Chapter 79 – Patience and Trust

--- 2 days before the start of the war. ---

The world smelled of rain and sweat. I hated the mix because it usually meant my father forced us to practice in the rain. There was nothing worse than feeling the dripping, cooling rain on your face, catching on your eyebrows and rolling down your cheeks while you burned with heat under your gear and wanted to get out of your skin. Sometimes, when he was having a merciful day, we were allowed to practice in the basement instead. Of course, he didn't have very many of those days.

Unlike last time, I didn't lose consciousness as Jace carried me through the dark alleys of Alicante. Strange, I thought to myself, eyes wide open and staring at the cloudy sky as if it would rip my soul away from me at any second. If we hadn't actually been in Heaven for hours, it shouldn't be so dark. Maybe it was the storm, maybe the angels were punishing us, maybe my brain was completely fucked.

The fact was, I felt every step Jace took in my limbs, no matter how well he tried to cushion me. Not that I cared much. My body was so drenched, chilled, and weakened that I could barely perceive it. Thick raindrops burst on my face, pelted down on me like tiny projectiles, rolling down the corners of my eyes as if I were shedding rivers of tears. Over and over, I had to blink to clear the water from my lashes. This would have been the perfect opportunity to cry without anyone noticing. But I didn't feel like crying. Thank goodness.

Jace slid to a stop in front of the Basilias' gates, and I felt us both sway under the slickness. Like a ship caught in a fierce storm at sea, lurching from one wave to the next. He was in a hurry, and it made him careless.

"Watch out!" Alec called from a few meters behind us as Jace tried to regain his balance.

"I've got you," Jace muttered. In the effort not to slip, his arms automatically tightened around me.

My head rested on his shoulder, and I wanted desperately to lean forward and bury my nose in his neck. Away from this place. But I lacked the strength. And my jaw was still burning.

Alec passed us, his black, rain-drenched hair flashing past us. He pressed against the wide winged doors to open them for Jace, who had no free hands. A step over the threshold, and the downpour abruptly stopped. The ancient walls of the Basilias provided us shelter, enclosing us in all directions. For the first time, this place I had long feared because of the Brotherhood seemed like a safe haven. A broken, relieved sigh escaped my scratchy throat.

Jace's adrenaline-widened eyes immediately locked onto me, and the bubble of my trance burst like one of the many raindrops outside the door, scattering into many droplets that briefly clouded my mind. As they cleared, any trace of helplessness vanished from Jace's honey-colored irises, distracted as he looked up.

There was a commotion outside the gate. Alec muttered something and then raised his voice, obviously annoyed. Although he tried to hide it under a hint of diplomacy. "Leave them alone, Adam. I think you've done enough damage."

"I'm not going." Adam had to stand a few steps away from us because the rain muffled his words. "You don't know what happened. I wanted to help her! Besides–"

"I'm taking Clary upstairs," Jace said to his Parabatai. "Make sure he doesn't enter this damn building. He won't come near Clary again, not even within ten meters."

As I lay in Jace's arms, facing only halfway towards the doors, his chest obscured my blurred field of vision. Alec didn't respond immediately, but Jace must have received some sign of understanding because his feet shifted under us, breaking their stiffness.

Today was a strange day. Even aside from being in Heaven, it seemed that every time someone wanted to act in my presence today, something came up to interrupt. This time was no exception to that rule.

The wooden doors hadn't even closed behind us when Adam's loud voice reached us from below. He practically shouted after us, particularly after me. Why was my name on everyone's lips today? "Clary! Please, you know I helped you. I wanted to talk to you. Do you remember? I had something very important to tell you!"

The urgency in his tone caught my attention. It was something I wasn't accustomed to from Adam. He wasn't the type to display emotions recklessly or reveal his weaknesses. Yet, I could hear the fear and determination in his words, as if speaking them caused him physical pain.

I have been looking for you. Yes, I remembered that he had had that strange look in his eyes in the library. So uncharacteristic of Adam. But I had pushed it aside because of the circumstances, just as most of my body wanted to do now. I was tired. So tired. But ... something in my stomach tightened just as uncharacteristically. A gut feeling. Something that made me sit up and take a quick, clear thought. I wanted to talk to you.

Jace beat the snail pace of my brain. "You're a liar and a traitor," he yelled back over his shoulder without even stopping. His explosive reaction made me flinch. "Even if you had been sent by Raziel himself, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you!"

Even if you had been sent by Raziel himself. The knot in my stomach continued to tighten. Like a taut rope that was strained far beyond its capacity. It was only a matter of time before it would break. I need to talk to you. I looked up at Jace, staring straight into his golden eyes. One blink and suddenly it was Ithuriel that I had in front of me. And then the rope actually broke. Patience and trust.

"Stop!" The scream fought its way out of me without me being able to stop it. It was like scales falling from my eyes and suddenly a wave of adrenaline pumped through my veins – keeping me awake, driving me on, making my thoughts race. "Stop now!"

Jace opened his mouth in protest, but the look on my face, which suddenly conveyed energy, control and toughness, made him hesitate. His legs remained uncertain. "You need to get treatment. Whatever you think Adam wants to tell you has time. It can wait."

"No," I said curtly, shaking my head vehemently. "Alec, let him through. Now." Then something else flashed through my mind. Something I hadn't considered either, and neither had Adam. "Adam has to stay here. He's the only one who knows where Isabelle is."

I probably should have chosen my words better. From that point on, I had no chance to ask Adam about the real crux of the matter. As soon as Isabelle's name was mentioned, all hell broke loose in the Basilias' entrance hall. As soon as Alec and Jace suddenly remembered that I had set off for the library with Isabelle, Alec's expression took on a whole new depth.

Alec attacked Adam before he could even reach me. He ripped him away from me, his fingers digging into the back of his coat so violently that the fabric ripped with a goosebump-inducing sound. With one powerful pull, he hurled Adam against the nearest wall. Jace seemed to see this as confirmation that he should get moving again. This time, despite my pleas. He ignored me completely, as if he were deaf or I were mute. And with every word that slipped off my tongue, this case seemed to get a little closer to reality. The adrenaline disappeared as quickly as it had come, and a few minutes after my mind had grasped it, I was slumped in Jace's arms again – unable to follow up with any actions.

And so my mind slipped into the darkness, so close to the goal and yet lost.

oOo

I forced my eyelids apart. Exhaustion still lurked in my muscles like a predator, but I didn't have the time to deal with it. Not so close to the end of the world. Not when a solution might be waiting on the horizon.

I paid no attention to the ordinary bed with white sheets as I scanned my surroundings. Hospital room in the Basilias. Irrelevant.

As soon as I had drifted off into the void, I had dreamed of our time in Heaven – of Ithuriel. Now, seconds after I had regained consciousness, my fingers tingled with clarity. Judging by the number of things my mind and body had accomplished, I was wide awake and ready to throw myself into the next challenge. Not like the last few times I had been here.

This time, no one would stop me. No demon. No Blake. And not my father either.

"Clary." Jace sounded so relieved that I almost felt sorry for having to put him off again.

Something was on the tip of his tongue as our eyes met halfway. He was sitting not far from me. Where he always sat. On the chair to the right of the bed, his arms propped up on the mattress. Now he looked up at me. No more signs of moisture in his hair, which would have almost made me panic if he hadn't been wearing the same outfit. Too much time couldn't have passed. Unless he had been too stubborn to leave my bed.

Three days wasn't a long time, but I was very sure that I would have noticed the start of the war.

A hint of citrus enveloped the mustiness of the room. The windows were tightly closed and whatever the fruity scent was meant to conceal, it wasn't fresh air.

I cleared my throat and was surprised to find that the dryness from before was gone. When I listened carefully to my body, it felt completely ... normal. Apart from the tiredness that was still overwhelming.

Again, I searched for Jace's eyes. He was watching me with a withdrawn expression. It reminded me a little of the past, when he had tried his best to hide his feelings from me behind a wall. I knew what he was going to ask when he started, so I got there first.

"I'm fine," I said, unable to completely hide my impatience. He raised a questioning blond eyebrow while his pupils darkened at the same time. "How is Isabelle?"

Jace hesitated before answering me. He seemed to be debating something in his mind, and judging by his expression, which was becoming increasingly dissatisfied, I could guess what it was. He let out a deep breath through his nose and lowered his gaze back to the bedsheet in front of him, which mostly covered me.

"I have no idea how Isabelle is doing," he finally murmured. "Unlike you ... she's not conscious. Alec is with her, and so are Maryse and the other Lightwoods. I didn't want to risk leaving you alone."

This time, when my fingers started to tingle, a tremor mixed in, which formed a knot in my throat. I clenched my hands into fists, looked at the ceiling and nodded slowly. "But what do the Brothers say? Did no one tell you?"

"The Brothers," Jace began, emphasizing the words with an uncomfortable sharpness that made me stare holes into the white-painted wall. I didn't want to be confronted with his emotions. "don't know what's wrong with her either. Nobody knows what's wrong with her."

His accusatory tone forced me to focus on him. Isabelle was no less his sister than Alec was his brother. I could see in his tired, downcast eyes how worried he was about her. About both of us.

"The Silent Brothers had to put her into a deep sleep because her energy reserves were on the brink of burning out. If Adam had brought her to the Basilias a bit later, she would be dead now. None of the Brothers had ever seen anything like it before. They were all at a loss and could only speculate that you would come back to yourselves once your bodies had recovered enough." Jace rattled off the sentences as if he had gone over them hundreds of times in his head, as if he had been agonizing over them since he had settled by my bed. "Only one thing was clear to them: Someone or something had somehow managed to drain your life force. One can't drive oneself to the brink of exhaustion to the point of death. There had to be an external influence."

Guiltily, I closed my eyelids. Seeing Jace so torn apart sent a pang through me. We should have found him and Alec before embarking on this harebrained scheme. Instead, he had been driven to madness by ignorance and fears for who knew how long. Tentatively, I reached for his fingers, and he squeezed them so tightly, clasping them with both hands, that my response caught in my throat.

"Adam couldn't tell us anything except that he found you in the furthest corner of the library. That you were unconscious, your pulse like you were in a coma," he murmured, conflict ripping through his features. "Is what he says true? Did he really not do anything to you? What happened to you, Clary?"

Desperation fought its way through Jace's vocal cords, giving me goosebumps. He got up from his chair and sat down on the mattress, moving as close to me as he could without crushing me. His fingers ran over my cheek, lifting my chin slightly so that our eyes met again.

A shaky breath escaped me as I stared into Jace's face. "I ..." I paused, suddenly feeling hoarse again. "What day is it, Jace?" I whispered instead. "How much time has passed?"

"It's still the same day. Early evening."

Same day, early evening. The relief lifted a weight from my heart, so that I could suddenly breathe a little easier. A brief nod followed. I pressed my fingers together, folded them as if I wanted to pray. I briefly squeezed my eyelids shut, trying to think. "I promise I will explain everything to you. Every single detail. For now, it should be enough to know that we weren't attacked. This is entirely my fault." I widened my eyes, seeking out Jace, who was clearly about to protest. Out of sheer urgency, I placed a finger on his lips. Such soft lips. We were close enough that I barely needed to lean forward to kiss him. I longed for it. "I need to talk to Adam. As soon as possible. I know you don't understand, but I ... Please do me this favor and bring him to me."

For a moment, Jace was so stunned that he didn't say anything. He stared at me, taken aback, his golden irises wide. Confusion was etched across every inch of his face. "You just woke up, and instead of explaining what's going on, you want to see Adam Demonhunter?"

"Yes." My answer came like a shot. Succinct and decisive. My limbs itched again. Jace didn't like the turn of our conversation at all. Every fiber of his being seemed to rebel against it. This time I cupped his cheek and looked as deeply into his eyes as I could without losing myself in them. "You have to trust me. I know what I'm doing. At least I hope so."

We looked into each other's eyes for a moment. The warm, intimate connection to him flared up in my stomach. Sometimes we understood each other without words – sometimes it took a lot of words. This time Jace nodded without another; instead, he leaned down and pressed his mouth briefly to mine. Then he pulled away from my touch and walked around the bed to the door. "I'll be right back," he said over his shoulder, leaving me alone with my longing in this bare room.

The door slammed shut and I tried to hear his boots dragging down the hall. His footsteps quickly faded and eventually there was nothing but silence surrounding me. The closed windows were insulated enough to shut out any outside noise. I didn't have to wait long, though. Less than three minutes later, footsteps sounded in the hall again. Several pairs this time. There was a knock on the door and Jace stuck his head in. Adam and Alec followed close behind.

Jace slumped back into the chair to my right, his expression closed. He no longer paid me any attention, instead staring straight at Adam, who was watching me closely.

"You need to talk to me," I began before any of them could get to me. No time for formalities or polite phrases.

Alec, who had positioned himself at the door, shot me a dark look past Adam. It seemed that our brief period of rapprochement was over now that Isabelle had been near me when she was injured.

Adam's bland mask twisted almost imperceptibly. His defenses were seething. He was trying so hard to appear cool and neutral that the obvious constraint ruined this pathetic attempt. He was too tense for that, as a casual glance down his body revealed. He wasn't soaked anymore, but he hadn't changed his clothes either. So he had stayed here, waiting somewhere for me to wake up. Because I knew full well that he had been waiting for me. I would have known it even if I couldn't read it in Jace's heated pupils. If looks could kill, Adam would have been sent to the afterlife by Jace a long time ago.

"I need to talk to you," Adam confirmed quietly, looking so torn that he wanted to turn on his heel and run away.

I didn't address his conflicts. I didn't address our recent past or the many unanswered questions that hung in the air. Instead, I fixed him with my demanding, hopeful stare, holding him in place. "You know it, don't you?"

Adam hesitated, but I didn't miss the conflicting look in his forest green irises.

"What does he know?" Alec asked in Adam's place. The silent exchange of glances between Jace and Alec didn't go unnoticed. Considering that they were Parabatai, their communication was not exactly subtle.

Something held Adam back. Something about his aura, as if he were teetering on a knife edge and barely able to keep his balance. As if he would fall over one of the two edges at any second, both with fatal consequences. This wasn't the kind of Adam I had ever known. A fact that made the adrenaline rush through my body.

"You know where the Mirror is." It was a statement. Crystal clear. "You have to tell me." Jace tensed visibly next to me, and I couldn't decipher whether it was because of my pleading tone or my first statement.

Adam lowered his head, suddenly looking so sad that I held my breath. The lack of denial was enough of a clue, was all I needed to know. Slowly, so slowly that it hurt me, he parted his lips. With a face twisted in pain – as if the words were causing him real pain, as if he was vehemently resisting them – Adam changed the course of the war with two short sentences.

"Lake Lyn. The Mirror is Lake Lyn."

-

The Mirror is revealed! Did Adam just redeem himself? Let me know what you think about this chapter! :)

Skyllen