Brace yourself, Dear Traveler, because we are nearing the end. Yes, all pitiful god king tales must stop somewhere. Thankfully this one will be over soon because I grow bored with it. This is the final arc: The Golden-Hooped Rod of Compliance. It's a name that shouldn't sound new to you. We've come across it before.

If you are willing, I can provide a bit of verse to help jog your memory on the events so far. It'll be a nice refresher since we are so close to the end. We'll go by the major arcs in the tale, starting with the Noodle House arc. Then we'll move through the Peach Festival, The Heavenly River, and The Hall of Perfect Light before we dive into the telling of the Golden-Hooped Rod of Compliance.

When we met our mediocre monkey king, he was nothing more than a waiter doomed to serve rude and rowdy customers at some sweaty noodle house in the backwaters of the Horse Province.

A series of Lucky events brought our hero, Sun Ritsu, in contact with some sweet immortal peaches, which allowed him to break out of that greasy hellhole. But it left him with a pig with a big mouth and a monk who would sell their companions out for a barrel of wine if they had the chance. In fact, Dear Traveler, that's exactly what the monk did at the Peach Festival! Thanks to the help of Anari the spider spirit, Ritsu and Bodhi were able to reclaim their porky compadre as well as earn themselves a ride across The Heavenly River to an entirely different province.

After all this time, Sun Ritsu learned a few things. One being that the Ninth Heaven was home to a lot of greedy spirits. Secondly, compared to the rest of his kind, Ritsu was quite strange. He wasn't obsessed with rank and he seemed to have a natural leaning towards helping other spirits rather than helping himself. This, Dear Traveler, confused the hell out of the monk and if we're being honest, unsettled the otherwise unruffled spideress. Ham Song was truly the only one who came close to embracing Sun Ritsu for his peculiarities, but one could argue that the pig was only doing so to protect his own juicy hide.

Anyway, each of the three spirits had agreed to help Sun Ritsu locate his staff for their own reasons. Although, when it came to Bodhi and Anari, let's just be honest. Those two were simply looking for excuses to spend time with this idiot monkey. They would never admit it though.

So now our spiritual cadre is meandering about through Kawaii Village, a place that criminalizes anything that the collective conscious doesn't regard as adorable. The cadre has split up – Ritsu and Anari have gone to explore the nearby fairgrounds for Ritsu's staff. Meanwhile Ham Song and Bodhi are playing a dangerous game, trying to get their hands on something that can substitute for alcohol. The latter have earned themselves an audience with yet another sun clone. A local celebrity who goes by the stage name Sailor Sun.

Finally, the two halves come together at the threshold of the Hall of Perfect Light, where a wasting immortal phoenix has blessed Sun Ritsu with something not even Anari and her eight eyes could perceive. Sun Ritsu still has not recovered his staff, but upon meeting another sun clone, he might have one more chance at completing this very simple, holy immortal, godforsaken task.

But...

Given how painfully stupid of a monkey king we have on our hands, I sincerely doubt any real progress will come to pass.

The pig was not built for this kind of travel. He could barely keep up with Bodhi and Sun Surina's brisk pace through the outdated theme park.

When I see Ritsu, I'm going to make him carry me back to that bed and breakfast inn.

There was no use expressing his misery out loud. Ham Song knew that the monk wouldn't listen. They were too focused on the hemline of Sun Surina's school uniform. Despite this, Bodhi seemed to otherwise be on their best behavior. It probably had something to do with the peach soda coursing through their system. Ham Song wondered how long his companion would tolerate this quick fix. The pig wasn't looking forward to puking more peaches any time soon.

After the three spirits had walked all the way to the fairgrounds on foot, Ham Song finally breathed a sigh of relief. If only he was anatomically capable, he would have waved to Sun Ritsu and Anari. Instead, he grunted and used the last of his energy to sprint past Bodhi and Suri.

"Great Sage! I'm starving!" Ham Song wailed as he snuggled up to Sun Ritsu's ankles. "And you, benevolent monkey, you smell like cheeseburgers."

Ham Song expected Ritsu to say something back, but when the pig received no greeting, he craned his fat neck to get a look at the monkey's face.

There was a cautious look in Ritsu's eyes that suddenly filled Ham Song up with unsavory tingles. He took a few steps back in order to give Ritsu some space and fully assess the situation.

Suri took advantage of the gap left by Ham Song. She invited herself to come closer to Ritsu, completely ignoring his tense body language. The pink-haired sun clone flicked Ritsu's earring with the end of her scepter and asked, "Did you solve the phoenix's riddle?" Not taking her eyes off of the jade earring, she added, "Can you believe how ugly he is? And he calls himself an Immortal. It's a riot."

Ritsu's jewel glinted sharply in the sun as he jerked his chin and took a step back from the thief. Edging closer to Anari, he replied, "The phoenix helped us."

Ham Song noticed how uncharacteristically dark Ritsu's tone had become. He wondered if the spideress or the monk noticed this sudden change in Ritsu's demeanor.

"Ritsu, Anari, come see!" Bodhi exalted, waving their can of peach soda in both of the spirits' faces. "Suri helped us too!"

In the time that Ritsu and Anari's attention had shifted to the monk, the other sun clone narrowed her eyes right before sparkles blasted from her star-tipped scepter. The sudden lightshow caused Ham Song to squeal. This could only mean one thing.

They were all about to be robbed.

But what could Sun Surina possibly want from us now?

This... this was bad.

Dear Traveler, there is something you should know about our mediocre monkey king before we move forward. It is that he does his best to, at all costs, avoid coming directly in contact with another sun clone.

I mean, you remember what happened at the Peach Festival, don't you? Those souped-up sun clones walked all over him. He didn't stand a chance in a conversation against one of them. Could you imagine if he actually had to go head to head with another monkey?

Whenever Sun Ritsu met a clone, he always got the sense that they were sizing him up. He never particularly liked that feeling, Dear Traveler.

This is why Sun Ritsu found himself rapidly spiraling into something close to panic the closer Sun Surina came. The moment his gaze met hers, he knew.

He couldn't hide from those eyes.

More than any other spirit, sun clones could recognize each other. No matter how thick the glamour. Monkeys could read the rank in another as easily as they could read street signs. And if Sun Surina could see through Ritsu's glamour, that meant that she could see the secrets that even the Hall of Perfect Light had failed to illuminate.

All Sun Ritsu could do was swallow the lump in his throat and pray that this new monkey spirit wouldn't give away that which Ritsu had managed to keep hidden this whole time.

But you know what, Dear Traveler? The poor, lawless monkey could pray all he wanted. There was no way it would stop Sailor Sun from taking advantage of the moment when Ritsu became distracted by Bodhi's outburst.

Ritsu gasped at the sudden explosion of sparkles and glitter. It was just as he feared. When the theatrics cleared and Surina was nowhere to be seen, Ritsu didn't waste any more time standing around. He snatched the half-empty can of soda pop from Bodhi and chugged it as fast as he could.

"Hey!" Bodhi shrieked, their already rosy complexion deepening in disbelief at Ritsu's rudeness.

Ritsu ignored them as well as the sharp, burning sensation of the carbonated peach drink going down too fast. The other three spirits were left in a state of confusion. Sun Surina had already put a lot of distance between herself and our spiritual cadre.

When Ritsu finished the last drop of soda, he groaned from the stinging in his throat and gripped the can.

"She stole something from us! I have to..." Ritsu ground out in a voice not quite like his own.

"I hope you're happy, Sun!" Bodhi whined. "That was the last of my drink! It won't be enough to put you in the Radiant State, if that's what you're trying to do."

Ritsu stood there with his eyes shut tight, his back hunched and the soda can firmly in his grasp. He gritted his teeth and jerked his head a few times.

"I have to stop her."

Anari, who had been closely watching Sun Surina escape along the tiers of the distant roller coasters, finally turned her attention back to Ritsu. She placed her hand on the center of his back and tried to comfort him.

"She just took off with your earring, Sun. She didn't take any of our money."

A vein popped to the surface of Ritsu's neck. He jerked his head again.

"Get back." He said. "Everyone. Get away from me!"

Ritsu's body temperature shot up so fast that Anari snatched her hand back from his spine. He kept his eyes shut, bent his knees and spread his legs into a deeper stance.

Ritsu opened up his hand to release the soda can, but instead of falling, it floated just above the center of his palm before suddenly shrinking inward. As if crushed by a mighty grip, the empty peach soda can went from a perfect cylinder to a colorful scrap of metal, dented along a thousand creases.

Bodhi didn't seem to care that some kind of shift was taking place. They still loudly cursed Ritsu for helping himself to their drink.

"Who do you think you are? That was my last sip to enjoy!"

Anari hooked her arms under Bodhi's and Ham Song hooked his tusk around the monk's ankle. The two spirits pulled the humanae back just in the nick of time.

Now, Dear Traveler, listen to the next few moments told in verse. Bodhi was correct. That little bit of peach soda was nowhere near enough to engage Sun Ritsu's Immortal State. But Ritsu didn't need to go that far...

The ground formed a depression when Sun Ritsu leapt.

A crater of broken concrete where he had once stepped.

Ham Song was the only one would could make out

the insignia of the golden lotus shining, glowing, pulsing

in the center of the monkey's spine.

Though this was no Immortal State

that monkey king was still so beautiful, so glorious

and so Divine!

He sprung, chest-forward into the air,

using the loops of the coasters to propel himself

closer and closer to that thief on the run.

The locally famous, pretty in pink: Sailor Sun

Anari's eyes were the only ones keen enough to notice

the sharpening of Ritsu's ears and canines

Bodhi turned their gaze to the ground to weep

over the crushed can of peach soda.

Nothing else mattered to them,

certainly not the lofty game of cat and mouse

between the two sun clones along the hills and valleys

in the jungle of theme park rides.

Sun Ritsu was so fired up, riding that brief yet intense high,

yet he could not catch up

to the sparkling, swift sun clone ahead.

It seemed the harder he tried,

the more she increased her range.

Finally, so fed up, that monkey king

stretched out his fist,

flashed his sharp teeth,

and spoke the words:

C H A N G E ! ! !

.