56. Darkest Sin

            It was an illness. He had some kind of illness – that, Chase was sure of. Otherwise why would every fibre of muscle inside his body go limp when he heard her say the words? He felt a bit dizzy, and a bit silly, and a bit angry, and a bit giddy, and he wasn’t sure what to do with all of that swirling inside his thumping chest. Krislynn’s expression was one filled with awkwardness and anxiety, but she waited patiently for his reply with her blushing face lowered, staring intently onto the top of her lap.

            Try as he might to think of a reasonable reply, Chase’s head was as blank as a freshly pressed white piece of paper. He looked over her, his expression probably equally as blank as his mind. “You do?” He muttered after a moment, raising one eyebrow at her like he wasn’t sure if he’d heard her correctly.

            “Mm… Mm-hmm.” She pursed her lips together and though it looked like she wanted to glance up at him to see his reaction, she was too timid to do so. She bit her lips. Her hands were shaking and seeing how nervous she was, Chase reached over and took one of her hands in his.

            “You said you wouldn’t,” he murmured. “That no matter what happens, you wouldn’t come to like me. You promised.”

            Immediately, she turned toward him and all the giddiness that was visible before were now replaced by disappointment. “Oh,” she mumbled. “I guess I… I did say that.” She paused and waited a moment before suddenly getting up on her feet, her face twisted with pain. “Sorry then. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that just now. I didn’t mean to complicate things.” Quickly, without taking another glance at him, Krislynn turned to run.

            Chase didn’t say anything. He stared at her back absentmindedly and let her go… or at least, he allowed her to go as far as she could go with his hand still holding onto hers. Airheaded as always, Krislynn only seemed to realize the chain that bounded her when she couldn’t go any further than a couple of feet. Confused, she peered back at him before Chase released a low sigh. “It doesn’t matter what you said now,” he muttered. “Just sit down. I’m not done with you yet.”

            He could tell from one glance that he had made her completely unsure of herself, but since she couldn’t get away, she eventually sat back down beside him, making him smirk a little. Chase didn’t know why he was being such a bully to her, especially since she had openly admitted she felt the same way. Maybe it was a because he was childish and vengeful about what happened with Jace, but now that that was out of the way, and the cloudiness he was feeling before had dispersed, he wanted to talk to her seriously about what she said.

            It was odd when Chase found himself embarrassed during the rare occasions it did happen; usually his ego was big enough to crush everything else to smithereens, but today, he felt the uneasiness Krislynn must have been feeling earlier when he clenched her hand. “Do you really?” He asked again, unable to hide the smile on his face. “You’re not shitting me to get yourself out of trouble, right? Do you really have feelings for me?”

            Krislynn scowled, her eyebrows clumping together as she turned away from him angrily. “Maybe,” she spat. “I don’t know anymore.”

            “What do you mean maybe,” he snapped. “That’s not what you said a minute ago! You said you like me for sure!”

            “Well I changed my mind,” she shouted.

            “What?!”

            “I said I changed my mind!”

            Chase’s mouth fell so wide apart he could hear the click of his jaw from how stretched out it was. “You can’t just change your mind! Who does that?!” He glowered at her and willed Krislynn to look him in the eyes, but she was adamant on keeping her face turned the other way. “Why did you change your mind?!”

            “Because you’re such an asshole,” she retorted. With her body now turned towards him, Chase could finally see the anger and hurt that was clearly visible on her face. “Not only did I have to be the first one to admit that I like you for sure, but you’ve done nothing but mock me about it after! So I unknowingly did start to like you; that doesn’t mean I had plans to do that from the start! So whatever. Have it your way. I won’t like you anymore. I’ve changed my mind about it.”

            She stood up to go, and this time Chase stood up with her. With a gentle tug, he pulled her to him, his chest aching knowing that his arrogance and his obliviousness was the reason for pushing her away. “Don’t,” he said.

            Krislynn stared at him restlessly as if she didn’t expect too much from him anymore. “Don’t what?” She mumbled.

            “Don’t…” Chase felt his cheeks filling up with heat as he gave her hand another squeeze. “Don’t… Don’t change your mind,” he stuttered. “Continue to like me no matter what. I know that I um… get kind of asswipe-ish every once in a while, but I think I like you a lot more than I care to admit so just… be patient with me until then.”

            Chase meant it from the bottom of his heart, and when Krislynn’s expression softened, and she bit the corner of her lips to stop herself from smiling silly, he knew that was the right moment to kiss her. Cupping her face right on her jaw line, he tilted her face towards him before he sunk his mouth over hers. Krislynn’s lips met his trembling, which only drew out the dominant and protective side of him as he released her hand and pulled her up against his body. Pushing her back, Chase gently led her backwards until the back of Krislynn’s body met the door and then pressed her up on it.

            He could feel all of the masculine energy inside of him exploding, his desire for her so intense that his kisses were making her breathless. Chase didn’t care. What he couldn’t explain to her through his words he wanted to make up for through his actions and he wanted to make sure Krislynn knew who she belonged to. His. She was his and he didn’t want to share her. Especially not with Jace. Taking both her hands in his, Chase intertwined their fingers before pinning Krislynn’s hands over her head against the door. When she moaned against their lips, Chase could feel himself moving inside his pants and knew that she must have felt it too when she slipped her thigh in between his and pushed against it.

            He broke away then – both his body and his lips – but not so far away that he couldn’t lower his head and rest his forehead on top of her shoulder. “We have to stop there,” he said, his breath still bated, his lips still bee-stung. “Because if you get me going, I’m going to keep on going. Chase Evans doesn’t come with a stop button.”

            Chase smiled when he heard Krislynn giggle at his suggestion, and then shuddered when the girl coyly trailed the back of her fingernails on his bare neck to the hair at the top of his head. “What an unfortunate defect,” she muttered. “I’ve always liked those.”

            When he raised his head to face her, he found her face rosy and glowing and couldn’t hold himself back from kissing her again. He leaned in and their lips met shyly. It was just a simple peck before he pulled away. Once. Twice. The third time their mouths met opened, and their lips enveloped each other’s in a tight embrace before Chase reluctantly pulled away. He could do it all day, but he wasn’t going to because they technically weren’t done talking yet. “Uh… so are we square?” He asked her nervously when they both had enough time to catch their breath.

            Krislynn gave him a thoughtful look before she shrugged and nodded her head. To her, the whole thing was still cloudy and undefined, but she was over the moon that Chase had finally accepted his own feelings for her and didn’t want to push him into something he wasn’t ready for too soon. “I guess so.”

            He quirked an eyebrow at her. “And Jace?” He asked her light-heartedly with a fake smile and clenched teeth. “What about him? If you like me then what do you feel about him?”

            The whole pretending that it wasn’t a big deal thing made Krislynn giggle as she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. She could hear his heart beating faster as she laid her head there, and smiled to herself before pressing her face into his shirt. “Oh god Chase,” she laughed. “Are we seriously going back to that again? I told you. It’s not like that. I admit I do get giddy around him, but it’s more of a schoolgirl crush. He’s like a cute little mascot. I don’t have particular feelings for him.” Raising herself up on her tippy toes, she reached up and kissed him lightly on his cheek. “The one I want is you.”

            Her confession made him smile a little before his brows furrowed and he looked at her again with a displeased expression. “Can’t you just not have a schoolgirl crush on him?” He grumbled. “That would make things so much easier.”

            “But he’s adorable,” she cried. “I’m not going to lie that I think he’s cute! It’s like a girl in a relationship who also thinks Justin B is cute! It’s not like she’s going to dump her boyfriend because of it!”

            “That’s because she doesn’t know J.B in real life. What if she did? Are you sure she wouldn’t dump her boyfriend for him?”

            Krislynn rolled her eyes. “Well I wouldn’t,” she replied, and before Chase could mutter up a bunch of other irrelevant things, she quickly kissed him again. “You’ll just have to be a big boy and take my word for it Chase, but since you’re such a jealous creature, I won’t fawn over him anymore. Does that make you feel a bit better at least?”

            Technically, it didn’t, but since Krislynn seemed so sincere in her appeal to please him, he shrugged and let the whole thing slide. “Fine,” he muttered with a sigh. “But just for the record, I’m not jealous.”

            Her expression immediately changed from cheerful to disbelief. “Are you serious?” She shouted, her mouth hanging ajar. “Are you really going to continue denying it even up to this point?”

            He glared at her. “I’m not jealous,” he repeated.

            Krislynn closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “Fine,” she said. “Whatever. You’re not jealous. Are you happy now?”

            “Not really,” Chase replied. “It’s just nice that you’re finally willing to see the truth.”

***

            The next morning, much to Chase’s horror, came quickly and he was jolted out of bed early once again. He would much rather stay in bed, even more so because his family kept giving him weird, giggly looks about his fight with Krislynn the night before. Apparently, they couldn’t overhear what they were saying clearly, but could hear their screams and such from the dinner table downstairs. Thank goodness Jace was too oblivious to understand his own part in their fight; otherwise, Chase might have had to explain things to him and god knew he was horrid with the ‘talking’ thing.

            Since there wasn’t much Isla trusted him with on the farm, and probably because she had heard from Adam what happened the morning before, she charged him with feeding the pigs and letting them out on their morning exercise again. Krislynn was as energetic as ever and Chase didn’t even mind so much as they walked about holding hands. Of course, every once in a while – well, more like once every two minutes – he would stop to play hooky. “I can’t go on,” he would yawn. “Go without me. I’m so tired. I don’t have a speck of energy in me.”

            “Oh come on, don’t be like that,” she would retort. “Don’t you want to see the piggies again?”

            “Mmm… Maybe if you came and kissed me then. Maybe that would give me a small boost of energy.” And even though it was completely apparent to the both of them what he was doing, Krislynn would still blush herself silly before giving him a big smooch that would only last him a moment until he wanted another again. Needless to say, it took them a long time to get to the barn for the feed with all the pit stops they took in between so they could lock lips. By the time they arrived, Jace and Isaac also appeared and Jace took the leisure to tell them they were going to go feed and groom the horses today.

            Krislynn gasped in delight at once, and Chase grimaced feeling a bit of déjà vu. “Do you want to come with?” Jace asked again, laughing when he saw the excitement on her face, and Chase half expected her to jump into Jace’s arms and run off like she did the day before.

            “Um…” She gained a conscience though, after their talk yesterday, and shook her head before sticking closer to Chase. “It’s okay,” she said. “Chase and I have to feed the piglets so… Anyways, thanks for asking.”

            The look on Jace’s face when she declined his offer made Chase scrunch his own in wariness, but he made no deeper thought about it besides the fact that his childhood friend had always been weird and moved on. “Oh… well… oh well. Maybe next time then.”

            Feeling a bit guilty especially after Krislynn had made the point of telling him she didn’t have any feelings for Jace, Chase sighed and released her hand. “Go,” he said, even though he didn’t really mean it. “I don’t want you complaining to me about not being able to go later so just go. I’ll feed the pigs and meet up with you in a bit.”

            Krislynn narrowed her eyes playfully at him, but then waved goodbye to Isaac and Jace when they got their supplies and headed out on their way. “I’d rather be with you,” she said once they were gone. “It’s just that I’ve never touched a horse before and I kind of want to brush their hair… and braid it.”

            “You’re so weird,” he muttered and then settled on something that would work for the both of them. “How about this? We go and feed the pigs really quickly, and then we’ll run over and see the horses after? Does that work for you?”

            “Really?! Can we do that?”

            Rolling his eyes, Chase nodded and was quickly swept away by Krislynn’s will for him to work. When they finished their duty, he took her over to where they kept the horses and she laughed out in joy when she saw one running about in an enclosed field outside. “Oh my god Chase, it’s a horse,” she cried, shaking his arm dramatically. “It’s a horse! It’s a horse!”

            “Yes. Yes. I see that,” he murmured, gawking at how much of an idiot the girl could be. “I think I caught you the first time.”

            They heard laughing suddenly and found Isaac standing behind them when they looked over their shoulder. “Someone’s excited,” he chuckled. “Do you want me to show you around Krislynn? Jace is feeding a couple more inside. I could show you my favourites if you want.”

            “You would do that?” She gasped.

            “Yeah,” he laughed. “It’s no big deal. Really.”

            Isaac took them in after and introduced all the horses they owned to Krislynn, but it was only after breakfast that she got to go back and fulfill her dream of grooming them and braiding their hair. Chase half wanted to stay and see the disaster, but instead decided he’d go fishing with Jace instead. It’d been a long time since the two of them had alone time together and since the farm had been a big part of their childhood – with Jace coming to visit for at least half the summer during their early and late teen years – there was no better time to catch up than here.

            The spot they picked wasn’t so much an exclusive spot since barely any fish swam by in the large creek that ran through, but since their point for fishing wasn’t actually to catch any fish, neither of them cared. Once they settled down, Chase popped a can of beer and took a sip before handing another can to Jace. He watched his friend open the can and take a small sip before winching at the taste like he had just taken a shot of hard liquor.

            “It’s just beer Jace,” he muttered.

            “I still don’t like the taste much,” Jace mumbled before searching the outside of the can fervently. “I wonder if there’s caffeine in this. I don’t do caffeine. If I drink a cup of coffee at six in the morning, I’ll be up until two am at night, all jittery and stuff.”

            If Chase didn’t have one hand holding his fishing rod, and the other, his beer, he would have thoroughly rubbed his temple. “Well… on a totally different topic, is your mom okay? Not that I’m saying it’s not cool for her to be here this Thanksgiving, but she was really… off. Nothing’s wrong with your folks, right?”

            Jace sighed and that was enough to answer Chase’s last question. “They’re getting a divorce,” he admitted after a moment of thought. “She was going to be alone this Thanksgiving, which was why your mom invited her down. I wasn’t going to come, but if I didn’t, I would have spent it with my dad and LaCienega’s family and…” Pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, again, he sighed. “I just had this feeling she wouldn’t like it.”

            “That sucks man. If they’re already in the midst of a divorce, I guess they’ve been at it for a while huh? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? If you had told me earlier… well it’s not like I could have done anything, but… you get my point.”

            Jace chuckled at his blatant remark. “Well, when we met up again, it’d been awhile and I fathom it would have been a bit too dark for catch up topic.” Shrugging, Jace carelessly placed his fishing rod on the ground before giving Chase’s shoulder a pat. “It doesn’t matter now. It means a great deal to know you’re here for me even though we’re not as close as we used to be so it’s fine. You’re a good friend Chase.”

            It was the last sentence. There was just something about it when Jace said it – the sincerity of it all – that made Chase cringe in remorse. He studied Jace seriously as his friend turned to pick up his fishing rod and couldn’t hold back what he was feeling inside. For once they were alone. They were sitting on this soft patch of green grass overlooking a roaring creek filled with sparkling water, and Chase didn’t think there was a better time to tell him the one thing that had been swallowing him up inside since a month earlier.

            “The thing is Jace… I’m not a good friend.”

            There was confusion all over Jace’s face when he processed what Chase had said. “What?” He mumbled nervously, laughing softly at the obscenity of it all. “What do you mean? You’re a great friend!”

            “No, you’re wrong.” Chase sighed, his chest tight as if he was having trouble getting any amount of air into him. “Look, there’s something that I need to tell you, something that I probably should have, and would have, told you earlier if I wasn’t such a piece of chickenshit.” He waited until he was sure Jace was absolutely listening and then sighed. “It’s about me…” Chase swallowed hard. “And LaCienega.”