Give Me a Reason to Live

Song: Heartbeat Sound by Timer Crônometro Cronógrafo

They were dying no matter how hard I was trying.

My heart ached from the weight of their deaths that I was fighting to bear. Giving up was not an option.

So I fought. My silver power wrapped around the dying wolves littering the ground. I willed my gift into their withering bodies. I forced life to take up a home where death lived rent free.

I gave one last push of power before losing every wolf in sight.

The weight of my entire Pack pushed down on me and I screamed in agony. Whimpering at the unbearable burden of their death-

The second star calls to you, the Moon Goddess whispered. She will try to steal your generosity but you must never stop being kind...

The Orb.

The bodies of my dead Pack were replaced with nameless Werewolves. There were chains around their paws. Silver collars around their necks. I watched them all die one by one in rooms with grey walls and no windows. Soft whimpers forced their way into my withering heart.

I failed them.

I failed them all.

Somewhere, beyond the world of dreams, someone was screaming. It was a loud shrieking. The type of blood curdling shout you let out when everything hurt too damn much and all that was left to do was die.

That's how loudly she was screaming right now.

She?

Yes, she.

Wait...

No...

Me.

It was me. It had to be me.

Those were my screams. This was my dream and, holy fuck, what was wrong with me? My insides were on fire. It was like someone was reaching in and twisting my insides up. Piece by piece I wailed in agony. The internal pulling stretched the sickness within me until it filled every crevice. The world around me trembled as the dead bodies vanished one by one and-

She's convulsing! Alpha, hold her down! This is no ordinary silver.

I fell.

Straight into another old dream turned nightmare.

"I'm always here." Everything went into slow motion as I spun to find the source of the tender voice. Silver hair filled my blurring vision as the ground underneath began to give away. It was the landslide Leo and I were accustomed to seeing in our time. "I will always be here."

I fell with eyes of electric blues haunting me.

I'll be here, Venus. Until the very end...

Until the very end, huh?

I walked upon the cliff where Alpha and Luna met me in my dreams only to find that neither of them were there. There was no godly presence or dazzling atmosphere. Leo's scent didn't envelop me like last time nor were the waves as pretty.

Everything was just so disgustingly ordinary and it made me sick.

Why was I here? What was the point? Was this the path I needed to take to go back?

Did I even want to go back?

I wasn't so sure anymore.

Rowena broke me. The scars from the whippings would never heal. Nor would the trauma from the memories. I was strong enough to leave but was I strong enough to wake up and continue living?

I wasn't so sure anymore.

Dying was easy but life was just so damn hard.

For once, I just wanted to have something easy.

A clap of thunder ruined the picturesque view, warping it into a sick oil painting. I watched through squinting eyes as the world around me melted into hues of greens and blues. Dark spots inked the sordid painting into an unfathomable night terror of dying love.

I fell to my knees with a shout as the twisting within me gripped harder. Poison traveled upwards, making my body grow frigid with the weight of its power. I opened my mouth in a silent scream. I cried out for relief but none ever came.

Out there I was screaming and screaming and my back was burning. Someone was touching my disgusting skin. Someone was making it worse. Someone was reminding me of the most humiliating moments of my life. I wept as the phantom of a whip glided over my skin.

"Little lamb-"

"No!" I slammed my hands against my ears, blocking out the breathy voice. My eyes snapped shut and I ignored the green eyes forming in the sky. "No!"

No!

We're losing her, Alpha Draco!

What can I do?

Give her more of your gift if you can. I can't feel any of her Luna given power at all. She needs whatever you can spare.

She can have it all.

Warmth filled my aching heart but I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to feel this and I didn't want to be healed just to be broken once more.

"I'm sorry Flora," I sobbed. "I broke. My Gods, I broke."

I'm sorry.

I jumped off the shaking cliff and fell into the worst type of nightmare.

"Thanks, Mommy."

Mommy.

I smiled again, rustling his soft hair as he dug in. The boy was a sloppy eater. Syrup lined his lips and dribbled down his chin. He whined when his eggs touched his cold fruit. Regardless, he still ate it after Leo raised a single brow at him.

"Hey," Leo called. "You ok?"

Worry lined his older features as he reached over to rub my belly. A warmth like no other spread throughout me at his gentle touch and I felt a kick from within. Gasping at the new sensation, my gaze fell to my stomach where my unborn pup was kicking. She was strong. Her legs were pounding away where her fathers hand rested. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before.

Nothing short of euphoria could describe this moment right here.

"Blue Eyes?"

Placing my hand next to his, tears lined my eyes as her kicking increased tenfold. "She's kicking," I whispered. My child was kicking.

"Oh, lemme feel!" Before I could protest LJ's sticky hands latched onto my stomach. His small palms pressed against my belly. In response his sister focused all her kicking in his general direction. The two pups bonded through my skin as I watched on with pure awe. The swelling in my heart made me want to stay in this moment forever.

I didn't want to leave.

"Hey, Marshmallow," LJ giggled. His sticky fingers spread the syrup all over my white dress as he dragged his hands everywhere. It was like a game they played all on their own. Wherever LJ's hands went my baby girl's powerful kicking would follow.

"LJ, how many times do I have to tell you that you're not naming your sister, Marshmallow?" Leo fed me blueberries and chunks of pineapple as our pups played. LJ huffed at his father, never taking his gaze off the rippling of my skin. Leo poked my cheek, raising a brow at me teasingly. "This is what happens when you tell our son he gets to name the next baby."

"Marshmallow is a good name!"

"It is not!" Leo flicked our son's forehead, quietly scolding him for dirtying my dress. "Naming kids after food is out of the question."

"Then what about those people that name their pups Cherry or Apple?"

Without missing a beat Leo bounced a blueberry off LJ's face saying, "Those parents are stupid. Cherry, Apple, and Plum." Leo rolled his eyes. "Are they having a baby or planting a freaking orchard?"

LJ giggled at Leo's pinched expression. I caressed my son's hair as he laughed the most loveliest of laughs. His sweet song was like ambrosia to my yearning heart. I loved hearing every bit of it.

I never wanted to go a day without hearing it.

Ever.

"Mommy, you like Marshmallow, right?" I adored the hope lighting up his already bright eyes. The fluttering of his long dark lashes reminded me of butterfly wings. Soft and gentle to gaze upon.

I stroked his plump cheek and replied, "I do. Marshmallow is a cute name."

Liar.

I shuddered at the feeling of Leo's voice whispering in my mind for the first time. My toes curled from the tingling sensation. The connection between us was palpable and I never felt more in tune with him than right now. I blushed at the sight of his falling smirk when he caught wind of the effect his voice had on me.

Nice to see things aren't
getting stale between us.

I'm literally pregnant with
our second child right now.

Stale isn't even in our vocabulary.

"Anyways," Leo chuckled. "You're gonna have to come up with something better, buddy. I don't think I can angrily yell Marshmallow Ava Brightdoom when she's in trouble."

Fair enough.

LJ's forehead creased as he tapped his fingers over my stomach. His sister's little feet followed his every move, dancing alongside his tapping's. Gasping, LJ shouted with glee, "Purple!"

Your son-

Our son.

-comes up with
the worst names.

I think it's cute.

You thought it was "cute"
when he came up with
the name Sniffkins.

Now, we have a cat
named Sniffkins.

Fucking Sniffkins!

As if on cue, a black cat hopped onto the wooden table. Stretching out, the fluffy feline let out a pleased yowl before bouncing her way towards us.

"Morning, Sniffkins!" LJ's hands left my belly and he fed Sniffkins pieces of dry pancake. The fat cat ate gently, careful not to scratch him with her sharp teeth. When she had her fill the chubby little fur ball hopped onto my lap, purring loudly as she kneaded my stomach. My daughters kicking ceased as Sniffkins prodded at me. I rubbed the kitties forehead, a sensation of relief that wasn't my own flooding my entire body.

My daughter loved this. She enjoyed Sniffkins and her attention. I could feel it in my gut. Maybe this was what mother's intuition felt like.

I loved this feeling.

I wanted to hold onto it forever and never let it go.

But I was going to. I was going to let it go. I could feel it in my heart. I knew my mind was made up and there was no going back from this decision but I was gonna let go.

I was gonna let go.

I can't stop the bleeding. It's too much, Alpha. It's too much silver.

I was tired of the clawing within me. Whatever was trying to break free wasn't budging. It was cold and it was resilient and it was weighing me down. No matter how hard the unknown voices tried to coax me to fight or gave me powers from the Moon Goddess. I wouldn't budge.

I just wanted to be free.

Free from these chains that tethered me to stars and prophecies and numerous lies. Free from feeling everything and nothing all at once. Free from living a life that caused more pain than comfort.

I was fighting and fighting and fighting but for what?

I didn't know anymore.

I looked up at the man to find his face empty like a mannequin. The little boy was the same way and the food was rotten with maggots.

You told me you could save her! It's been a day and she's still not awake. How much more of my power am I supposed to give-

Who were these people? Where was this room?

I didn't know anymore.

I didn't know these people anymore.

It won't matter what we do if she has no will to live! I can't make her fight, Alpha. No one can do that but her.

A bright light shined in the distance and I rose to meet it. The maggots shriveled and danced on top of spoiled fruits and moldy pancakes. The walls were grey and there was no window. Only chains remained. Chains and a collar.

A collar.

I touched my neck and shuddered.

The venom within was similar to the venom around my neck.

I braced myself against the wall as I stumbled towards the blinding white light. It was warm and it was safe and it felt like freedom.

It felt like nothing bad would ever happen to me if I went there.

I wanted to go there.

I ran towards the light-

"Alpha!" I fell to the ground as the man's deep voice shook the grey room to the core. Chains rattled in sick melodies and I cried at the spiked whips materializing on the walls. Feather soft touches grazed my back. I screamed at the barely there touch. "Alpha, we have an issue."

This voice was louder. Much louder than before. Why? What had changed? What was different?

I didn't know anymore.

"What is it?" I pressed the side of my head, groaning at the vibrations pounding within. I knew that voice. Where did I know that voice? What was his name?

I was certain I knew his name.

"There's a group of wolves at our border-"

"Are they from the Alpha King?"

"No, but-"

"Send them away then," he sighed. "We don't need a repeat of what happened last time."

"We tried," the man stuttered. "But one of them is threatening to burn the Pack down if they're not allowed onto Pack territory."

There was shuffling and a terrifying presence washed over me. I whined at the waves of power rolling over me in this room of greys and daunting silver.

"Excuse me?"

"They said that they're the wolves from the prophecy-"

"Yes and so did the wolves from two weeks ago," the powerful one growled. "Wanna remind me what happened when we believed them and allowed them onto our lands?"

"They turned out to be Warlocks and-"

"And we lost Pack members," he finished. His gruff voice paled in comparison to the gentle way he wiped my aching back. I was certain it was his doing because I could only sense two presences here.

Or there.

Or wherever the fuck we all were.

"I think these guys are legit," the meek one argued.

"Mhm, and why's that?"

The light brightened as they spoke. I settled for crawling towards it while I could still move.

"There's a Hybrid, he's the one that threatened to burn the Pack down," the man chuckled. His laughter died as soon as another wave of dominance flooded the room. "Sorry, Alpha Draco. Well, besides threatening to burn the Pack he also threatened war with the Moon Warriors Pack."

"The Moon Warriors Pack?" Alpha Draco repeated. "I have kin there. That's where this little one comes from too."

"He claims to be their future Gamma. A member of Lady Venus's Court."

Lady Venus?

I crawled slower now, suddenly interested in their story.

"Can this be confirmed by anyone else?"

"Only the others in his group," the unknown man replied. "One of them claims to be an Alpha. A second born from the Nocturnal Stars Pack."

"What's his name?"

"Alpha Leo Heartsong."

I froze with my hand on the doorknob. The bright light intensified beneath the crack of the door, blinding me from reality.

I wanted that light but I also wanted answers.

I knew that name. What was that name again?

Alpha Leo Heartsong.

Leo Heartsong.

Leo.

Leo.

My lips tingled as the grey room with the silver whips and the poison chains all faded away. I fell into a body that felt like me but wasn't me.

This me was stronger.

Nothing at all like the fragile corpse I inhabited now.

I opened my eyes to a memory that felt familiar and listened.

"Blue Eyes," Leo whispered. "Are you ok?"

Leo touched my arm gently, taking my gaze away from the poison I was so eager to possess once more. At the sound of his voice, I shivered and fell into all that was my Mate.

I found comfort in his eyes that were round and the darkest shade of brown I'd ever seen. They were the same color of Father's homemade hot chocolate. I found comfort in his large nose that twitched like the nose of Mera's pet bunny. Leo was always leaning closer to breathe in my scent while he slept. Something I doubt he knew he did.

I found comfort in the plumpness of his soft pink lips. The very one's that reminded me of the first rose I ever picked from Mother's garden. I loved that they were as soft as petals like I first hypothesized. I found comfort in his high cheekbones that blushed the loveliest shade of pink when I teased him. They were indeed as pink as the Fae illustrations from the picture books Mother read to me as a pup. And somehow, in my heart, I knew they'd be the same books I read to LJ and Violet.

I found comfort in the pale fairness of his skin. Soft and beautiful like the snow Dion and I played in when I was a pup. I found comfort in the curls of his messy black hair. So dark and sleek, like the dark canvas we wolves raced under when the moon was high and tides were low.

I knew Leo had my heart since the moment we met. But I didn't know to what extent until I realized how much he reminded me of home. No, until I realized how much he was home.

Alpha Leo Heartsong.

Leo Heartsong.

Leo.

Leo.

I fell to my knees with a shout as the toxins flared alive. The twisting and the clawing and the fighting resumed once more. My body convulsed both here and there and I groaned as the silver slowly relinquished its hold on me.

I fell and I fell and I fell through countless memories until I reached the one that really mattered.

Slipping into a body marked with love bites and bruised hips, I watched the animated man with pure adoration. I knew this moment. I remembered this moment.

I fell in love with Leo in the same way the ocean fell in love with the shore. Quick and fleeting, leaving no traces behind until that day arrived. The day where the rolling of the waters lingered for a little too long. The day where the shore kissed the blue abyss just a little too hard. I fell in love with Leo in the same way the ocean fell in love with the shore.

But unlike the ocean, I refused to leave my glittering shore now that I'd had a taste of what real love was supposed to be.

I gazed upon my shore of white and purple with pretty pinks dusting the top and I knew. Leo had half of my heart before. Now, he held all of it while he talked of old stories and times long past. Leo preferred actions for proof of love but I needed to hear them in his words.

BOOM!

Alpha Leo Heartsong.

Leo Heartsong.

Leo.

Leo.

My Mate.

My eyes flew open and I screamed in agony at the burning inferno roaring across my back. The white light crowded my vision. All I could focus on were the claws emerging from my nails and digging into the bed I was laying on face down. I tore through the bedding as hot silver pushed past my open wounds and slithered down my side.

Tears swam over my eyes as I fought to push out the rest of the venom. Warm hands held me down as I thrashed and howled, groaning at the red-hot sensation stinging my sweaty skin. Alpha Draco's warm voice urged me on and I continued to fight harder to rid myself of this pain.

"Let them in," Alpha Draco ordered. "She didn't start fighting until they were mentioned. Tell Beta Ryan to bring them to the Pack house-"

"Um, Beta Ryan's a little indisposed."

"What do you mean?"

"Well..."

"For fuck's sake John, speak up!" Alpha Draco roared. I latched onto the power of his Alpha command. Using it as fuel to push the rest of the silver out.

"Beta Ryan tried to get them to leave and the crazy one flipped out! He knocked Beta Ryan out with a book!"

"I..." Shifting his weight, I felt Alpha Draco turn around to look at the trembling man. "Come again?"

"Beta Ryan told them they had to leave when they first arrived," he explained. "He wouldn't let the Gamma or Alpha speak at first. All of a sudden this crazy wolf with broken glasses started throwing books at Beta Ryan! The one that knocked him out was 3,000 fucking pages thick! We had to send him to the Healers."

The pain wasn't over yet.

I was crying, I was screaming, I was begging for release.

And yet, I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks. Silver and blood continued to ooze from my whipped back. I was vaguely aware of a woman cleaning me up while I bled all over the place and fell into a fit of hysterics.

This time, when sleep claimed me for its own, I wasn't afraid to close my eyes. Because this time, I knew in my heart, I wouldn't be seeing that white light again. I wouldn't endure more nightmares that made me doubt my truth.

I lost my way before. I stumbled and fell. But he brought me back.

Leo.

I fell into a dreamless sleep and I slept easy because I knew my Mate was on his way.

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QOTD: Why do you think the Healer and Alpha Draco's gift weren't enough to bring Venus back? How do you think the group was faring without the girls?

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