The vicious northern winds whipped around us, the snow here cold to even me, and the air thin. Ville had taken me to the mountain ridge that lined his kingdom and we now stood before a cave veiled by never ending storms. I looked back to the palace, of which was barely an outline through the sheer whiteness. Despite not being able to see them, I knew the others were stood on a balcony mourning my presence. I didn't say goodbye to them when I left, but I'd taken the time to let them know I wouldn't be coming back for awhile.

It's been a few days now since Ville questioned me on the vampire's death. My hesitance wasn't resistance or doubt. I knew what he'd suggested was right, but finding the courage to tell Ricky I'd be leaving him in his time of need... That conversation was difficult. He was angry with me initially, as he always tends to be. Eventually, he came around to understand we all have things we must do. I made sure to love him through the night, and to reassure him I'd always find my way back to him.

"No one will bother you here." Ville spoke as we entered the cave. He led me through the cavern until we arrived at a dark, steaming lake. "This spring keeps the ground here from freezing. Will this work?"

I bent down and took a pinch of dirt between my fingers to test the moisture and temperature. "It'll be fine. Please, don't let anyone know where I am. Not even Ricky."

He lowered his head, eyes soft with melancholy. "You have my word."

I knew he'd left, though I hadn't seen him leave or heard him walk away. My mind was already beginning to turn, overtaken by a trance as instinctual as breathing and hunting. The vampire's death was born into our DNA through a need to survive, and as I've learned from years of being a predator, the body will override the mind completely in dire times. While there are many benefits to this rebirth process, it has it's detriments, too—The worst of which being our inability to control how long we're in these comas. It could be days, or it could be years. That's the unfortunate risk I'll have to take, for my love's sake. I trust Ville and the others to protect him until I rise again.

Some vampires choose to go into the ground as they walk the Earth, but I'd rather not dirty my clothes. I stripped down to my bare skin, feeling the steam of the spring soak into my pores. The ambiance of the cave began to ring in my ears like a chime. I fell to my knees, digging my grave with my own two hands. This process was ineloquent, primitive, everything us vampires try not to be. Perhaps it's that juxtaposition that helps to reset us. Stripped of our materialism and addiction to hedonism, we're capable of returning to what we are at our core—Mother Nature's perfect killers, deadly nightshade luring in the unsuspecting with beauty and romance. Within the vampire's death, we replant our roots into the soil and bask in the Earth's nutrients. The dirt encases our bodies, with no coffin to prevent the insects from crawling along us. Yet, somehow, they always know to stay away. And the humans, if they were to walk the surface above where we lay, they never realize a monster slumbers just feet below them.

—

Time is nothing more than a blur. Had it been days or weeks? I couldn't say for sure. My body would weaken without blood, hence the pain of this death, but when I was ready to rise, I'd find the strength. I was never among the many vampires who developed telepathy or any kind of astro projection. However, while in the soil, my mind's eye seems to be able to visit those I care deeply for. I theorize our brains do this as a way to preserve our memories while making our bodies and souls new. It's not the clearest vision, more of that vague picture you have when trying to remember dreams, but it was enough to reassure me the others were safe while I was away.

I had no control over what I'd see or hear, yet it was never something useless. Benign, often, but never useless. It was common for me to see Yuu dancing in the parlor as the musicians played orchestral arrangements of Ville's songs, or Rune sitting with one of his caretakers as he practiced his reading and pronunciation. Ash and Vinny rarely left the company of the palace's many animals. I'd catch Ryan, Ezra, and Kuza practicing together often, reminding themselves that their jobs had become even more important with my absence and Ricky's frailty. Kuza was capable of being emotional, wondering aloud if things would ever be alright again, but the other two hid their feelings like a warrior should. Now and then, I did see Yuki. It was never with Kuza, though. Late in the night, he'd meet with Ezra in the garden and they'd train together. He's getting so much stronger. He's far from the little princess I used to have to protect.

Angelo and Ryan have remained together, though their relationship is different. They'll stay apart for awhile, then rejoin in a passionate nova. Perhaps they've finally realized they're better off sampling their relationship in small doses. Otherwise, they're just too potent to each other.

As for my dear love, Ricky rarely sees the others. I'm happy to say that he does leave his room, he just avoids any of his own servants. He likes to sneak out to the garden at night and play with the opal foxes, or visit the library. Usually, though, when he leaves his room, it's to rest in the healing pool, as if that'll somehow stave off his breakdowns. That's been the most difficult part of remaining in the dirt. Every time the nightmares come to him, they come to me. I can feel his fear, the utter terror that often disorients him and only adds to his confusion. Then, once he calms down, he sulks in self hatred over something he can't dream of stopping. Trauma is not something to be controlled. It didn't matter how many times Ville told him that—offering him comforting hymns and words of wisdom as he cleaned up whatever was broken in the room this time—Ricky wouldn't listen. He wouldn't stop fighting what can't be defeated.

There were occasions when I heard footsteps above me. Sometimes, it was Ville's servants fetching resources from the cave, mainly water from the spring. They'd be completely oblivious. Other times, however, Ville himself would come. I'd know him by his sensual cologne. He wouldn't say a word, only sat down on a nearby rock and waited. Presumably, giving me an opportunity to emerge if I felt it was time. He may realize how starved a vampire is after waking from death.

It is incredible how we can lay underground, unmoved and silent for an extremely long time, feeling the warmth of our lives soaking into the Earth slowly. Then, like the flip of a switch, we're suddenly overtaken by the urge to break free. The weight of the dirt becomes like restraints that we thrash against violently, fighting with our weakened, frail bodies to feel the chilled air of the night once again. A vampire's death will only last longer if one is restless and unfocused, so I made it a point to not grow impatient despite what my future held. But, goddamn, I was relieved when I finally felt that awakening overtake me. It's painful, horrifically, to claw your way out of the ground while your body has no strength in it whatsoever. My muscles were screaming at me, my stomach retching at the overexertion.

Someone reached into the dirt and found my hand, pulling me to the surface. Someone—I should've known it'd be Ville. He was the only one that knew I was here after all, let alone knew what to expect from this. Ville brought me closer against his chest, whispering to me to drink. Hell of a rich meal to put on an empty stomach, but beggars can't be choosers. I only took enough to revitalize my strength. It'd be better to drink from a human later and only take a small amount from Ville now.

I reclined back from him and took in a deep breath of fresh air. "Welcome back." He said, "How do you feel?"

"I'll be fine." I answered.

"Alright. Your clothes are where you left them. You may want to wash off in the spring first." He rose to his feet, adding, "I'll give you your privacy. Find me in the castle once you're ready and we'll get you a proper meal."

"Thank you." I responded, watching as he walked out of the cave. His suggestion was a good one, given I was covered in dirt. The spring felt amazing on a very taxed body, and I didn't mind the heat too much. But, it felt far better to be wrapped up in my enchanted garb Ricky had given me so long ago. It's hard to believe how much time has passed between now and then. I dreaded coming to know how long I was in the dirt.

Though I felt far better and clear of mind, I hated the thought of how much I've missed, what a terrible state my love could be in. For someone with immortality, I had wasting time. I returned to the palace quickly and made sure to avoid anyone in my family for the time being. It was important I regained my strength completely first. Ville gifted me with the most beautiful and grief stricken young widow. He gave me permission to drain her blood, musing on about how her heartache was beyond his healing.

Oh, to feel the beat of a heart slowing against my gums, it was intoxicating, arousing. I laid the widow's fleeting body upon the sofa beside me, wondering why Ville didn't take their souls as Ricky would've. The romantic in him, I assume. He'd rather her soul reunited with her loved one in another life than fuel his own flame.

"How long was I gone?" I finally asked.

"Two and a half months." Ville replied, in the midst of pouring himself a drink. "I've seen far worse. I'd say we got lucky."

Exactly how many vampires could he have known to have seen other deaths? There was only one being he could be referring to. "This past lover of yours, did he have a name?"

"He did." Ville placed the glass liquor bottle onto the coffee table. "You should be with Ricky already."

"Right." I muttered before leaving in a hurry. That was... Strange. Ville's always been completely open about everything. He believed there's no benefit in withholding knowledge, no matter how personal it may be to him. I suppose even the God of Love has had his heart broken.