Our unremarkable hero awakened to the smell of chlorine. When he opened his eyes, he realized that he was lying on a cheap lounge chair beside an indoor pool.

Ritsu's trainer, Bodhi the monk, was standing at the edge of the pool in gray sweats with their hands in their pockets, looking out at the water.

"Did you know?"

Ritsu rubbed the spot on the side of his head where it was hurting for some reason. He tried to remember what that reason was.

"Know what?"

Bodhi didn't turn to face Ritsu. Instead, they bent their knees slightly before pushing off into the sky. Ritsu tried to follow their trajectory, but he wasn't fast enough. Bodhi dropped from above and landed directly onto Ritsu's back.

"Hey! What the–"

The sun clone's vision tumbled around him as Bodhi rolled him onto their shoulder before firing him at the pool.

Yes, you heard correctly, Dear Traveler. Bodhi threw Sun Ritsu clear across the room and over the water. The sun clone's confused cries echoed off the atrium glass as he soared.

When Ritsu landed against the rough concrete on the other side, he didn't even have enough time to catch his breath before Bodhi landed feet first on his chest.

"Did you know," they leaned in close before saying with their eyes wide and missing nothing, "that you have a diamond body?"

What kind of interrogation was this?

"A diamond...?"

Bodhi stood up and laughed. "Of course you didn't know. It's you."

They casually stepped off of the monkey and breathed a sigh of relief.

Ritsu opened his mouth to speak, but Bodhi grew serious and lifted their hand.

"I just used a nice chunk of my qi to slam you into a concrete floor with the force of a galewind. But you don't have a scratch on you."

Ritsu groaned as he sat up. "Okay, but it still hurts."

Bodhi smirked. "Bet your head hurts too."

Ritsu didn't see their point, but he nodded anyway.

"Sun Ritsu," Bodhi said, helping him to his feet, "even the most thick-skulled, well armored sun clone would suffer some kind of concussion after getting t-boned in the face by Sun Tie Quan's quarterstaff. But all you have is a headache. That's why I'm sure."

Ritsu suddenly remembered the sudden death round. Did this mean he lost the Sevenfold Peach already?

"Sure of what?"

"Your diamond body. I don't know why I didn't test you for it earlier." Bodhi paused, suddenly noticing the way Sun Ritsu's shoulders slumped. "Hey! Didn't I tell you not to sulk in front of me? You made it to the next round."

Ritsu breathed his own sigh of relief.

"Okay, so what's a diamond body then?"

Bodhi waved for Ritsu to follow them. "I'll explain on the way to The Lunch Hero. We're supposed to be meeting up with everyone there."

Together they left the indoor pool, which happened to be located at the top of the hotel where they were staying.

As they walked, Bodhi explained, "The reason you didn't get severely hurt in that last round is all thanks to your diamond body. Basically you can get the shit beat out of you and still be all right. Don't get me wrong, the diamond body has its limits, but I don't think anyone here has what it takes to put a dent in yours."

Then Bodhi caught Ritsu up on how the rest of the trial went.

"So Blue Force made it to the next round," Ritsu noted after Bodhi listed off the other seven winners.

"Yes and we'll get to that in a second. First you need to tell me whether you remember ever entering a brazier of fire."

Ritsu shook his head. "A... brazier?"

Bodhi made an exasperated sound. "A cage. A bowl. A net. A pit. Anything with lots and lots of very hot spiritual energy trying to burn you alive! Even if you stumbled into one accidentally, they're pretty freaking hard to miss."

Ritsu tried to reach into that blurry corner of his memory that all came before he washed up on the shores of the Horse Province.

"Sorry. If it happened to me, I don't remember."

Bodhi didn't look too disappointed. They seemed to expect this.

"Okay, well we can't rely solely on your diamond body for the rest of this tournament. They're giving us two weeks to prepare for the next round, so we'll have to do some cultivating between now and then."

By this time the two spirits had arrived at The Lunch Hero – huh?

I said "cultivating", yeah. So anyway, the two spirits...

Cultivating as in cultivation. As in self cultivation. You know?

Oh. You've never heard of it. Well that's okay. I doubt our false hero Sun Ritsu has heard of it either. I was about to say that Ritsu was going to ask Bodhi for clarification on the topic, but upon entering the restaurant, they were greeted by quite the crowd.

All of the customers and even the employees had brought their polaroids. They all wanted to get a picture with Ritsu and congratulate him on his unorthodox victory in the first trial.

The short monk took on the task of herding Ritsu to the correct booth and shooing away his growing fan club.

"Get out of the way! He needs to eat! He needs to eat! Everything else can wait. That's right – Go!"

Groans and whines rolled off the crowd as it reluctantly parted. As soon as the monk and the monkey made it to the safety of the booth, Bodhi glared daggers at Sun Seven, who was beaming happily.

"I told you to keep your mouth shut so we can get this guy fed in peace," Bodhi said with a sternness that Ritsu had never seen in them before.

Seven didn't drop his golden-toothed smile for the monk. "This is good press. You'll thank me for it later. Plus we still need a stage name for Ritsu. You remember how they made a big deal about him not having one at the end there."

Bodhi pushed a mountain of wax paper-wrapped cheeseburgers in Ritsu's direction and instructed him to eat.

"Wait. All of them?"

The monkey's question went ignored as Bodhi shifted their attention back to Seven and argued, "How the hell does inviting flocks of Kawaii Village idiots all the way out here help with that?"

Seven replied, "Watch it, Sifu. You're talking to one of those village idiots. Show some respect. I know what I'm doing."

Face deep in a checkered paper tray of cheesy fries, Ham Song quietly mused about Seven announcing himself as an idiot.

Seven rolled his eyes, sliding two extra bottles of ketchup in Ritsu's direction. He said to Bodhi, "You want to know how nicknames become a thing?"

"No."

"Yes you do. Anyway, it almost never has anything to do with the source coming up with something clever. Names of recognition come from the people."

Seven gestured broadly to the clear window beside them where several bunny-eared spirits had their faces pressed up against the glass, swooning over the impressive way Ritsu obediently worked through his mountain of burgers.

"Just watch." Seven added a wink for good measure.

Bodhi sighed and slumped in their seat, the only indication that they thought he had a point.

Seven then opened one of the ketchup bottles and started dunking it over the top of the half-dismantled mountain.

"You need to eat your vegetables too, little brother. Tomatoes are a good source of potassium."

Ritsu had his mouth full, but he nodded dutifully and dug in some more.

Bodhi ordered themself a fried chicken salad. Seven tried to eat one of Ham Song's cheesy fries, but the pig bit him.

Sun Ritsu was simply happy to be surrounded by friends and relieved that he could move on to the next round. You know how he is, Dear Traveler. He's a simple monkey, our hero.

The fans stuck around through the whole meal. So Bodhi relented and let them take a few pictures with Ritsu and give him some gifts of encouragement.

"We heard you like cigarettes, so we bought you some in every flavor." One group of rabbit spirits told him.

Of course the packaging came in pastels with chibi silhouettes plastered about the cardboard surfaces. Ritsu thanked them in his usual, genuine way and tucked all of the boxes away inside of his jacket. By the time they left the restaurant, his zipper was up to his neck and his jacket was full of gifts and more food to go.

On the walk back to the hotel, Ritsu carried a very stuffed and exhausted Ham Song on his back.

Bodhi was still fired up from everything that had happened. They told Ritsu not to let any of this local fame and adoration go to his head.

"I won't, Bodhi. I promise," Ritsu said. Then he asked about the next trial and if they knew what it was going to be.

Seven snorted. "Yeah, we know this time. The tournament officials can't pull the same crap twice."

Bodhi said, "The next challenge is such that everyone has to use their staff to make something wondrous and true. Whatever it is that you make has to also coincide with your personality and overall aesthetic. Personally, I can't stand events like this. It's basically nothing but a show and tell."

Seven added, "Sifu is right, but I kinda dig it. Ritsu, you should see this as an opportunity to do a little soul searching and figure out what you really bring to the table. What makes you memorable as a monkey king? Let that guide you in this next trial."

"Maybe before you do all of that," Ham Song piped up, "you should learn how to get a handle on your staff first, benevolent monkey. It was by the skin of your teeth that you didn't treacherously lose today!"

Ritsu winced. "Ham Song, you're right next to my ear, you know."

The four spirits carried on their half informative, half argumentative discussion all the way to their bedrooms. Ritsu had much to think about for the next two weeks.

He had a diamond body.

He had a semi-sentient staff that refused to take any direction from him. And with that staff, he had to make something wondrous and true.

But before any of that, Dear Traveler, our hero had to sleep. And sleep he did. Belly full of ordinary lunch heroes, surrounded by the gifts of his fans and the gentle snores of his trainer, Sun Ritsu had one of the mightiest sleeps of his life.