Second review in a day? Is this even real life? Well yes, I believe it is. The second book in our journey through the Valleys of Roast is Eternal Damnation by @KristyPerkins3.

The book cover is all nice and bloody, with a professional vibe. The blurb is also interesting enough, promising the hellish journey of the spoiled protagonist through a sea of torture and tears. And Vampires. Does it deliver? Well.... it's kind of a complicated story.

CONTAINS A LOT OF SPOILERS

Plot & Characters

The plot starts interestingly enough, with our MC Callista, the stupid and totally bitchy daughter of an arranged marriage between parents Charles and Abigail/Cheryl (not sure which is cannon) Evans. The Evans' marriage is one of economical worth, as the narrator subtly reminds us approximately 1.000.000.000 times, and so Callista has turned out to be an unlikable, unbearable brat who tortures the servants for fun, because (in her small mind) she is better than them. Her times of torturing fun is over, however, when undead Vampire Marco Danika claims her as his bride. Callista's father refuses and tries to hastily marry her off to Matthew Smith, a man he finds a more suitable suitor than the sadistic vampire (and who can blame him, right?).

However, his plans go awry. Marco interrupts the betrothal, gruesomely kills the Evans and Smith parents, lets Matthew escape with the maid he is secretly in love with (?) and kidnapps Callista. The MC is imprisoned and often reffered to as Anita, a woman Marco seems to have an obsession with. Marco tries to make Callista kill people, but she can't. So he beats her. And locks her up with no food or water.

The unessecary torture actually goes on for a few chapters, until Matthew decides to make an appearance again and he is royally pissed with Callista because his wife, the maid, left him (?). Because of that he tortures Callista together with Marco, until she decides she can't take it anymore. She seeks advice from a mysterious girl she found locked in the dungeons, Ingrid, who tells Callista that the both men are vampires and can be killed with silverware.

Callista steals a knife and, in the most badass and only act of rebellion in the book, kills Marco's immortal child Simon and stabs her own belly, as she is also pregnant by Marco (or Matthew, I guess, they both had a go at her.) But alas, her plan to commit suicide fails and Marco turns her into a vampire- in order to torture her to eternity. And that's what he does. Endlessly. And every time Callista swears she will somehow escape, but she never does.  She also swears she will never kill a person. But she does.

The last chapter is set fifty-three years into the future, when Callista decides to finally kill Marco. Just like that, after feasting the blood of a handsome young guy, Callista thinks that fifty-three years is where a vampire draws the line in bullshit. She enters the castle, rips Marco's head off (which is sewn by seams, that was actually a very nice and original idea) and burns it while screaming "I won". Well OK, Callista? Good for you, I guess?

This book is on-going, so I am curious to see if the plot is going to go somewhere after all. The only part which I actually enjoyed was the beginning, because themes like greed and oppression are shown. As well as the part where Callista is being taken prisoner. Afterwards is just an over-exaggeration of torture and violence. The MC can't even breathe without being accused of disobedience and getting her face slapped against a wall. Sure the scenes are bloody and beautifully described by the author, but why? I mean I do understand Sin City kind of violence, but here? Half of the times the protagonist is tortured with no reason at all. Not to mention she shouts the most stupid things at the most inappropriate times, getting more punishment. And the worst of all? We don't care. I didn't care. Because the MC has not a single redeeming quality on her.  

Callista is one of the most unlikable MCs ever. Even from the very beginning she is so spoiled and mean, we don't even care that she gets the rough treatment afterwards. The same with her parents and Matthew's. They are actually so unlikable I hooray-ed when Marco killed them.

And Marco.... He started off so well, giving this insane Lestat vibe, you know, the bad guy you love to hate... and ended up as a torturous mega-asshole for no reason. For a guy who would do anything to find his lost love, he sure had a super short temper.

Ingrid... another character who was just as perplexing. She is locked in the basement when we meet her, even though she is a vampire and very loyal to Marco. Who is she? We don't know. What did she do to deserve the punishment she received? We don't know. Why did she tell Callista that Vampires die with silver if she actual loves Marco? No idea.

There were also many plot twists that didn't deliver. Anita is the MCs sister?! And what was the purpose of the vampire child, Simon? He is briefly mentioned two times before he gets killed. Is he there only to die and provoke Marco's rage?

And Matthew... Oh God, Matthew. The lovable young man who was the product of real love, the total opposite of Callista, turning into a beater. Sure he had a reason, (somewhat), but what's the point of comparing him to our MC in the beginning of the book, when he actually turns worse than her in the end?

So many things that don't add up is what made me distance myself and not truly enjoy a book that had a good premise. And I am familiar with Kristy's other works, so the only thing I am asking myself with Eternal Damnation is this: What went wrong?

Grammar & Writing Style

I have no complains about the grammar, other than the fact that this is a first draft and it shows. Some words are missing and there are a couple of mistakes, but other than that, this is perfectly readable.

The writing style is another matter altogether, however. The book is written in third person, but not the characters' POV. Instead there is an omniscient narrator (much like in The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lemony Snicket series), who is annoying as fuck. Things are being repeated a gazillion times (like how Callista never had a mind on her own and how she is a born in money), people are being judged by an all-knowing eye and we never really delve to the characters' minds and desires. I do understand that Callista is supposed to be portrayed as a mindless creature, but we never get a single thought from her.  And the exposition of events is way off the charts. Almost everything is actually telling, rather than showing. We want more cool scenes like the Callista's flashback. We need more badassery, like the stabbing scene. Not a girl like Ingrid who constantly explains the story for us.

The characters' wills also change abruptly or constantly throughout the chapters. After a while I didn't even understand why they MCs were doing the things they did.  And their dialogue is so scarce, you really get the feeling it's being used more as a plot device, than actual talking.

The descriptions were indeed beautiful and well-written on their major part, true. And there were some ideas, like the vampires having seams holding together their body parts, which were actually original. But are they enough to salvage a book at its entirety? I really don't think so.

Advice to the writer

1) First and foremost, do a plot chart/map. I do understand that when an idea is planted into your head, you get gripped in a writing-fever and it is also acceptable. But only when it comes to the first draft. Your book has to make sense and therefore you need to plan a few things like: Do my explanations make sense? Do I need so many characters? Are those plot twists necessary or they serve no purpose? Is the storyline dragging along and repeated? Those questions can be answered with careful planning and editing.

2) Get rid of the narrator. You have talent in the first person, and also in the dialogue.  Write this book from the four people's POV and this is going to take off. Show us the inner thoughts of the MCs and instead of telling us their backstory, show it to us through flashbacks and reminiscing. It's going to take a lot of work, but I think I am looking forward on seeing.

3) Cut most of the torture scenes. Not because I am squimish, or because they are not well-presented. But they are not needed. After a while, it gets tedious. You don't need these scenes to make your story dark. Less is more, most of the times.

Final Rating: 6/10. Because I am familiar with the writer's other works and this just didn't deliver. It has a lot of potential, but a lot of mistakes and repetitions, too. After a while I found myself struggling, which hasn't happened with Kristy's other works before. This can be a very good book, but needs a lot of work in order to achieve greatness.