23. Nightmares & Thunderstorms

“I don’t want to be alone.” Lightning flashed behind Chase and for a brief moment, illuminated Krislynn’s face as well as the open area of the room before blinding them in darkness once more. His eyes slowly adjusted and saw her looking up at him almost shyly through her eyelashes. “I just want to sleep beside you for the night,” she murmured, her voice shaky, wobbly – scared. “Can I?”

Chase couldn’t figure out if he was disappointed or relieved, but his muscles relaxed as the sound of the thunder finally caught up and roared against the rain. Krislynn jumped at the sharp boom and for a split second, he saw the look of utter fright in her eyes – like a deer caught in headlights – before her face disappeared behind the pillow.

She was scared of thunder.

He almost laughed at the thought. It wasn’t so long ago that she was poking fun of him for having a phobia of worm-like objects and bragging about having no fears herself. Who knew the fearless Krislynn Reimer was actually scared of something as childish as thunder?

His whole body twitched with anticipation. This was his chance to get back at her! He could tease her and nag her and bug her about her little fear until her face blew up like a fat tomato. It would be priceless. He could do it. He could totally do it – but he didn’t.

Instead, he found himself taking a couple steps back and barely recognized his own voice when he said, “Come in,” and widened the door for her. The pillow inched down just far enough for her eyes to gaze out and from their expression, she too, was shocked by his sudden gentleness.

“Really?” She whispered. “Are you sure?”

Chase closed his eyes and nodded in slight agitation. “Before I change my mind.”

At once she scurried in, but then halted in front of his king-sized bed as he closed the door behind them. Her head cocked to the side as if debating a decision worth the weight of the world before spinning around to face him. “Um... Should I sleep on the left side or the right side of the bed?”

Chase stared at her thoughtlessly and offered only a shrug. Her eyebrows creased together and he shrugged once more before running a hand through his hair. “Does it matter?” He asked. “Which side do you usually like to sleep on?”

Krislynn dropped his gaze and fiddled with a corner of her pillow. “I like to sleep in the middle,” she said.

His voice grew deep. “Then sleep in the middle,” he said.

She hesitated, eyes fixed on him as her teeth softly rubbed against her lower lip. Then, as if deciding it would be harmless to do so – that he was harmless – climbed in bed. Chase made his way over and sat down on the edge of the right side. The hair on his back raised and he could feel her eyes on him as he slipped under the covers.

He shouldn’t have felt nervous. After all, this was hardly the first time he shared a bed with her. The first was in Mexico and he couldn’t have cared less about her presence that night. The second was at the hotel and the both of them had been far too intoxicated among other things to pay mind to discomfiture, but this time – sober – Chase’s body knew embarrassment.

His body stayed rigid throughout the course of the next hour and neither of them spoke a word to the other. Lightning continued to flash outside, and every time the bang of the thunder grew too loud, Krislynn would snivel and unconsciously move a tiny bit closer to him.

Chase had to fight the urge to scoop her up in his arms. She had been curled up in a little ball for the good portion of the past hour and he had somehow, during that length of time, figured out that there may be more to this fear of hers than meets the eye. The reason – he wasn’t quite sure.

“Why are you so scared of it?” He asked after not being able to come up with a good conclusion. The thunder had died down considerably during the last couple of strikes and although Krislynn’s body was still tense, she had relaxed somewhat. “The thunder – that is. Why are you so scared of it?”

Her voice came out in a huff. “I’m not scared of it,” she snapped.

“Keep saying that if you want to sleep alone tonight,” he muttered.

Krislynn groaned at his response before pulling the bedcovers over her head in misery. For a second, Chase thought that was it, but then, almost unexpectedly, she started speaking again. “It reminds me of dishes breaking.”

If it was possible, he was shrouded in more mist than before. “What?” He asked and when she didn’t reply this time, he rolled over to where she was lying in the middle of the bed and propped up on his elbow before tugging the blanket down from her face with his free hand. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She stared up at him cautiously and ever so slowly, her lips began to move. “When I was little, my parents used to fight a lot. It wasn’t always like that, but around the time my dad’s small business went bankrupted and he started drinking every day, it became like that. Every time they fought, I’d run back upstairs and lock myself inside my room. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters so I was always alone.”

“On a good day, it would just be yelling, but more so than often, it would get violent and things would get thrown around – dishes, bottles, chairs, tables – I don’t know whose fault it was or who threw what. All I remember was curling up like a ball underneath my blankets, and when that didn’t work, I’d crawl under my bed and when that didn’t work, I’d drag my blankets down there with me and wait it out.”

Chase’s heart ached, but even then Krislynn’s expression didn’t falter. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling and the only dead giveaway was the way her voice trembled when she spoke. “When I was ten, my dad just woke up one morning and walked out on us. I never saw him again.”

Again, Chase fought the urge to touch her. “He was an ass,” he said as he laid on his backside and watched the darkened ceiling with her. “What he did to you and your mom – that’s horrible. He’s a real asshole.”

“He’s not!” The sudden volume of her voice astonished him, and Chase turned his head to face her in surprise. Shallow water filled her eyes and he wasn’t sure how immense her willpower was, but it looked like she was determined not to cry. “He didn’t leave us because he wanted to. He left us because at that time, that was the best thing he could have done for us.”

She shook her head vigorously before she continued. “You weren’t there so you wouldn’t know.” Her voice softened and again, she brought the blanket up and over her head. “He was a great father, you know. But he was a different person when he drank, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t break away from it. He couldn’t put the bottle down.”

It occurred to Chase at that moment why she dated so many losers, the drug addicts, the alcoholics, the thieves, the ex-convicts, not because she couldn’t see that they were bad people, but because her father had been one of them, and she didn’t want to see her father as a bad man.

That was why she always opened her doors to them. She was ten when her father left and she hadn’t been able to do a thing about it. She hadn’t been about to support him and help him back on his feet. This was her way of making up for it.

It was like her whole life was a long, painful guilt trip – one she shouldn’t have needed to feel.

Chase shifted in his place and pulled the blanket down from her head once more before resting on his side. “You know what I said earlier – about your ex-boyfriends and everything?” His eyes lowered and couldn’t quite meet hers. “I’m sorry.”

Krislynn was quiet for a moment, but then heaved a sigh and spoke. “I’m sorry for pushing you in the pool too,” she murmured. “Kind of.”

He laughed at her remark before casually continuing the topic. “So then what happened after he left?” He asked. “Does your mom still live in Canada?”

Krislynn shrugged. “She died when I was fourteen.”

“Oh,” he said. His throat closed and his brain went flat. “Wow. Your life is just this huge train wreck huh?”

She smiled sadly at him before rolling on her side so she could look at him better. “It was raining like this that night too and I was at home by myself when I got the call.” Krislynn bit her lip as if the memory was too much for her to relive. “I remember thinking to myself at that moment: wow, I’m really alone this time – for real.”

Thunder rumbled outside and it might have been the long lapse in time from the previous one, or the fact that Krislynn’s guard had weakened after telling her story, but either way, the sound had surprised her enough to make her yelp out in terror and bury her face into the bed. This time, Chase didn’t hesitate to bring her into his arms and he did so smoothly and swiftly, encircling both his arms around her petite waist.

Krislynn struggled at first, alarmed by the suddenness of his movement, before her body relaxed and she rested her head against his beating chest. “You’re not alone,” he said to her as his hand rose up and brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. He moved his head just far back enough so he could meet her eyes. “You don’t have to be scared of something like that because I’m here, and as long as I’m here, I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Her eyes locked with his and for a split second he felt it – something that flushed through his veins – something that he couldn’t really point his finger at. Then her face lowered and she laughed. “What?” He said, his cheeks suddenly boiling in embarrassment. “What’s so funny?”

“It was just what you said,” she giggled.

Chase’s face wrinkled in frustration and he thanked God that the room was dark so she couldn’t see his expression clearly. “What was so funny about what I said?” He grunted, eyebrows wrinkled.

“Well, it was just...” She laughed. “Nothing.”

He let go of her then, and rolled all the way to the edge of the bed – as far away from her as possible. Krislynn remembered laughing at him, bickering with him about something else, and somewhere along the midst of that, fell asleep.

It was a weird feeling waking up in his arms, but it didn’t quite bug her this time and she decided she could get used to it. Chase’s digital alarm clock rung right at 10am, but she had woken up an hour before and just stayed quiet so he could continue to sleep.

The man was deaf though and it took him forever before he realized his clock had gone off. Slowly, he released her from his embrace, like an oyster opening up its shell, and swung his arm over to the other side of the bed to press the snooze.

Chase laid flat on his back for a bit before lifting just one eyelid to study his surroundings. When it came across her sleeping on his left, he closed his eyes and grinned smugly as he rolled back on his side and enclosed her in his arms once more. “Hey you,” he grumbled as his hand found a strand of her auburn hair and twirled it playfully around his finger. “Morning.”

Krislynn could feel her heart beating so quickly inside her chest that her lungs couldn’t keep up. She smiled herself, one that extended from one end of her face to the other, and made that day’s morning sunshine look dull in comparison. A light, creamy, blush fell on her face and ever so gently, she bit down on her lip in embarrassment. “Morning,” she whispered back.