"He made me feel unhinged . . . like he could take me apart and put me back together again and again." ―   Chelsie Shakespeare

20th December, 1643

Everything was pale white. I squinted at the sight but my eyes had adjusted minutes after. I looked down and saw that I was wearing a white dress and looking further underneath had confirmed that I was, indeed, barefooted.

So that's why it was cold.

I started walking with no destination in mind, straight-forward. I just kept walking for a few minutes.

A few minutes more of walking, I stopped, spotting a figure in the distance.

It wasn't moving. The frame was rather large and remained unmoving in the distance.

It must be a man's.

I ran towards the figure. It was becoming clearer now with our closing distance.

Once he came into view recognition flashed in my eyes. I opened my arms out wide and crashed my body against his to engulf him in an embrace.

"Eli" he said. "I am glad to see you are well"

I smiled in his chest "Regan" I breathed out. "So am I, where have you been!?!"

He chuckled. Though, I could not trace any humor in his voice. "Why do you worry for me, when it is he that you are with?" he teased.

I kept silent. The entire time I kept my embrace as tight as I could, but he did not return the gesture.

I wanted him to. I don't know why.

He spoke again.

"I cannot keep on hoping for a person to love me if it pains me so much that she cares for another in this lifetime." He had finally wrapped his arms around my waist, radiating warmth.

"What do you mean? You are mistaken Regan" I said. I haven't let go the slightest. "I do care for you." to show Regan how I truly felt.

"Such a care that you give to a friend, not a lover." he bitterly muttered. His voice hinted a years' worth of pain I yearned to heal; to heal with my words of affection towards him. "But that is not of importance right now." he finished dismissively.

"Julliane he-" I protested "He could wake up!"

"No, I have to tell you what I have recalled during my past lifetime..."

He broke from our embrace. And with a wave of his hand, the scenery had changed.

We were back to the night where it had all happened.

"The night where you killed Julianne" I whispered. My eyes landed on a girl walking on the rough path, on the way of going home. Golden locks were bouncing off her back, falling mid-way to her hips, as Rose was walking hurriedly towards home.

It was me.

She looked worried. I remember myself feeling the same uncertainty of something following my footsteps during my way home.

"That was not the entire story" Regan said "Julianne always had a way of twisting words to favor himself" he said with a grunt "I know that now". His mouth pressed in a tight line.

"What do you mean?"

With another wave of his hand, the scenery had changed into one where I lay behind the tree, meters away from the scene. He and Julianne were fighting neck to neck only a few distance away.

I closed my eyes as I remembered the outcome of this fight.

Julianne would die.

"Open your eyes Eli" Regan cooed.

"No" I firmly said "I know the outcome to this."

"Do you really?" he questioned.

A loud roar resounded from my right making me lose my balance, as I fell with a soft thud on the grassy ground. I opened my eyes in surprise as I saw that I was indeed in the middle of the fight; a large wolf was on my right, while Julianne was on my left in a crouching position. They were ready to tear one another to shreds.

"See for yourself" Regan said. He suddenly appeared by my side and bent down to say it directly to my face. "See the outcome you speak of" he finished.

Julianne gave out a teasing laugh on my left as he said "Oh I see. Protecting her are we? What's so special about her? Have you marked her mutt!?!" he chuckled. It was followed by an animalistic growl on my right.

Hesediel. It was Regan's past life as Rose was to mine.

"A playmate perhaps??? Someone to play fetch with!?!"

Another, louder, more vicious growl emanated.

"No Hesediel" I shouted but it looks like he couldn't hear me. "Don't fall for it..."

It seemed to anger Hesediel more on the right as he growled at Julianne and snapped his jaws threateningly.

"It doesn't even matter if she is!! I'll just suck her dry like all those harlots back in town!" Julianne said.

All those reports back in town, they were almost all female. I couldn't believe it. Was he responsible for all those gruesome death? This- This was not Julianne. This was someone else.

Julianne-

It was the same monster I met on the balcony last night.

Julianne shifted his attention back at the girl behind the tree for a moment, quickly transferring it back to Regan. It didn't even last for a second.

I doubted if he even saw Rosabelle that night, as my memory had offered in my perspective.

"What are you waiting for!?!?!" Julianne shouted. His raven locks splayed everywhere as wind whipped past his face with every motion. Half of his face was in the light of the moon, the other hidden in the shadows of the night.

He looked murderous.

Now that I have seen the whole picture, that command was more directed to Regan than I was behind the tree. That flashback during that night when I held the book, somehow I had believed that he was trying to save me. But now, it was clearer that he did not care for my welfare at all.

I'm doubting if he ever did.

Something seemed to snap at Regan. He charged towards Julianne, snapping his jaws towards his foe's neck. Julianne had been anticipating his move and held his jaws between his hands, trying to avoid Regan's sharp teeth from piercing his flesh.

"Oh goodness, did I hit a nerve!?!" he teased. He was struggling to hold Regan's snapping jaws away from him, while also trying to protect his body from his foe's sharp claws.

He was using Regan's temper to his advantage; baiting him to lose all sense of decision on the situation.

How could I have not noticed this during my flashbacks? Julianne had clearly been in the wrong here!

I had been blinded by a mere attraction, my subconscious scolded. A mere mate's attraction.

Julianne elbowed Regan's snout and proceeded to take momentum to punch the creature's stomach. Regan crashed onto the ground and shook violently trying to render the fatigue aside. Julianne took this opportunity to his advantage by jumping high and landing a massive blow to Regan's hind leg. I heard Regan's bone crack, followed by several howls of pain.

His hind leg was broken.

I shifted my attention in the distance behind the tree. Rosabelle seemed to have run further away than I was moments ago when he had shouted; having believed the notion a while ago was for her. My past self was now hiding behind the tree meters away from the whole scene. My figure on the distance held her full attention towards Julianne, as he slightly noticed the movement from afar, Julianne shifted his attention back to a certain baffled girl.

Something seems to have clicked inside of Julianne and he stood there frozen on his spot like a statue.

Their eyes had met and he had that dazed expression upon his face, like nothing else had mattered that time but the two of them, the girl behind the tree and the vampire, sharing this precious moment together.

Time seemed to stop for them, for us, at that time.

I guess they were mates after all...

It seems as if Julianne hadn't known they were in the first place, and seeing her had somehow snapped him out of that crazed expression. He had fallen for a woman he had only seen for the first time.

Rose had been his mate.

Regan seem to be regaining balance, while Julianne was still frozen stiff, staring long into the face of the woman that was his mate, hypnotized.

It was sad to think that it will also be the last he'll ever see.

Dragging his broken foot behind him, Regan, with all the power he can muster, had leaped with his able hind leg and had snapped his jaws on his unsuspecting victim.

"Mate" was Julianne's last words.

It was faint but I heard it.

I thought I saw a ghost of a smile on Julianne's lips, before Regan's jaws snapped and had severed his head from his body, as each sharp teeth tore through flesh, making a sickening ripping and cracking sound in the process. Julianne's head came rolling down on the ground as Regan collapsed from exhaustion. Julianne's body fell lifeless as it lay beside Hesediel in an unmoving, headless state.

Regan remained unmoving for a few seconds, body covered with wounds all over. His scent reeked of blood and death. He seemed to have channeled his remaining strength to sit upright and give a long howl, his head rising up towards the moon.

A painful, victorious howl.

After the notion, he finally gave in unto the cold, unforgiving ground that was awaiting his arrival.

I was staring at the whole scene, barely believing my own eyes. What I had witnessed a while ago had undoubtedly changed my perception towards the whole story. My past self had crashed behind the tree and had cried her eyes out like an idiot.

A big blooming, clueless, idiot.

Now that I knew the story behind it, I cannot help but feel stupid for crying over such a man who has tried to kill me in the first place! How could I have been so stupid as to think that he actually cared for me?

But the way his eyes spoke during his last moments seemed to have stabbed my heart. It was somewhat heartbreaking in my part regardless of the situation.

We were mates after all.

"I told you that night what had happened" he laughed. Again as humorlessly as before "You didn't listen to me at first" was all he said.

So that memory was real; the night where he came for me with his leg shattered from the fight. It was the same night it all started.

"I didn't know you were mates" he faintly rasped "If I have known-"he mumbled with a slight shake of his head.

With a wave of Regan's hand, I could see Hesediel coming back and forth from my house, a lily in hand.

Lilies were my favorite.

I opened the door the slightest to check who might be the person on the other side of the door, but upon seeing him on the other side; I had smashed the door back up his face.

But he knew better than to leave.

He thumped and begged desperately on the door which had woken up my older brothers, Juniel and Michael. I remember feeling the desire to listen, but feeling the pain unbearable that it hindered me from taking even a single step outside. Such is the unexplainable pain of losing your mate...

My brothers came out, demanding what was wrong.

I kept quiet and never told them anything. I didn't want them to share in my pain. It was mine and mine alone. I wouldn't want to inflict pain upon Hesediel, no matter how much he had hurt me, more so to my siblings.

Though I doubted they didn't feel what I felt.

Back then, memories came back to me of when I couldn't sleep, couldn't smile, couldn't even see the world as bright as I used to.

But then, memories suddenly flashed days and weeks of Hesediel returning day by day, each day a lily in hand, demanding for forgiveness. He didn't even miss a single day. He brought me back to life little by little and I felt the sincerity of everything he worked for.

"After weeks of telling and persuading, you eventually believed me" he gave a throaty laugh "It took me a whole year to make you believe..." he trailed off.

We stopped on a scene where I was wearing a white dress and a veil was placed on my head.

I remember this day. I was getting married.

I could remember Hesediel had failed to come in the morning the day before, which had brought an indescribable fear to be instilled in my chest. I wasn't sure what to feel that time.

Should I be mad that he failed to come that morning? Or be afraid for his safety and welfare?

I paced back and forth in my room with uneasiness.

A whole year of asking, maybe he had gotten tired?

No, it couldn't be that.

I had slowly forgiven him day by day, I mean, I have finally let him inside the house weeks ago!

Had he grown tired of asking?

These were the thoughts that ran through my head that time. As much as I tried to deny it, I had fallen for Hesediel.

The next scene, it was the day before the wedding; I was already prepared to sleep at my quarters settling inside my covers and fluffing up my pillows at the same time. My brothers were out for a journey along with other several hunters for the season, they were due to return the next day.

I had finally closed my eyes when a knock had sounded from the door downstairs. My eyes had opened almost instantly and I bolted up right from my bed and down the stairs hurriedly.

The possibility of it being Hesediel at my door had somehow fueled my steps. How badly I wanted to see him!

The knock continued to sound at the door "Who is it?!?" I shouted but no one responded. I raised my right hand to grip the handle in between my hand tightly.

The knocking continued. "Wait a bit! I'm opening it already!"

I opened the door with a shaking hand.

Hesediel was standing there, his hand in mid knock. He had a whole bouquet of lilies on his left hand, wrapped in a mass of brown paper. His hair was slightly ruffled while his chin had a slight, week's worth of stubble. My eyes automatically watered at the sight.

"Rose I'm so sorry, I-"he started, but I placed my fingers on his lips.

"Sssshhh" I cooed reassuringly.

I don't know what had gotten over me that night, but the thought of him there that night had brought me so much joy that I had suddenly embraced him with all the strength I could muster. I know I haven't clearly established what I had felt these past few months but seeing him right now, makes me feel so happy.

"You had me worried Hesediel." I breathed "Don't ever do that again!" My face was muffled against his chest, his arms encircled protectively around me.

"Forgive me Rose" he lightly chuckled and scratched his head, "I had to get your lilies. They ran out at town, so I went farther to get them."

I continued to hold tight unto him, engulfing his large frame in my arms. "I do not need flowers Hesediel." I mumbled "All I needed was you"

To say he was shock was an understatement, I mean, the man had suddenly cried that night in front of me, rather shamelessly, in pure joy. I figured those tears were his way of telling me that he felt the same way. Words were not enough to express how much he felt. I thought he couldn't believe such words would pour from my mouth .I mean, I couldn't even believe it myself.

He more than deserved it.

"I forgive you Hesediel" I mumbled. "I forgive you with all my heart."

The next thing I know, he had carried me out of glee and had spun me around that I squealed in surprise.

"I have forgiven you Hesediel, not agreed to have been married to you-"I said with a laugh.

My sentence was cut off when his lips captured mine in a heated kiss. He had wrapped his large hands around my face softly and had kissed me slowly under the moon's watchful eye, witnessing the love he had bottled up all this time pour unto mine.

I had responded, setting all the emotions I had unintentionally kept hidden, into the kiss. Things that I wanted to say but couldn't, channeled into the heart-warming explosion of sensation.

The fear, pain, uncertainty, care and undeniable passion, but most importantly, the love. It was all showing through.

I thought the moment would never end, or rather, I didn't want it to, as our lips move in perfect harmony, hands entangled in our mass of locks.

He looked me softly in the eyes and I wondered on why I thought we could never be together in the first place. He had loosened his arms around my waist, and I was afraid he'd leave that moment. But instead, he kneeled in front of me and uttered the words I, myself, had never thought of ever hearing. I thought I could never be allowed to experience such happiness, ever again, especially after what I've done to my sweet Hesediel.

"Marry me Rosabelle" he asked breathlessly. "I really hope and pray you'll say yes Rose"

I looked at him dumbfounded and nodded lamely. It made me so happy that I had joined him on the floor in glee and had suffocated him in a bone crushing embrace, kissing him fully on the lips once again.

It resulted to more minute of our lips mangled together before we realized we needed to come up for air.

I thought I could never be happy with anyone, ever again, but Hesediel had proved me wrong. He truly loved me to have kept coming back even if I had selfishly denied his advances for months. He never left me alone to suffer.

As we came out for air, he looked as if he hasn't believed what had already happened.

I couldn't even believe it myself.

He smiled "I shall take that as a yes then?" he breathed out.

"I reckon it does" I smiled cheekily "I think we woke up mother and father"

"You loved me Eli" Regan had appeared at my side once again, a pained expression upon his face. The scene continued to play on. "It wasn't just a mate's attraction... It was love." he finished.

The scene showed a happy Rose and Hesediel getting wed the very next day. It was a small celebration, nothing too grand. You could clearly see the love in their eyes as Rose proceeded down the aisle, staring long into Hesediel's face.

And during nighttime, her brothers had a shocked expression when they had finally found out what had happened after hunting season was finished. They quickly accepted after a, and I quote, a light quarrel, seeing Hesediel brought happiness upon their sister, something they had a hard time doing.

And because they really didn't have any say in the matter.

I smiled to myself.

They only wanted someone to bring back the happiness upon Rosabelle's face, separating her from the dark void of sadness that tried to envelop her heart.

It was all they ever wanted.

"I see now." I mumbled. I'm sure he can hear me though I could not see him.

As expected he had appeared from my side, "That's all I ever wanted you to" he said. "I wanted you to know the truth, the whole picture, you see."

"And did you know all this when you went here? At the manor?"

"No. That was something beyond my control. It was simply chance that I had seen you now..." he answered.

"And now what?" I continued to watch Rose and Hesediel's memories together. It continued to play in front of me like a movie scene. "What am I to do now that I do?" I asked.

Regan had suddenly hugged me reassuringly, his warmth seeping into my body. I had wrapped my arms around his back in response. I had missed basking in the warmth that he radiated. He put his lips near my ear to utter faint words, which I care to admit, I somehow expected to hear.

"What your heart tells you to" his breath was like a soft caress, like a gentle wind on a youthful light.

The next thing I knew, he was gone. His figure was nowhere to be seen. Vanished like how a snow melts in the heat of an early summer.

"Wait-!!!" I pushed my feet and started to run. I don't even know where I'm going but I kept running anyway. Regan please, don't leave me again. I need to see you.

"How did you find me!?" the scenes were slowly fading away, drifting back to the white surroundings I had earlier. "Where are you Regan!!! I don't understand anything!!" I was screaming like a mad man. I knew I was waking up soon and I still don't know where he was and how he can do these kind of things in the first place.

I had to know.

"Please Regan!" I begged. My legs gave out and I slumped down the ground in frustration "Please"

"Make a choice" his voice echoed "I will come to you..."

Everything was fading away.

I need you Regan.

My head was spinning, until I felt a sudden sensation as if I was falling.

Falling back into consciousness.