ALECS POV

I was in the hallway of the hospital stitting on a chair and waiting for someone to come and tell me that Magnus was fine. I called Max and told him what was going on. He didn't say anything on the phone he just sobbed in it and hung up when I was done. I should be the one who was dying not Magnus. Magnus did everything to protect me and never wanted to hurt me but I was so rude and heartless to him. Suddenly I saw Izzy rushing in the hallway with her makeup totally smudged and tears running down her cheeks. "Alec Lightwood." She yelled and I snapped my head up to look at her. "What the hell is going on?" She almost yelled and I stood up to say something but nothing came out. "Alec, Max told me what happened. I won't tell you this isn't your fault because it is actually and I am angry as hell but I also know that you didn't want this to happen. I just wish you had more brain. Let me tell you this...if Magnus dies you are dead for me." She told me with a breaking voice and I felt tears burning behind my eyes. "You know...we were doing great without you. We moved on and we didn't miss you anymore....maybe you should have stayed away." She added and I wasn't able to talk because my whole world crashed down. "Mr. Lightwood?" A nurse suddenly asked and I looked at her scared. "Mr. Bane is still in the operation but the Docter told me to tell you that without you he wouldn't be alive anymore. How long did you reanimated him?" The nurse asked and I looked at her for a few seconds. "I...I don't...know. Ten minutes...maybe." I stuttered and Izzy gasped. "You...you saved him?" Izzy asked with a guilty tone and I shook my head. "No. I killed him and now I have to live with that. I'm sorry but I have to get out of this." I said with a dead voice and passed Izzy. I had to get out of all this as fast as I could and it seemed like running away was my only solution...it always was. I walked to the loby and was greeted by Max and Aden. Aden had an arm around Max body and Max sniffed painfully but he stopped when he saw me. "You. This is al your fault." Max yelled and I just passed him not being able to do this right now. When I ran out I felt a hand grabbing my upper arm and I turned around. It was Riley...and sadly my anger was for him right now. "Alexan..." "Don't call me that! Non of this would have happened if you haven't force me to choose between him and you! He will die and I couldn't save him!" I shouted at him and he flichnched back while he looked at me scared. "I...I didn't..." "Shut up. I can choose if I want him in my life or not. Yes maybe he loves me but I did that too and I still do. He is my best friend and he will die and there is not a damn thing I can do. So fuck off." I yelled and he looked at me with a weak smile. "You are so blind. Go and lose yourself in all this but don't come back to me when he lets you fall. You can marry him I don't want this anymore. I will go home and with home I mean New Orleans." He answered and passed me. He took a taxi and there he went. Now Riley was gone and so was Magnus. My sister hated me my brother hated me too and I ruined my relationship. Great...this couldn't get any better. I looked up at the sky and felt rain drops on my face. Before I could react it started to rain like a waterfall and everyone ran inside. I stood there frozen and though about how much I wanted to die right now. "Thank you." I yelled into the nothing and tears ran down my cheeks but I didn't car. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I would be fine if it was Max who would punche but when I turned around Max looked calm. "You saved him." Max cried and hugged me tightly. "This is still your fault but he would be dead if you wouldn't have been there." He sobbed and I hugged him back. Max was a bit shorter than me but I was sure as soon as he would be 18 he would be as tall as me.  "I didn't save him...I killed him." I answered and Max looked at me when he pulled back. It was still raining like a waterfall but we didn't care. "What is Magnus to you?" He asked me and I had to think.The last few days were crazy but if I admitted now that I love Magnus more like I should wouldn't it mean that I was always unhonest with Riley. I think now I would say I love him more than I should but back there I couldn't so I did what I always did...I lied. "He is my best friend." I answered and Max smiled weakly at me. "You're not friends...you'll never be friends...you'll be in love till it kills you both...you'll fight...you shag...and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver. But you'll never be friends. Now tell me what Magnus is to you." Max ask me and all his words were hitting me so deep. Max was only 15 but for that he was more wiser than other people with 80. "One smile was enough for me to fall in love again." I answered and let my walls fall down. I was honest and this hurt me like hell but I also felt free. Max smiled at me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I didn't talk with you for a long time but I know that you are still the Alec I used to know. And I also know you will do the right thing. He loves you and that's what matters. If Riley really loves you he wouldn't have forced you to choose and don't think that you were unhonest with him. You love Riley and you will always do but the love to Magnus is something else...it's unique. Rileys love will always be good for you but deep down you always knew it will never be enough and it is okay. It is okay to have feelings for two people but if Magnus managed it with one smile to make you fall for him again, I think it's clear who you really want. Let your heart choose...it will never dissapoint you. Love isn't brains...it's blood...blood screaming inside of you to works it's will. You don't choose who you love your heart does. " Max told me and I was  surprised by his words. He was like someone who had answers to everything. "I'll go inside again...you come with me?" Max asked me after I looked at him with a blank expression for a few secods. "Yeah...let's go...thanks, Max." I answered and Max smiled at me. "Everytime, big bro." He chuckled and we walked inside again. We were all wet but we didn't care because Magnus was all that mattered now. "Oh my...Max. You will get sick." Aden said worried and already took off his sweatshirt to give it Max who chuckled. "It's okay, Aden. I won't get sick...you'll keep me warm." Max answered and Aden blushed. I looked at Max with a smirk but before I could say anything a doctor came to us and we all looked hopefully at him. "Mr. Lightwood?" He asked and I nodded at him. "Mr. Bane had really bad inner bleedings and he hit his head pretty hard. That's not the worst...he is still not breathing by his own and...Mr. Bane has a  Living Will. He said in it that no matter what he doesn't want to be kept alive through machines which measn we have to turn them off." The doctor explained and my heart stopped. This...this couldn't be the end of our story. "No...no. We won't turn them off. Magnus didn't know that something like that would happen." Max cried and Aden took him in his arms. "You have 2 hours to say goodbye...he is in room 123." The doctor added and left again. I felt like all the memories of me and Magnus were crashing down on me and I felt tears falling down my cheeks. Izzy just stood there like she didn't realize what was going on. "I'll go to him." I suddenly said and walked to the room the doctor told us.  Magnus meant everything to me and it was terrible that all this had to happen till I realized that. I stood in front of the room and took a deep breath. I think nothing could prepare me in such a situation. I thought I would never  have to say goodbye to him...but here I was...losing him to death. I opened the door slowly and pinful I saw him...lying there...lifless. He was breathing with the help of these machines but this wouldn't last long. I tried so hard to hold sobs back so I could at least say goodbye properly. "Hei, Mags." I said softly and sat down on the chair next to his bed. "They told me to say goodbye." I sniffed and took his hand. He looked so peacefull but his face had a few bruises. "I don't want to." By now I was sobbing and I squeezed his hand tightly. "I can't lose you...not now...not ever." I sobbed and cried like never before. "You told me you would never leave me...you promised me you would always be by my side." I cried and whipped a hair from his forehead. "I know I was such an asshole and I know it should be me who is dying not you. I wish I could travel back in time and tell you that I never hated you. I always loved you and I always will." I sniffed and the machines made weird beep noises. "When I was in Seattle the first few days I wanted to come back to you and just hug you...I still don't know why I didn't. Maybe this is all fate but I don't want to believe that because I won't accept the fate if it is this." I said softly and carssed Magnus cheek with my thumb. "We kissed at prom...I never had the courage to tell you. You were so drunken and didn't remember it the next day. But that wasn't really bad...it was my secret. My own little beautiful secret." I smiled weakly to myself and looked out of the window. "I guessed deep down I always knew it was you...it will always be you. Maybe I even hoped that you would fight for me after I left. Now I know why you didn't and you are amazing, Magnus. I am so glad that I have you in my life and I don't know how I should live without you. You made me happy like no one did and for this I will always love you in a way I will love no one else." I sniffed and I wanted to do one thing...one last thing before I had to let go of him. "Just one kiss." I whsipserd and pressed a soft kiss on his cheeks since the breathing mask was covering his mouth. I looked at him and suddenly his eyes snapped open and he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes. "Oh...oh my god...you...Thank god." I cried and hugged Magnus tightly. "Al...Alex...Alexander?" He asked weakly and his voice was so low. "Yes it's me....I'm here." I cried and Magnus started to sniff. "I...I thought...I thought you are in Seattle?...

//tbc Fucking hell. What did just happen?? Did Riley really leave? Everything is going down 😔😔❤❤❤❤❤❤