Chapter Seven: An Uncertain Future

Winter came sooner than expected, but I weathered it well. My body adjusted to the cold studio and took on a paler shade of white. I decided that my first taste of prostitution would be my last. I feared leaving a string of bodies all over Chicago. I remained in my little hideaway and kept to myself when I ventured out. I wondered how long I could keep living like this. So far no one knew I was there. Since there was no electricity the place always looked dark, even in the daytime. I made it a point to keep the blinds closed during the light hours. I mostly slept in the morning and took to reading in the afternoon by candlelight.

Since I became very good at stealing the bookstore was a major hangout. I found that the best way to lift merchandise was to actually go in and buy something, preferably out of the bargain din. I mostly took to reading on genetics, DNA sampling, and biochemistry and anything that would help explain what I was.

I wondered why the extraordinary were meant to suffer, but this must have been what my parents went through. At least they had each other. I discovered with my particular type of mutation that it could only come about through inheritance. Each generation growing stronger, but the maturity of the superhuman gene would take many years.

The prospect frightened me a little, but I was more fascinated by the prospect of what I might become. The voices in my head ceased its torment for the time, but I feared it was only the beginning. I contemplated suicide playfully but thought myself too much of a coward to actually go through with it.

As winter passed and spring brought the prospect of a new life I ventured to the outside more and more. Having lived Chicago and surviving the seasons I almost felt like I belonged there.

With my fourteenth birthday a few months away I patiently awaited the coming of age. This was the time I longed for my mother the most. I had to learn to be a mother to myself. The cold hard fact I learned was that I would be the only one who would take care of me. There was no prince riding up on a white horse, no knight shining in gold armor. I was my own champion, and even though it would be a lonely existence it suited me just fine.

Late one March afternoon I walked down to my favorite diner. Lord Tennyson was one of those theme places with loud music and a stage for dancing, although I never saw anyone use it.

The usual crowd surrounded the place. A line of future drunks hung around the bar. The blue-collar workers made catcalls to the waitresses in their tight little dresses and the high school biker crowd that the other patrons made believed didn't exist.

Truth was they were the only customers who were civil to me. I sat at my regular booth and waited for the waitress to bring me a menu and the usual glass of ice water.

"What it be?" the saucy waitress asked me as I lowered the menu. The snap of her gum made me jump.

"Glass of orange juice and a salad."

"Sure, kid," she said. Her eyes looked very old as I felt mine did as well.

The woman didn't even know my name of or anything about me but seemed to be a kindred spirit. In the last year and a half I had seen too much and done too much. So much so I almost never thought of home.

I left the diner that day feeling very old. I was lonely and starved for attention. I wished so greatly that I was a normal child with a normal life, but that dream was never to be.

I decided to kill a few hours at the library for which I was able to acquire a card with a fake ID I bought off a drug dealer a few weeks back. He called himself T.C. Slash. I thought it a weird name, but as names go, one is as good as any other. I wasn't surprised when a few days ago his body was pulled out of a dumpster. I was glad to learn that I wasn't the only one in this city with homicidal tendencies.

I finally left the library when they threatened to kick me out. I tended to become enthralled in a book and refused to stop until I reached the end. I checked it out and went on my way. Darkness crept on me, before I reached the studio and left me with an utterance of dread.

Brawls consumed the party district, as did the hookers, jons and pimps. There was someone either buying or selling the commodity of human flesh. In the confusion I easily picked the pockets of several hoodlums and even a cop or two. Walking in the nightlife of this vagrant stench of vulgarity, strangely I felt like I belonged.

My luck was soon to run out when a man in his thirties approached me. He had the same gleam in his eye as I remember Ned had.

"Hey, cutie," he said giving me a wink. I just rolled my eyes while turned away from him so he couldn't see. "Who ya goin' home with tonight?"

"I don't know," I said and played the flirting game. "You think you can show me a good time?"

"You gotta price?" he asked. Well, I guess he thinks I'm a hooker.

"Maybe," I said, keeping that option open. "Make me an offer."

"Fifty?" He questioned and reached into his pocket then flashed me the cash. I could use the money.

"That might do," I said trying to keep my cool. "What are you into?"

"Lockup," he said and grabbed my hands from the back. Handcuffs bound me, before I had a chance to react. "Hey, little girl, your mother know you're out?"

"Hey, get these damn things off me," he snarled at him. "I haven't done anything."

"Prostitution ain't nothin', sweetheart," he said, but his words were making me angry and I feared that I might loose control.

"I'm not a whore for rent. Let me go!" I shouted as I tried hitting him. "Don't make me hurt you." My threat came as he tried pulling me towards an unmarked squad car at the center of Bray Street.

"Only place you're goin' is jail," he said as he tried to force me into the car.

"Got a problem, officer," a man said from behind. I couldn't see him, but I recognized his voice.

"Stay out of this, Petey, or I'll run you in, too," he said, still keeping hold of my handcuffed hands.

"I don't think so, Nick," Pete said without an ounce of fear in his eyes. "She's one of mine, so you remember our deal."

"Forget it," the officer said and tried once again to pull me into the backseat. I was fighting with all of my strength. "I'm takin' this whore in."

"I'm not a whore," I shouted still trying to break free.

The cuffs snapped off my wrists, and from there I put my hands on his temples. The black glow came back stronger than I had ever felt it before. I screamed in my frustration.

Pete looked over to me and grabbed my arm. "Not now, M. Let's get the hell out of here."

Against my better judgment I listened to him and ducked into an alley two streets down. I snatched my hand away when I felt we were safe enough.

"What was that all about?" I fumed.

"Nice to see you, too, M," Pete said and threw me a smirk. If he was thinking that now he was my hero, he needs to think again. "Where ya been?" he asked me. "I thought you'd be dead by now."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I can take care of myself," he said defiantly. "So much for your theory."

"Yeah, like you were doin' so well back there," he said and pointed to the place where the ugly scene with the cop took place. "You wanna end up in juvy, girl. Keep that attitude. What ya doin' turnin' tricks out here anyway?"

"Like I told the void I'm not a whore," I said, but it wasn't altogether true. "I only did it once."

"Once is all it takes," he said and had a smile on his face. "So who'd ya do? Maybe someone I know."

"Don't matter, because he's dead."

"What? Girl, what's wrong with you?" he asked. "Ya just fuck 'em. Ya don't kill 'em."

"He tried to beat the shit out of me," I said in my own defense

"So ya can take care of yourself," he said which a friendlier smile possessing is face. "Say, what was that ya do t' that there cop? Same thing ya did t that guy at the despot."

"It's a family secret," I said and walked away.

I felt him following me which made me a little nervous. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You wouldn't understand, so do yourself a favor and stay away from me."

"Fine, bitch!" he shouted back at me and disappeared.

So Pete was out of my life, or so I thought. I didn't get down the next street when he showed up in my face again.

"Hey, M girl, I was thinking," he said, jumping in front of me.

"Really," I said and picked up speed.

"Yeah, I think, and if ya stop walkin' so fast I'll tell ya what about."

"All right," I said and came to a dead stop. "You got thirty seconds."

"Okay," he said. Sweat beaded his brow. I wasn't sure if was because I made him nervous, or because I was out of breath because of my fast pace. "The way I see it," he started. "We need each other. Sure, I was a little pissed when ya tried fryin' me back at the despot, but I figure you got somethin' special... like you can get anything you want."

"Then why do I need you?" I asked. I wasn't interested to see what kind of answer he would give.

"T' keep ya on your toes. Now, look what happened with that cop back there. With me around ain't nobody ever fuck with ya."

"Does that include you?" I asked him while folding my arms over my chest.

"Well, only if you want me to," he said flirtatiously. I just rolled my eyes at him which made him laugh a little. "So, partners?"

"Well, for now, but you get in my way I'll do to you what I would have done to that cop."

"What would you have done?" he asked as we walked together.

"You don't want to know," I said and truth was the thought of killing another people terrified me.

Pete suggested we go back to his place. I had reservations but agreed. He was the most unlikely of friends, but the only one I had. We walked down to the south side of Eighth Street down to an old run-down building with four floors. He resided in the back apartment on the top floor.

When we entered I noticed the mess of beer bottles and crumpled newspapers. "And I thought my place was bad."

"Hey, home sweet home."

"More like a sewer but livable."

"I'm glad you like it." As he sat down next to me, he took my hand. "I'm glad you're here." He kissed me gently and aroused something inside of me. "I shouldn't have done that. You're far too young to..."

"To what, to do this?" I placed my hand on the front of his pants. "I'm not too young to do that."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen," I lied.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Look. I know you're developed but... Ya probably got a family somewhere. Go back to 'em, M."

"I can't," I said and looked away. "They're gone." I saw his mouth drop open as I tried to further explain. "When we first met you said I was running for something. You're right. You see my father's partner killed my mother. I saw him do it, and he knows I saw him. He's looking for me. I thought I could change my name and hide away in some sleepy town, and all I ended up doing was killing someone."

"About this guy, is he some weird scientist or something? And how do you know that he's after ya."

"I saw him in Vermont. I was living with this couple who were going to adopted me, but then she saw what I could do, and it freaked her out."

"M, it's weird but not that weird. I've seen other people do that kind of stuff. Some of 'em even worse off than you."

"Then I am one of 'them'. That's what Uncle Martin was trying to tell me."

"Hey, you got an uncle?"

"Not anymore. He hates me. He blames me for what happened to Mother. Somehow, I agree with him."

"So, some screwball kills your mom, and it's your fault. I don't get it."

"I could have helped her, but I didn't. Little coward Mary let her mother die." I turned to him with tears in my eyes. "I should go. Just pretend you never saw me."

"So you can go back to being alone?"

"We're all alone, Pete, just surrounded by strangers. If you believe otherwise you're just fooling yourself."

I reached for the door when Pete bordered the path in front of me. "Don't go. Let's not be alone anymore."

"What do you suggest?" I asked.

"Stay with me. I don't care about your age or what you think you are. Let me take care of you. I could you know if you'll let me."

"I don't know. I've been alone so long. I don't know if I can trust someone."

"You already have... when you told me the truth. I don't care if you've killed someone. Hell, they probably deserved it. It's a cruel world out there, M. We need each other."

At that moment I was the one who kissed him. My arms found their way around his neck and soon he was kissing me, too. My young body ached for him as my clothes fell away and onto the floor. He led me to the bedroom where he also discarded his clothes. In my nakedness I didn't feel ashamed.

No words were spoken in the ecstasy of our wake. When he was inside me I felt a rush of tangible treasures being given in the freedom of love. I wondered, did I really love him? There were times when I thought I did, but it seemed more of a need for companionship. I had not been completely honest with him, this lover I took out of urgency. There lied a demon inside me, one that took great joy in killing. I wondered if some day it would kill him, too.

I left the next morning before he awakened and realized that I had done him a disservice. Men claimed to be the seducers, but in this case it was I who was the temptress. Still all the way back to the studio, I thought of him. A boy he was on so many levels, yet he had been the savior of my loneliness. I searched my heart and manipulated it into believing that I loved him. I knew if I stayed with him I would end up killing him, too. My heart wept when I realized how lonely my life had been. My first reaction was to go to him, but I couldn't.

I fell into sleep painfully only to be plagued by the dreams. Kristin's death ran over and over in my mind as well as Mother's until they had become one. I woke up screaming in a cold sweat after seeing myself murder my own mother.

It was late afternoon when I realized sleep wasn't what I needed, so I made a trip to the diner for something to eat, but before I had the chance to order anything. Pete's shadow hovered over me.

"Hey, M," he said. I felt a hint of anger in his voice. "Why'd ya leave?"

"I don't know."

"I don't believe you. Try again."

"You wouldn't understand," I said and refused to look at him. "I'm really hungry right now, so please, go away."

"Not until you tell me the truth," he said and sat down. "Now, spill it."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want the truth."

"I don't know the truth. It's all meaningless anyway. Truth? It's all shit." I clutched my glass of ice water like a life raft. "Don't you understand how dangerous I am?"

"Yeah, and so's the whole damn world," he said and he was right. "That's no reason to push people away."

"You don't know what I am," I said. Tears came from my eyes. "I think it best if you just stay away from me."

I got up to leave and sprinted out of the door before I got the notion to change my mind. I didn't get halfway down the block when Pete stopped me.

"It was the sex, huh?"

"I turned in astonishment. "Sex?" I questioned. "That's what you think this is about. It's about me. It's about who I am."

"And who is that?" he asked, still chasing me down the street. "M, stop, and answer the question."

"I don't know. That's the problem. I don't know what's happening to me. I used to be normal, but the noises won't stop. I get angry, and I do things... terrible things. People are dead because of me. Can't you see I'm poison."

I ran off, this time losing sight of him, but in the process of running from Pete I was running from myself. I would have returned to the studio, but I become sick just thinking about the prospect of going back there.

Darkness fell upon the city as I found myself in a local hot spot. Being a regular down on this particular strip no one asked me for identification. I wallowed in self-pity half-hoping Pete would find me. When it became well after 2 a.m., I left in my frustration.

I walked casually but swiftly. I hoped I would not be approached. That dream didn't last long when I heard voices coming from a nearby alley. I recognized one of them to be one of the local hookers from the club.

"I want my money," she shouted. "Ya ain't gonna cheat me like ya did Sally."

"Sally's dead," said the man she was arguing with. "I can arrange the same for you."

I usually didn't step into other people's disputes, but I was getting pissed off by the gall of these arrogant pimps.

"Do I hear a threat?" I asked. I approached the man who had just pulled a knife on his victim.

He looked towards me and shoved the woman aside. She hit the ground hard. He didn't notice, because he was so fixated on me.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked.

"Your worst nightmare, pal, now, leave the tart alone, and we'll have our own little party."

"Sure," he said. "What's your price? You got

representation?"

"Maybe, but I could be persuaded." I turned to see the girl staring me down. I walked over to her and said, "Get out of here." A secret code was exchanged between us that made her scurry away. I turned back to her would-be assailant. "Where were we?"

He hurried next to me and reached for my particular merchandise. "Let's see what ya got."

I then put my hands on his temples and utilized the black glow of negative energy. He screamed when he saw the red fire of my eyes.

"What the hell are you?" he shouted and pushed me away. "Stay away, freak."

"Oh, really," I shouted. "Big man can beat up on a little girl like that. You like bullying women. Try me."

He lunged at me and forced me to the ground. We struggled for a few minutes before I heard a shout. I heard footsteps of someone approaching fast. Suddenly my attacker flew off of me as I heard the stranger's words.

"Get the hell off her, slimy bastard."

"Pete, stop," I said.

I staggered to my feet and witnessed Pete yet again coming to my rescue. Fear mixed with anger rose in me at seeing my lover in danger. As I lunged for the man who was hell bent on killing Pete I realized that I had changed again.

I felt stronger but more out of control as I picked up Pete's attacker. I threw him across the alley and lunged for him again. I could smell the blood flowing through his veins. My mouth watered for the taste of his demise

as I thrust my claws into his chest. Over and over I stabbed him.

"M!" Pete shouted.

I turned back to him. By then the blood-thirst had faded away. My body returned to its natural state. That is when I realized what I had done. My victim's body was ripped to shreds. Terror now consumed me.

"Oh, god, what have I done?" I rose from the ground. My eyes never once left my victim. "Why'd you make me do it?" I shouted.

"M? You are M, right?"

"I don't know, Pete," I said and looked up at him. I noticed a gash on his head and blood all over his shirt. "You're hurt." I picked myself up off the ground and walked over to him.

He backed up a bit and stumbled over his own feet. He fell to the ground. "Don't touch me, M. I don't want to end up like him."

"You won't. Please, let me help you."

"How?" he asked. The terror was still in his eyes.

"I'll show you," I said and placed my hand over his wound. The warm blue glow returned and slowly his wound closed. Pain possessed my body. Sharp pains grew stronger.

I screamed out in agony and clutched onto myself. As the pain subsided I felt Pete's arms around me. He brushed the hair out of my eyes.

"M, look at me," he said frantically.

Through sweat and tears I finally looked up at him. "So you know what I am?"

"You saved my life," he said.

"Don't condone my actions. I wanted to kill him. When I saw him abusing that girl I..."

"M, come on. Let's get out of here before they find him. Come home with me, please."

"You want me? Why? I'm a killer and a liar. M's not my name." He didn't look shocked which amazed me. "My name's Marianna Faigon."

"Well, whoever you are, you're my friend, and I'm not going to see you locked up. Come with me. Let me take care of you." He held out his hand. I felt I must take it. He held me for a few minutes before he led me out of the alley.

I don't remember arriving at Pete's apartment. I only remember waking up in his bed early the next morning. I saw Pete sleeping on the floor. I crawled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. Signs from the night before still caked on my body. I ran the water in the shower adamant on cleansing myself, but no amount of scrubbing could cleanse the soul.

Once I finished I found a thin discolored robe curled into a ball. Dripping wet and naked I trembled trying to untangle it.

It took me several minutes before I could. I walked into the kitchenette looking for some orange juice. It was strange being in a house with electricity and heat. The studio hadn't possessed any of those things.

I couldn't find anything to drink except water out of the tap. That's when I heard Pete's voice from behind. "Sorry. I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while. If you're hungry I'll go get something. Anything you want. I'll go get it."

"You can't give me what I want."

"What's that?"

"My life back," I cried. He held me for a time until I regained my composer.

"Hey, you look tired. You go back to sleep, and I'll go get some food."

"Then you don't hate me?"

He kissed me tenderly, and for the first time in almost two years I felt wanted. I decided this was where I belonged. I returned to the bedroom. I felt tired and wanted to sleep, but I knew when I awakened someone would be there to make me smile.