58. A Runway Adventure

            It wasn’t that Chase didn’t trust Krislynn enough that he felt the immediate need to sweep her back to Los Angeles on the first available flight. She had proven to him that he was at the center of her affections, but the fact that Jace had feelings for her didn’t exactly keep him at ease either. It might be because he genuinely lacked the confidence to compete with someone who had as much moral as Jace, and even though Jace had no intentions to compete, for that uncertainty alone, Chase kept the episode by the creek away from Krislynn’s knowledge.

            She was a little sad and disappointed that they had to return a day sooner than they were meant to, but she promptly obliged when Chase made up some bogus excuse about something happening at work, and the rest of his family were just as gullible. Even Jace, who Chase was desperately trying to act normal in front of, seemed oblivious to his awkwardness and thought nothing suspicious about his sudden need to leave. Despite his smooth escape however, the anxiety never left him and without Krislynn to unburden to, he only had Seth and Pete who were rarely sympathetic when it came to Chase Evans’ women issues.

            “What?” Seth shouted into the phone during a three-way call between the trio. “So is he going to marry her or is he not?”

            “He’s going to marry her,” Chase muttered. “Even though he doesn’t love her. That’s a bit messed up though don’t you think?”

            “And then he told you he’s falling in love with Krislynn? Is that supposed to be a challenge? And what did you say?”

            “I didn’t say anything! How could I say anything? What right do I have when I was the one who ran behind his back and slept with his fiancée? I don’t think he meant it to be anything besides being honest, but I feel like the whole thing is a mess now even though he’s forgiven me.”

            Pete, who had been practically silent throughout the conversation, suddenly spoke up. “Did you ask him why?” He asked calmly. “There must be a reason he’s willing to marry her despite having no interest in her.”

            “Maybe LaCienega’s blackmailing him.”

       “Shut up Seth. She’s not blackmailing him.” Chase sighed and rubbed his temples, jogging his memory back to the creek and trying his best to translate his thoughts and feelings. “I think it was at the back of my mind. I wanted to ask him why and was waiting for an opportunity to, but then he pulled that Krislynn thing and I totally forgot about it.”

            In terms of advice, the two friends had very opposite views of what Chase’s next choice of action was. Seth thought that Chase was being nosy and since the issue was between Jace and LaCienega, he should stay out of it by all means. Pete on the other hand, saw no reason why Chase shouldn’t interfere.

“My advice to you depends on what you want,” he started. “At this point, I think it’s fair to say LaCienega’s yours for the taking, and Jace has pretty much given you permission to take the burden off his hands. The only issue that remains is whether you still want LaCienega.”

            And that was the issue. And it wasn’t something so simple for Chase to answer. On one hand, he didn’t feel the necessity to trade in Krislynn for LaCienega like he did previously, but on the other, Krislynn had about two more weeks left with him. And if she left… If she left… Wouldn’t LaCienega be the proper choice then? Shouldn’t he prepare for that?

            Shaking the thoughts out of his head, Chase told his friends he’d sleep on it and think it over. Truthfully, he had no intentions to drag on the topic in his mind. It was stifling and complicated trying to match what his heart wanted and what his brain thought was the best for him, and since he wasn’t the best at figuring these things out, he decided not to think about it at all.

            It wasn’t until Sunday that Krislynn finally caught on that something had been a little off with him since his fishing trip with Jace, and asked him about it. “Well, you know that whole thing with LaCienega? Like how I slept with her that one time? I told him.”

            She gasped at once, followed by an excited giggle as she held onto his arm and pestered him for more. “And what did he say?” She gaped, and she was so entertained by this fact that her eyes glittered as if she wasn’t staring at him, but reflecting a cave of diamonds and gold. “Did he hit you?”

            “Are you having fun?” He groaned, flicking her forehead to show her his discontent. “You must be so happy that I’m suffering.”

            It was the shifting of her eyes that gave her away, but she pouted sweetly nonetheless. “N- no. Of course not.”

            “Mhmm,” he snickered. “I believe you.”

            “So then did you guys work it out?”

            “Well, it’s a bit complicated, but he’s not mad at me and he’s forgiven me if that’s what you want to know.” Not exactly in the mood to explain all of it to her, Chase told her only the necessary tidbits and omitted the part about Jace’s true feelings toward LaCienega and herself. “I mean, I feel a bit awkward around him now since no matter what, I still betrayed him. And the fact that he didn’t condemn me for it makes me feel like I owe him even more.”

            “But don’t you feel better after telling him at least?”

            Chase shrugged. “To be honest, not particularly.”

            Laughing, Krislynn cupped his cheeks with her hands and brought her lips up to his for a kiss. “Well I think you were super brave for telling him, and regardless of how you feel, it was the proper thing to do.”

            Chase shrugged and seeing that her words didn’t give him much comfort, Krislynn decided to make him an offer. “How about this? Since you feel like crap, if there’s anything I can do to take your mind off of Jace and make you feel better, let me know and I’ll do it!”

            Although there was nothing in Chase’s thoughts that she could accomplish, the gesture brought a grin to his face. Playfully, he slipped his arms around her and rocked her side to side as he touched and traced the tip of his nose along the nape of her neck. “Nah, not right now,” he murmured. “But I’ll think of something for you to do so hold that thought and keep that promise.”

            “Okay,” she laughed, and just like he prophesied, he thought of something she could do only an hour after while he was lounging in front of the T.V watching the news. The moment the idea struck, it hit him so hard that it shoved him off the couch and he scrambled to his feet. The idea was perfect and he could kill two birds with one stone for a lack of a gentler saying.

            Immediately he raced off to search for her, first the kitchen and then the laundry room, before he finally found her changing the bedding in his room. “Krislynn, we gotta go. We need to go right now!”

            “What do you mean? Where?” She retorted, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration having been disturbed from doing her chores. “Where are you taking me?”

            His reply was an overconfident smirk. “A secret place,” he said. “Just trust me on this. But we have to go if we’re going to make it and accomplish anything. You said you wanted to do something to make me feel better right? Well I thought of something so you have to come.”

            Krislynn was less than enthusiastic about this enigmatic outburst of his, but since she gave him her word and since he appeared so animated to her, like a child wanting to show something off, she laughed along and let herself be swept by his current. What Krislynn didn’t know was that this tiny adventure of theirs was going to be a horrific one, and indeed, she didn’t get an inkling of danger until it was too late for her to turn back.

            After getting into the car, Chase drove on and on, vying through the highway as if he had just robbed a bank and the cops were close on his trail. While he was preoccupied with driving, and the music played softly in the background, Krislynn stared out her side of the window and watched the beachside run by as if it was a world of its own turning. The water, tinted orange and yellow by the sun, stretched to the end of the horizon and Krislynn half amused herself by wondering what it would look like if the world was indeed flat and the water rolled off the edge like a waterfall as long as the Great Wall.

            As the car kept driving towards their destination however, Krislynn didn’t fail to notice the change in the sky’s color. At first, she thought it was just the night sneaking up behind the orange and the red, but something inside her stomach trembled with something almost akin to fear. It wasn’t until a while later, when the clouds started to come alive and roll across the horizon viciously that she realized the bruised clouds above her head weren’t signs of the night, but the signs of an incoming storm.

            By the time the realization hit, there wasn’t a single place to hide within the vicinity. They had driven out of the city, and now all that seem to surround them were wildlife and nature without even a house in sight Krislynn could run into. The car would not be safe, that was her immediate thought, and so the only thing she could do was pray that it was going to end up as a regular storm and that thunder and lightning wouldn’t show up to the party as well.

            “Chase?” Her voice came in a soft murmur just above the sound of the music, and her tug on Chase’s arm as she called out to her was just as feeble as her voice. “Where are we going? It looks… it looks like it might rain soon.”

            “Mmm…” was the only thing Chase managed to utter to her. He couldn’t meet her eyes knowing that this was hardly the nicest thing he should be doing to her, but somehow, as much as he himself wanted to turn the car around, a part of him wanted, needed for this to happen.

            He was going to cure her, he decided. That idea, in an overwhelming force, was what pushed itself into his head the moment he saw the weather forecast at home a couple hours earlier. However, the thunderstorm was never going to reach L.A and at most, all it would receive was a bit of rain, which was why Chase had to go through all the trouble of taking her out of town, and toward the highest peak he could possibly take her at a reasonable distance.

            He knew the way to their destination by heart. It was one of those places he drove to and spent the weekend when his life in L.A got to be too much, or one of those occasions when some girl he had fooled around with came looking for him for trouble. It was a nice drive from L.A and the fact that it was up a mountainside and was secluded from everything besides nature allowed him a peace of mind, which was why this place was one he frequented when he needed a surge for creativity. He had always come alone however, and this was the first time he had shown it to anyone. Not that Krislynn was in the mind to scrutinize his favourite hiding place.

            He shifted his gaze to her and watched her eyes dart from tree to tree, rock to rock, cloud to cloud as she clung onto his arm. She had been throwing him a lot of questions for the last half an hour, all of which he answered as vaguely as possible, but now that he had parked his car at the bottom and started leading her the way up, she was as silent as a doll.

            He couldn’t feel it, or see it, but he could smell it – the rain – and Chase was sure Krislynn could to. Despite the small amount of daylight still roaming around, the blue sky had vanished behind a thick veil of gray smoke, and he pulled at Krislynn’s hand harder so that they could make their way faster up the cliff. She resisted however, and tugged back occasionally, before her hand squeezed his and commanded him to stop walking and look at her.

            “Where are we going? Seriously?!” She snapped.

            “We’re almost there. Don’t worry.” He turned and continued, and again, Krislynn resisted, this time pulling her hand out of his. “Come on. Don’t be like that. We’re almost there.”

            “I don’t want to.”

            “What?”

            “I said I don’t want to.” When her eyes regarded him the next moment, they were moist and trembling, the blue in her iris darkening to a color near the hue of the current sky. It wasn’t just that. Not only her eyes, but when she spoke, her hands, her legs, Chase suddenly noticed they were all shaking. “I don’t… Why are we here? I don’t… want to… I’m… Chase… I’m scared.”

            “Don’t be,” he said coldly. “Let’s go.” He reached for her hand, but Krislynn quickly stepped back, her head shaking furiously from side to side.

            “No!” She cried. “Why? Why are you doing this to me? What are we doing up there? Let’s just go home. I want to go home.”

            “We’re not going home,” he said, and sighing after shifting his legs, Chase decided he couldn’t hide it from her any longer. “You know how some people go up mountains to watch sunsets or go stargazing Piglet?”

            Krislynn stammered and gave a quick nod.

            “Well… we’re going thunderstorm gazing.” Immediately Krislynn turned around and headed back down toward the car. Chase swore under his breath, but didn’t waste anymore time to reflect on his failure. Picking up his pace, he ran after her and grabbed onto her arm to spin her around. “Stop! Where do you think you’re going?!”

            “Away from you!” She shouted. “How can you do this to me Chase? You know I… You know I don’t do thunderstorms and you’re what? You’re taking me thunderstorm gazing?!” Her eyes filled with tears, but Krislynn bit down on her lip and refused to let them fall. “Are you out of your mind? Or was I just wrong about you this whole time?!”

            Before Chase had time to retaliate, Krislynn swung her arm back and ripped it out of Chase’s grasp. “Krislynn I…” He sighed, watching her turn her back and continue her way back down before he grabbed a lock of his hair and tugged at it in anger. “Look, I know you’re scared of it! I haven’t forgotten!” His voice rung from where he planted his feet. “But what? Are you never going to face it? Are you planning to be scared of it, to hide under a table every time there’s a thunderstorm for the rest of your life?!”

            “And what if I do? And what if I don’t?” She spat. “It’s none of your business Chase. It’s my fear, and I’ll get over it on my own time. Fears aren’t like that – they aren’t something you can just get rid if you think you can get rid of it. Don’t look down at my fear like it’s no big deal. It’s no big deal to you, but to me, it’s not just a fear, it’s a big black gap in my heart.” Closing her eyes, Krislynn released a breath. She felt bad for yelling, but her body was shaking and she was unnerved and unwell. “I’m sorry Chase. I know you want to help me and you mean this in goodwill but…”

            “I don’t.”

            “What?”

            Chase shrugged. “I know you probably think I’m doing this for you Krislynn, but I’m not. I’m not as good as a person you might take me to be. I’m selfish and I only care about myself.” Closing the distance between them, Chase took slow strides and stared sadly into Krislynn’s eyes when he reached her. He lowered his head and stood so close to her that their foreheads might touch if he only leaned a little more forward. “You might be okay with spending the rest of your life hiding under tables, but I can’t do that. I have no idea where your life might take you, how far it’ll take you, or whether I have a part in it at the end, but I… I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking up at the sky every time there’s a thunderstorm, wondering to myself, ‘is she doing okay right now? Is she scared? Is she crying? Does she have someone there to protect her?’ I don’t want to worry about you like that. It’s pathetic.

            “I know that getting over a fear isn’t so simple, but you said you wanted to do something to comfort me today right? Then do this one thing. Give me a peace of mind and let me see you try to face your scars at least. As long as… as long as you’re not scared to the point where you become unable to function, then I’ll… I’ll be comforted by that.”

            Taking a step back, Chase held out his hand to her, but that was as far as he allowed himself to go. Only halfway, he’d only extend his hand halfway because if Krislynn wasn’t ready – if she wasn’t able to hold out her hand and reach for his – then no matter how far Chase extended his hand, his fingers would never reach hers.  

            “I’ll stand right beside you,” he said softly. “So will you let yourself trust me?”

            Krislynn couldn’t reply to his question. All she seemed to be able to manage was to keep her eyes staring intently at the hand he had held out to her. She didn’t know if she should take it. Her head screamed ‘no’ and violently shook her nerves and all the muscles it controlled, making her entire body tremble and shake. But her heart, despite how tightly it hugged her chest and made it hard for her to catch her breath, seemed gentle and accepting.  

            Her hand lifted, her fingers unsteady, but she wasn’t sure whether she should reach for his hand. Maybe this was what she needed. Maybe after all this running away, after keeping distance from all the people she had met in her life besides Ella, after all the childhood scars her parents had inevitably implanted in her, maybe this hand was what she had been waiting for. Maybe he was what she had been waiting for.

            Or maybe not, her head whispered.

            Biting her lip, Krislynn slid her shaky hand on top of his. She was smiling. She couldn’t help it. His hand, his warmth, the kind of eyes he gazed at her with, the type of smile he showered her with, it all made her weak lips curl into a soft smile.

            His hand gripped around her tinier ones tightly, but with enough gentleness not to hurt her. This feeling, this warmth, maybe this was what she had been waiting for all her life.

       Or maybe not, she thought. Smiling, her eyes still damp, her body still trembling lightly with fear, Krislynn gripped back on Chase’s hand. Or maybe not. Maybe he wasn’t the thing she’d been waiting for, but to stand here with him today, to share this feeling with him, this moment, even if he wasn’t… that was okay.