Right then.

So this is the first thing here.

Well no easy way to admit this to the universe so here we go.

I am afraid that everyone I care about will get tired of me and leave me all alone. I get scared that the people I would take a bullet four will find me annoying after a while, or too clingy, or too loud, or something like that and will leave me for someone better. Because it wouldn't be hard to find someone. I'm scared that I will die all alone and no one will care or remember me. What if my friends just shrug it off and remember me as that really annoying chick who wouldn't shut up. What if the one person I care about the most on Earth doesn't even notice? They don't really respond to my texts as much anymore... God I don't want them to leave me.
I have to hide it from the world and everyone around me. I can't ever show my sad and negative emotions. I have to be a rock for the people around me. I have to always be strong, no matter what I go through. That's just how my life works. No matter what happens to me, I can't show it. And I have to always be there for everyone else. I'm the empathetic one. The one who will kick the asses of the people who try to hurt you. The one who will give advice and listen to your problems without judgement. And if I'm not doing that.... I'm useless. The only thing I'm good for is helping others. I don't have time to talk to them about it. I have a therapist... It's not the same. She'll run off and tell my parents. I can handle it. As long as no one else leaves me...