Once the spirits had picked up some snacks and taken their seats in the stands with the rest of the attendees, Ham Song said, "I expected Sun Surina to be here, but not as a host. I thought someone like her would compete for sure."

Seven ripped into his bag of cool ranch chips and said, "It's probably to avoid voting bias since she already has high ratings with the audience. It could start a riot if a judge gave her a score that her fans didn't agree with. The judging booth doesn't need that kind of pressure."

Bodhi pried open the top on their styrofoam cup and gently blew across the steaming surface. While their tea cooled off, they said, "What's up with everyone's glamour? Looks like Ritsu wasn't the only one whose tail broke through."

Ham Song gave a pointed snuff. "That's what happens when their kind gets competitive. Especially around each other."

Seven bit down on a chip and regarded the pig out of the side of his eye. "And you know this much about our kind because?"

Because I am older than you by deca-seasons! Ham Song wanted to say.

"The pig just knows weird stuff like that," Bodhi said in between sips. "Get used to it."

Ham Song wasn't sure if the monk was sticking up for him or cutting the conversation short out of boredom. Either way, Seven shrugged and went on describing exactly what kind of tournament they all were in for.

Meanwhile, Surina introduced the sports anchors to the crowd. A professional pair of spirits climbed onto the platform, one being a sun clone in a gray suit and pink tie who went by Sun Xiao Dan. Beside him stood a smartly dressed dog spirit with the head of a golden spitz named Chow Jia Hui. The judges were a handful of nondescript rabbits, one bovine, and what appeared to be an elderly sun clone.

"This time, it's all about the staff. The Sevenfold Peach is a staff-wielding competition after all. One rule this year is that the contestants are strictly forbidden from unlocking their Radiant State."

Ham Song looked over at Bodhi. "Did you know this, monk?"

Bodhi coolly kept their gaze on the lawn and sipped away at their tea. "You know I didn't read the rules, pig. Not that it would be a problem anyway. I can train Sun Ritsu to hold his own."

After everyone was introduced, Suri announced that the categories for each trial would remain a secret until after the opening ceremonies. That's when the lights dropped, leaving only the three bright orbs after which the stadium was named. They seemed to have detached themselves from the ceiling and moved about the interior on their own accord.

As the divine stars descended, a thick mist simultaneously rose up from the lawn. The bodies of the sun clones became shrouded in it and all the attention was drawn in by Surina's pop idol stance on the stage.

Then the deep bass of several hidden stereos started to pump through the space.

"What kind of opening ceremony is this?" Ham Song roared over the building hype. He was furious that he could no longer keep an eye on his dear monkey king. What if that scoundrel Sun Tie Quan used this blasted mist to try and get revenge on Sun Ritsu?

That's when the pig heard something that he hadn't heard in a long time.

It found him like a cold snap of mountain wind. Airy and bright. Bodhi's laughter.

"Would you relax already?" The monk chuckled, daring even to slap Ham Song on his bristly hide. "Suri's really putting on a show and you're going to spoil it by complaining?"

Seven chimed in. "I'm with Sifu on this one, Hambro. Loosen up."

Ham Song blinked indignantly through the rising mist. "What did you just... Nevermind. Just how do you two expect me to loosen myself when I cannot see one damned thing out there? I'll feel better if I can keep an eye on Ritsu."

Before Ham Song knew it, Seven and Bodhi were heaving him onto their shoulders. The perch was a little crooked seeing as how Bodhi was fairly shorter than Sun Seven. Still, it was enough for Ham Song to get a clearer view of the stage where Sun Surina danced and sang her heart out.

But the pig wasn't interested in any of that.

His glassy black eyes scanned the sea of heads, desperately trying to lock on his monkey king's to make sure that no one had bashed it in.

There!

In the grass, sitting with the others was Sun Ritsu. Ham Song almost couldn't believe what he was seeing. Unlike the rest of the sun clones who were on their knees, unable to sit still and cheering Surina on, Ritsu was turned away from the show. It was as if he was totally ignoring the performance and waiting for it to be over.

Though Ritsu never seemed to acknowledge that he was under any sort of pressure, Ham Song suddenly recognized the great burden Sun Ritsu had been made to bear. Not only did he have to clear Bodhi's name, but he had to beat all of these Great Sage wannabes in a televised tournament.

Ham Song glanced down at the monk, who held him up while happily screaming at the glowing stage. The pig looked away before the human's sharp eyes could catch on to the guilt in his expression.

Bodhi had done wrong, for sure. But Ham Song was the one who pushed things in this direction. For months he chastised Ritsu for making too little money. A plucky, disgraceful move seeing as how Ham Song's naked self could never land a job to help make ends meet.

"What are you thinking about, pig?"

Ham Song glanced down at Bodhi again. Yes, and this time those keen gray eyes of theirs were studying him closely.

"Think our handsome monkey king is going to lose?" Bodhi said this with that measured slyness – the side they showed whenever they were in pursuit of a little booze.

Ham Song opened his mouth, but Bodhi beat him to the punch.

"Who cares if he is. Because you want to know what I was thinking?" Bodhi's gaze shifted to the arena. "I was thinking I'd be damned if I let Ritsu work this hard and lose this thing. You see, now that you and I are back together, we're going to make sure Ritsu wins himself a Sevenfold Peach. I don't care how we do it."

Ham Song growled, "You bald criminal. Seven's listening!"

A rough jostle came from Ham Song's right side, where he rested on Sun Seven's shoulder.

"Nothing to worry about on my end, Hambro. I'm all for cheating if the occasion calls for it. But only if it calls."

Ham Song looked back and forth from Bodhi's freckled smirk to Seven's gold-toothed grin. A fine sweat broke out behind the pig's ears as he considered all of the disastrous possibilities that this collaboration could bring. There were too many spirits around to keep up this forbidden conversation. The stress was already becoming too much for the pig.

There was nothing Ham Song could do except close his eyes and swear up to the heavens.

"Sweet immortal peaches, we are done for."

~

Ham Song's observations are not done yet, Dear Traveler. But there are some things that we need to cover before we can move on to the dinner portion of our spiritual cadre's evening.

First, let's start with the judges. They won't become as key as say Sun Seven or Sun Surina, but they are worth going over. Three of the judges are rabbit spirits who have judged tournaments of this sort in the past. They are also meant to enforce Code (yes, that Code) and respond to any harsh Code violations. With that being said, the Kawaii laws have been relaxed somewhat for the sake of this tournament.

The bull spirit known as Shan Boshan comes from a region in the Ninth Heaven known as Shonen Playground. It's essentially a turf triangle of the Tiger, Ox and Monkey provinces. He serves as the expert on the all-outness and cumulative badassery displayed by the contestants. Don't ask me what any of that means or how it's measured. The spirits that come out of Shonen Playground are on a whole other level.

The last spirit was the elderly sun clone aptly named Sun Laozhi – Old Master. He's your typical old wise man with plenty of fun secrets hidden up his enormous sleeves. Laozhi was always in high demand for tournaments such as this. If he was there, then it's a pretty big deal.

Next, let's move on to our anchors. They're real characters these two. Sun Xiao Dan is a popular event caster. He does everything from televised championships to grade school talent shows. He calls himself the people's sportscaster and almost never turns down a request. Due to his widespread popularity, he, like Laozhi, simply goes by one name – Dan.

Then there is Chow Jia Hui. Like the three bunny judges, she is a Kawaii Village native. It's there that she began building her career as a trivia night host. However, you should know that Chow Jia Hui secretly despises her home turf. She only returns for special events such as this. The sportscaster is fondly known as Encyclopedia Chow, which you'll hear others refer to her as from time to time.

Almost finished, Dear Traveler. Before we move on, I'd like to go over the nature of the competition. As expressed before, this is a staff-wielding competition with the intent of measuring a monkey spirit's innate control and prowess over their quarterstaff. The prize for being the last monkey standing is eight hundred thousand in cash as well as an all expense paid trip to a hot spring resort at the Mountain of Mind and Heart.

This year is a little bit different from past Sevenfold Peach tourneys because this time contestants are barred from relying on their Immortal State. The reason being that whenever you gather a lot of monkey kings in one place and let them go buckwild with sweet immortal peaches, you get a lot of...damaged property. The Rabbit Province was not willing to deal with the costs of cleaning up after their guests. It would break more laws in the Code than I have the energy to count. So this was the compromise.

Some spirits were not happy about this, but they couldn't do anything about it and neither can we.

I personally find it hard to believe that one of the contestants won't at least try to find a way to test these limits. Who knows. Maybe if they're cute enough, they might be able to get away with it.

Let's not spend too much time in this state of wondering. It's time to kick this tournament off with some ordinary verse:

Spirits wait and spirits watch

Some travel great distances

To test staff against staff.

They are all gathered here now.

None drunk on immortal wine

Too early to break out in sweat

So then how do they shine?

All their tails coil and stretch

Refusing to hang still.

Patience. There soon will be no rest

during the Sevenfold Peach. The ultimate test.

Bend your rods, children of the Great Sage!

Show us your skill!

For the staff that can bear the extremes

Means the spirit has a strong will.

While the staff that hits its limits quick,

Reveals inner weaknesses.

Many will try.

Only one shall get it right.

We are about to begin.

Mark every step and

synchronize your breaths.

Who has what it takes? Who will go far?

Here at the Sevenfold Peach

In a Divine Cave

of Three Stars!