It was totally an unexpected surprise; the arrival of my two best friends. My mom embraced the both of them with one arm, still speaking on phone and left outside, leaving us together. Emmy and I crashed into a hug, and I could hear her crying silently over my shoulder.

“I thought we lost you.” Emmy whispered in between her tears. I kept my eyes closed as I could feel tears running in to fill my own eyes. “I was so scared.”

“I'm sorry, I never thought anything like this–”

“It's not your fault, Hayles.” Emmy cut me off. “But anyway, I'm happy beyond words to have you back.”

Emmy stepped aside for Harry, who was waiting behind her. When I looked at him, I couldn't see the usual Harry in him, instead, his face was stoned in expressions and was unreadable. I smiled a tad at him, which made him shake his head and then hugged me.

I didn't know what was happening, just as I found myself in his embrace, I found myself close to choking out a sob. Just that hug told me how much he missed me.

“Promise me you won't do it again.” Harry whispered over my ear.

Just as his voice fell in my ears, I choked out a sob I was holding back. Not quite understanding what does he meant by it, I nodded my head over his shoulder. “I promise.”

Harry rubbed my back soothingly and pulled his head back to look at me. That's when I saw his wet eyes, which made me recall my memories to know if I've ever seen Harry Canfield's eyes wet. Maybe yes, but this time, it was different. “I want to kill him.” he said.

I closed my eyes, and shook my head; a clear vision of Harry nearly choking Benjamin appeared in my head, remembering my brother's words from some moments ago. “It wasn't his fault.” I opened my eyes and told both my friends. “If anything, it's mine.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry's eyes burning with rage, “That moron fu–”

“Harry...” Emmy cut off his words softly, placing a hand over his shoulder as he almost spit out the accusing word he had promised he'd never say in front of us. “calm down.”

Harry took a deep breath, trying to calm, to calm the raging sea wave I could see in those brown eyes. He ran a hand over his hair and sighed, “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“He got off guard when he saw Benjamin outside of the ICU and...” Emmy paused, exchanging a glance with Harry before continuing, “it wasn't a pleasant sight.”

“Hax told me you nearly choked Benjamin.” I glanced at Harry, “Is that... true? Not that I don't trust my brother's story but–”

“Hard to believe,” Harry cut off my words, saying exactly what I was to say, “I know. But I really would've killed him because... I care for you.”

I found myself close to tears again and reached my both hands to hold onto my friends' hands. “I know you do, but there's a lot I want to tell you first.” I told them.

“That reminds me,” Harry began, taking his seat on the chair next to the bed Emmy and I sat down now. “what was all that about? The last words thing.”

“The what?” I asked.

“You told that moron to tell us some things, didn't you? What was that for? You have no idea, you scared the thing out of me.” Harry said, shaking his head at the last part.

My eyes widened in realisation, “Wait. You're saying that, Benjamin told you what I asked him to say?” I asked, picking up each words; they both nodded, “I had no idea he did. Hax didn't tell me.”

“Yeah, that's because we didn't want to take it in.” Harry leaned back on the chair.

I raised an eyebrow at him, “Excuse me?”

Emmy squeezed my hand she was holding in hers, “What he's trying to say is,” Emmy began, casting a meaningful look at Harry before continuing. “we didn't want to take it in because you were telling Benjamin to tell us those because you thought you're...” Emmy paused to swallow hard, “dying.”

“Yes, I thought I was dying but I didn't.” I said, “But later, I did.”

Harry shot me an extremely confused look, which looked amusing to me while Emmy had a different kind of one.

“I died, guys.” I told them.

“As if it isn't the obvious thing in the world.” Harry rolled his eyes at me, “So what are you now? A ghost?”

“Gosh man, I'm not joki–”

“Hey Emms, watch out! You're holding onto the hand of our best friend's ghost!” Harry joked.

Emmy glanced at me from him and saw no look of amusement on my face, “I think she's being serious, Harry.”

“Oh shut it, Emmeline.”

“Maybe you're the one Jesus was referring to, when He said, some won't believe that I was dead.” I told Harry.

“Jesus?” Emmy asked me quickly, her grip on my hand tightened.

I nodded at my friend smilingly, “Yes Emmy, Jesus. He took me to Paradise, I was literally dead but He made sure nobody would find out saying, you all are already worried about me and He didn't want to increase it.”

“Er... Hailey, I–I think... you need a sleep.” Harry said, slowly getting up from the chair with a look on his face that proved me, he's really meaning what he's saying.

“No, you need to have your ears open to what I'm going to tell you.” I told him, slightly getting annoyed.

“Emmy...” Harry glanced over at Emmy, thinking she might understand what he's trying to say, that I really need a sleep.

“No, she's completely normal.” Emmy dismissed Harry without a second thought and turned to me, eagerly. “Tell us everything from the beginning.”

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before I began to tell my friends everything from the beginning, from what happened earlier that day before I got shot.

I watched as Harry's eyes fuming in rage again as I was telling them what I saw with Benjamin and Meghan. Emmy was close to tears like me and she almost broke down when I told the part where I found myself helpless in my own blood, bleeding. I don't remember what happened then, 'course I don't, and all I know next is that I found myself in Paradise when I opened my eyes after closing them in Benjamin's arms.

I knew Harry couldn't believe when I'll say about Jesus, that I saw Him; because according to what I've understood, Harry and his brothers –don't know about their dad, but they– don't believe in God. And I was praying inside me to God to touch his heart. Harry did listened to my words without cutting offs, mockings, scoffings, eyerolls and etc as I expected, but he was seriously listening to what I was saying. And when I shared what Jesus told me about Diana, that she's a terrorist, they both gasped. I told them what Jesus told about what to do when He sends me back, that I should go visit her in the jail and tell her about Jesus' love. Emmy squeezed my hand again and when I looked at her, she was smiling widely with tearful eyes.

I then told about Benjamin, what Jesus told me, that we aren't meant to be together, which made Harry say, “No doubt there, he's a complete prick, definitely not a match for you.”

“He's not a prick, Harry. He–”

Harry cut off my words, “Well, continue on.” he said, waving his hand in the air, which made Emmy and I amused at thought that he's believing what he rejected first. “After all, all these does makes sense.” he added.

When I finished explaining everything, ending by the part where Jesus told me that He'd give a sign for whoever don't believe, to believe, and when I told them that my bullet wound has completely disappeared, the look on Harry's face was something I should always remember. Emmy, being a believer, believed everything from the beginning but Harry, his face expression, that alone told me that he has believed too, was indeed priceless.

“So, Benjamin had nothing to do with this.” Emmy told to herself, “Oh man, I shouldn't have act like that to him.” she facepalmed.

“Not nothing though,” Harry, who was deep in thoughts, spoke up. “He still cheated on her.”

“That was meant to happen.” Emmy stated, “Because they aren't meant to be together.”

Harry chuckled amused, “What I'm wondering is, who's going to be that love-warrior of yours.” he said, glancing at me.

I sighed, “I don't want to think about it now. I've got more than that to worry about.”

“What do you mean?”

“Benjamin still loves me.” I felt a stab in my heart when I said it. “But, I don't, I mean, I did but not anymore. He thinks there's still chance and hope for our relationship and it's making it harder for me.” I confessed honestly to my friends, because I really needed to share it with someone.

“Making what harder for you?” Harry inquired, concern visible in his brown eyes.

I hugged myself with one arm, “Breaking up with him.” I bit my lip after saying it.

“I'm so sorry...” Emmy said miserably.

Harry reached out his hand to mine, “I have no experience with such things and I know I can't know how you feel, but, I'm sorry too.”

I forced a smile and nodded, “Thanks, both of you, it really means the world to me that you're here.”

“We'll be here for you always.” Emmy side-hugged me. We sat like that for a moment before Emmy asked, “Can I use the bathroom?” motioning her hand to her tearstained face, to have a wash.

“Of course,” I told her.

Emmy left to the bathroom while Harry and I sat in silence, until he spoke up. “Didn't you see anyone else there?”

I blinked, not understanding what he's referring to. “Sorry, come again?”

“I mean, didn't you see anyone else in Paradise when Jesus brought you there?” he asked.

So you do believe me! I wanted to exclaim due to the happiness I was feeling, but then I noticed the exact question behind his words. “No... it was only Jesus... and the two angels who brought me to there and back, I only saw them.” I told, frowning.

Harry sighed, “I was wondering if–”

“–your mother was there? I know.” I sighed as well and squeezed his hand in mine. “Harry... I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people in Paradise, all who died in Christ, and just because I didn't see anyone there doesn't mean your mom isn't.” if she was a believer in Jesus. I don't know why, but I stopped myself from saying it. “After all, Jesus brought me there for a talk.”

Now that I think about it, I really regret that I didn't remember about Harry's mother then. Jesus was giving me a lifetime opportunity to ask Him any of my doubts and that He'll answer me. Harry's mom's matter was indeed something that I would've loved to know from Jesus, since I know I couldn't know more from Harry, and definitely not from my brother who does knows things as equally as Harry does, if my guess is right.

“I'm sorry Harry...” I said as I saw him thinking deep.

Harry looked up at me, “It's nothing, it's... alright, I.. I just wanted to know....” he trailed off, unsure of what to say. “But, I can't tell how happy am I to have you back, Hailey.” he said, standing up from the chair and sitting beside me on the bed.

I sat facing him and smiled, those words really were a warmth to my heart.

“It was hurting like I can't explain, when I saw you in the bed there in the ICU when the doctor allowed me in... seeing you there motionless like that... fighting for your life...it broke me. It really did.” Harry looked me in the eye and continued, “It was like, as if... a part of me was... dead.”

Tears ran in to fill my eyes as I sat there, speechless before Harry's words, staring into his eyes, overwhelmed. There was nothing I could say back to his words and I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. I was fighting back my tears as he hugged me back. “I missed you.” I whispered to him.

“Actually, it was me who missed you.” Harry's voice held a hint of sarcasm. “Come on, you were just lying there in a coma for days without knowing the world around you was rotating or not,–”

“Hey!” I stifled a laugh, slapping playfully on his shoulder and pulled back from the hug, but he continued on, as if not interrupted at all.

“–not knowing anything. So how can you say you missed me?” a teasing smile dancing on his lips as he finished, and no longer looked like the Harry who was emotional just some seconds ago.

“Well, I can say–”

“Hey, can we come in now?” my brother's voice asked from outside of the door, knocking, just as Emmy came out of the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

I opened my mouth to reply but Harry was quick, “Nobody told you to stay outside, did they?” he rolled his eyes, making Emmy and I giggle.

I quickly wipe away the tears from my eyes and cheeks, before the door opened. Haxsel entered first, gracing me his handsome smile and held the door for Max to enter. But there wasn't only Max, somebody was behind him. When I thought it might be my parents, I was proved wrong. Right in front of my eyes entered my brother's friend Charlie and... and his cousin Nott.

Oh no, oh no, oh NO!

A shiver shot down my spine that made me shudder slightly and when Nott's eyes landed on me, I wanted nothing but to run away. Who on earth brought him here?!

Mom and dad weren't among them and I wondered where are they. But anyway, I was thankful for the close presence of my two best friends who were on my either sides. And my brother too, at least he's in this room, so I'm okay.

But still, who on earth brought this guy here?! If it's Charlie, he better know that I hate him!

You should be forgiving to everyone, my child.

I was suddenly taken back as the words of Jesus from our conversation, rang inside my head. I blinked several times before praying inside my heart for God's help. Help me God to deal with this and remind me of who I am that you want me to be.

“Ah there you are,” Maxell was the first one to approach me, “miraculous ladybug!”

“Excuse me?” I bit back a laugh as he hugged me, and laughter echoed in the room by the others.

“Well, you had the miraculous recovery in the history of the Elton's Hospital.” he said, shrugging and pulled back.

“Yes, but she's not a ladybug.” Harry told his brother.

“Oh calm down man,” Maxell said to Harry, his voice dripping with amusement. “be grateful.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

Maxell stepped aside, glancing at me. “You have no idea how Harry was–”

“Thank you very much,” Harry cut of his brother's words because of Charlie's and Nott's presence in the room. “she knows.”

Maxell just smirked at him knowingly as Charlie came up to hug me. “Are you feeling all well?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I told him, “Did Haxsel called you?”

“No, he texted me, and I decided to come and see you here.” he said, pulling back.

And decided to bring him with you, yeah, I know.

As Charlie backed up, Nott came in. I could feel my heart beating rapidly but I tried to act okay and put on a friendly smile as he smiled and sticked out his hand. “Hope you still remember me?” he asked and I felt another shiver running down my spine as I heard his voice.

“Of course,” I chuckled nervously and I shook hands with him. How can I forget you? “I do.”

Nott smiled broadly and gave something in a paperbag, which looked more like a box of chocolates inside it.

“Thank you,” I smiled at him politely as he backed up and took his seat next to his cousin on one of the chairs.

“You must be Hailey's friends.” Charlie said, glancing at Emmy and Harry.

“Yes,” Emmy answered to my surprise, “And you must be... Hax's friends... right?”

“Yeah–”

“Oh sorry for not introducing,” Haxsel cut of Charlie's words and turned to him and Nott to introduce my friends, “Guys, these two are Hailey's best friends Emmeline and Harry, Maxell's younger brother.”

“You three are best friends from school?” Nott asked us.

Harry answered his question, “Yes, but I've known Hailey before we met in school.”

My brother continued the introduction, this time introducing Charlie and Nott to my friends. “And children,” he said, motioning his hand at the two men, not missing the raised eyebrow from Harry for being called children. “this is my childhood best friend Charlie and his cousin Nott.”

Out if the corner of my left eye, I saw Emmy stiffen at the mention of Nott's name. She wouldn't have guessed that this friendly-looking gentleman here was the Nott who gave a nightmare to her best friend. “Oh, yeah...” Emmy said slowly. “Hailey had told me about you before.”

I don't know why but I really felt to facepalm.

We all sat like that, with our parents joining us a moment later, talking. It was about Diana though. Dad had been speaking with the jail inspector on phone and was telling us the he said we may visit Diana on Thursday.

Sometime later, Charlie and Nott left, and as Harry left to the bathroom, Emmy immediately turned me with her disbelief look. “I had no idea it was him until Hax introduced!”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I noticed how shocked you were.”

She made a disgusted a face, “He's a creep, honestly. It's even in his flashing smile. No wonder why you were having nightmares.”

I almost laughed and reached out for the package Nott had given me. It was indeed chocolates, not to mention, first class quality. I really appreciated that and shared it with my friends, and with Hax and Max joining in, we didn't noticed how fast the chocolate box was emptied.

Emmy told me about Rex, that how she was shocked about my situation. She said that both of them were having often FaceTime like never before and that Rex was extremely furious at Benjamin. Hearing about Rex made me like I really want to talk with her at the moment, and this time, it was Emmy who reminder me of the time difference between the two countries.

“So, Sunday right?” Max asked my brother as he stood up after announcing that they're leaving.

“Sunday what?” I asked along with Harry and looked at each other, chuckling slightly.

“Going back to Chicago.” Haxsel told us.

“That's great!” Emmy clasped her hands together. “Finally, I wouldn't have to sit in classes alone anymore.” Harry raised an eyebrow at her and she quickly corrected her words, “I mean, in biology and chemistry.”

“I'll send our jet to pick you up.”

I blinked several times at Max, staring at him, to see if he's serious about it or just my ears playing tricks. It wasn't just me, Haxsel and our parents were taken back too.

“No, no, no, you don't have to do that–”

“The boss has spoken.” Harry cut of my brother's words.

“He's not my boss!” my brother said, and I stifled a laugh at the funny way he was saying it. Hax turned to Max, “Man, you don't have to–

“Yes Maxell, that's really big for a kind offer; you don't have to do that.” Dad cut in, trying to convince him.

“And why not?” Harry asked my dad, folding his arms. Emmy and I exchanged glances, this scenario was funny in some way.

“Harry my boy, we know you're doing this because–”

“–because our dad told us to do so.” Harry completed the words, my dad wouldn't have thought of.

“Excuse me?” I asked him.

“Our dad was concerned about you since he knows that you're my best friend.” Harry shrugged his shoulders, “He even offered youy parents to help them with anything to file the case of the gun attack... but your parents didn't want to go after that Diana girl.”

I felt a warmth and a movement in my heart, Harry's dad was concerned about me and wanted to give all help to my parents to file the case? The father of my best friend whom I've never met yet!

“That's so kind of him.” I literally melted thinking about it. “Oh Harry, please tell him that I thanked him.”

Harry nodded and was about to say something when Maxell spoke first, “That's settled, no more protests, I'll send the jet back here once we've got home and it will be waiting for you for Sunday.” Max announced like spoken for it, followed by a few, “You really don't have to.” by my brother and parents.

I hugged Emmy and Harry separately and then we shared a group hug, before they left the room. Their company was something so special that kept me all lightmooded and after they left and my brother told me that he called Benjamin –got his phone number from Archer– and told him to come over tomorrow as I have requested, all the positive energy I had with Emmy's and Harry's presence left me all of a sudden. The hard feeling inside my heart, came back to me when I thought of what am I supposed to do with Benjamin when he comes tomorrow, who hopes for yet another chance in our relationship.

I barely slept that night as I grew restless in my heart. Haxsel, who was staying with me –and send our parents back to home for night– saw how restless I am and tried his all best to make me calm and relax. He told me to think of Jesus and the words He spoke to me about my future. He told me to focus only on it but as much as I tried, I couldn't success.

The next morning, I got to call Rex and talk with her in my brother's FaceTime. She was incredibly happy about what God did for me and of course, like Emmy did, she too believed in my Paradise experience without a single doubt. When I told her that I'm going to speak with Benjamin today, she was encouraging me like that's the best decision I've ever made. I really appreciated the fact that my friends and family cares for me that they think it's a good thing if I don't have Benjamin in my life, but only if they know how I felt. He was after all, the boy I was in love with.

But this should pass, I should pass through this because God is helping me to correct my mistakes I made.

After the talk with Rex and having breakfast which mom brought from home, there was a knock on the door. My heart already was frozen and when Haxsel opened the door, revealing Benjamin, I couldn't move a muscle. Haxsel gave me an encouraging nod from Benjamin's back and left the room with mom, leaving the two of us in tension, awkward between us, for our private talk.

When the door closed behind Benjamin, he turned to face me. “Hey,”

“Hi,” I greeted back slyly, which was an incredibly stupid way of greeting, according my style.

Benjamin walked closer to where I stood near the bed, his hand reaching up to caress my cheek, “How do you feel?” he asked softly.

“Good.” I said, looking up at him, “You?”

“Good.” he repeated my words with a small, a very small smile. “Thanks for calling me, by the way.” he let go of his hand from caressing my cheek and held my hand.

“I didn't call you.” I shrugged, forcing a small smile.

“Well, your brother called me because you asked, didn't he?” Benjamin asked.

“Yeah,”

“My dad and mom wanted to come here and visit you but I told them to give you some rest and visit you when you reach back to your home.” Benjamin said, “Did anyone came to see you?”

“Yes, my friends.” I said.

“Emmy and Harry?” Benjamin asked.

I looked at him as I heard him say their names, remembering the time when I had told him about them. “Yeah, Emmy and Harry.” I nodded. “Why didn't you go to school today? I thought I can expect you only by evening.”

“You are more important to me than anything, Hailey, I hope you know that.” as I heard these words from him, I was suddenly brought back to my memory with him at the roof top of the building where his mom's beauty salon was; where he said this exact same thing to me, before we shared our first kiss.

I pulled my hand away from him and gestured him to the chair as I myself sat on one. “You're gonna let your legs ache if you're going to stand like that all the time.” I said instead of any other answer Benjamin might've expected from me, like the one I gave him that day.

“I know you're still mad at me.” Benjamin said, as he sat on the chair.

“I'm not mad, if I was, I wouldn't have forgiven you.” I stated, looking at him.

Benjamin stood up, brought his chair close to mine and then sat down, before reaching for my hand in his. “I can explain, you deserve to know.”

I wanted to pull my hand from his because of how much under pressure his touch was putting me in, more than I already am, and I did, gently and slowly. “Of course I do.” I said, looking down at my hands, just briefly glancing at him. “You explain yours and I'll explain mine, but please don't expect me to be grateful for it.”

Benjamin took a deep breath, his electric blue eyes seem to have a mess in them. “It was an accident, I wasn't doing it on purpose.”

“What? Kissing your ex?”

“Please don't say that.”

“I'm only saying what I saw, what I saw you doing.” I said, “What else am I supposed to say?”

“Hailey...” Benjamin sighed, “It makes me so hard to explain when you say it like that.”

“Not as hard as watching your boyfriend kissing his ex before your eyes.” I snapped and looked at him. When I looked at him and saw him visibly stressed, I thought I shouldn't have snapped like that and sighed, “Okay, go on.”

Benjamin looked at me for a moment, concerned. “Meghan was jealous, incredibly jealous of you. She wanted us to be back together and was trying to convince me but I didn't give up on my love for you.” he said, his gaze lingering on me.

I wanted to speak up or scoff at the word love but then, God reminded me to stay calm and not to be rude or hard with him.

“Of course, you couldn't deny it, it was recorded in thag video you took.” Benjamin continued, “Hailey, look at me.”

“It's better this way,” I said, keeping my eyes on the floor, staring blankly at it. “but, I'm listening.”

“No, I want you to look at me when I say this.” Benjamin said, before adding, “Please...”

I shook my head to myself and sighed, before looking up at him, giving up. He reached out for my hand again but I pulled it away from his reach.

He sighed, and looked into my eyes, “You heard me then, you heard all what I told Meghan about you. And the kiss... it was... I was only trying get her off me.”

“By kissing her back? Yeah I understand.” I nearly scoffed, before adding sarcasm, “That was an excellent idea.”

Benjamin got frustrated, “Hailey, you saw how... how stubbornly she was on me and I tried all my best to stop her, but in the end, I thought... it could calm her down. That's what only I was doing. I didn't think of having her back, I couldn't think of it, it's you Hailey, it's you I want, it's you I love.”

“You're trying to sound reasonable. Do you know how pathetic your excuse sounds, honestly, to me?” I asked, “You never loved me, Benjamin, you were just obsessed. If you ever truly–

“No, I did–”

“–loved me, you wouldn't have given up. You gave up on me, you broke my trust, and do you really think you can still make it up with me?” I asked, equally frustrated as he was.

“What are you talking about?” Benjamin sounded alerted.

“I think it's my turn to explain.” I said and prepared myself to expect anything from Benjamin. I began explaining everything from the beginning of that dreadful day to when I fell unconscious after the gunshot.

“I would've come out and shown myself to the both of you and get Meghan away from you in the first place, but something... something was telling me to stay where I was.” I said, while explaining.

“I'm pretty sure it wasn't God who was telling you that.” Benjamin shook his head.

I didn't reply to that but continued, “I loved you so much, Benjamin, more than you ever did. I came up there all the way convincing my brother, even though I was late...” I paused to breathe, as my voice began to tremble. “I was lying to his face to get there, all because I loved you. But when I came up there, when I saw you kiss her, I realized that you've given up on me, that you've let my heart fall from your hands, which I entrusted with you.” I ended up in tears.

“I... Hailey, I... I told you I didn't mean it purposely–”

“Don't even think of convincing me after what I saw!” I cried, “If you were a man at least, Ben, if you were a man...”

Benjamin sighed over and over again, seeing my tears, “I'm sorry, I made a mistake.” he apologized, “Yes, I could've get her off me like I did several times before, I could've acted like a man...yes, I broke your heart... I broke your trust...but there's something you don't know about me.”

I glanced over at him, slightly surprised at his confession.

“I love you.” he said.

I shook my head and looked away, as tears ran into my eyes more and more, spilling out.

“Yes I do, I love you Hailey. I've never loved Meghan but I loved you and still do.” Benjamin's voice shook as well, “Why don't you understand that?”

I didn't raise my eyes to him, “Because it's not meant to be like that.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

“I'm only saying what Jesus told me.” I glanced up at him to see him looking at me confused. “Yes, Ben, I died. Not when I thought I was, but when I knew nothing during the coma, Jesus send His angles and took me to Paradise. I was dead, but Jesus didn't let anyone find that out and panick.” I said.

Benjamin blinked, “Wait... what?”

“I saw Him, Ben, I saw our Jesus. He brought me there because He wanted to talk with me so many things and before He sent me back, He told me that He'd give a sign for everyone to believe this, and the disappearing of the wound was what He was talking about.” I said.

Benjamin stared at me, thinking more to himself. He seemed to believe it, and so he asked, “What did He tell you?”

I told him about Diana, all I learned from Jesus about her and just like how my family and friends reacted, Benjamin too was shocked to know about her. He teared up a little when I was talking about Jesus' love for Diana, His love for the lost, and was nodding like he's too encouraging me to do this mission God has given me in my hands.

But when I told him about the other thing Jesus told me about, about us, he couldn't believe it like he did with Diana's matter.

“No,” Benjamin shook his head, “No, it can't be. Are you telling me... you're going to... break-up with... me?”

A lump rose in my throat, “That's... how it should be, we aren't meant to be together–”

“Then why am I feeling this love for you?” Benjamin almost exclaimed.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, “Look, I loved you as well, do you think I don't feel it's hard as well? When I heard it from God there, I didn't felt it as bad as I felt later when I saw you in the ICU, I think... I didn't felt it like that because I was in... Paradise?”

“I'm not going to break up.” Benjamin said firmly.

I shook my head, “If not now, we would fall apart somewhen later; that's what Jesus told me.” I said, “We made a mistake, we were jumping into conclusions, we aren't meant to be together and something like this, to break our hearts, would happen again if we continue...” I trailed off, before whispering. “Just try to understand...”

“I am not going to break up.”

“Well, I am.” I said, and Benjamin's eyes shot towards me, “What? I don't want to end up hurt again, Jesus' words are what I'm supposed to follow, not my feelings.”

“So you still have feelings for me.” it wasn't a question.

I began to feel restless and dropped my head into my hands.

Benjamin spoke, “I apologized for the mistake I made, for the chaos I caused, I confessed it to you, all I'm asking you is for a chance, Hailey ju–”

“There's no chance, Ben,” I cut him off, “Why can't you just understand?”

“I understand what you're telling me, but since you still love me Hailey, why can't we just... move on... together? We'll face whatever that's going to come, together. What if God changes His mind and destine you for me and me for you?” Benjamin asked, pleading.

If only there's any possible way to end this conversation.

There might be a way, and I knew it's the only way I have, and I decided to use it.

“What God said is as it is, no one can change it.” I did wanted to explain further more but I knew it wouldn't sink in him and stood up from the chair, facing him. He too stood up from his chair, stepping near to me.

“I'm so sorry my family and friends blamed you for what happened to me.” I began, looking up at him and taking his hand in mine. “I'm so sorry I wasn't there to defend you, you never deserved to blamed because all you did was helping me then. I'm sorry the way how harsh Harry and my brother were to you, I'm so sorry. I did defended you and told them that it's none of your fault that I ended up in the hospital. And thank you for telling all of them what I told you of, before I passed out that day, I really don't know how to thank you for all that you did for me while I was here. –”

“Hailey...” Benjamin began, but I shuhed him.

“Apart from my brother, it was you who made me feel like I'm someone special to somebody. I thank you for that.” I confessed honestly to him as tears streamed down my cheeks silently. “Thanks for everything you did to make me happy, thank you for all the time you made me laugh and smile, thanks for being a good friend to me and for keeping me a company although.

“You're a wonderful person Benjamin Steaker, even Jesus testifies that. I wished if you were mine, yes, I did, but that's not what God wants. I know there's someone–”

“No, Hailey...stop I don't want...–”

I cut him off, continuing, “–someone out there for you, whom God wants you to be with. Someone good, someone better, someone who's perfect for you... and as for us, what we thought isn't what is destined for us.” I said, almost crying.

Benjamin shook his head, his eyes wide as he realized what am I going to say next. “No, Hailey please don't do this–”

“I'm sorry Ben, but I'm...” my lips trembled, “I'm... I'm...” my breathing got faster as my heart was rising and falling against my chest rapidly. I closed my eyes, took in a determined breath and opened my eyes to look at Benjamin, “We need to break up, I'm... breaking up with you.” I blurted out. “We are done.” I said and turned my back to him, letting go of his hand from mine, as silent sobs escaped me.

But as soon as those words fell from my mouth, as I confessed the break-up with him, I felt a cool breeze wash over my inner body and a weight lifted up from my heart. Was that supposed to be a relief? I wondered. But I couldn't call it a relief yet.

“No, you're not.” Benjamin whispered in disbelief, “Hailey, no.” his voice trembled as well.

I felt his hands gripping on my shoulders and I turned to him, keeping my gaze down, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I told you, I can't love you, I can't be yours, I can't live with you. We can't be to–together.”

Benjamin hugged me, wrapping his hands around me tight as I hugged him back, sobbing onto his shoulder. “This is all my fault.” Benjamin broke down as well.

I hugged him tight, crying strengthless. “I–I loved y–you,” I choked out, “..... and I'm le–letting you... g–go. I–I don't want to br–break your... your heart with something that's.... my fault.”

Benjamin buried his face into my hair, “I know you would never do that.” he whispered, “And I love you more.... Look at me,”

I pulled my head back from his shoulder and looked at him, holding back my sobs and met his blue eyes. Our eyes locked, Benjamin reached up his hand to my face and wiped away the tears from my face and then leaned in, his lips finding mine.

I stood frozen as he kissed me hard, his lips moving in a quick pace against mine. I almost kissed him back when Jesus' words, he's not the one I've meant for you, rang in my head and I immediately pulled back, only to find myself crying again. “I'm sorry!” I said, covering my mouth with my hands and turned away from him.

Benjamin didn't seem to give up on me yet and it was hurting me and it only grew worse when spoke up again. “I just want to remind you that I still love you, Hailey, and if you ever...” he inhale deeply, “if you ever change your mind and want to come back, my heart is always yours and my arms will be always opened for you.”

I pressed my both hands as fists into my mouth for louder sobs from escaping. “I think you should go.” I whispered, not turning back to him, afraid I might break down more if I look into those blue eyes again, I had no strength for it.

Benjamin inhaled deeply several times from my behind and after a few moments, I heard his footsteps leaving to the exit. I didn't look back. When I heard him close the door behind him with a click, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in.

I dragged an empty bucket beneath a water tap and turned it on. As the sound of the water filling the bucket filled the room, I fell on my knees to the floor, breaking down into the sobs that I had been controlling for this long.

I realized, I'm a broken and scattered vessel, needed to be gathered up and mended back; and the only way to do it was, with love.

When will that happen?

When will I be healed and mended?

Could I ever overcome this brokenness?

I cried heartbrokenly into the floor until no strength in me was left. I didn't care if it was the bathroom floor, I just wanted to cry all my pain out, if possible.