the hysteria as a little ridiculous, but to weak-minded people I guess I was frightening. There was no beast deep inside of me. I was the beast, primal and terrifying.

I saw the boy from the woods. His name was Boomer. He not only had tears but rage. I had done this to him. The same as Doctor Brown had done to Mary. Boomer was covered in blood. I thought it to be the blood of the two men I had killed.

"You didn't have to do it," a voice inside my head said.

"Shut up," I whispered.

I walked up to him. I never had the fear that he might recognize me. He looked at me and said, "Did ya see it? That thing that killed my pa."

"No," I said. "What did it look like?"

"Yeah, Boomer, tell us," another one of the townspeople urged.

"Shut up and let 'em speak, Ray." The woman who spoke I learned was Cathy May, Boomer's mother.

Boomer told his story to the already frightened townspeople. I suddenly became sympathetic to his lose. "It will be alright, Boomer," I said and surprised myself. I played it off as Mary's undying influence.

She was trying to push her way back to the surface, and I was doing my best to hold her off. I found myself crying for him which more than frightened me. Hearing Josie's voice inside my head I ran from the scene. I trailed down a few streets until I came to a barren one.

I felt as if my mind were breaking down. It was like the voices in my head were warning me against something. I wondered if it were guilt or an undying need for suicide. If it were I couldn't be sure. I have never felt anything but the glow of satisfaction after making a kill. Then I thought of my prolonged drug use. Perhaps my withdrawal wasn't over. I had no physical signs since and the shaking and nervousness had ceased, but I didn't know what psychological effects would remain?
It made no sense to me that Mary didn't need the drugs, but I once did to drive her away. Suddenly I missed Mary and wished her return.

I saw an old drunk staggering my way. I walked away and tried to avoid him.

"Hey, I know you," he said as I tried running from him. "Yer the one. Ya killed 'em."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I shouted when he caught me. I ran away from him, faster and faster, but I could still hear his voice.

"There's a demon in ya. Monster!"

The words echoed through my mind. He was right. I was a monster. Mary wasn't the bad one. I was. Escaping from Brown had not changed that. I blamed my behavior on the drugs, on Brown, Martin Drell's denial and even Carla's hatred of what I put Mary through. I couldn't deny it anymore. I was all me. I became what I am, because it was who I wanted to be. Mary was an innocent child. She was thrown into a dark world that she wasn't equipped to handle.

Thinking about what I had done and the victims I had claimed, I realized that I had no right to live. There would be no more victims said one. That would be me.

I ran into the woods and to the very spot I had claimed my last victim. I could still smell the blood of their rotting corpses. I saw the fear in Boomer's eyes when he realized that I had killed his father. I lay down on the death sight, but the body was already gone.

I began a waking dream of fear and paranoia. The memory of Boomer's father ran itself over and over in my mind. The things I said, and the things he did. The fear and anger in his eyes to his last cry haunted me. Over and over I saw it, until the eyes I was looking into was the eyes of Mary's mother. She had taken the place of Boomer.

Around me came all the victims I had ever claimed, Kristin, Ned and Jimmy, and all those nameless victims I never took the time to know. I looked down at my hands to see them dripping with blood. Scars of all the wounds I had inflicted on others now ravaged my body. I longed for a death that would not come, my own.

I felt the pain but not the passing of my spirit. "Let me die," I screamed.

Suddenly I was awake, lying in the same spot of my last murderous act. The shadow of a person loomed over me. I quickly rose to my feet and ran, but the faster I ran, the louder the noise from the underbrush came. My heart beat faster and faster as I slipped up a tree. Now, I had the upper hand.

"Mary, Shadow, come out," Carla's voice loomed. "It's alright."

"So, Carla Benson wanted to interfere in my life once again. I would not have it. She only cared about bringing Mary back. I received that impression when she called her name first instead of mine.

From my tree top hiding place I called to her. "Go away, Carla. I'm not going back."

"And you shouldn't. Please, come out. I just want to help you."

"Liar," I called out. "You don't want to help me. You only want Mary, but Mary's dead. I killed her."

"No, you didn't, Shadow. She's still part of you and you're part of her. To kill her would mean to kill yourself."

"No, that's not true. Mary is dead, and there's nothing you can do to bring her back. Stop trying to confuse me."

"I don't want to do that, Shadow. Please, come down and talk to me. Can't you see that I'm your friend."

"No, you're not. You just want to take me back. I won't go. I'll murder this body, before I let you take me back."

"Don't do that, Shadow. Come down, please. Trust me."

"I can't. I trusted Doctor Brown and look what he did to me. It's all his fault. He turned me into this."

"Shadow, please, come down. I don't have any intention of bringing you back to that place. We'll go wherever you want, but you have to come down."

I did as she asked, but I kept my guard up. I didn't trust Carla or anyone else. I didn't even trust my own counterpart. I faced Carla. I believed her to be one of my captors. Naive Carla may have been, but she knew the truth. She understood what poison came from Doctor Brown's practices, the drugs, the blood, the murders. The games were my first taste and since then I craved for more. Doctor Brown happened to have been more than happy to oblige.

"That's better," she said. I stood before her face to face. "Shadow, I understand why you ran away. I ran away, too."

"So, you're a coward like me. I'm not running anymore, Carla. I know what I am. I'm a cold-blooded killer. I claimed my last victim. It's time to end it once and for all."

"End what?" she asked and grabbed my shoulders.

I looked into her frightened eyes and said, "End me." She let go of me and walked away. She turned back as I continued to speak. "It's the only way."

"No, Shadow. We can leave here together. I'll get you to a place where you can get some real help. I don't want you to end your life."

"You're lying just like Brown. You should know. You're his slave."

"Did he tell you that?" I nodded. "You yourself called him a liar. I have always been straight with you.

Can you say the same of Doctor Brown? Mary knows the truth. Ask her."

Carla began to walk away when my head started to throb. "Stay back," I screamed.

"Shadow!" Carla screamed. It was the last thing I heard before I drifted back into darkness.