This story will continue to switch back and forth from Noah to Julian with possibly an occasional chapter with a view point from another side character. This is because Noah and Julian are both equal protagonists in this story and I want to show both character's thoughts, history, emotions, and flaws, strengths and growth. 

Noah is an asshole. But he's an asshole for a reason. Even so, I do not condone his behavior or actions towards Julian. I believe his behaviors come from his past and his environment, however, for any hope of a healthy lasting relationship, he will need to grow so much. (Just wanted to let you know that I don't support how Noah is treating Julian at this time.--that being said, I still love Noah, flaws and all--)

Remember to like and comment throughout this chapter! I'd really love to hear from you :)

Take care and stay safe!~ CANGEL

*****

NOAH

I crouch down on the roof outside Julian's window and watch him cover up every inch of that perfect body. He closed the curtains, but they're thin and see through and they don't block my view. He dons headphones over his sweatshirt hood and then pulls on wool fucking socks in fucking summer.

Hiding. He doesn't look angry. He doesn't look sad. He doesn't look hurt.

He looks bored. Unaffected.

But that's the last thing he is. Bored. Unaffected. Unbothered by my harsh words. He's hiding. With his clothes and music, and the blank mask on his face, I know he's hiding himself. Even alone in his room, he hides. But that's Julian. He hides from everyone. Even himself.

I know how his mind works, I know he's running my words over and over again in his head and each time they cut deeper and deeper, but he still lets it.

In his mind he deserves it. In his mind he's not worth anything more than that, a quick fuck in the middle of the night. I don't know the specifics about his past, only that his parents died when he was five in a car accident, and up until three years ago, he'd been switching homes every couple of months. No one has ever shown Julian his true value. His worth. Not until his brother Octavius and his girlfriend--at the time--tracked him down and brought him into their home, and fought, every day for nearly a year, to show him that they were in it for the long haul. Two years isn't enough time to erase the years of self-doubt ingrained in him.

He's wrong though. So, fucking wrong. Julian is better than all of us. Octavius. Vale. Definitely better than me.

But this is all I could give him. I'm a selfish creature and I take what I want and I wanted him, so I took him, damn the consequences.

Octavius and I bonded when we crossed each other on the streets. We hated each other but at the same time, there was a fine line of respect we had for one another. 

His looks push people away. My actions did. We didn't have anyone else to rely on. Only ourselves. We've tested, lied, and fucked each other over enough times to realize that it would be more beneficial and a lot less work in the long run to work with each other rather than against each other. Since coming to that understanding, we've been friends ever since, and I've never regretted that. But since he found Vale and his long-time separated brother Julian, and now had Baby X on the way, I've stepped back, in an attempt to keep my darkness from encroaching on his new found happiness. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's him and his family

I play a game with everyone around me. Sometimes I have a reason for the things I do. Sometimes I push people just to see them fall. Sometimes I break things just because I can. I've even done it to Octavius, probably the only person I'd consider a friend. The thing about Octavius is, he hits back--always harder, always faster, and always when I least expect it. 

I learned how to play the game a month after I ran away from home. When I stole from a gang out of pure desperation. And when they caught up to me...they made sure I knew how much of a mistake that desperate act was. It was a lesson that they made sure I'd never forget as they held and beat me for 12 days. The 24th Street Gang was known for their viciousness and their cruelty. They did whatever they wanted. They took what they wanted when they wanted it. And there was nothing that they wanted or loved more than watching me break. Again, and again and again.

I got away, eventually. I played the game. I got even. They took from me. I took from them what they valued most. Their lives.

It's what I do. I hurt people. I tear people down who don't deserve to be up in the first place. I find their cracks and secrets and weaknesses and I break them apart.

I like what I do. It's my first instinct when I'm around people. Find their weakness. Destroy them.

Except with him.

Julian.

The first time I saw him, everything clicked. Sounds cliche, I know. But when I saw him, I swear I understood him before he even spoke a word to me. I saw the mask he wore. Julian is like me, hiding himself from the world, but he's not cold. His soul's not sold to the devil. He wears the perfect mask because he's been hurt before and doesn't want to be hurt again, but he can't hide from me. His eyes tell me everything his face, tone and words don't. Unlike my mask, which stays in a near constant state of 'nothingness', his mask varies, changes, adapts to his surroundings. 

He fits in with everyone, but belongs to no one. I stand apart, but everyone belongs to me. I stand out, and he blends in. But we both hide.

I had no intention of ever acting on my desire for him at the time, and only did after getting shitfaced drunk and seduced by said boy. I'd say he took advantage of me, but that makes it seem like I wasn't a willing participant. After his initial pass, I took the lead and never gave it back to him. 

Once I had a taste, there was no way I could stop.

I called him a puppy tonight. But I lied. I said it because I knew it would hurt him. Not because I wanted to bring him pain, but because I wanted to save him pain later on. Because that's all I'll bring him in the end.

Julian is submissive as fuck in bed. He's malleable beneath my rough hands and does anything and everything I want without question or hesitation. He takes what I give without complaint, and instead of turning me off or boring me, it just makes me want to give more.

But outside of the bedroom, he's just as deadly as me. Just as powerful as Octavius. He's protective of his family, and loyal to the end.

In other words, he's pretty much fucking perfect.

I watch from the outside in the safety of the darkness as Julian gets into his bed. He's still but isn't asleep. I can just make out the idle tapping of his fingers at his waist.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out. I should be halfway to my own house right now, but instead, I'm creeping on a boy I've just verbally destroyed. A boy who I should have never had to begin with.

I frown when I pull up my messages and find I've missed several from Bos. 

I sigh.

I take one last look at Julian and his tapping fingers. I want to pull those headphones from his ears—which I know are turned up so high he's probably cursing his future children to deafness—and strip him bare and demand that he never fucking hide from me—but that's not my place.

I move away from his window and climb down the side of the house. I suppose I'm lucky that I helped Octavius set up the security to his place, because now I know exactly how to slip in and out unnoticed. But now, what I once considered luck, feels like a curse, because all it is now is temptation.

I walk across the freshly cut grass and duck behind the trees that line the property. I let my fingers run along the chain link fence and count to fifteen. I stop, and spread the already cut chain, slipping through with ease. Yeah, I've got this whole thing wired.

When I get to my bike, I pull out my phone again, this time I read the messages I missed. My anger grows with each second passing.

Bos: You're needed.

Bos: Where the fuck are you?

Bos: Don't forget who's fucking boss here. Get your ass here now.

Bos: You with your boy toy? Cradle robbing on that one, aren't you?

Bos: Cute kid. Didn't think you went for that kind of thing.

Bos: Innocent—not guys. I don't discriminate, though I will admit that's a surprise too.

Bos: I think I might introduce him to the family. If dangerous dick is his taste, several of my men will fit the bill just as well as you.

Bos: Get your ass over here. Next time I have to ask more than once, you won't have to worry about being distracted by young dick.

The threat and taunts stare back at me, mockingly. Yet it is the photo above them that stirs the monster inside of me. The photo that I received at 7:00 pm sharp was the reason behind my unplanned visit with Julian tonight. It was also the reason for my ending it with him tonight. 

The phone is clenched in my hand so tightly, I'm mildly surprised that the screen hasn't cracked yet. I'd been so fucking careful to keep him out of their notice. Away from their eyes.

I always went to him. Always at night. I changed the times and picked random nights to visit him. I kept my visits short and never stayed. I limited the number of times I saw him and barely talked to him in public and during the day. I kept my eyes off him. I used a fucking burner phone to contact him and never said his name out loud in public.

And yet, Bos knows. And might have known for a while now, based on the picture he sent. Six months ago, I got drunk after I watched my only friend get married to his soulmate. Sounds cheesy as fuck, but I've never met two people that understand each other more than the two of them. Six months ago, Julian helped me get to my house because I was way too fucked up to drive myself there. He had to half carry-half drag me inside by that point. I was leaning against the wall doing my best just to stay standing while he unlocked the door after I dropped my keys three times trying to do it myself.

I wish you were ugly. I'd told him.

He had turned to me with a nervous, hopeful grin and a raised eyebrow.

Does that mean you think I'm not? He'd asked.

I also hate that you're as gay as I am right now. Because I really had a loose fucking tongue when I drank, and I apparently had no filter when I was near him.

What does that mean?

It means I'd be balls deep in your asshole in a heartbeat if I was could. I'd answered him.

He leaned against the door and crossed his arms; his eyes were narrowed but I could see the flush warming his face. It made my drunken self-perk right up like a damned peacock to know that he was as interested in me as I was in him.

I didn't take you for the guy to follow someone else's rules.

You're right. I do make the rules

So, you're scared of my brother then? Is that why we can't do this?

Octavius can go to Hell for all I care.

Are you scared of me?

Yes. No. I'm scared of destroying him. Of ruining him.

I'm not scared of anyone or anything.

Prove it. Julian say as he smirked and tilted his head up defiantly.

I'd reacted to his taunt and kissed him. The only time I'd ever kissed him. The only time I'd let my guard down. The only time I'd ever let my emotions and desires dictate my actions.

And it gets thrown back in my fucking face. His face is hidden by my hand and head, and I don't think Bos could ID Julian off the photo alone, but his body is completely exposed. Thankfully, Julian was still in a tux, and not in his usual attire. It'd be a lot harder to match him to this body if he was wearing his normal sweats and t-shirt. If Bos knew Julian's identity, I'm fairly certain he would have used this information six months ago. He wasn't a patient man.

But the fact that he's telling me he knows about it, makes me nervous. Like maybe he's on the trail and getting close. If he figures out who Julian is, he'll own me. If he figures out who Julian is, there's a good chance he'd kill him just to get back at Octavius. 

I hadn't been lying to Julian when I told him I made the rules. I don't have boss's or people telling me what to do. But I have partners in business. I have competitors. I have associates. And I have fucking enemies that'd love nothing more than to destroy me.

Bos is an enemy turned partner. Like Octavius once was, but unlike Octavius, nothing will ever dim the hatred between us. There is no fine line of respect that friendship could ever grow from. I have nothing but contempt for that bastard and am only working with him, because, well, like they always say. It's better to keep your friends close but always keep your enemies closer. And there is nothing I want more than to take him down for good and watch him be destroyed.

I don't work for Bos—which he tends to purposefully forget—but I do clean up his messes for him. He, in turn, pays a shit ton of cash to me, earned from his much more...lucrative endeavors. 

So far, I haven't found the smoking gun I needed to end him and his business, but I know it's only a matter of time. I know he's been looking for the smoking gun on me too, but I've always been so fucking careful. So, fucking guarded.

The picture.

"Fuck!" I slam my fist into the handlebar of my bike. If Bos ever figured out just who he got a picture of... And I know he won't stop until he does. Nothing I do will stop that. If I give in, he'll know the importance of him. If I try to play it off, he'll suspect I'm protecting him.

If I had been fucking in public these past six months, I might have been able to play it off as random. But I hadn't been able to do that to Julian. I wasn't even sure if I could've done that. My cock hadn't wanted anyone else since I laid eyes on him. And once my cock had a taste of heaven inside Julian, it had downright refused anyone else.

I send a quick text back to him.

Mic: ETA 20.

I want to text more. I want to make sure he understands that I don't work for him. I want to describe to him in perfect detail the kind of pain I'll bring him if he ever threatens Julian again. I want to tell him exactly who he is, because maybe I don't scare him—I should, but maybe I don't—but no one in their right mind would want both me and Octavius Black gunning for their blood—but I can't, because Octavius is out now, and I don't want to be the one responsible for dragging him back into this.

I straddle my bike and start it, but before I take off, I pull out the burner phone I use to contact Julian and type out a short message to him.

Noah: Erase me.

I shouldn't have waited for a reply. I meant to chuck the phone as soon as I hit send, but I couldn't look away from the screen as I saw the three dots dancing indicating Julian (or Jul as I listed him in my contacts) was typing something. Several minutes pass and I hold my breath as I wait.

Jul: You are already gone.

Ouch. I think, even as I release a sigh of relief. His sharp words are nothing I haven't earned. After the past six months, but especially after tonight.

I try not to think too much about what I'm doing when I place the burner in front of my bike tire and take off, flinching only slightly at the sound of crunching beneath my wheels.

He's better off without me. The only way to keep him safe is to stay away from him. To keep him at a distance.

************

So? Things are a little bit more complicated, yeah? What do you think about this chapter? What do you think about Noah? 

Please remember to like, comment and remember to Vote if you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks!

Take care and be safe!~CANGEL