Book: Timelines Collide by CloneRazorX155

Reviewer: Avenelle09

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Reviewer's side Note: Hey, hi, hello! I am truly sorry for the delay (September exams are no fun) but in order to make up for that, I've made this review my longest one so far so I hope you enjoy it!

T I T L E:

It's self-explanatory but not obvious. It gives a reader a hint about what's to come but in the least telling way possible. I think you did a great job here by pointing out what's going to be the main focus of your book but without actually showing it.

C O V E R:

Here, another job well done, the cover looks amazing! Honestly, whoever has done it – incredible work! I love the mysterious ambience and the specificity of each detail visible on the picture.

Sidenote: I don't know why but the font of the title reminds me a little the walking dead so when I saw it and read the book I was like: The Walking Dead → Zombies, Timelines Collide → The bots. Now, I don't know whether it was deliberate or not but in any case, I love the analogy and overall, the cover truly looks excellent. So far, amazing start of your book!

B L U R B:

The way I see it is that you have the resources to make your story excellent but the blurb doesn't
really show it. On one hand, it does include the right components and gives the reader a general idea of what the story is actually all about but I do feel like something's missing. The blurb is too short and even though you do include the necessary information, I think even more of them could be revealed. I am sure that there are still pieces of the plot that would neither derail nor hinder the reader's curiosity had he/she known them before-hand. In fact, I believe that there are still vital aspects that should be included in order to deepen a reader's understanding of your story's world before the first page.

In that case, a great technique to apply here would be the use of rhetorical questions or loose ends to build up an air of mystery around the plot. I saw you do that throughout the book and quite well, I might add. That being said, do what you can to spike a reader's curiosity, you have an entire new world at your disposal so use that to your advantage. You could even go as far as to include possible challenges or obstacles a character might face on his time-travel journey. Again, lift the veil a little, allow the reader to take a peek what's behind the curtain and have fun with the way you're doing it.

Sidenote: In case of your grammar, take a look at this part of the sentence "... his leader did before him, doing what ever it takes..". I think substituting "doing" with "to do" would be the best way to go.

Advice: Now, the blurb is an essential part of the book because it is what binds it all together: the
plot, the characters, writing style, the whole world you, as the author, have created. On top of that, it is a solid test of one's ability to write and pick out the important pieces to make a whole. That being said, I would recommend you to reread your story and note the most important aspects that haven't yet been included in the blurb. Take a closer look which details are crucial about the plot or the characters and try to include them, either directly or in a more ambiguous, secretive way.

G R A M M A R  &  W R I T I N G  S T Y L E:

First of all, if I were to shortly describe your writing style, it is like an unpolished diamond. It has
plenty of potential and if you find the right ways and people to harness it with, you're golden!

Now, translation: I noticed you have the knack to choose the right words and phrases but their grammatical correction or context is the crux of the issue. The way it shows in your book is that sometimes parts of phrases are put in a wrong form or another word/phrase would be more suitable to describe a particular situation. For example, in chapter 14 you use a phrase "..eyes running around through my skull..." which to put it simply I don't quite understand and couldn't really find the meaning of. I noticed that it sometimes was an issue in my understanding of the characters' true intention or motivation because I wasn't sure what he actually meant. That being said, I think you could truly benefit from working with a beta reader or an editor, preferably an English native or at least someone who knows the literary language in and out. I, personally, cannot help you with that because my English level is not that advanced and I simply will not be able to recall the correct versions of phrases and idioms off the top of my head.

In case of the plot itself, I think you've done an amazing job. You've created a whole new world with unique characters and their abilities and you were able to keep it all together throughout the story. I especially enjoyed the way you've presented the other reality, both descriptively and from the character's point of view. On top of that, I like the way you've managed to bring out both the similarities and differences when comparing the characters from different realities.

Another aspect is the writing style itself. As I mentioned before, you do have plenty of potential and talent, there's no doubt about that but every now and then it becomes slightly inconsistent. In one sentence you use a quite casual way of saying things (excluding dialogues of course) and then two lines later you jump to an overly sophisticated way of describing the same or the following situation.

Now, in case of the grammar, I would strongly advise you to reread the story. There are quite a few grammatical errors scattered throughout the book that do cloud a reader's understanding of the story. On top of that, you should pay attention to the punctuation as well. For example, sometimes, you miss a quotation mark to end/begin a dialogue or, a few times, you wrote "your" instead of "you're". Details such as this one are not major mistakes of course but they can greatly attribute to a reader's opinion of your story.

On the bright side, your writing style visibly evolves as the book progresses, however you still need to pay attention to the grammar. Naturally, don't get discouraged by the flaws here and there, they happen all the time and you truly have done a wonderful job so far. Another highlight I see here is the way you build up the tension throughout the story - excellent job!

On top of that, ending the chapters with a cliffhanger is always an amazing tactic to entice a reader to continue with the book and I gotta admit, I fell for it. Despite the fact that science fiction is not my absolute favorite, I really enjoyed reading your story. The unique idea behind the plot and its execution show that you know how to successfully create a whole new reality without an actual real-life basis. At the same time you are able to incorporate actual struggles and problems like grief into your story in a way that makes the entire book seem less fictional and more personal. In that case, job well done!

Advice: Really do try working with a beta reader/editor and on top of that reread your story on your own first. Pay close attention to your grammar and punctuation, even such a simple task can greatly increase the quality of the book. All in all, you have great potential and your writing style reflects that without a doubt, it just needs a little bit of polishing.

O V E R A L L  O P I N I O N:

As I've mentioned before, I really enjoyed reading your story. I do love the way you've created a whole new world on your own and how detailed it is too. The major problem I had throughout the book was the grammar so if I were to summarize this review with one advice: reread your story and correct the errors. In fact, read as much as you can. Not only your own but other books as well. It will help you pick out your own mistakes as well as expand your vocabulary. Other than that, admirable work so far and I'm interested to see what else you're going to come up with.

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