Hi, hi, hi! Welcome to the first chapter of my story:) If you are here then you have given my story a chance and I thank you so very much for your support. Julian and Noah are so close to my heart, give them a chance. They have a lot of growing to do and a lot of pain to over come. 

This book will have triggering content and sex scenes, however, I will try to leave Trigger Warnings before any of those chapters. Know your limits and decide what you can read. No story is worth damaging your mental health. 

Please like, comment, and Vote if you've enjoyed this chapter:) 

Take care and be so safe! ~CANGEL

*****

JULIAN

We can't do this anymore.

"What is so wrong about wanting this?" I ask him, urging him to give me a straight answer for once.

If my mind hadn't been hazed in a cloud of euphoric bliss, I never would have voiced the question. But, as usual, Noah does the opposite of what I want. He gives me his shirt covered back and leans against the open window frame as he scans the darkness, already fully dressed. An hour ago, he snuck in through it, and I knew he was seconds from sneaking back out.

"I'm not the good guy, Julian. Don't make me out to be one."

His voice sends shivers down my spine. Noah's voice is cold. Empty. He's not as empty and emotionless as he'd like everyone to believe, but he's the master of wearing the mask. Sometimes I wonder if he'd even know how to take it off if he wanted to. But I doubt he'd ever want to, least of all in front of me.

"I've never asked you for anything, Noah." I say, hoping I sound more indifferent than I feel inside.

"You are now."

I grind my jaw. I hate that he has a point, and that he's using it to avoid giving me answers that I want.

We can't do this anymore.

His words are still ringing through my ears, rattling around in my brain. I hate how much his words hurt me. I hate that he has the power to hurt me. That I gave him that power over me.

"I don't want to fight with you, Noah. You want out, you're out. It'd just be fucking nice to know why, that's all."

Noah is still staring out my window and I'm still sitting naked on my bed.

A deafening silence fills my bedroom until Noah finally breaks it with his cold, hard voice. "Puppies don't survive in the wolf pack, Julian."

I'm speechless, but he doesn't wait for a reply. He hops out onto the roof and disappears from my sight without looking back.

I sit on my bed for a minute without moving, trying to process everything that happened tonight. Him coming in, fucking me, then announcing we weren't doing this anymore. And finally, calling me a goddamned puppy. A puppy.

I shake my head and finally get out of the bed, making my way towards the window. On my way there, I grab my sweatpants off the ground and tug them up over my hips as I walk. I grab my shirt off the back of my desk chair and pull it on over my shoulders

I grab the window screen and pop it easily into place. I slide the glass window to the left and lock it. The lock itself doesn't make any noise, but to me, it sounds ominous.

We can't do this anymore.

I close the curtains hanging down from my curtain rod for the first time in the three and a half years that I've lived here and grab a sweatshirt from my closet. I yank it over my head, leaving the hood up and throw on my headphones, hooking them up quickly to my phone and blaring the music loud enough to block out my thoughts. Before I crawl into my bed for the night, I slide my thickest wool socks over my feet.

It doesn't matter that I'm already sweating like the outside of cup that holds a cool drink in summer. My clothes are my armor and right now, that's exactly what I need.

We can't do this anymore.

I clench my jaw and I squeeze my eyes shut. This. I snort to myself. There wasn't a this to stop. Since the night of Vale and my brother Octavius' wedding when I approached him, he's been sneaking through my window a few times a month to fuck. He never stays. We never meet anywhere else. We barely talk. He doesn't even acknowledge me outside of this bedroom, and barely in it—for that matter—and probably only because he's obligated when his dick is inside me.

Puppies don't survive in the wolf pack.

Does he really think of me like that? A puppy? Is that how he sees me? Weak and innocent?

So, I should've known this was coming. I should've expected it. And it shouldn't fucking hurt so fucking bad. I should be feeling lucky to get what I got from him because really, I never should have gotten any of him in the first place. Maybe that'll come later--the gratefulness of what I got--but right now I'm just angry.

I've known Noah for three years and a half years. He's six years older than me and one of my brother's few friends. And yet, I know nothing about him—unless you count knowing how he likes to fuck me.

He is several inches taller than my six-foot two frame and about forty pounds heavier. He's a brick wall with no fat on his body, and a buzzed head. He's got piercings in his eyebrow, several in his ears, one ring in his nose and two in his dick. His body is covered with tattoos, which my brother has told me that he designs himself.

Noah rides a motorcycle everywhere, and I've never seen him without his black shitkickers on—even when he's fucking me. He comes over to our home periodically to check in with Octavius, and disappears without a word or nod to me. I've never seen him lose control of anything before. His emotions. His games. His mask. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen him lose, at anything. 

He doesn't like to be touched, doesn't like to talk, doesn't like to hear me talk when we're together. He has never kissed me and likes to keep me subdued during sex. Honestly, it excited me more, the thought of him taking control like that.

But looking back at everything we've done... Has it meant anything to him? 

Puppies don't survive in the wolf pack.

Was this just a game to him? Some way to pass the nights he didn't have anyone else to fill? Was I the game? See what I would let him do to me? See just how little he could give me and I'd still let him come back for more?

Like a goddamned fucking puppy.

I reach for my phone and turn the music even louder. I close my eyes and force myself to focus on the music blasting in my ears.

My anger fades, and numbness enters my brain. A fog. A haze. A state that steals my emotions from me for a while. It's my bliss. Octavius says it's not a good way to deal with my emotions when they overwhelm me. Vale says I should talk to her when I feel this way.

When I allow this to happen to me, I know they worry.

I don't care right now. I need it. I need to feel nothing.

********

If you have any thoughts, questions or opinions, please share them! What do you think of Noah and Julian? If you are wondering how they got from the Prologue to here, don't stress, we will get to that, I promise :) 

If you are hating Noah right now, it's okay, But please read the next chapter before you decide to quit it. 

Please Like, comment, and Vote if you liked this chapter!

Take care and stay safe!~ CANGEL