newt got his phone out, bored as hell. he wanted to, you know, force himself and his friends into teresa's house. they usually do that anyway.

the shuckfaced idiots

newtie: teresa im coming over to urs im bored

tess: k

mean hoe: same

tess: whoever wants to come just come i dont care dont psam this with 'same' pls

mean hoe: psam

mean hoe: lol come

tess: die

newtie: yeah pls die minho we hate u

tess: exactly newt has taste in males

newtie: yes drown me in compliments pls ty

tess: no bye see u later

newtie: oh

--------------------------------

"oh, hey newt!" teresa dragged newt inside.

"calm your tits, tess." newt rolled his eyes, grinning as he shook his arm free of the girl's grasp. "are the others here?"

"newtie my love i am here i can hear that you missed me so much!"

"yep, the others are here." she smiled, flopping herself down on the couch.

"just great." he muttered under his breath. "minho shuck you."

"i'm offended, newtie. oh, wait. should i say... blondie?" minho sat on the sofa next to teresa, making the girl go slightly pink on the cheeks.

"i swear-" newt felt his blood rush to his cheeks. "i hate you so much!" he groaned.

"newt?!?! do you have a secret boyfriend we happen to not know about?!" teresa fake gasped.

"what!-"

"guys whats happening? since when did newt have a boyfriend??" frypan walked into the room with a bowl of ice cream. "well, well done newt." he sat on a chair at the table.

"minho, i swear im gonna kill you." newt walked over to minho and hit him on the head.

"ow! newt! it was a joke!"

"yes, and this is a joke too." he proceeded to hit him on the head a second time.

"newt stop being abusive." alby suddenly spoke up, making newt jump out of his skin.

"don't do that!"

"don't do what? speak?"

"no- oh nevermind. you're all annoying."

"you love us really." teresa chirped.

"mmm... no."

"oh no! how tragic, the godly, amazing newt does not love us petty peasants!!" minho gasped.

"when i'm rich and famous i'm not giving you any money or anything."

"sad."

alby spoke. "okay, don't change the subject, who is this boyfriend of newt's, then?"

--------------------------------

"this bitch isn't answering!" thomas was spamming teresa with messages.

"who?"

"teresa."

"oh. your cousin?"

"yes."

"do you think something's happened to her??"

"i don't know. probably not."

"why don't you go to her house?"

"wow. trying to get rid of me, are you?"

brenda put her hands up in surrender. "nope. not at all, i dont know what you're talking about."

"you know, if you wanted to bring sonya over, you can just ask me to leave." thomas smiled, his gaze softening. "i get it that you want to have sex with her and that her brother is always at home, it's fine."

"thomas!"

"what?"

"..fine leave so son can come round."

"wow, the offence! i will, though."

--------------------------------

there was a knock at teresa's door, silencing everyone.

"oh."

teresa opened the door, slamming it shut as soon as she did so. she went to the window and opened it slightly.

"tess, i'll start singing one direction if you don't let me in."

she rolled her eyes. "yeah right. that's an empty threat."

"YOU'RE INSECURE, DON'T KNOW WHAT FOR, YOU'RE TURNING HEADS WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOOR OH OOR-"

he grinned as the door was opened. "i'm sure you enjoyed my amazing singing, your majesty."

"ah yes, i'm sure my friends enjoyed it too." she crossed her arms.

"well sorry, i'd know about your friends if you'd answer your fucking phone!" he stuck out his tongue at her, getting one back in return.

"immaturity at its finest."

"says you. i'm literally older than you!"

"by what? 3 weeks?"

"yep! still older!"

"why are you here, anyway?"

"well, i was bored, and bren wanted to fuck sonya. and, obviously, i couldn't go into the city with chuck because he's at school, so the next best thing was you - which isn't great."

"i swear they're always having sex."

"that's because they are. that's why im never at home. that, and i don't want to waste electricity. so, im here to waste yours. i want ice cream, move."

teresa was shoved out the way by thomas, who completely ignored everybody elses presence.

"tom! stop! my friends are here, you're such a dork."

"ok."

"thomas edison. get out of here before i call the police!"

"pol-hee-hee-ce." he grinned.

teresa burst into laughter. "stop, no, don't start singing michael jackson."

" i wasn't going to bless you with my singing. can i just stay here for a bit please, i don't want to go home and hear moaning it's traumatic and god no help please tess i love you so much and i know you adore me and you wouldn't want me to be in any pain, mental or physical and if you make me leave you'll leave me in such a mental state i wouldn't be able to feed myself or anyone and i wouldn't be able to wo-"

"shut up and go upstairs if you want to stay."

"thanks. let me get ice cream." thomas left for the kitchen.

"oh my god i hate that boy so much." teresa groaned. "sorry about that, he's a brat."

minho laughed. "pol-hee-hee-ce! love it."

she internally face palmed herself. "fuck you."

he raised his eyebrows up and down. "fuck me???" she gave him her middle finger, blushing slightly.

"oh my god minho it's rickroll boy." newt hissed, whisper-shouting.

"is it actually?! oh my god that's amazing."

alby raised an eyebrow. "guys what-"

"teresa you don't have any fucking ice cream left i hate you."

"well sorry, do you want me to click my fingers and reveal some cookie dough ice cream from underneath the table?"

"preferably."

"you're so insufferable."

"oh yeah which one's minho? as a gay i need to decide whether he's hot enough for you."

"i swear to god i will ring my dearest mother and have a breakdown on the phone because of you and she will be very cross with you and she will fly here from america, just for me and not for you because she does not like you."

"oh. seriously though."

"well. hi i'm minho." minho quipped. "as a gay do you decide that i'm hot enough for her then??" he sent a wink in teresa's direction, laughing afterwards. "we're not even dating but still."

"eh, you're good enough." he grinned. "no offence, of course."

he put a hand to his heart. "man, i'm so offended."

"my name's thomas, anyway, nice to meet you."

"'tis a pleasure to meet too. mr. pol-hee-hee-ce."

thomas scanned through her friends, stopping when he got to one specific boy.

"oh. it's you."

"oh. hello."

"yeah. hi, blondie."

newt stared for a second.

"newt."

"what? as in, like, a reptile? what a random thing to say."

"no! my name, it's newt. not blondie." he huffed.

"blondie." thomas smirked.

"newt."

"blondie."

"newt."

"blondie."

"...tommy, then."

"alright, tommy it is. i like it anyway, blondie."

"i've not even met you and you're insufferable. poor teresa."

"she loves me really. i'm not that bad."

"you rickrolled like 20 people in a shop."

"yes. and it was funny."

"wait bro that was you? oh my god wait it's you! the one newt went up to ask who rickrolled the cafe!" minho laughed.

"yes! were you there with mr reptile here?"

"indeed i was, i told him to ask who rickrolled the shop."

minho and thomas both started to laugh.

"mr reptile? are you shucking kidding me?"

"teresa have you influenced all of your friends to use your secret language."

"possibly. it's not as bad as your drunk sessions with brenda."

"they're fun! come on, you gotta loosen up."

"right. you and brenda literally had sex once and afterwards you were both like 'ah shit, i'm gay.'"

"yes. wasn't my proudest moment, i'll be honest, but that was a way of discovering that men are hot and women are not. in my opinion, obviously."

for some reason, newt felt a pang in his chest. why? who knows.

"alright, lovely meeting your friends and all, but do you think that i can go home yet?"

"probably not."

he frowned. "it's so annoying. can i just move in with you?"

"god no. i'd hear you jerking off to pictures of who knows what and i'd want to off myself."

"actually yeah, i wouldn't want to hear you and somebody banging every single day."

"at least i don't look for sugar daddies every five seconds."

"at least i have common sense and think, 'oh hey, i have ok looks. maybe i could get some money for getting a sugar daddy'. see! common sense."

"common sense my ass! you could just, i don't know, sell half of your random stuff you have?!"

"no! honestly, tess, you're so annoying."

"oh look at the time it's 1pm time to go."

"oh fuck you." thomas chuckled, rolling his eyes.

"bye, tom."

"adios, tess!" he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"ew."

"ew."

1538 words that was exhausting ok

right i literally cannot do serious fanfics apparently i sort of want to do a one shot ok