A/N: Hi everyone! 

Here's another chapter to Max and Luke's story. As I was writing it this week, it dawned on me that unlike my typical work, the root of this story isn't a grand, dramatic plot you'd find in many of my books. Luke and Max's story is a story you and I and many others might have had at some point in our lives—wanting someone so close to you, you could easily reach for their hand and put it against your heart, but being so afraid that they may not feel the way you do. It's a type of torture that has you turning away to blink back tears so they wouldn't see, or wanting to put your fist in your mouth because you'd been thatclose to spilling your entire heart out.

The thread that weaves this story together is their struggle—against each other, against themselves, against circumstances they find themselves in, together or apart.

So yes, Max and Luke's story will be quite different but it looks deep into the details of a complicated relationship we probably know more about than we think. 

***

The night was a solid success.

The final numbers turned out even better than we expected. The guests had a lot of fun and happily put in their hard-earned dollars to good use by bidding for all kinds of opportunities from a private hockey game to a dinner on the yacht with the entire hockey team. The local government officials and charity board members who came were very impressed with the turn-out and promised to do more joint projects with the company. The players were thrilled with the warm reception and the positive interaction with the press, especially coming into fall and the hockey season. Hedenby Holdings went up a notch in customer and vendor engagement which meant better relationships with various stakeholders that typically resulted to higher profitability. 

All in all, Luke could’ve looked like the cat who got the cream but despite the bright smiles and the sparkling conversation he would manage when he remembered he was tasked to charm the crowd, it almost seemed like he’d gotten bad dairy somehow. When he thought no one was looking, least of all me, he was sullen and brooding. 

Supervising the event without getting in the way meant I stayed along the fringes of the party, being in the background and not in the spotlight that the CEO of Hedenby Holdings was expected to occupy. But despite Luke’s cold shoulder and his mood that swung faster than anyone could say PMS, I felt a bit out of sorts about it. 

Tonight may never be the dream date night that it could’ve been with the dress and the dragonfly necklace and the town car and the roses and the romantic note but it was a night I owed him something for. Not for all the pretty things but for the hours he’d spent helping me when he wasn’t required to and for the grand gesture (Luke seemed to have a thing for it) of reminding me that beautiful could really be just a state of mind. And it helped knowing that because even as I circled the fringes, I didn’t hide in the shadows. I smiled and met and talked to people—from guests to the team members to government officials. 

Whatever his motives were, Luke had been a good friend to me this past week and I was grateful for that. So I ventured out into the light toward the end, when the party was finally starting to wrap up. I knew he was going to be surly about it and push me away if I tried but he should know by now that I could be just as stubborn.

“You know, if not for the decent salary and the benefits package and the stodgy but not unattractive boss, I’d say that the thing I love most about working for Hedenby Holdings is that it knows how to throw a damn good party,” I said impishly as I stood next to Luke by the bar.  He’d been nursing a fresh drink there after extricating himself from nearly half an hour of conversation with the mayor, the coach and a few players from the team. 

Not surprisingly, Alex wasn’t in that group. He’d stopped by where I was a few times during the evening, just for a quick friendly chat, but he’d mostly spent his time with his team, breaking up in groups and working the crowd as they mingled with the guests. He was new—to the team, to the city—and he was doing his best to be accessible to them.

“We just know how to pay for it,” Luke said without looking at me. I was facing the bar while he had his back to it, absently observing the crowd. “We have junior marketing assistants to put it together.”

Ouch.

I sighed and signalled at the bar tender for my first drink of the night. 

The party was already a huge success and it would be done in less than an hour. I couldn’t put my feet up yet but I could sure have a drink after the week I had. 

“Luke, how long will you be mad at me?” I asked. “Why are you even mad at me?”

“I’m not,” he boldly lied and I just scoffed but said nothing as the bartender handed me a Rum Coke. 

“I wore the dress you gave me,” I said softly after a long stretch of silence. “Thank you, by the way. I know I shouldn’t have but when I saw it, I couldn’t not wear it.”

When he said nothing, I rambled on. “You didn’t have to get it for me. But thank you all the same. It’s beautiful.”

Luke hiked up a shoulder, his brows drawing in as if irritated. “It’s just a silly dress, Max. It’s no big deal.”

My eyes narrowed as I turned to face him. Thank God the bar wasn’t busy enough for anyone to hear my next question.

“Why are you being such a dick?”

Finally, he angled me a look but it was so smug that I wanted to wipe it off his face. “I think you know me well enough by now to know that I could be one from time to time.”

I gulped down my drink fast and set it down. “Yeah, when you choose to be which makes you an even bigger dick right now because you’re being deliberate about it. Be a grown up, Luke.”

I slapped my money down on the table and turned away before I could say something that would be nasty and terminable.

Well, that reconciliatory effort was an epic fail.

Whatever ugly emotion coiled tight inside of me must’ve shown on my face because when Alex stepped into my path and took one look at me, his eyes widened a little and he took half a step back.

“Hey, everything alright?” he asked warily.

“Everything’s great. Just peachy,” I said although the clipped, abrupt tone might have contradicted that statement quite effectively. 

Alex raised a brow and from the way his lips quirked in one corner, I could tell he was fighting a smile and losing sorely. “If this is peachy, I’m not sure I want to get in your way when things aren’t.”

I took a deep breath, trying to loosen up and remind myself that I couldn’t do to Alex the very thing Luke was doing to me—being in a lousy mood and taking it out on others.

“Sorry, just a bit stressed,” I said with an attempt at what I hoped was a friendlier smile. “It’s been a long night.”

Alex nodded although he didn’t look completely convinced. “It has been but probably more so for you considering how busy you’ve been all evening. Great party, by the way. Thank you. This was my first social event with the team and I had a great time.”

I held my hands up with a shrug. “Hey, I’m just the party-planner but I’m glad you enjoyed the evening. I hope everyone else did too because it would make the gruelling week I just had worth it at least. I just want to crawl to bed now that it’s finally over.”

Alex looked me over with a concerned frown. “How are you getting home? I’m heading out because we have practice bright and early tomorrow but I can drop you off if you like.”

I shook my head. “I’m good, thanks. I still have a few things to clean up here and a friend of mine is giving me a ride home afterwards.”

Even without following his gaze, I knew where Alex’s eyes wandered to somewhere in the distance behind me. I shook my head again with a little more vigor this time. “No, not him. Not what you’re thinking.”

Alex challenged me with a smile. “And what is it exactly that I’m thinking, Max?”

“That he and I are like, you know, something, but we’re not,” I explained without eloquence. That may be largely due to the fact that I didn’t really have an accurate description of me and Luke. “We’re friends aside from the fact that he’s my boss. We’re not what you think we are.”

“And this is mutual, right?”

“Of course, it is.” My answer may have been too quick to be convincing but nothing to be done about it now. 

“Good to know,” Alex said, his smile broadening. “Which means there’s nothing wrong if I solicit your help in learning my way around the city. Maybe shopping for some furniture, too, if you’re up for it. What do you say, Max?”

I couldn’t be sure if Alex was flirting. To be honest, I wasn’t an expert on the art and I could count in one hand the number of guys who’d attempted flirting with me in the last ten years. When Luke flirted, I noticed, because no one with a pulse couldn’t. The charisma, the flair, the toe-curling, giddy feeling it gave you—they were always there. Alex, on the other hand, was always the nice, friendly guy everyone got along with. He talked to people and if memory served me right, he also always listened. The times he’d come up to me to chat back then, when my social skills were years away from surfacing, he would bring up things I remembered mentioning only in passing. But since I couldn’t remember a single time Alex flirted with me in the years I knew him, all that I had to go with was the theory that he was just interested in some familiar company. Starting over in a new city on your own could get very lonely. 

“I’m up for it,” I said, returning his smile. “Just give me a call.”

We’d exchanged numbers hours back, in one of our longer conversations when he neatly cornered me as I was making rounds. We had been talking when I caught Luke’s eyes from across the room—dark, wintry and inscrutable—before he looked away with barely any acknowledgement.

“Trust me, I will.” 

I wasn’t quick enough to react properly when Alex suddenly leaned down to give me a quick hug. I stood there, stiff for a second, before awkwardly patting his nicely muscled shoulder. 

“It was good to see you, Max,” he said as soon as he pulled away. His golden brown gaze warmed me all over. “Don’t work too hard, okay?”

I shook my head and grinned. “It’s got food and booze and music so I wouldn’t necessarily call it work. But if it really is, then just consider me a workaholic.”

Alex chuckled softly before his eyes brightened with a different kind of light—at least I felt a little different as he looked at me. “You’ve changed a lot, Max, and as much as I liked the kid I knew years ago, I can’t say I’m sorry that you did.”

I couldn’t help but beam. “Thank you, Alex.”

He tipped his head, briefly took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “Goodnight, Max. See you again soon.”

I stood there in the corner for a minute, watching Alex until he disappeared out of the ballroom. When he was gone, I turned back to the last of the party, looking for Luke in case he was still lurking around being grouchy. But he was nowhere in sight. He could’ve already gone home and the possibility that he had without even saying a word to me left an ugly taste in my mouth. Even if we had different ideas for the evening, I highly doubted this was what either of us had in mind. I would like to fix it because the last thing we needed was another fight but he wasn’t here to fix it with me and some things you just couldn’t do solo.

If it couldn’t be tonight, then perhaps tomorrow, when the sun was up and neither Luke nor I could hide in the shadows where things looked different.

In half an hour, the only people left in the venue were hotel staff cleaning up the tables and a couple of us from the marketing team packing up our materials.

I’d long abandoned my shoes in a corner, walking around in bare feet as I helped Sal put all our left over supplies in a plastic bin while Andy inputted the last of our paperwork for tonight’s fundraiser in his laptop.

“We’re going to drop this off at the office and then we’re out,” Andy said as he closed his laptop and stashed it into a bag. Sal had stacked up two large plastic totes on a portable flatbed and was putting his coat on. “I’ll drop Sal off on my way. How about you? Do you need a lift?”

“Thanks, guys, but a friend’s picking me up so I’m good,” I said. “Are you two going to manage with these bins or do you need help?”

Sal feigned an offended look. “It hurts that you have to ask, Max. We’ll manage. You should get home and rest. You worked your butt off this week.”

“Sal’s right. You did a phenomenal job,” Andy agreed. “And we feel terrible, actually, because you stayed much later on most days than either of us, putting together all the last minute preparations.”

I waved a dismissive hand, slightly uncomfortable with the praise. “Hey, it’s alright. You guys have families to go home to. I’m on my own time so I can be a bit flexible. It was no problem. Don’t worry about it.”

Sal clapped me on the shoulder, slightly harder than I would’ve liked but I didn’t say anything. “If credit for tonight’s party should go to anybody, it should go to you. I sure as hell hope it doesn’t go to Theodora. I didn’t see her lift a finger at all tonight.”

Andy sighed. “Theodora’s going to try anyway, but I think Bryce was paying more attention this week for her to get away with it.”

It would be nice, for once, if our efforts were a little more obvious to the team this time around. Many times, they were all just swept under the rug labeled as Theodora’s Awesomeness. But that was a battle for another day and I was already exhausted. 

“We’ll trust the fates to do us justice, guys,” I told them with a smile. “But tonight, we should reward ourselves and get the rest we earned.”

“As long as you promise to take your own advice,” Andy said before grabbing one end of the flatbed’s handle. “Sal, let’s go. Max, see ya, Monday!”

As soon as they left, the ballroom, mostly dim now except for the sconce lights that dotted the walls, fell quiet except for the occasional scraping of the chairs on the floor as a couple of the hotel staff lined them up on the side in a far corner so they could sweep and mop the floor.

I turned back to the stage where I’d left my clutch and shoes and noticed that we forgot to take down the half a dozen decorative vignettes that were pinned on the velvet black fabric that draped over the backdrop. Any stage materials and decor were not the responsibility of the hotel staff and I didn’t want Bryce to hear about it on Monday because I’d decided to ignore it.

I checked my phone to see if Terrence had messaged me. 

All he’d asked me was to text him about half an hour before I wanted to be picked up and he’d come and get me. It was almost two in the morning. Terrence wasn’t my employee. Most of all, he was my friend and I couldn’t find it in my heart to drag him out of his house at this time in the morning just to drive me home. I wasn’t used to that and most of all, I didn’t want to impose on someone for something I could do for myself easily. I guess it would be a cab for me tonight then.

I texted Terrence saying goodnight and to not worry about me because I already called for a cab, which I would promptly do as soon as I was finished taking down the vignettes because I wasn’t sure how long that task would take.

After putting my phone away, I got up on the stage and walked to the back of it to assess the vignettes that Sal and Andy had put up. They were styrofoam cut-outs painted on and decorated with glitter which dusted all over me at the slightest contact. I didn’t find it difficult to unpin them from the fabric but the ones that were higher up, well above my reach, were going to be a bit of a challenge.

Looking around the stage for some ideas, I spotted a subwoofer framed in a black wooden box tucked behind one of the side panels of the backdrop.It was heavy but I managed to drag it over. It wasn’t the sturdiest thing and it wasn’t the brightest idea either but I didn’t really have a lot of options. Despite the wires attached to it, I got it pretty close but not flush against the backdrop so I had to lean forward quite a bit to reach the vignettes. It supported most of my weight but I had to be careful stepping on it because it felt hollow on some parts.

I was on my tiptoes, standing on the box, straining my arm high up to try and grab the end of a vignette, when he spoke in a low, dry voice.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Maxine Moss?”

Good thing I had one hand pressed on the wooden panel to steady me because I nearly toppled forward in surprise. I wasn’t sure yet whether it was a good or bad surprise.

I set back down on my feet and glanced over my shoulder. Luke stood by the low steps that led up to the stage, his arms crossed and his brows drawn in as he scowled at me. He was still wrapped up in his black mood and I wasn’t sure if I hated him for that or for the fact that even with his surly greeting, my heart still skipped a beat.

“I hope from your point of view, it looks like I’m trying to finish my job here tonight,” I said in not my friendliest tone, remembering his stinging statement earlier tonight. “That’s what you pay me for, isn’t it?”

“From my point of view, it looks like you’re going to kill yourself if you fall and break your neck,” he snapped, dropping his arms to his sides and walking up the steps toward me. 

“Only because you startled the living daylights out of me.”

“Gravity will do its job no matter what.”

Before I could react, he wrapped an arm around my waist and hauled me off the box and down on the ground. His arm didn’t move away as soon as my feet were steady. It still pinned me to his side, so close that I had to tilt my head all the way up to look at him. In the shadows of the vast, nearly empty ballroom, it was hard to see his eyes clearly. But it didn’t mean that I couldn’t feel them on me like a wordless caress.

“For someone so afraid to fall, you sure get reckless sometimes,” he said huskily, his head bent low enough that I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek.

Maybe I’m not afraid to fall. Maybe I’m just afraid you won’t catch me.

I lowered my face until I was looking at the neat row of black buttons on his white silk shirt, just below his bow tie, wondering just what would change if I said the words out loud. It may change nothing, or everything.

So I said nothing because the odds were too great and the difference between the two possibilities could make or break us. The only safe place was the in-between.

My eyes fluttering close, I took in a deep breath, comforted by his familiar scent, drawn by the warmth of his arm still tight around me I could almost describe it as possessive. Then my forehead touched his chest and it felt like the tense energy that thrummed through my bloodstream all week drained away. 

It took a second, maybe two, after my surrender, for Luke’s arms to fold around me, his head curved down that his chin rested lightly on my cheek.

“What are you still here, Luke?” I asked, choosing the question with an answer I was ready for, at least right now.

“Because you’re still here,” he said, his hand moving up to the side of my face, his fingertips brushing the velvety petals of the rose I’d tucked in my hair. “I thought after my appalling behavior tonight you would appreciate the space but Terrence called and said you were taking a cab home.”

Despite his reminder of tonight’s not-so-great aspects, I didn’t move away from his arms because it felt good to be there and I could use a little bit of good right now. “I can take care of myself just fine, Luke. I managed it well before you came along.”

I felt his sigh more than I heard it. “Since you’ve known me long enough to know that I can be a dick sometimes, you should know by now, too, that when it comes to you, I’ll always choose to be protective and I won’t apologize for it.”

I smiled. “But you can apologize for being a dick.”

“I can and I am,” he said a little more softly this time. I felt his nose press against my hair, his arms tightening around me ever so slightly. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier, Max.”

This time, I lifted my head so I could look into his eyes. “And I’m sorry about last night. I still think coming here together would’ve been a bad idea but I didn’t mean to be harsh about it. Or to be particularly persistent about you bringing someone else. I realize it must’ve grated at you, knowing now how much thought and effort you’d already put into the idea with the dress and everything.”

His other hand, the one that wasn’t touching the side of my face, slid down on my side, lightly tracing the curve of my waist and hip. “In case I had been too ill-tempered earlier to have said so, you’re beautiful tonight, Max. And before you brush that off, admit to yourself, even just for a second, that I’m not the only one who noticed.”

I smiled, indulging that urge to tease him just a little. “And is that what pissed you off all night?”

He rolled his eyes. “It was a double-edged sword. To show you and the world that you’re more incredible than you ever give yourself credit for is to invite all eyes in your direction. It would’ve helped if I could’ve been close enough to avert the attention of those I didn’t want looking at you but since I couldn’t, I had to endure.”

This time, I laughed, because he sounded so serious about it. “So you suffered in surly silence while I seduced the world?”

He didn’t look amused.

“Luke, don’t be silly,” I said, blinking back the beginning of my tears as my laughter subsided. I probably looked as smudge-eyed as a racoon now. “It’ll take more than a lavishly beautiful dress to turn me into a siren. Just because I feel attractive doesn’t mean I know how to attract that kind of attention.”

His eyes darkened. “Hard to believe that statement seeing how attracted that goalie was to you. He was hounding after you all evening.”

“To talk, that’s all,” I said. “I’m the only person he knows in this city outside of the hockey world. We’re just getting back to being friends.”

“I’d wager he wants to be more than just your friend,” he clipped out, his shoulders tensing under his tux jacket. 

I wasn’t sure where the courage came from but I boldly met his eye on my next statement. “So? What if he does? It won’t hurt to be friends before we get there, if he actually wants that. I probably prefer it that way.”

The expression on Luke’s face turned positively glacial. “Tell me, how many men to do you plan to be friends with as they race their way to get to the next level with you?”

That actually felt like a physical slap. 

It stung so bad I practically stumbled my way out of Luke’s arms. 

“Not that many, I assure you, because it’s not a race,” I said through gritted teeth. “It’s not a matter of who gets there first. It’s a matter of who deserves to get there.”

Luke let out a short, bitter laugh. “Oh, right. How can we forget that only saints would ever do for you, Max?”

My lips pressed into a tight line, my fists curling as I tried to rein in my anger. “I never said I required saints, Luke. But I certainly wouldn’t go for a guy who would hurt me.”

His eyes lingered on me for an eternity, half-cast in the shadows that I couldn’t see them clearly. Only the stark lines of his jaw and the tension of his shoulders clued me in on his turbulent emotions. 

“Just like I’m hurting you right now, Max?” he said in a voice so devoid of emotions. “Because I am and I have, whether I know it or not.”

“Luke—“

“So it can never be me then,” he said with a finality that felt as abrupt and permanent as the last nail pounded into the coffin to seal it off. “Because I’m no saint. Because I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you. I would never want to but what we want and what we actually do aren’t always the same thing.”

I didn’t say anything for a long time but it wasn’t silent—at least not in my head where my blood was rushing through, nor in my heart where it felt like a hundred horses were galloping away.

Somewhere in that declaration was an unworded admission—one that explained so much but made nothing easier. 

“Are you telling me that or are you telling yourself, Luke?” I asked, almost breathless from the effort. 

He didn’t answer.

Instead, he turned away and walked toward the backdrop, easily taking down the last two vignettes. 

What a pair of cowards we made.

“We have to get you home,” he finally said, picking up the small pile of vignettes and tossing them into a large trash bin next to the stage that the hotel staff had left for us to use. A small cloud of glitter swirled in the air, the small metallic specks catching the light and glinting back at us like a dusting of stars.

“We can’t leave things like this, you know?” I said, willing him to risk as much as I was right this moment. “Let’s mean what we say and not say what we don’t.”

This time, I could see the pain in his eyes—fleeting but fierce. 

He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked back toward me. “Okay, I’ll start. I don’t want to lose you, Max, and I know one sure way to guarantee it happening. I can’t risk it.”

It should’ve made me happy, to hear him say that he didn’t want to lose me, but instead, all I felt was the heavy weight of disappointment settling low in my gut—just right before the crushing force that nearly took my breath away. Because to not risk anything meant to do nothing about it at all. I knew that. I was as risk-averse as they came.

I swallowed against the dry lump in my throat. “What if you tried and just did your best not to screw it up?”

Luke scoffed, almost in contempt. “I’ve only got experience in doing this the wrong way, Max. I wouldn’t trust myself not to screw it up.”

I nodded stiffly because while this was at least an answer, an actual X on the map we’d only been wandering aimlessly on in the past few weeks, it was one I didn’t realize I couldn’t live with. At least not without feeling the rip of it inside me. 

“So just to be clear,” I said in a stronger voice, lifting my chin almost in defiance—against a heart I could hear chipping inside my chest and against a man I didn’t realize already had the power to deal me a blow I thought I could avoid.  “We’re never going to do this. We’ll never want more than what we have.”

Despite his stubborn stance, I could see Luke’s resolve crumble a little as my words rang out loud and clear around us. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. 

Tears pricked behind my eyes and I looked away before he could see them. “You better make up your mind, Luke. We can only play this game for so long.”

“It’s not a game, dammit,” he bit out.

I surprised myself by smiling as I glanced back at him. “Then why does it feel like we’re both losing?”

Luke swore under his breath and reached me in two long steps. His arms caged me in, pulling me so close I could feel each of his breath reverberate through me. His bright blue eyes looked like a tumultuous sea and I was getting swept under the currents, my feet finding no steady ground, my lungs running low on air I felt like I would burst out of my skin anytime soon.

“It’s not a game, Max,” he said, his gaze trailing down my lips, his own parting slightly as he drew in a breath and held on to it for dear life. “If it is, I’d know how to play it. I wouldn’t think twice. But if I play by the same rules with you—which is none at all—you’d get hurt and you’d be gone for good.”

I couldn’t say anything to that because despite the wild, heady rush of blood flowing through my veins, I knew he was right. Deep inside, old memories kept me chained to fears that had served me well in the last decade of my life. I was tempted, sure, but a part of me knew all too well the kind of pain that could follow a deep, reckless dive. I wouldn’t be too quick to forget that—just as Luke wouldn’t be too quick to change his old ways and walk a straight path. But if we both wanted this, we had to start somewhere. Someone had to be the first to trust and the first to test it. And neither of us was brave enough.

For what exactly was probably a good question to ask now.

“Do you want to kiss me?” I asked, not saying at all the words I thought I would.

Luke’s eyes grew hooded, his gaze so intent on the part of my anatomy responsible for the act that I could almost touch and taste him on my lips. 

Slowly, he dragged his eyes back up to me, his voice almost a low growl as he spoke. “Is this to be my punishment?”

“No,” I said plainly. “I just want to know. I’ve never—“ My cheeks heated up as I felt the admission coming, knowing that there was no sophisticated way to say it. How did a grown woman never get kissed? Simple, really. She didn’t let anyone get close enough because the closer someone got, the easier it was for them to hurt her. “What I’m saying is, I haven’t been, you know, kissed. If this is all we’re to have, I’d like to at least have you… I mean—“

“You want me to be your first kiss?” he asked in a voice so soft I wasn’t sure for a second that he actually spoke. 

I closed my eyes briefly and groaned. “Yes. I’m probably going to regret this because I’ll be measuring all the guys who’ll kiss me after this to your stan—“

His lips were soft and warm—just like I’d imagined them—but they were all that was tender in the kiss he inflicted on me. With arms that crushed me against his body, Luke sought my mouth like he sought his next breath—relentless, nearly frantic. He nipped at my lower lip until I let him in, his tongue gliding along mine, taking as much as he was giving, possibly more. His one hand cupped the side of my face, while the other tangled itself in my hair. My own hands were clutching his jacket as I kissed him back by instinct, letting him take me somewhere with every stroke and every breathless gasp, and following him to the edge of it. My legs felt liquid beneath me, melting even more at the heated ache that scorched a path to my every nerve ending.

Then just like that, Luke wrenched himself away from me.

I swayed slightly and he leaned forward to steady me but at the look of consternation on his face as if we’d done something so horrifying and tragic, I backed away and out of his reach. 

“Goddamit, Max. We shouldn’t have done that,” he said as he started to pace, shoving his hand through his hair. 

An ice cold feeling chilled the heat in my blood like a flash freeze. “No, we should’ve. It might just get us out of each other’s system once and for all.”

It was an absolute bald-faced lie but it was easier to say than the truth. No, I wouldn’t be getting Luke out of my system anytime soon but if I couldn’t have him, I could at least have my dignity. It was a poor substitute but it was better than nothing.

He stopped and looked at me with wide open eyes that were tortured. “And that’s the the way of things now, isn’t it?”

“It’s always been the way of things, Luke,” I said. “I want a man brave enough to put it on the line for us when he asks the same of me. But I’m not going to force someone to be that man—or imagine him to be there when he isn’t.”

Even if I so badly want it to be you. You’ve got to want it as badly as I do, Luke. 

“Will it be Alex?” he asked in a near hiss.

I shrugged. “I don’t know that. What I do know is that he’s out there. I’m not in a rush to find him but I’m not going to sit in a corner and wait for life to pass me by until he comes around. As afraid as I am of falling, I’m more afraid of standing still.”

And I was afraid that if I stayed in this in-between with Luke, waiting for God knows how long until we could both wrap our heads around it, I might end up hovering forever and never getting anywhere.

We only lapsed into silence after that, both at a dead end with nowhere to go but back up the way we’d gone. 

Something scared Luke tonight—enough to send him back behind the line he’d flirted with enough to confuse the heck out of both of us. It hurt more than I expected but I told myself to be grateful because I would rather he got cold feet now than hypothermia long after he’d dived in with me. 

Maybe once it got easier to accept, we could really just be friends. 

I almost snorted out loud because it was ridiculous to think of how much we’d deluded ourselves into thinking we were just friends when clearly, that wasn’t all that we had in mind, whether we said it out loud or not. Maybe with that specific option now out of the picture, we’d truly find out if we could just be friends after all or if it would hurt too much to stay too close to a fire that continued to burn.

“Will you still drive me home?” I asked softly, almost resigned to my new fate because it was easier than mourning the old one I thought I might just have for one foolish moment. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to. After tonight, I’m not sure that you want to be within ten yards of me.”

His jaw clenched. He clearly didn’t appreciate the humor. “I may not be able to be with you, Max, but I sure as hell can be there for you.”

I glowered at him. “Thanks for making it so much harder, Luke. We could really use some extra complication because we don’t have enough of it already.”

He ignored that and instead went to pick up my shoes and clutch from the edge of the stage.

He walked back toward me but as he got closer and I got a better idea of what he was about to do, I backed away, holding my arms out to stop him. “Don’t even think about picking me up and carrying me. Give me my shoes.”

His lips thinned into a line. “It’s late and you’re tired and your feet look sore from walking around all evening. It’s no hardship to carry you to the car.”

I grabbed the shoes from him and stuffed my swollen feet into them. “I’m sure it’s not but if we’re going to be just friends, Luke, you’re going to have to stop acting like we’re more. Okay?”

He said nothing. Just gave me a terse nod and walked off the stage.

I inwardly sighed and closed my eyes, hoping that the moment I opened them, this strange hallucination of a night would’ve cleared up. 

I would lose the memory of his embrace, of his kiss, but it would also mean that I wouldn’t have to remember the awful conclusion we’d come to tonight.

But when I opened my eyes and saw nothing different about the empty ballroom and the figure of Luke walking away from me, I knew that after tonight, the memories of something I’d secretly longed for and the loss of it a heartbeat after my first and only taste of it, would be forever seared in my mind. A brief, bittersweet love story that never was.

The car was quiet as Luke drove me home save for the smooth, low hum of the engine and the faint crooning coming from the car stereo, singing of love and its woes.

We said no more words as I slipped out of the car and let myself into the apartment. 

I didn’t pick up the phone to call and tell him to come up, knowing that he was still out there waiting. We didn’t do any of that.

Tonight, there had definitely been answers.

We picked where we stood with each other and re-drew the lines that would keep us there.

Finally, some clarity. 

But no matter how much you tell yourself it’s better to know than not, when the answers aren’t the ones you wanted, you wish you never even asked the question in the first place.

***

So, what do you guys think? Don't hate me because it feels like it's over. It's not and we all know it. But for these two to clearly see what they want and what it's worth to them, they'll need to open their eyes and see exactly where they stand at first and determine whether that distance is too far for them.

Let me know what you think!

Vote and comment if you enjoyed (or didn't) this chapter! =)

P.S. I love this song! It kept echoing in my head the whole week as I was writing this chapter. It's pretty perfect for it. 

♪♪♪ Chapter Soundtrack: Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera ♪♪♪

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye