Book: A Love To Far by blinky_army4ever

Reviewer: Kayla [kaywa52]

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T I T L E: 5/5

I love the title! It's simple, yet it shows the readers that this is most likely a romance novel.

C O V E R: 5/5

The cover is also well done! I love how you've depicted each of the boys that are going to be featured, which will definitely attract readers who are looking for books like yours. Great job!

B L U R B: 1/5

Ok, so, the blurb is what needs a little work. The main problem is that it's too short. I can't gather much from it, and, if the reader doesn't really know what to expect, how will you make them excited to read your book?

To fix this, you need to keep a mind set of: If I wanted to explain my book to someone who knows absolutely nothing about it or my characters, how would I word it? That's basically what a blurb is. Give a little information about Lee Ji-eun's life. Was it boring before she was chosen for this role? Was her being picked completely out of chance? Another thing you can add is questions. For example, you can say, "What will happen when she meets the male leads? And, how will she cope when she finds out that they really don't like her?" That was just an example since I don't actually know if they end up not liking her in this book yet.

G R A M M A R: 9/15

You have repetition in a lot of places. For instance, in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter you've stated that Ji-eun is laying down twice, which is unnecessary. Sometimes you use "Ji-eun" twice in a sentence when you could have just used "her". Also, if you struggle in finding replacements for these repetitions, try looking up synonyms on the internet. Just be sure you pick a word that you recognise and not some long, fancy one that no one would understand.

You also add a lot of words that could be replaced with just one. For example, you put, "she didn't have any expression," which is wordy. Instead, you can say, "she had a blank face."

There are a number of run-on sentences too. Many of these can be separated into two or more smaller sentences, which would make reading it easier. It's also good to vary your sentence length here and there!

Solutions to this are simple. One thing you can do is reread your book. I know I will be saying this a lot in this review, but it can seriously help out when you look over your book with a fresh eye. It's hard to find your mistakes when you are solely in the "writing zone". Another thing is to get a grammatical checker. Mistakes like the repetition won't show up on some, but the run-on sentences definitely will. Besides, it will be a step closer to completely editing and refurbishing your book.

C O M P R E H E N S I O N: 5/10

Ok, so, I think this is one of your weaknesses. You write as if the reader already knows everything about your book. You do because you're the author, but we don't. Try explaining why Ji-eun lied to those girls about not liking novels. Is it a secret pleasure of hers? Does she just not like those girls? If so, why doesn't she like them?

Furthermore, tell us more about the novel she's reading. It's not like we already know everything that happened since Ji-eun is the one reading it. You can just add a simple paragraph catching us up to speed if you want.

Also, I'm not sure if you know this, but you referred to Ji-eun as Su Rou a few times in the first chapter. Was this on purpose? If so, you should tell your reader about whatever is happening. If not, then I just helped you by pointing it out, so yay!

In the second chapter at the beginning, how does Ji-eun know that there are zombies? A roar could be anything, to be honest. Unless there was something else that gave her a clue as to what it was (if there was a clue, bring that to the attention of the reader!).

W R I T I N G   S T Y L E: 5/10

So, another weakness is that you tell rather than show. This can be okay sometimes, but you use it a lot when it comes to describing surroundings and emotions. I know that describing the setting can be difficult, but it helps if you can picture the room yourself. Ask yourself what the first thing you see is and describe it in the story. For emotions, think about what you felt the last time you felt that way. Let's take feeling helpless for example. When I feel helpless, my breathing quickens and my mind goes 100 miles per hour trying to not be helpless. What do you feel when you're helpless? What would Ji-eun feel when she's helpless?

Your writing relies heavily on dialogue. This is not necessarily a bad thing necessarily, but it means that you lack detail, which I believe I've already mentioned at one point. I'll get more onto this topic in a second.

P L O T: 9/10

I absolutely love your plot! It is very interesting, and it made it easy to continue reading, even with the mistakes and confusing bits. There are, of course, a few little plot holes that didn't make sense (for instance, do sleeping pills really go into effect in under five minutes?) and I mentioned a few others under the Comprehension section. To find them, just remember to reread your book so you can clear up these holes!

D E S C R I P T I O N S: 2/10

Here we are. Descriptions.

So, I've noticed that you use a lot of pictures to showcase a new room or introduce a new character. Sometimes for dialogue, you would state that they are saying something a certain way in parenthesis. I can tell that this is your way of avoiding the impossible; avoiding writing the descriptions.

In reality, descriptions are easy when you know how to imagine things. So, here's some advice.

When you come to a point where you need to describe someone or something, picture it clearly in your mind. You, the author, should already know what they/it looks like. Write down what you see. In fact, you don't even have to imagine them in your head since you already have the pictures.

For example take the second picture you have in chapter 2.

"He has bright pink hair that falls along the corners of his eyes and pink-tinted glasses. His ear is pierced on the left, but the angle of his face keeps me from seeing if the other side is as well. He is wearing a black blazer with a golden rose imprinted on the left side, just above his heart."

Boom. That was all from me just looking at the picture. Try doing that for the others!

D I A L O G U E: 7//10

A quick note here. I know I already told you to reread your book to look for repetition and other things, but when you reread your dialogue, ask yourself, "Is this really something someone would say in real life? Can I imagine someone saying this without cringing?" Some of your dialogue isn't realistic. Ji-eun speaks incredibly formal. If that's part of her personality, then you should mention that. Otherwise, most people don't talk as she and some other characters do.

However, I think you did really well in writing the dialogue for the simulation! That indecisive part in the first chapter was amazing (and funny)! Also, my previous advice mostly applies to the first chapter. The dialogue for the rest of the story is good! Excellent job.

C H A R A C T E R S: 9/10

The only thing I have a problem with here is that Ji-eun's personality isn't the same as it was when she wasn't transported into the novel. Before the novel she seems laid back and doesn't socialise much with others. In the novel, she is childish and playful. Either change how you portray her in the beginning (because I think we all can agree that Ji-eun's playful side is hilarious) or simply note the change. You can even say that being surrounded by her comfort characters made her show her personality more with them. However, that's just an example.

Despite this, I really enjoy the characters! My favourites are Ji-eun (of course) and the simulation. Their banters are really entertaining!

E N G A G E M E N T: 7/10

I love this story! The plot and the main characters make it really enjoyable, even with the mistakes. It has such a fun and chaotic vibe to it that is very alluring and just keeps me turning the pages. Great job!

T O T A L:
58/100

Okay, let's sum it up.

First and foremost, you have to reread your story. And, I mean really read it as if it was your first time and not skim through the chapters. This will help you catch plot holes, find things that need explaining, or come across things that you can add more to. Reading it out loud can help you find the run-on sentences that I mentioned, since periods and commas have their own unique pause that we make when speaking. Reading it to yourself will help you spot those instances when you have too many commas or sentences that would work better cut into two.

Second, a grammatical checker. The most popular one is Grammarly, but it probably won't pick up the repetition I mentioned earlier (though, rereading should help you with most of the repetition). There are others such as ProWritingAid that have in-depth checking, but you'll have to see which ones you like the most.

Third, I really enjoy reading your story. You've done a great job with the groundwork, and now you really only have to work on the points I've already mentioned. It might take long to achieve, but you're already well on your way to becoming a fantastic writer. I wish you the best on your journey!

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