~Randhir's POV~

I was dead.

I was seriously and surely gone and done for.

Of course, I did try to maintain my usual composure in front of her in the morning; knowing well that she didn't remember anything from the night before. But my inner self only knew what a rollercoaster ride my heart was in the whole time.

What I did was beyond any kind of repentance. I didn't even have the courage to apologize to Sanyukta for that. Knowing that she'd eventually remember everything after washing off her hangover, I had tried to wrench off—probably the last— ray of blush she would get in my presence and the feeling of being with her.

I would have been lying if I said that I didn't have a tiny bit of my heart desperately hoping that Sanyukta would forgive me and come back to me. But I surely knew that it was impossible then.

You didn't have the guts to tell her about your true feelings.

You were a jerk, playing with her emotions all along.

You are unworthy of having decent friends.

You can't do one thing right.

You're just a selfish bastard who only thinks about his grades and career.

You deserve to stay alone.

You deserve to be hated.

I clutched my head in between my palms and thudded back onto the bed. I was such a mess then that probably not even the largest vaccum cleaner in the world could clean me and the muddle that I had caused.

But she didn't believe you.

She didn't even want to hear your side of the story.

She has her faith only in Rehan.

She didn't even acknowledge the fact that you were trying to defend her all these time.

She doesn't trust you.

She will hate  you for what you have done.

She HATES YOU!

"She.. She hates me.." I felt like someone had ripped my heart out when those words involuntarily left my mouth.

I closed my eyes and I could only see her— smiling at me, secretly blushing at my corny comments, practicing with me in her usual sarcastic demeanor and then that hurt expression on her face the other night when she told me about Rehan's state and how pathetic my attempt was to get back at him two years ago without even knowing anything. Right before I had tried to forcefully kiss her the other night.

That kiss was not in my intention at all. It was just that she supported Rehan blindly which agitated me. And that agitation led me to show her who she belonged to.

A year ago, I wouldn't have even bothered about her feelings for all these. I did what I thought would have been right at that moment. I wanted to hurt Rehan for hurting Sanyukta. But then, it was no surprise that I was whipped. I was whipped by Sanyukta Aggarwal, my ex-nemesis.

If only I knew.. If only.. I wouldn't have caused such a disaster if I had a single clue of the situation then. But.. I did what I felt was good. I did everything for her. Unknowingly, yeah but still, I hadn't known why I did what I did to Rehan. I didn't know that I liked Sanyukta back then. She was this annoying nerd who got into my path of winning every single time. She challenged me everytime and that triggered my self esteem so much that I couldn't even grasp  that I had developed a secret crush on her over the years.

Sanyukta joined the school back, after getting released from the hospital and I found myself secretly gawking at her from a distance. She walked with a gloomy vibe around her which almost showed how scared she was. I had a plaster around my sprained wrist—which of course was caused during my fight with Rehan.

I didn't know why, I didn't know how, but the moment I heard that Sanyukta was rushed to the emergency room due to food poisoning, I lost my sanity. I was sure that Rehan was the culprit behind it because I had seen him sneak around the cafeteria that afternoon. If only I had stopped him right then, Sanyukta wouldn't have to go through so much. Though I believed that I hated Sanyukta, I still couldn't tolerate knowing everything and letting her suffer. She needed justice. Hell, she could have died!

I had an urge to teach Rehan a lesson for that but almost abnormally, all I could do, when I faced him, was to punch him square on his face—which led to him fighting me back and that led to both of us getting injured.

Consequently, I couldn't look at Sanyukta's face after she returned. She was as if, broken and left alone. She talked to no one and completely isolated herself from the school circles. For about a few days, I observed her wrecked state.

She came to school with her head held down, attended her classes in a lonely corner of the classroom, locked herself up in the toilet during lunch and then ran back home with her head held down. There were certain people who'd try and bully her for her state even when they knew what had caused that. She did nothing—absolutely nothing against them. Rather she just ignored them like she wasn't even hearing any of those vicious comments.

I, as I had proudly tagged myself as an eternal 'Sanyukta-hater' , was one of those people who bullied her. Though my thing only included occasional sneers and jeers—mostly to trigger her self confidence. As the thing went on and days passed, Sanyukta began to regain her previous demeanor and her dam of patience broke which made me the only victim of her wrath.

One day, as I was picking on her in the locker room, she blasted into flames of fury suddenly. I wouldn't deny that it surely lightened my heart to an extent that I, myself was baffled at my feeling.

She cursed, cried, screamed and even tried to kick me (I was fortunate enough to move away at the right time) but the thing that pinched me was that she didn't even thank me for what I had done for her. Rather she took my taunts to her heart and seemed to be anything but grateful to me.

The thing that happened next that day led to the disaster which was effective till the championship and had ruined everything that I had built with Sanyukta in the span of few months.

"You're a sadistic and vicious person Randhir! You're such a jackass that Rehan's silly pranks cannot even come near to your crooked mind! Yeah his shallow prank did almost kill me but YOU! YOU are feeding on my broken self with your senseless verbal attacks! Shame on you. I hate you more than anything in this entire universe!"

See at that moment, her 'I hate you' didn't seem like such a painful thing to me like it would have at that particular moment. I was only enraged by the fact that even while knowing that I had the most credit on getting Rehan expelled from the school and also indirectly avenging her in that stance, she didn't even acknowledge my help. Let alone a thank you, she didn't even say anything about it. Rather she gave my fucking 'taunts' more attention and put an official stamp of approval on our so called enemity.

As her words acted like a catalyst, I sure as hell reacted and yelled at her, mentally promising myself not to cross paths with that girl ever again. That was our first and last (well not untill then) long heated argument.

I threw away the thoughts of 'being helpful' to her behind my mind and carried on but her words surely left a strong mark on my heart. She had compared me with that jerk. I was being annoying, yeah, but that was just how I was. But being compared with that jerk by her, kept on itching me, increasing my hatred more towards both Sanyukta and Rehan.

I hated them.

I hated that jerk.

I hated her for comparing me with that jerk.

I hated her.. Or so I thought.

Quite incidentally, I saw Rehan one day after that, on my way to the public library. He was accompanied by an old lady who seemed to be handicapped as she was on a wheelchair. Rehan was walking her out of the library while I watched them from my car.  She looked old and frail but she was smiling happily in between her talks with her—what I perceived—grandson.

A sudden anger surged through my veins as Sanyukta's voice played in my head with those hurtful words.

If only Rehan's grandma knew what an aśśhole her grandson was!

Impulsively, I felt the urge to go to her and reveal all the ghastly things her dear grandson had done and I did get a golden opportunity with her alone when Rehan wheeled back inside—maybe after forgetting something back there.

I hurried towards the old lady—with absolutely zilch idea about how immature and senseless was the thing that I was going to do.

She smiled up at me as I greeted her a good evening and introduced myself to her—of course, making sure that Rehan didn't see me snooping. But there was a nagging voice in the back of my head screaming at me to back off that instant. Needless to say, I was an impulsive fool who was then, immensely triggered with animosity and hatred.

"Randhir!" I jolted out of my trance with a sudden thwack on my back which made me stumble against the window. I turned back with a start, to come face to face with a worried/anxious/angry looking Dhruv.

"What the hell is wrong with you man? Why weren't you at the competition? Do you even know how furious Father is with you two? What on the earth has happened between you and Sanyukta?" His yells made me dug my face in the pillow and groan.

"I don't know! I don't know okay! Nothing is fine. I am going through this hell of a place now!" I muffled through the pillow. I couldn't believe myself. The thing that I was waiting for, the trophy which my heart had yearned for years and the my unnerving concentration, each of these things seem to be a hand away from me, yet the only thing I could think about is that girl. That girl whom I thought I hated with passion for my whole life and the same girl who has been constantly skipping away in my mind for the last few months.

What changed?

I was torn between my own I-am-my-own-master self and the other self which right at that moment  craved for Sanyukta's acceptance.

I had turned into such a big wavering fool!

"You don't know? Oh right! Now that's something I had thought that I wouldn't hear coming from The Great Randhir Shekhawat's mouth in my life!" He bellowed throwing my own wet towel on my face making me flinch away.

"Dhurv.." I pulled my eyes upto him, throwing daggers at him through them.

"Don't you make eyes at me!" He seethed smacking my shoulder hard, making me look at him in utter shock. What the hell?

"You have turned into such a big mess Randhir! And not only that, you have CREATED such a big mess for your own self as well as Sanyukta!" Dhruv was the only person knew about the Rehan incident including the bit of me being that nasty little jerk and  blowing things off at Rehan's grandmother. He, for the first time in our eight years of friendship, did not approve of that when I told him. In fact he was furious at me for using such a filthy tactic to get back at Rehan. Honestly, I hated myself too for that.

"What did that poor girl even do that she has to suffer in your banters? You practically created the puddle of shit two years earlier which has come to engulf you now. And that innocent girl is also being dragged into all that because of your stupid self!" He bellowed sitting down on his own bed in front of me with a thud.

"I already know that, don't you think?" I yelled throwing away the pillow.

"I didn't fucking expect him to pop up after three years and scrounge the whole thing out!"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" He made a disgusting face at me.

"That doesn't justify you being such a jerk back then and doing all those things!"

"I FUCKING KNOW THAT I WAS A JERK BACK THEN BUT I LIKE THAT GIRL SO MUCH!" I felt my voice crack at the end of my scream, making me feel so damn weak—that I hated the feeling of liking her, hated the feeling of attraction that I felt towards her, hated her smile, her laugh, her name, her face, her everything! I hated her for making me fall for her if that even made any sense.

But I just couldn't hate her..

"Took you long enough as four years to admit it out loud.." I looked up from my feet to see Dhruv slightly smiling down at me.

"I.. I just fear losing her.." I whispered, feeling myself at loss of words. I knew I sounded like a girl but the feeling of liking someone doesn't discriminate among genders. It's only surreal.

"Dude. You need to come clear with her.. She needs of know everything."

"She already knows Dhruv.  Rehan probably told her. " I sighed, feeling myself going all blue with regret.

"We.. We had a heated conversation last night after getting drunk. Though she didn't remember anything after waking up, I doubt she'd remain in the dark forever.." I croaked out looking at him as he huffed an impossible sigh.

"She shouldn't.. She should know everything. When the thing started with her, you should end it  by telling her the truth. Keeping her in the dark would not only be doing injustice to her but also in case she remembers, you'd always remain the bad guy in her eyes.." I knew that Dhruv was right. Each and every word of his spoke my inner soul. Deep down, I knew that I had to clear the things out but I just didn't have the sufficient courage to deal with her after the night before.

"How did you know about the things which are going on?" I asked him.

"Randhir, you guys were inches away from murdering each other last night. We caught you both fighting in the terrace and that too, we were informed by Rehan. Otherwise we didn't have the tiniest idea of what was going on and would have had probably seen your dead bodies this morning.." He chuckled while pulling out his
clothes and I couldn't help but ponder over the Rehan part of his words. Rehan did that? For us? What was going on in his mind? Did he want revenge for what I did by getting back at Sanyukta?

"Now while we are at it, I seriously think you shouldn't have fought with him the day we arrived here. He seems to be totally changed. I mean.. He doesn't seem like the old Rehan now. He has kind of.. softened up.. Weirdly.." Dhruv made a face while he uttered the last word, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. Rehan and soft. Yeah. Nicest joke of the millennium.

"Sureee.." I drawled. "He did seem nice when he threateningly messaged me on our way here and fought us back that day, speaking nonsense about us and eyeing Sanyukta in that creepy manner!" I scoffed clenching my fists tights.

"I swore I would have gauged his eyeballs out for staring at MY girl again!" I stressed at 'my', feeling contended from the inside at finally being able to grow some balls and speaking my feelings out loud.

I couldn't wait to tell Sanyukta that I liked her but at the same time, I dreaded her reaction after all the things that had happened.

I heard Dhruv sigh behind me.

"Randhir, you didn't exactly do something appreciable for him to forget all the things, now did you? He has the right to hate you!" Dhruv clicked his tongue and combed his hair back with his fingers. "But his try of indulging Sanyukta in all these is truly a bad move on his part.." He uttered scrunching his nose up and I felt the known itch to strangle that jerk when a picture of him and Sanyukta, dancing the other night mirrored in my mind.

Why on the earth even was Sanyukta so naive?

"Whatever! I fucking don't care about his stupid feelings. Yeah I surely did a bad thing but don't expect me to apologize to that abominable human being. I'd rather apologize to those who genuinely got hurt in my course of stupidity—Rehan's Gran and Sanyukta.. Rehan, eh, deserved it!" I gritted my teeth standing up from my seat. Dhruv yet again, sighed at my stubbornness.

"Where are you going?" I heard him exclaim from behind me as I quickly wore my sweatshirt.

"To clear things out with Sanyukta.." I voiced out nonchalantly.

"Yeah..that.. Um.. She might be out with Father right now, getting your part of the scolding too.." I slapped my palm on my forehead, realizing how obnoxious I had been for the past few minutes. But that's actually not new.

I swiveled back that instant, passing my best friend an apologetic gaze.

"Boy, you have to apologize big time for the shits you have digged out.." Dhruv smirked at me making me roll my eyes at him. "And thank you very much, we won the first round" He added which brightened up my mood immediately. I smiled and walked upto him, squeezing him in for a big hug.

That ladies and gentlemen, was my buddy.

Dhruv was the only guy who could have nailed a mental aptitude test, even with a spinal injury for which he had to be in complete bed rest for a month.

"Stop..ch..choking me.." He breathed as I parted and thumped his shoulder with a huge smile on my face. After almost damaging my brain by over thinking, that was my moment of relief.

"You have got a wonderful soon to be girlfriend to choke now.." He bloated his innuendo with a wink, after sobering up, making me punch his arm. "If she agrees.." He added while laughing.

I sighed at his words.

"If she forgives or rather if she gets convinced to hear me out.." I spoke under my breath before walking out of the room as Dhruv exclaimed a quick good luck to me.

*/*

TBC

Would love to hear from new readers or the silent ones. Show yourself up in the comment section and we'll have a nice little chat. I'll dedicate the next chapter to the one silent reader who I perceive, comments with complete honesty about what they think of the storyline so far (I really need some pushing, lol) .

Toodles!