Book: The Girl That I Met by Hamriyta_28

Reviewer: Nelly [Avenelle09]

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C O V E R: 

I simply love it! It gives off this mysterious, intriguing vibe that has me wondering about the character and her story. It also matches well with the title and the genre so great job there! After reading the first 5 chapters I can also see and appreciate the relevance in using the shooting star symbolism. It correlates nicely with the backstory of the main character. Nicely done!

T I T L E:

To be quite honest it leaves me a little bit confused. I assume it relates to the main character, however, from what I've read, there is little to no link between what's happening in the book and the title itself. The first question that popped in my mind was "Who said it?" Is it about a girl the main character meets? Are those somebody else's words about the main character? Is it about another girl in general? After only 5 chapters, it doesn't really make sense yet.Also, the title should be the shortest possible summary of what's happening but after matching the blurb with the title I see little relevance there as well. Maybe it has a meaning that would be explained later in the story but as of right now, I can't assess its relatability. On the bright side, it is quite cryptic and enigmatic so it does go well with your chosen genre.

Advice: In this case, I would advise rethinking it or maybe matching other parts of the story more.

B L U R B:

Honestly, I have slightly mixed feelings. I do enjoy the secretive, ambiguous note on which you start. I think you did a great job of building up the tension with the unanswered questions and fantastical, super-villain references. Both those tactics leave the reader excited and eager to find out what the book's all about. However, as you're introduced to the story in the first few chapters there's no connection to the grand mystery supposedly playing out in the background. True, the character mentions a history of paranormal stuff happening around her from time to time but it has a faint connection to the grand conspiracy you introduce in the blurb.

Advice 1: Work on the grammar and the visual structure of the blurb. 

Advice 2: Consider adding more links between the mysterious part and the normal day-to-day life the character's leading at the beginning of the book. Since you change POV's quite often, perhaps add a paragraph of an unknown entity or spy watching her from afar, studying her etc. Or you could just simply write a POV of that supervillain you mentioned. Basically, create more of that mystical, secretive twist from the very beginning or at least certain links or seemingly insignificant situations that would later turn out to be dead-giveaways for people who re-read your book. 

G R A M M A R:

As agreed, the grammar errors are highlighted in the inline comments so you can check it out on your own. Naturally, since you're not a native English speaker, mistakes will be present so don't get discouraged, just focus on perfecting your grammar at your own pace.The main thing you should pay attention to is the tense you are using while writing. You have a tendency to jump from past to present or the other way around while describing the same moment in time. Pay attention to that because it might make the reader confused whether or not you're time-jumping or still describing the same scene.

On the bright side, the use of Korean words here and there really made me smile. It's a great idea to introduce the characters' native language and the translations make it a lot simpler to understand a certain word and continue with the story.

Advice: Spend a little more time on the internet researching the correct use and form of words/phrases you're introducing into the story. It will help you improve your English as well as make the story better and more pleasurable to read.

T H E   W R I T I N G   S T Y L E:

Your writing is quite detailed which is an advantage. You're able to encompass a lot of different aspects and bring them together in your story. However, I think it would be beneficial if you focused on one/two sides of the story instead of changing the POVs so often. I know it's always easier to jump from one POV to another and explain the situation properly but it clouds the main story line and the reader might not know what to focus on anymore. 

Also, when describing heightened emotions, be careful not to overdo it. Using capital letters and multiple exclamation marks and highlighting the letters in bold is just too much. Remember, less is more. Believe me, if the entire situation is described well (which you don't have problems with),using just capital letters and one exclamation mark will allow the reader to feel the tension just fine.Another thing is the visual aspect of your writing. If you want to build up tension with the "..." use only three dots. The reader will get it. 

Also, sometimes, it's kind of hard to figure out what moment in time you're describing. If you're changing the time (e.g. to nighttime or morning) highlight it either in italics or in bold and don't jump from one morning to a morning from a week ago. 

Advice: Generally speaking, in literature, less is more. In case of the visual aspect be careful not to over express it. I get that you want to describe the importance of an emotional situation but as I described earlier, there are other ways. The length of the paragraphs is important too, but in your case, everything's fine here.

T H E   C H A R A C T E R ' S   C H A P T E R:

I like the fact that you introduce the characters first. It sets a nice tone for the book and allows the reader to visualise the ongoing scene in greater detail. However, in my experience, it's usually better when a reader is able to picture all of the present characters, including the background ones. It's especially helpful when said characters are already a part of the book from the start as in your book.

 Advice: Maybe add the pictures of the other characters, not just the members of the BTS, especially the main character of your story aka Kim Mia. 

O V E R A L L   O P I N I O N:

The story definitely has potential but it needs some restructuring. Take a closer look at your grammar and the way you describe situations. Try to find ways to describe someone else's situation while writing from one person's perspective. It will develop your writing as well as the character. It's a great thing that you incorporate graphics and pictures into the story and I think you should continue to do that and also throw some more pics into the "Characters" chapter. It's also good that your storyline isn't just another one of Wattpad's cliches so I'm curious to see how it will develop! 

To sum up: Correct your mistakes, keep your heads up and don't get discouraged! I know you've got this!

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