a/n- this chapter is kind of long, but i honestly really like it. there are a couple of deep messages that are addressed in this chapter so i think thats pretty cool :-) this is also a pretty fluffy chapter and i think this'll be good for you guys because chapter nine is gonna be pretty intense.

also,, if anyone thinks that this book is going by a little too fast, this is just the pace of the book. it's meant to go by at this pace!! i know it may seem a little awkward/different but this book is (approximately) going to be about 20 or so chapters long, and there's a lot i need to fit into 20 chapters. if it took 10 chapters for cara to begin to really unwind when around calum, the book would just be a little draggish. i hope this makes sense somewhat haha.

the song cara and cal listen to on the radio is called Harlem by New Politics and they're super underrated in my opinion so i've left the audio linked to this chapter so you guys could listen to it if you want :-)

THIS CHAPTER ALSO HAS QUITE A COUPLE OF CUTE QUOTES SO IF YOU WANT, LEAVE YOUR FAV QUOTE IN THE COMMENTS BC IM CURIOUS!! x alright, enjoy.

stay happy

x bri

-

[ cara ]

I spend my money on the regular miracles

Just like you like me like everybody else

Up on the sun looking sad and beautiful

Just like you like me like everybody else

When it gets loud, I turn it up

Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem

When it's too hot, I light it up

Light it up yeah smoke em if you got em

"Here come the jets, hide my money in your tube socks!" I belted out, the second verse of one of the best New Politics songs engraved in my memory like the alphabet.

"Run like me, like hell, like everybody else." Calum finished, his head bouncing as his fingers tapped to the rhythm of the song against the steering wheel. I laughed loudly and turned the volume of the radio down a little bit, before sticking my hand out of the passenger window. "Since when did you start listening to the New Politics?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the rather desolate road.

I turned to look at him curiously. "What do you mean? I've always liked the New Politics."

"Really?" He sounded rather surprised. "I thought Cara was the only one into that kind of music?"

I bit the inside of my lip and turned to look back out of the passenger window. Right. Cara liked the New Politics, not Elena. I was Elena right now, not Cara. Maybe I was growing to be a little too loose around Calum? Maybe I was beginning to become a little too loose in general. I mean I'd nearly sold myself out to Ashton earlier today- if it weren't for Luke, he may have been the first one to suspect something. Maybe he already did suspect something, but wasn't saying anything. What wold I do then? What would happen if he told Calum or Michael or Luke? I cursed to myself, and brushed the topic off for now- I had one job, and that was to cover up for Elena.

"I've kind of grown out of my old music taste," I shrugged, finally answering him. "Cara's gotten me into some pretty good music lately, to be completely honest."

Calum laughed and looked at me as if he didn't believe me. "Really? Like what?"

I thought about the question for a moment. "I've been liking Madness by Sleeping With Sirens lately."

"Would you believe me if I told you I've met Kellin Quinn before?"

"No?!" I gasped, jumping in my seat and swatting him on the shoulder. He whined in pain and glowered at me. "You're joking-"

"Nope, dead serious." Calum snickered, moving his hand to the radio console to lower the music's volume. "We all met him at a house party. Do you listen to Good Charlotte? I know your sister was big on them."

"Don't-"

"We met the Madden brothers."

"Calum!"

"We did! I have pictures, we're honestly pretty good friends now. They helped us write some tracks off the new album." Calum grinned, taking a right turn.

"Oh my God," I whispered to myself, slumping down in my seat with my fingers pressed to my temples in disbelief. It felt like just a few months ago I'd made Calum tag along with me to the record store after he'd just moved to California and into our neighborhood. It felt like just a week ago we'd been discussing how much we both loved bands like Good Charlotte, how all we'd wanted was to actually have a conversation with them about music- and now Calum was friends with them. He'd written and produced music with them. I laughed and stared at him in awe.

A couple moments of silence passed before he eventually turned to look at me curiously, and rose an eyebrow. "What's up?"

**

"One day."

"I don't know, Calum."

The thirteen year old, raven-haired boy scoffed and rose both his eyebrows at me. "Are you seriously doubting me?"

I laughed and shrugged, continuing to browse through the newest vinyls and records the store had just gotten in stock. "I mean it just seems a little difficult to achieve."

"I can damn well start my own band," Calum chuckled, following me across the store to the next aisle, a small stack of records already piled up in his arms. "or at least join one."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Watch, before you know it, I'll be best friends with All Time Low and Nickelback."

"Nickelback isn't gonna wanna befriend a thirteen year old little boy!" I teased, laughing at my own snarky comment, laughing harder when Calum shoved my side, nearly tipping me over.

"Keep talking like that, and I won't be bringing you on tour with me."

We made our way towards the cash register, pulling out our wallets and dollar bills. I set the Linkin Park, Foo Fighters, The Killers, and Nickelback records on the counter as Calum and I quickly calculated the cost. We'd be splitting the price and sharing the records considering we couldn't exactly each buy our own records- we were kind of sort of really broke. Once we'd paid, we grabbed the fabric bag full of the records, and started to walk back to our neighborhood.

"So, about bringing me on tour.." I hummed, looking at him amusedly.

He chuckled and shoved me yet again to which I whined and shoved him back. "I wasn't joking though, Cara, if you want, I'll really bring you with me."

I stared at him once again with wide eyes. "You'd take me on tour with you?"

Calum grinned and shrugged, keeping his eyes on the ground below him. "Yeah, why not?"

"You understand that even though I'm a girl and people make girls out to be neat freaks, I'm actually a pig, and I'll probably end up trashing your tour bus right?"

"You're gonna be the biggest pain in the ass, Cara."

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

I rolled my eyes. "Hopefully we'll still be friends when you start you and your band's world tour, though."

He turned to me and grinned. "I have faith."

**

I shook my head, grinning to myself. "Nothing. I'm just proud of you is all."

I'd been staring out at the road, but I could somewhat sense that he was grinning as well. "Thank you, El."

"So," I cleared my throat, shifting the topic. "you haven't told me where we're going yet."

He gave me a smug, secretive look and took another turn on the road. I groaned. We'd been driving for about a little over half an hour now- I was beginning to get anxious and dangerously curious. "You do still love surprises, yeah?"

"Oh yeah yeah, of course." I quickly fixed myself, sitting up straighter in my seat. The truth was, I'd never really been super into surprises, but if that was Elena's cup of tea then I'd have to learn how to fricking like tea (even if in reality I found tea disgusting).

"I can't believe you snuck out." Calum chuckled, right hand moving to brush the back of my neck. I shivered.

"I can't either, to be honest." I replied honestly, pushing the power button of my phone on, already seeing multiple texts from Emma, two missed calls from Mom, and five missed calls from Dad. I ignored the notifications and turned the device off completely before sliding it into my back pocket. "I needed to get away."

"What?" He frowned, shooting me a worried glance. "Is everything okay? Did you get into trouble?"

"No, no," I lied, looking down at my fingers that had somehow ended up locked with Calum's. "I just.. I don't know, I was feeling adventurous. Wanted to get out of the house, I guess."

"Well, you called the right person." Calum smirked smugly and steered the car to the right, pulling up into a parking lot. Immediately, the smell of salt and nature hit my nose. I furrowed my eyebrows in curiosity and looked out the window once again, my eyes widening.

"We're at the beach?"

"That's where the ocean is, yeah?"

"Yeah but," I paused, staring out at the strong waves crashing onto vacant, endless outstretch of sand. I'd never really good experiences with beaches- my hair always got rough and frizzy and turned out to smell like salt and it was always a horrifying surprise getting into the shower later on to see where the sand had ended up. "I don't understand. It's like 8 pm, no one's here."

"That's the beauty of it!" He practically shouted, getting out of the car and shutting the door before lifting the trunk in the back. I blew a short raspberry before following him, exiting the passenger seat, and walking over to the back of the car where Calum had started to unload a blanket and two water bottles. "It's not like I'm gonna make you surf or anything, I just thought it'd be nice to watch the sun set."

I rolled my eyes. "You're a cliche."

"I think it's just me enjoying nice lil' things in life." He smiled, handing me the water bottles and taking my hand in his that wasn't carrying the blanket, leading me down a couple steps and before I knew it, sand was making its way in between my toes. I grunted, absolutely hating the feeling, but continued to follow him until he finally decided to stop a couple feet away from the water, and set the blanket down on the sand. I smiled at him fondly and watch him observantly. Eventually, when he finished fixing and arranging the checkered blanket on the ground, he looked up at me. "You keep staring at me, El, do you want a picture?"

I scoffed at his ego and shook my head. "This is just cliche is all. I feel like I'm in an overrated romance movie.."

"Like The Notebook?" He chuckled.

"Like The Notebook." I nodded.

Calum took a seat on the blanket and patted the spot next to him with his palm and I sighed before dropping down to sit by him. His arm reached to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. "Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't make you feel like you're in The Notebook every once in a while, yeah?"

I snorted and nodded for his pleasure. "Sure."

"You're awfully negative tonight, El."

"Really?"

"Kind of."

I felt myself physically grow smaller, shrinking into myself. I hadn't even known I'd been a downer all night. I'd called Calum, thinking he'd take me away from home and fill me with a sense of freedom for the night. I'd expected to act a little un-Cara-ish, a little delirious. I'd expected to escape my boundaries by sneaking out tonight, and I'd expected the both of us to have a good time, yet apparently, I was the one who was bringing the whole night down. And I didn't even know it. "Oh, I-I'm sorry I didn't-"

"No, it's fine, babe," Calum quickly spoke up, squeezing my shoulder slightly. "I'm just curious. Are you really alright?"

I sighed, and allowed myself to relax in his grip, leaning further into his shoulder. I found myself wondering when the hell I grew so comfortable around Calum. Just a few days ago the hairs on the back of my next stood up whenever he walked into the room, and I was always on edge around him. I felt like I constantly had to be on guard whenever I was with him, but right now, in this moment, I'd never felt more calm. "I don't know. I'm stressed."

He looked down at me curiously, as if expecting me to look up at him as well, and explain myself. I kept my eyes on the waves and the way the sky had gone from a light blue to a mix of pink, orange, yellow and purple, though, and in time, he took the hint. Everything was once again silent.

Eventually, he squirmed in his seat and cleared his throat. "You can talk to me Elena. That's why I'm here."

I bit my lip, contemplating. Ultimately in the end I gave in, huffing out a breath and breaking out of his grip on my shoulders to face him. "Can I ask you a question?"

When he nodded almost right away, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I spoke up again. "Why is it that no matter how hard some people try, it's never good enough for others? They're always lacking, always doing something wrong- they're never enough to please a crowd, no matter how hard they try. No matter what they do to tame the lion, they always end up getting mauled in the end."

A grin broke out on the raven-haired boy's face. "What a metaphor."

"Calum," I whined. "You said I could talk to you!"

Calum laughed again and pulled me back into his side after seeing me pout. He kissed the top of my head, leaving his lips there for a while. "The sooner you accept the fact that you aren't going to be able to please everyone in your lifetime, the easier it'll be for you to live, El."

"Yeah, but... But I've been trying for so long, and-"

"Well then that's their fault." Cal suddenly snapped, sitting up straighter and shocking me a bit. "Elena, those type of people shouldn't matter, you know? They're the kinds of people with their heads up their asses who think that they're too good for everyone. If they keep up their game, they're gonna end up with no one. No one will be good enough for them in their eyes, so they won't have anyone standing by them in the end. You can spend five years trying to please those people, or spend five years pleasing yourself. It's your choice, babe."

I kept my eyes on the water in front of me, refusing to look elsewhere. I could practically feel Calum looking at me, I could practically feel the concern oozing out of his eyes, and I knew he wanted to know what was going on in my mind. The tears started to well up, and before I could stop myself, one had started to slide down my right cheek. I quickly brought my hand up to swipe it off of my face, sniffling.

"You know what? If I were perfect, if I were only flawless, he'd accept me. He'd think I was enough." I spat, losing all control of the words coming out of my mouth.

"Yeah, but nobody's perfect Elena, the idea of perfection is all bullshit." His voice had started to rise and he used two of his fingers to tilt my head towards him, so that I was looking at him- so that I couldn't look away. "What's the point of living if you're a perfect person? If everyone were perfect, nobody would actually be unique. Or interesting. I'm not perfect. I've come to terms with it. There are so many things I dislike about myself."

My eyebrows furrowed. "You?"

"Yeah, me."

"What are you talking about?"

He looked confused. "What?"

I rose my eyebrows at him in disbelief. "You? You have things you don't like about yourself?"

"Oh, what, just because I get complimented by teenage girls a lot means I'm not allowed to have insecurities?"

I blushed at how horrible that sounded. Damn it. "No, but I mean like- I mean, look at you."

Calum laughed and brushed some of my overgrown bangs that the evening breeze had been blowing around behind my ears. "Look at you."

I rolled my eyes slightly at the amount of corniness pouring out of him and brushed him off, grinning fondly anyway. "What could you possibly not like about yourself?"

He shrugged, fingers tracing sketches and patterns into the cool sand. "I don't like how ignorant I can be. A lot of fans tell me that I can be an ass sometimes. I don't like how I automatically think getting wasted will make all my problems fly away. I don't like how dependent I can be at times. And I don't like my nose. Or my eyebrows."

I shook my head listening to the boy list all of the things he thought were wrong about him, all the things he thought made him flawed. None of them were true. "You're not ignorant at all. Did you just hear any of the things you've just said to me? If anything, you sound educated as he'll. The drinking thing, that's something you can work on- everybody has habits. It's just a matter of finding a way to get rid of them."

"I can be ignorant sometimes though. It's just a side of me you've never really seen." Calum chuckled humorlessly. "Usually it's when we're touring- I just get tired and grumpy and I feel like crying but I refuse to cry so I just end up being a dick to everyone around me. And it just ends up making me feel like everyone would be better off if I left."

"They can't blame you for that, though!" I felt myself getting defensive of him. All Calum had been to me since he'd gotten back from tour, since I'd first met him, was humble, and to find out that he didn't get humbleness in return from people made me angry. He was only human, how could people expect so much from him? "It's not your fault that you get tired and break down every once in a while. You're on tour, with no family or any down time for months on end- of course you're going to get tired. Of course you're going to get grumpy. I don't think it's fair of people to give you crap for that, you know, for being human."

Calum stayed silent and continued to look out at the sea in front of him, even though there really was nothing much to look at. The sky was dark, and casted only a faint glow upon the ocean- it was difficult to see anything in the ocean other than the ripples of the water and the sand. I sighed.

"To be honest, Calum, I think they're kind of dumb." I said. "I would never want to lose a person like you. If anything, you're kind of the type of person I need in my life until my last breath."

As surprising as the words escaping my lips were, I found myself speaking the truth. I wasn't trying to speak as Elena, I was speaking solely as Cara. Of course, he'd never know that, but as Cara- an understanding, a compassionate, a person who somehow always knows what to say- it's something, it's a friend, a person Cara's never had in her entire life. I wanted it, I needed it. And it felt so good to have Calum fill that empty piece. It felt so good to have that piece of me filled in general. Calum kind of, sort of, really, made me feel.. whole. Content. Those were feelings I hardly ever felt. He turned to look at me, looking rather surprised. "Really?"

I shrugged and nodded, fumbling with my fingers. "In all honesty, Cal, you're an incredible person, alright, it takes a lot to make me feel better when I'm upset but you.. You've gotten me one step closer to feeling okay. And nobody's ever really done that before. And I think everybody kind of needs somebody who makes them feel okay. Or at least gets them a step closer to feeling okay. Does that make sense?" I was rambling.

But a rather large smile appeared on Calum's face anyway as he pulled me back into his side for about the third time that night, kissing the top of my head, and then my cheek, and then my nose, before leaning his forehead against mine. Everything had started to move insanely quickly once again, and my breathing had started to pick up. I internally laughed at myself. I'd gone from feeling totally relaxed and calm around Calum, to anxious and nervous. "You know, you've never really said anything like that to me before."

Both my eyebrows shot up in shock. That had to mean that Elena hardly ever said such things like that to him. Which was... weird. "Seriously?"

He shook his head, still smiling dopily. I laughed quietly. "Well, you deserve to hear it more, then. Good people deserve good things."

He rose his eyebrow challengingly. "Good people as in you?"

"Sure." I chuckled, my eyes rolling back teasingly. "And good people as in you, too, Cal."

"I'm not going to stop until I get you to believe you're good enough, Elena."

"Alright, fair enough. I won't stop until I get you to like your nose and eyebrows, then." I smirked.

He laughed, turning away for a minute causing me to break out into a fit of giggles as well. After regaining himself, he turned to look back at me, leaning his forehead against mine once again. We both breathed in and out of our noses, not much distance between us.

We stayed like that for a while, until eventually, he started to lean in closer and for a minute I was convinced he was going to rid the small amount of distance between our faces, you know, kiss me. Then he pulled back. But his forehead was still against mine. He was still close. I scoffed. "You were totally about to kiss me."

He grinned cheekily, dimples popping out and everything. "Maybe."

"Why didn't you?"

"Eager much."

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, and apparently it was noticeable. Calum laughed. "I'm joking, El."

I groaned, burying my face into his neck. "I take it back. Your fans were right, you really are an ass."

Calum chuckled and lifted my face from out of the crook of his neck with his hands, and before I could even blink, he placed his lips on mine.

A kiss is indescribable, if I'm being honest. Some people say it's gross and wet and weird, and some people may say that it's warm, and sweet and incredible. I say that it depends on the person you're kissing. I mean, I've never kissed anyone aside from Calum in my entire life, but judging from what other people say- Calum's kiss wasn't wet or weird or warm or sweet, necessarily. It was just a kiss, it as just a pair of lips on mine, and it didn't feel like much. I didn't exactly feel anything, physically. But inside, oh inside- I felt significant. And I felt totally whole, for some reason, as if apparently there was a part of me that was missing something before he'd kissed me. I felt satisfied, and I felt an odd amount of happiness. I felt like I was enough for him, because he'd chosen to kiss me, you know? It was weird. But no one would really understand what it felt like aside from me. A kiss is indescribable.

Calum's kiss was indescribable.