Chapter 80 – The Mortal Mirror

--- 2 days before the start of the war. ---

Lake Lyn. The words echoed incessantly in my head. Like a melody that you picked up and couldn't get rid of. A brutal earworm that tormented you in the most banal of situations. Lake Lyn. The lake from which the Archangel Raziel had risen to give Jonathan Shadowhunter the Sword and the Cup.

So simple and unremarkable that past generations probably never even bothered to write down the location of the Mirror.

I was still in a state of shock when Alec intervened. "How do you know that? How do we know you're not lying?"

Adam's tortured eyes met mine, and when he spoke, he spoke only to me, no one else. "My parents ... they're leaving Alicante. They've decided ..." His voice broke, and my hand twitched, wanting to reach out to him. "They've decided to join Valentine. Friends have already left and reported that he's been meeting with faeries at Lake Lyn."

"They're forming an alliance," Alec whispered thoughtfully.

"That means nothing," Jace burst out, leaping from his chair like a cat poised to pounce on its prey. "Valentine could just as easily meet them there. Lake Lyn holds special significance in faerie mythology. Maybe they chose the location."

Adam slightly shook his head. "It would be foolish of Valentine to relocate his position just before the war. Lake Lyn is quite unstrategic for a battle. It's too far from Alicante to simply station his troops there. It would be equally unwise to place them closer to the city and leave it defenseless while he meets with the fairies at the lake. He certainly won't meet the Seelie Queen's representative without reinforcements."

"And even if all of this somehow makes sense in his plans," Adam continued, now a little more clearly, when Jace tried to interrupt him. "As soon as I heard about the lake, I did some research. As you rightly say, Jace, the lake has a special meaning for the fairies. They drink from it because the water gives them clear visions. But instead of Lake Lyn, they call it the Lake of Dreams, or ... Mirror of Dreams."

"They will sacrifice the missing fairy child to complete the Sword's conversion." I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to put myself in my father's shoes. What made more sense – the demons first or Raziel's wish first? Calling the Archangel first was a risk if they didn't know if Mellartach would still have its demonic abilities afterwards. "Adam is right, Lake Lyn is an unstrategic place to station his forces. The question is, does that even matter? How strategically does Valentine have to think when he is so clearly outnumbered?"

"What, so we're just going to believe that Lake Lyn is the Mortal Mirror?" Alec blurted out. "What if we put all our energy into misinformation?"

"The lake is the Mirror," Adam and I replied simultaneously, the finality in our voices testifying to how sure we were.

Jace narrowed his eyes in dissatisfaction but remained silent.

"Someone has to tell Imogen," I continued when Alec didn't say anything.

"And we need a plan," Adam said, his eyes here, his expression not really present. After everything I had learned about Adam in the last few weeks, I was now able to decipher that expression. I had always dismissed it as discomfort – because his family was on a different side than we were. Until I had painfully realized that he and I weren't on the same side. This was his tactical expression – when he retreated into his head, making plans, making excuses, and making up stories.

"There is no we," Jace hissed, crossing his arms demonstratively. "You're not part of the team. Maybe the information about the Mirror eases your twisted conscience. Go ahead, tell yourself you're giving us a chance. But it doesn't change the fact that you're a traitor."

Surprise flashed across Adam's face but quickly disappeared behind the distant mask he often reserved for Jace and Alec. Yet there was something more. The pensive expression hadn't completely vanished; it was pushed back by something else. I wasn't sure what it was because Adam usually kept his feelings too well-controlled to reveal his inner self, even to me. Since the incident with Blake — since he had shown up crying at the Lightwoods' door — I had often thought about it. During our weeks of friendship, he had never shown his true emotions. He had always been the friendly, courteous Adam; my friend Adam. But what was really going on inside him had only come to light through Blake. And I didn't mean his spying or his aversion to Downworlders. I meant the despair, the inner conflict, the remorse that had surfaced in fragments. Never more than hints, because he had been trained to withstand even under pressure.

Since Adam didn't seem to know how to answer Jace, I cautiously intervened. "Adam came to me to tell me the location of the Mirror. It wasn't a final act of atonement, but just the beginning." Now I turned my head directly to Adam and our eyes met. "You're here because you're not going to accompany your family, am I right?"

Adam remained silent for a long time, but didn't avoid my eyes. It was the first time he hadn't made the effort to put up a barrier between us. There it was again. The guilt. Because no matter what he decided, he would leave someone hanging in every scenario. "How do you know?" he finally whispered.

A sad smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, feeling more like a grimace. "Because I know how it feels to betray your family. When you've been raised with certain values your whole life and suddenly aren't sure if you can stand by them unconditionally. I left my last family and know the self-doubt that haunts you because you feel guilty towards them; obligated. It hurts, Adam, but you're doing the right thing. Do you know how I know that?"

Adam slowly shook his head. "Because the majority doesn't want to live in a world dictated by my father. The thought that so many are gathering in Alicante — whether Shadowhunter or Shadowworlder — to stand against an overpowering enemy, even though the odds are against us, helps me sleep better at night. I know I made the right decision back then because it takes much more courage to throw yourself into a losing battle for your ideals than to switch sides."

"Thank you." Adam's pale features relaxed just a bit. Not that my words would change his worldview. He would continue to feel guilty, perhaps for the rest of his life, depending on how things turned out. But he should know that he wasn't alone in that. Adam brushed a few loose brown strands from his forehead and cleared his throat. "How did you know I knew about the Mirror?"

The smile on my lips faded as I thought back to the last few hours. The exhaustion, which had briefly receded, forced me to lean back into the pillows. From the corner of my eye, I could see Jace's worried eyes darting towards me. Sighing, I pressed my lids shut, to block out the room and their faces. Now came the part where I would have to tell them the truth, slowly but surely. But how was I going to do that?

Another sigh left my throat, and I massaged my temples. Close your eyes and get through it, was perhaps the best motto. "We asked Ithuriel about the Mortal Mirror, but he wouldn't tell us anything. He hinted that we would soon come across the knowledge ourselves." Pause. I had to force myself to blink and immediately wished I hadn't. Jace looked as if he had fallen into some kind of shock. His and Alec's faces seemed frozen, as if they were feverishly trying to make sense of my words. Judging by their rigid posture, they both knew exactly what I was talking about. They just didn't want to admit it. Before they could do something stupid like shout at me, I hastily continued, concentrating solely on Adam. "The first thing I saw after that was you. Ithuriel's statement couldn't have been clearer."

"What– what do you mean by after?" asked Adam, his breath catching in his throat.

I glanced over at Jace, who was staring right through me. I had promised him an explanation, but right now he didn't seem particularly pleased about it. Quite the opposite. He looked sick, like he was going to throw up at any moment. "The library didn't reveal anything about the Mirror, and somehow we came up with the idea of speaking directly to our ancestors. With Jonathan Shadowhunter. So, I created a rune that would take us to Heaven – at least our souls."

"You killed yourselves?" Alec's croaking tone struggled to keep his composure. Unbridled anger flared in his ice-blue irises and his entire expression twisted in a rush of hatred. "You–"

"We weren't dead," I replied vehemently, assessing him with a crushing look. Alec wasn't someone I accepted criticism from, especially not wrapped up in an accusation. "I just separated soul and body."

"Just," Alec sneered, stalking towards me past Jace. He extended his arm, pointing at me. His finger hovered just inches away; his fingers trembled. "You could have killed her. You almost killed her!"

"I didn't kill anyone," I hissed, leaping out of bed with an adrenaline-fueled burst. "Isabelle knew what she was getting into. Do you think I didn't tell her beforehand that it could go wrong? She knew the risks and was willing to take them. There's more at stake here than just Isabelle's and my life, Alec."

"Risks?!" Alec's scream thundered at me like a shockwave, threatening to knock me over because I wasn't quite steady on my feet yet. "Entering angel territory uninvited is suicide! You're lucky Ithuriel even let you live! Good Shadowhunters know where the line is!"

Talking wasn't my strong suit. Diplomacy even less so. I reacted the way I always did when cornered. "Good Shadowhunters, huh?" I whispered, tilting my head.

Alec, noticing the change in my tone, suddenly took a step back. "You know I'm right," he said firmly.

Jace's hands wrapped around my forearms, holding me in place. His grip wasn't rough, on the contrary, almost too gentle for the sharpness of his words. "Clary would never hurt Izzy," he said to his Parabatai. "Her condition is not Clary's fault. She's not a bad Shadowhunter just because she took a risk that any of us would have taken. And I know for a fact that you wouldn't have acted any differently in her place."

"I certainly wouldn't have," Alec snapped angrily.

"Oh yes you would have, Alec Lightwood," Jace replied, a humorless grin playing around his lips. In a quick gesture, he removed his right hand from my arm and pressed his index finger against Alec's chest. "The smallest chance of saving your family would be worth a visit to Heaven. For any of us. So stop accusing Clary of things that we both know Izzy agreed to without hesitation."

Alec's mouth dropped open. You could see that he was struggling to respond, but clearly couldn't deny Jace's statement.

"I smell double standards," Jace hummed only half-amusedly, playfully shoving Alec away with his hand and finally rolling his eyes. Alec's posture immediately seemed to relax a little.

"You're right," Alec murmured with a sigh that sounded suspiciously like a confession. His ocean blue eyes moved from Jace to me and the bitterness faded into the background. The light of the room cast shadows on his face. Suddenly he just looked very exhausted and worried. "I'm sorry, Clary. I didn't mean to attack you personally, just ..."

"It's fine." I forced an understanding half-smile onto my cheeks. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you. You're her brothers. If I were you, I'd freak out just as much." The last two sentences left a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't let it show and swallowed the bile of Jonathan's memory.

"Wow," croaked a voice from the door. The rough amusement made all four of us whirl around. "And here I thought I'd never live to see my big brother admit a mistake. Turns out I had to almost die for it."

"Izzy!" Alec had crossed the room in the blink of an eye, already opening his arms, only to come to a halt as if rooted to the spot, nearly knocking Isabelle over in the process.

The door was only ajar. Apparently, no one had noticed during our heated discussion. Now, it pushed open further, and Isabelle's figure came into view. Her head was lower than expected. A glance down revealed why: Isabelle was sitting in a wheelchair. Her body, noticeably weaker than mine, leaned into the chair for support. Her tired eyes scrutinized each of us from a gaunt, deathly pale face — but the mischievous sparkle in them burned no less intensely than usual.

"She woke up fifteen minutes ago and when the Brothers were sure that she was fine except for a good dose of sleep, she insisted on being brought here," explained Maryse, who was standing behind the wheelchair and pushing it into the room. "I'm going home and checking on Max. If there's anything, send me a fire-message."

"I have my own chauffeur service," Isabelle laughed boastfully as soon as her mother had disappeared. Her lips, usually a bright red that contrasted so strongly with the rest of her sequins, seemed to crack from dryness as she pushed them up into a tiny smile.

Alec moved toward her and wrapped his arms carefully around his little sister. "You gave me such a damn scare," he admitted, and the fact seemed to indignant him now that Isabelle was fine.

"Oh, did I?" She rolled her eyes theatrically. "The complaints book is in the back."

For a brief moment I felt a pang in my chest. Isabelle was doing well, considering the circumstances, and I was incredibly relieved not to have lost her. But for a few treacherous seconds, all I could see was the usual banter between brother and sister. Just like I had had it myself until a few months ago. So full of worry, connection, love. Oh, how I envied them both for what I had lost – what I would never have again.

Suddenly there were tears in my eyes. Unlike usual, I didn't press them back into the corners of my eyes. Not today, no – today they were justified. I staggered out of Jace's grip, past Adam and threw myself onto my knees at Isabelle's feet.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured, meaning every word. "I should have created the rune differently. I should have known how Ithuriel would react. I put your life in danger. Twice."

"Stop blaming yourself, Clary." Isabelle patted my head, which was resting in her lap. "I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I saw what your runes do and that sometimes they don't work as expected." She grabbed my fingers and laced them with hers. Her pine-brown eyes met mine with all the warmth her body could offer me after dancing on the edge of hell. "Besides, wow, stop apologizing. You sent us to Heaven, Clary! I don't think there's anything cooler on this planet!"

A small smile fought against my cheek muscles, trying to pull the corners of my mouth upwards. "I have to admit, it was actually pretty cool."

And then suddenly the laughter burst out of both of us like a waterfall. So loud that it hurt my stomach and I had to hold on to the handle of Isabelle's wheelchair to avoid falling sideways. The exhaustion weakened my balance.

"Although, I must admit, if it hadn't just been my soul up there, I would definitely have wet my pants after Ithuriel's show."

I burst out laughing again. "Yeah, I really thought it was the end. I was just waiting for him to vaporize us with some kind of laser."

"Laser?" We turned to the others, and Adam had his hands on his hips. The others looked just as bewildered as he did. "This isn't Star Wars. Ithuriel is an angel. Would you mind filling the rest of us in on your inside joke? I'd like to laugh along."

Seeing Adam, whom Isabelle apparently hadn't noticed before, her expression became more serious. I waved it off. "He saved us. He carried you here and revealed the location of the Mirror to us."

Now it was Isabelle's turn to look surprised. After I quickly filled her in on the last half hour, she seemed noticeably more energized than before. "The lake," she murmured between several deep breaths. "We are such idiots. It's so obvious!"

"If you had just waited a bit longer, you could have avoided all this," Alec said, making a sweeping gesture over Isabelle and me.

"But would we have listened to him then?" Isabelle said thoughtfully. "Without Ithuriel's hints, we probably wouldn't have listened to Adam at all."

"Okay, can you finally tell us about your trip to Heaven?" Adam urged, rocking uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The fact that he had recently still been our opponent didn't go down well with him.

"Well, actually ..." Isabelle bared her teeth at the boys. "Actually, not much happened, honestly."

"Come on, Izzy." Jace and Alec stood just a few steps behind us, both a perfect copy of the other. Pressed lips, crossed arms, critical look. Adam leaned against the wall on my left and looked at us with more open curiosity.

"You tell them," I said to her. "You have a much more colorful vocabulary and ..."

"... and I didn't hide my head in the grass for half the conversation," Isabelle finished my sentence.

"Well, I didn't want to describe myself in such a cowardly manner, but ... yeah." We both laughed again. Admittedly ... now that we had narrowly escaped death, the conversation with Ithuriel seemed funnier in retrospect than it had been at the time.

"Excuse me?" Jace and Alec echoed in unison.

"Let's put it this way: Ithuriel was pretty pissed to see us in Heaven. He really grilled Clary about her rune. Well, not literally, but ... He really was terrifying. We realized that our chances of survival were slim. And then Clary, well, she just threw herself at his feet and begged him to spare us."

"By the Archangel, when you say it like that, it sounds even worse than it felt."

"Believe me, just watching felt pretty awful," Isabelle retorted, giggling.

I gave her hand a weak slap and tilted my head back in a mock-dramatic manner. "If my father had seen that, he would have disowned me immediately."

"It figures," Adam replied this time, seeming to find the whole thing more amusing than reckless. The fact was, we couldn't change the events anyway. So why get upset that we almost died, when now we could tell the story of breaking into Heaven for the rest of our lives? "Knowing Valentine, he probably lives by the motto of Morgensterns kneel before no one, not even Raziel."

"And you're absolutely right," I chuckled.

"But it did help!" Isabelle interjected. "Ithuriel was lulled by her Morgenstern charm. After some back and forth, he eventually decided to spare us."

"Morgenstern charm?" Even Alec couldn't help but smile now. "Imogen Herondale has definitely been spared from that. I'm pretty sure she still hates you."

"The Morgensterns have few weaknesses, but the Herondales are definitely their biggest," I remarked. Either Jace didn't catch the innuendo in my statement, or he intentionally ignored it. He didn't even look at me as I spoke. His eyes had darkened, and I could sense something brewing beneath his feigned disinterest. I suppressed a sigh.

"The Lightwoods also seem to rank pretty high on that list," Isabelle added, squeezing my hand again. This time when our eyes met, there was a seriousness behind the amusement in her pupils. "I threw some things at Ithuriel because he didn't want to help us. I said things for which any other angel would have executed me on the spot. At that moment, I didn't care. I wanted him to understand that we are really living through what is just a sideline observation for them from high above. We're mere puppets in their eternal threads of destiny. It shouldn't be indifferent to Raziel, but it is. I would tell Ithuriel my opinion over and over again, however ..." She trailed off, clearing her throat and looking past me towards the floor.

"What?" Adam asked.

But Isabelle was no longer speaking to Adam or Alec or Jace. Her focus was solely on me and I could feel the others fading into the background. "You wanted to sacrifice yourself for me," she murmured. "You stood in his way so he could claim your life instead of mine. You would have given your life for mine if he had allowed it. You would have let him kill and torture you."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "That's what friends do for each other, isn't it?"

Isabelle snorted and shook her head dejectedly. "No, Clary, friends don't do that for each other." Her intense gaze bored into mine. A little accusatory, as if I were crazy to say such a thing. Looking for something. I didn't know if she found it. She was silent for a moment and I wasn't sure if she expected an answer from me. But eventually her mouth twisted into a smile. Wider than before. Her fingers dug deeper into mine. "But Parabatai do."

-

I love this chapter with all my heart. So much pain, so much hope, so much love.

We needed a cheerful chapter again and the moment between Clary and Izzy was just right for me - okay, maybe only the second half is cheerful lol but I don't care. I really like the friendship between the two! :) What do you think of the chapter? 

Thank you to everyone who comments, I always read what you write, no matter good or bad!

Skyllen :D