"Before we start discussing things, I need to know," Ham Song anchored his hooves on the table and leaned forward, "are you a man or woman?"

The monk scrutinized the pig for a moment. Ritsu munched on his pork bun, glancing curiously back and forth between the two.

With a wry smile, the monk said, "That depends. Are you really a pig?"

Ham Song's throat immediately clamped up. He fought to find a way to answer the question without really answering it, but it only made each one of his respiratory muscles constrict more.

Amused, the monk chuckled, "I'm waiting."

Ritsu took a curious bite out of his pork bun while Ham Song continued to gag on his own cursed tongue. A few agonizing seconds slipped by before the monkey looked around the depot and then back at Ham Song. He swallowed his food and cleared his throat. "Uh, Ham Song? Could you keep it down? I think you're making a scene."

Ham Song strained to glare at him. Damn this miserable bi-ped!

The monk took his/her time folding his/her hands over the table. Finally, as if releasing Ham Song from his temporary torture, he/she said, "I will say this once. And afterwards, if either of you question my biological nature again, I will drop-kick your asses so conclusively, that you will wake up in the Lake of Ninefold Darkness. Do I make myself clear?"

Together Ham Song and Ritsu vigorously nodded their heads in understanding. Now that Ham Song was free of having to come up with a response to the monk's first question, the curse ebbed and his throat relaxed. He took in a grateful inhale.

The monk said, "I am they. Depending on a variety of factors of which I have almost no control, you might look at me and be inclined to call me she or he. You may not know the difference. With that being said, no matter what you feel when you look upon me, I am and will forever be they. Now, let's move on to more important things."

Ham Song didn't really feel like the monk had properly answered his question, but he kept his confusion to himself. If the monk wished to be confounding and alien, who was he to say otherwise?

They stabbed the air with their chopsticks. "Since it goes against my moral code, I don't carry around money any longer than I need to. Therefore, I'm completely broke."

Ritsu cocked his head to the side. "Wouldn't eating meat go against your moral code though?"

Under normal circumstances, Ham Song would have chimed in, but he feared the consequences of angering the monk. So he kept his snout shut for the time being.

The monk pointed to Ritsu as if they hadn't heard his question. "Like you told us earlier, Sun, you recently spent your last dime on a pork bun. So now you're broke." Then they aimed their chopsticks at Ham Song. "And you, pig."

Ham Song gulped.

"Judging by your lack of glamour and any other personal effects, I'm going to assume that you also are not currently holding onto any funds."

Ham Song scraped his hoof against the surface of the table. "Listen here, monk! It's not my fault I've been tied up in the pantry of a noodle house for the past month."

The monk spared no sympathy for the hog. They chuckled, "Something tells me you're lying about that too, pig."

Ham Song gritted his teeth. "I told you already, monk. It's Ham Song."

"By the way," Ritsu cut in, his natural speaking volume sounding like a whisper against Ham Song's shrieking, "we never got your name." He looked at the monk as he said it.

The monk rolled their eyes. "Why should I give you my name when it appears that we are of no use to each other in any capacity?"

Ritsu took another bite of his bun. "What do you mean?"

Once again, the monk gestured among the three of them. "You need a job. Ham Song here needs life insurance. And I," they looked at the bottom of their empty styrofoam ramen container, "desperately need a drink."

Ham Song's ears perked at the monk's respectful usage of his name. He said, "You've been unconscious for some time, monk, and you've missed a few things."

They stopped gazing at the cup and arched a well groomed eyebrow. "Oh, have I, my dear Ham Song?"

The pig leaned forward. "Indeed. You see," he gestured to Ritsu on his right, "this is no ordinary Sun. And I am no ordinary pig. I have Luck, understand? Luck like you would not believe."

The monk relaxed their eyebrow and leaned back. "Go on."

Hoping this would win them over, Ham Song said, "Come with us. My Luck may be low at the moment, but it'll come back. I guarantee it. Help us make a little money and when it does, you can have as much of it as you want."

The look on the monk's face was one of keen interest. Were monks even capable of greed, Ham Song wondered. It went against his instincts to trust a drunkard claiming to be a student of enlightenment. And yet, here he was. All because the benevolent monkey spirit beside him proved time and time again to be lacking the basic foundation of a typical brain.

Yes, it seemed that they were going to need all the help they could get.

The monk had finally given up their name: Bodhi.

"What? That's it?" Ham Song snorted.

The monk sneered. "What do you mean?"

"Bodhi Li, Bodhi Xu, Bodhi Guo, Bodhi what? Certainly you have a surname."

Bodhi's expression lightened. "Bit of an old fashioned hog, aren't you?"

Ritsu, who was looking out through one of the cloudy square windows, wondered if he would ever see that spider spirit again. Come to think of it, she hadn't provided a surname either. Based on the richness of her skin and the texture of her hair, he would be surprised if her name ended in anything like Li or Xu.

Anari.

Ritsu wasn't sure why he couldn't stop thinking about her. It was clear that she was serious about her work, however risky it was. A career-focused spirit like her wouldn't have time to waste traipsing the Ninth Heaven with a sun clone, a pig, and a so-called monk, looking for an extremely powerful and ancient staff –

!!!

"My staff!"

Sun Ritsu shot to his feet, disrupting not only the people at his booth, but all of the customers in the cramped snack depot.

The store manager shook his fist from behind the register. "Listen here, you crazy ape! I won't have any of that monkey god buffoonery in my place of business, you hear me!"

Bodhi and Ham Song were staring up at Ritsu like he had grown a second head.

Ritsu took a few steadying breaths, waved at the shop owner and apologized in earnest. The spirit grumbled something else about the lunacy of monkey spirits before he went back to reading his dirty magazine. When it was clear that he didn't have any intentions of throwing Ritsu and his friends out, the rest of the customers lost interest and went back to milling about.

As Ritsu slowly took his seat, Bodhi dipped their chin and said, "You want to explain what all that was about?"

"Sorry. I just remembered something."

Bodhi leaned in a little closer. "We heard. Something about a staff?"

Ham Song nearly squeaked. "Benevolent monkey, back at the noodle house, you were asking around if anyone had seen your staff. You were in the Immortal State."

Ritsu did his best to sharpen the fuzzy images connecting back to Ham Song's story, but his brain just wouldn't give. "I-I sort of remember that. I just know that I had a quarterstaff once. It let me do a lot of things. With it, I could even fly."

Bodhi interrupted, "Cloud-somersault. Not the same as flying, Sun."

Ham Song's pink snout darkened. "Monk, stay out of this. He's trying to remember. From the likes of it, you probably just want the staff for yourself."

Bodhi rubbed their chin. "You're right, Ham Song. Something as valuable as a sun clone's quarterstaff I could easily sell and use the money to buy an infinity gourd. Then I would never run out of booze."

Ham Song looked at Ritsu. "I told you we couldn't trust them."

Ritsu scratched the back of his neck. "Oh, Bodhi's just kidding . . . I think."

"Sun Ritsu," Bodhi's face grew serious, "I don't know if you're aware, but there are not that many quarterstaves left. Only Suns of the highest order keep them. To claim that you are the owner of such an artifact is not something you should be announcing in a place like this. Or any place in the Ninth Heaven for that matter."

Then Bodhi looked around to make sure no one was listening before dropping their voice. "If you want to find your staff, I would start by looking in places with Suns of status."

Ritsu nodded eagerly. "Uh okay. Places like . . . ?"

Without looking, Bodhi swiped the empty pork bun wrapper from under the pig's hooves. Ham Song protested, but Bodhi pushed it across the table.

"Places like this. The Horse Province's annual Peach Festival. A handful of very powerful Suns host it. And lots of aspiring clones will be there."

Ritsu picked the wrapper up by its edges, careful to avoid the parts that were coated in Ham Song's saliva. In bright sharp writing it spelled out the time, date, and specific location of the Peach Festival. The banner was also decorated with peach blossoms, fans, and pitchers of beer.

"I help you get that staff," said Bodhi, "and you pay me handsomely in Luck. Do we have a deal?"

~

Dear Traveler, are you still paying attention? Just because there's a lot going on doesn't mean you can just tune me out!

Well, I'd say that it's about time our disorganized heroes get the hell out of this snack depot. It's off to the Peach Festival! Don't you just love them? All of the games, and the costumes, and the booze, and the –

Say what now?

You've never gone to a Peach Festival? Why does that not surprise me?

I guess I'll have to charge you extra in order to compensate for your lack of culture. Okay fine, don't pay me. Just don't expect the next installment of this tale to have any descriptions of the festival whatsoever.

Ha! Thought so. You may be uncultured, but at least you know what makes for an interesting tale.

.