"So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing" - T.S. Eliott

The breakfast continued for several more hours composing of random questions and topics related to our day. I was simply glad for his company and as much as I have observed, he was glad for mine too.

"I'm glad to hear that you like the dresses Rosabelle. Those dresses did come from my trusted colleagues after all, so nothing expected less."

I slightly froze. I felt a sudden surge of curiosity wash over me "Colleagues, master?" I inquired. It seemed he had realized something and his eyes widened a fraction, before returning back to their calm, collected gaze. It was so fast, that if I had not been paying attention to his every move, I might have never seen it in the first place.

But I did.

"None of your concern." he quickly replied. He looked at taken back, as if appalled by the question. The china cup he was holding dropped abruptly to the table, some of its contents spilling with the motion. It contained a rather thick, dark liquid, as I have observed. A foreign tea of perhaps?

His aura had changed almost instantly and he was now wearing an unreadable expression upon his face. This side of him, if not had shocked me, had brought a shiver to run down my spine.

I wasn't used to him like this at all. He had always radiated warmth and comfort every time I came close to him, but this time, I wasn't so sure. I must confess though, I know we haven't been together for that long, making this very man in front of me more mysterious than ever.

But not any less beautiful.

Moments of awkward silence after, he had regained composure. During those short moments, I didn't dare to break the silence.

No.

I was too scared to do that. "Forgive me for scaring you Rose." he said with a small laugh.

"If you'll excuse me." he made a motion to leave, his chair backing slowly from the table as servants rush to aid his retreat. I made a motion to follow, backing my chair as well.

"Julianne I'm sorry. For my behavior, if I-"I said, rushing to catch up with him "If I offended you in any way-"

"Please stay and finish your breakfast, dear Rosabelle" turning, he threw his napkin on the dining table, making a soft thud upon impact. "I will return shortly with you after I arrange several matters."

"But Julianne-"

"You will do as you're told." he demanded. There was an air of authority in his voice, making his judgment, in my case, somehow final. Like his command held no room for questioning. His back was to me, his face hidden from view. I can say I was slightly thankful for it.

"And please, call me Julianne" and he stalked away from the scene, feet tapping on the carpeted floors of the dining area. How I managed to ruin his morning had somehow brought a slight constriction upon my chest.

A sharp stab in my heart, which is what it precisely felt like.

I was left alone at the dining table, shocked at everything that happened so fast, that it came as a blur in my head. Things escalated so fast I wasn't sure if they happened in the first place. But they did, if the ache in my chest is anything to go by.

After that moment, servants came in serving several dishes on the table. Hard to believe I was once one of those servants and now I'm not...

Trays upon trays of steaming dishes were laid out on the long dining table, momentarily numbing my senses as I take a nose-full of their aroma. They were the kind of dishes I'd dream of every night of tasting but never had the privilege to do so; the kind that was served to the upper-class people that made my mouth water every time I'd see such.

Seeing I'm all alone, I ate my to my heart's content until I couldn't take another bite. It's such a shame to put all these food to waste. I sighed.

I eyed the servant boy standing beside at the entrance. He looked around my age, but he could be older. He had auburn hair, tied at the back of his head in a ponytail. He raised an eyebrow when he caught me staring and returned it rather questioningly at me.

I mouthed a come here to him with my hands beckoning him to go where I was seated, making sure no one else was there to witness our little exchange. He pointed to himself and I nodded. He hurriedly went where I was seated.

"Yes mistress?" he asked. "What is the matter?"

"Yes, I had the privilege of eating all these dishes and I wish to share that privilege with the rest"

"Milady, I- I don't understand" his face was scrunched up in confusion "You want to dispose of the food? Is it not to your liking?"

"No!" I defended "No. That is not what I meant." With a sigh I continued "I meant that the excess food upon this table shall go to the people of this house."

"Y-you wish us to dine with you mistress?!"

"To put it simply, yes" I said, glad I was somehow getting my thoughts across "though I am to retire to my chambers, so pardon my absence while you dine with the others" I added cheekily with a wink.

He blushed furiously and quickly hid it with a bow.

"Mistress Rosabelle, I- I mean we- are truly grateful" he awkwardly cleared his throat adding "No one had been this kind to us, please allow me the pleasure of accompanying you to your chambers Mistress Rosabelle"

"That would be lovely-" I said with a slight pause "I'm sorry I haven't caught your name"

He stared at me, looking like he didn't know what to do. "Names are not necessary, mistress" he dismissed nervously with a laugh. "I'm just grateful for the food warming our stomachs for today"

"Yes, well Dianne always said to never waste food" I said dismissively, causing his eyes too to widen.

Dianne.

"Dianne" I whispered. Who was this Dianne I spoke of?

Dianne. Dianne. Dianne...

Hmmm. DIANNE?

My eyes widened with recognition.

I quickly rose to my feet and ran hurriedly out the dining hall. The servant boy I was talking to kept shouting at me to stop but I paid no attention to him, checking each and every room for any signs of her. My stomach hurts from running after a full meal, but I didn't mind it.

This was much more important.

Dianne is much, much, more important.

I knew there was something missing that morning. There was something like a void that morning that was slowly creeping in my chest. Dianne wasn't there to greet me with a loving smile. How could I have forgotten her!? What kind of a daughter am I to forget my own mother? It was like something had made me forget her on purpose. It somehow took away the pain of losing her, and replaced it with something else instead. But it all came crashing down on me until my heart hurt from the fear of possibly losing the first person who was able to love me.

I was running like a crazed woman inside the manor, pursued by an equally crazed looking servant boy. Several servants I happen to past by just gave us either bewildered looks, or their signature ignorant shakes of the head.

Not that I care to evaluate what those mean.

After checking several rooms and corridors, there was still no sign of her. Frustration was getting to me that I felt like tears were going to fall from my eyes anytime. He, whatever his name is, cause he won't tell me, had ceased to chase me and was nowhere to be seen.

My thoughts wandered back to Dianne.

She was always there, I thought, my sweet and caring Dianne.

She gave me more than I deserve. She woke me up every morning and greeted me with a loving, motherly smile.

Tears finally sprung to my eyes and blurred my vision, but I didn't stop running. I fell unceremoniously when a folded part of the carpeted floor tripped my foot. I stood up and brushed my dress, my ankles aching from the fall.

No morning coffee sessions. No late night conversations before sleeping. No melodious laughs. No motherly smiles.

My tears kept falling. I didn't mind the pain on my left ankle as I continued to dash through the halls, the pain of my loss numbing the physical pain.

No hair brushing. No maternal advices. Nothing.

I reached the last possible door, my hand on the knob.

No Dianne.

I turned it.

But what greeted me was how I felt this instant.

Pure utter, emptiness.

A tear had slipped down my face. My breathing ragged as my heart continued to beat faster. I tried to make it slow down just a bit but it won't. I feel like I could pass out any second now.

A hand rested on my shoulder and startled me, causing me to jump a little. He seems to have a habit of startling me.

"Julianne" it slipped from my lips as a whisper. "I thought you had left-"

"What were you doing Rosabelle?" he saw my tear stained face and his expression change to one of great concern "Rose what's wrong?" I stared at him blankly but avoiding eye contact.

"Rose look at me" he said. I couldn't resist him, so I did. "You can tell me" he cooed.

Is it alright to tell him? Telling him seems to be the right choice, but a voice in my head is telling me not to; to avoid him and stay as far away as possible. But a man such as Julianne is as perfect as can be! The voice in my head tried to argue. He was both beautiful and caring, a real gentleman in all perspective. Only a woman out of her mind would resist someone like Julianne Vilgrain.

Someone like Julianne Vilgrain, a voice repeated in my head.

Yes... Yes, indeed. How could telling him be the wrong choice?

No Eli.... Don't..... It was a faint voice whispering inside my head. It was small but I was sure I heard it. How peculiar. Who was Eli?

Eli. No.

Even so, I don't know what came over me, but I chose to listen to that small voice that was ringing in my head. The smaller, fainter voice I chose to ignore this morning during my wardrobe exchange.

"My stomach hurts" I finally said. It wasn't far from the truth. I hated lying to him, so a bit of truth had to be sold from the actual lie.

His gaze dropped down to my foot and his face scrunched up a bit, a frown occupying his angelic face. "Your ankle is swelling," he observed "let me carry you to your room." Before I can even object, he had already carried me bridal-style towards my room. I kept quiet the entire time.

Strange enough, no one was there to see this little charade. It was unusual since only moments ago, servants were out and about, rushing from room to room, cleaning like their life depended upon it, and now it was deserted. If I knew any better, I'd say Julianne cleared the way just so he can carry me to my chambers with ease. But that's just the narcissistic side of me hoping it was all true.

"You must have had a lot to eat" this scene strangely seems familiar.

Eli. A voice whispered.

The memory was blurry but I know it happened.

I was being carried by a man. I can make out his long golden hair and his blue eyes. He carried me tightly, his body heat seeping into mine as we turned from corner to corner.

"We're here" Julianne said, breaking my train of thought. We had arrived at my room and he positioned me on the bed, laying me softly under my bed covers.

"Rest Rose. I shall personally see to your recovery"

"Julianne I- It is no need. It is probably from all that walking with a full stomach" I lamely offered with a small laugh.

It didn't seem to convince Julianne. "Are you certain?" he sighed "I worry for your well-being. How about your ankle? What had happened there?"

I giggled. His concern for me felt good. It feels like those butterflies in your stomach, but instead mine felt like a hurricane. "I am thankful Julianne, for all of this, but worry not. Please, all I need is some rest."

It took him a moment to contemplate, but later on he sighed, defeated "If that is what you wish." He pulled up a chair and positioned it at the side of the bed."But I shall stay here by your side until you get well," he gracefully sat on the chair. "and after." He had positioned himself beside me, crossing his arms on his chest.

"But Julianne," I tried to argue "you have business to attend to."

"Please Rose, you are much more important than any business, you know that." he held my hand, sandwiched between his warm ones. "Besides, I don't have anything else to concern myself with until tomorrow."

­I smiled.

We stayed like this for a while; his hands kept protectively over mine as I tried to get some sleep. He kissed my forehead, his lips hovering over mine, his breath brushing, but never touching.

"Sleep" he had whispered" Not too soon, I fell asleep, my body surrendering to the sweet pull to oblivion.

It was the first time that I had a dreamless sleep.

Or at least I don't remember having one.

i