warnings: mentions of verbal and emotional abuse and sexual harassment

My phone buzzes next to me, and I sigh seeing messages from Will and Harley clouding my screen. I sigh and regret letting the two of them interact or agreeing to a group chat. Lately the only topic has been my feelings for Peter and all the reasons I should tell him since it's been a week without him telling MJ.

I can't bring myself to say anything to him though. Each time I see him, I lose any bit of courage I had as the fear of losing him starts to take over again. He's been my closest friend since the first week of us knowing each other, and I can't see the point in risking that when I know he doesn't reciprocate my feelings.

It's quiet in the flat since Dad and Pepper are asleep at this hour, which is something I haven't quite been able to do lately. Between the pure dread of waiting for Peter to tell MJ his feelings and trying to find whatever is buried in the files from OSCORPS, sleep is the last thing I've been able to do.

Unfortunately, Will keeps adamantly reminding me of the promise I made to him almost two years ago, in which I agreed to "Go make friends, be reckless, snog a boy or two, eat lots of chips, and just live my bloody life." He apparently wrote it down like the weirdo best friend he is. It just doesn't seem enough; I need advice from someone who would understand.

My fingers hover over the contact I'm technically not supposed to have. I mean, after everything that's happened, I'm still on thin ice as far as Secretary Ross and the Accords are concerned. If they knew I was in contact with Wanda, Nat, and everyone else, they'd lock me up and throw away the key.

I just don't understand how I'm supposed to cut off the people who have become my family. Especially because they did nothing besides stand up for what they believed. Yet, the Sokovia Accords tore away some of my closest friends and confidantes from me.

It takes me a second to think it over before initiating the call. I bite my lip and pray this isn't a bad idea. The phone on the other end rings for what feels like an eternity before there's the telltale click. "Hey," I whisper nervously, "I'm sorry for calling, but I—I just needed to talk to you."

"You know you never have to apologize to me." Wanda's voice is calm and clear on the other line. "Is everything all right?"

"Not really." My voice almost cracks as the emotions overwhelm me. "You remember everything I told you about Peter? Well, he—um—he told me as Phantom that he likes my friend MJ. Now, I don't know what to do. It hurt so much when he was infatuated with Liz, and for a second, I actually thought about telling him. But I'm not sure if it would just ruin our friendship since I know he doesn't feel the same way, and—and—" I burst into tears, unable to get another coherent syllable out.

Wanda's voice is quiet and reassuring as she slowly guides me into calming down and brings Nat into the loop. They both interact in whispers before finally directing anything to me. "Do you want us to come back and kick some sense into him? Because we will."

"I was going to say that you might be better off telling him instead of keeping it a secret, but I'd be willing to beat him up for you." Wanda adds, her accent thickening as she lets out a laugh.

"I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't want you to get arrested over my boy troubles, which I already feel stupid for calling about." I sigh and anxiously twist and untwist my hair in and out a braid. "But—if he likes MJ, wouldn't it just ruin our friendship if I told him?"

"Not if he's really your friend. If he is, then you two will find a way to work it out and find a new normal for your friendship." Wanda replies in the same soft way she did when we first met and so many other times. "Plus, we know how much you hate lying, so it will feel better to get it off your chest."

"I agree with Wanda. You already have so many secrets you're keeping from him. Maybe it will help you to have one less thing to hide."

"But—what if he happens to feel the same way?" I question and shrink into myself. "I don't exactly have a great history with relationships and have a lot of baggage to deal with. What if I'm not ready for that? Or if I don't know how to be a normal girlfriend?"

"Lia, I'm speaking from experience when I say that your past isn't all you have. Yes, it's hard to learn how to navigate everything, but a good guy will love you for who you are without worrying about your past. If he doesn't, he's not worth it. The right guy won't care about the red in your ledger; he'd just help you blot it out." Nat tells me, and her words help me feel a little more at ease with everything.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I sigh and roll my shoulders back. "I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet, but I think I'm feeling better about whatever happens. Thank you. I really wish you were here. I miss you."

"It's okay. We're always here for you, Lia. No matter what's going on, we'll always be here for you." Wanda says and Nat hastily agrees. "Try to get some rest, all right?"

"I'll try. Stay safe, you guys, and give everyone my love." I whisper and listen to their goodbyes before hanging up. The tears brim in my eyes all over again as the ache seems to strengthen.

I've missed them so much After all, Wanda is practically my sister, and Nat is like an aunt or mother. Everyone who left played a huge role in helping me gain control of my powers again or feel like I found myself again. They were the unlikely family I created here, who coincidentally ended up being closer than some of my blood relations. Now, they're constantly moving from place to place and branded as international war criminals.

When did my life get so complicated?

I brush the thought aside, and instead, I try to focus on getting ready for another long day of school and waiting to see if Peter will say anything to MJ. The thought makes my stomach churn. I've spent nearly the last two years of my life in love with Peter, but also too scared to say anything to him.

Maybe I should if he doesn't say anything to MJ. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I could at least have one less lie to keep up. The one thing holding me back is the idea that I could lose him because of it.

I fall back against my bed with a groan. All these people giving me advice, yet I'm still stuck and feeling even more lost than before. A part of me knows why I'm so hesitant—Henry.

Everything that happened between us makes me terrified to even think about another relationship. I mean, Henry was so sweet when he first asked me out, but then—I don't even want to think about it right now.

I just put on my outfit for the day and head to the kitchen to attempt breakfast. It's almost peaceful in the flat right now. The only sounds are my footsteps, the coffee maker brewing, and mugs clinking together. It makes me furrow my brows as I slip my glasses on before reaching the kitchen and finding Pepper sipping her morning coffee and reading something off her tablet.

"Morning, Mum." I smile but freeze when I realize what I just called her. There's a momentary panic and shock that settles for a moment before a smile breaks across Pepper's face. "I'm sorry. It just kind of slipped out."

"You don't have to apologize. If you want to call me 'mum,' I have no problem with it. You know I love you and your dad."

"Really?" I question with tears building in both of our eyes as I rush forward and wrap her in a hug. "I love you too, Mum."

Pepper immediately hugs me back, and I realize just how much I needed this. "You okay, honey? I've noticed you've been quiet these past few days."

"Not really." I sigh under her concerned gaze and hop on one of the bar stools as I recount the whole situation. "I think what scares me most isn't that he won't feel the same because he's my friend, but that if he does, I won't be able to have an actual relationship with him.

"What if everything that happened when I was with Henry messed me up so badly that I don't know how to have that? I don't know how to be that person to someone, and what if I try to have that but can't."

Pepper nods somberly and spins her mug between her hands. "You know, your dad once told me he had the same fear? Yes, there were times when it got hard, or one of us—most times your dad—messed up. The thing is, relationships take work, time, and understanding from both sides." She sits on the stool next to me and brushes some hair from my face. "You'll never know if you don't try, even if it's hard."

"I know." I softly smile up at her. "I'll probably just see how it plays out and go with whatever happens. Thank you, Mum."

"Anytime, sweetheart." She smiles and kisses my forehead. "You know I'm always here for you if you need me."

"Thank you, but I probably should finish getting ready for school. It's gonna be another long day." I give her a quick hug before packing my bag and leaving early for school.

It's the usual bustle and crowds of people rushing around to work and school, but today, I find it oddly comforting. Maybe because right now, I'm content to fade into the background and forget my problems for a little bit.

Except, like everything, that quickly changes. The first few periods pass by in the usual banter with Ned and Peter between classes and utter boredom. It's enough to make me almost forget Peter's feelings for MJ—almost.

By the time lunch rolls around, Peter is fidgeting in the way I've learned he only does when he's anxious. It makes my stomach twist into knots and makes me stare down at my tray. Ned seems to notice my sudden change in mood, but lucky for me, he doesn't say anything about it.

The minutes tick by until I'm convinced Peter chickened out again. That's about the moment he stands up, and I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest as he walks down the table's length to where MJ is. It's only now that I realize how lucky I was to not be here when he asked Liz to homecoming two years ago.

"Hey, MJ." Peter stutters out, and I try to force away the tears that are building up. "I was—I was wondering if you'd like to maybe go out sometime? With me that is. I mean, I'm pretty sure that was implied, but—um—yeah."

Her gaze quickly flicks from Peter over to me and back. "No." I hate myself for feeling of relief and excitement that washes over me when she says that, but it's quickly replaced by overwhelming guilt when Peter's face drops. MJ offers him an apologetic look as she continues. "It's nothing against you. I just can't go out with you since it's pretty obvious you're in love with someone else."

"Wait, what?" Peter asks, completely oblivious to the way MJ's gaze moves to me.

I return the look with wide eyes and the shake of my head, silently begging, pleading for her to not say anything. Of course, MJ ignores it and continues. "Don't worry. I know for a fact that she loves you too."

It's only now that Peter seems to notice she's not looking at him, but I'm up and out of the cafeteria before I can see his face. Tears stream down my face as I rush through the empty halls and out the back doors to my secret spot. Of all the possible scenarios I had tried to imagine, this was never one of them.

I bury my face in my hands and wish for the first time that I didn't have a life outside of Phantom. At least that part of me worries about things bigger than crushes and relationships. I'm not just Phantom though; I'm Lia too, which means I worry about relationships and psychotic human trials.

The sound of the back door creaking on its hinges makes my head shoot up to see Peter, who is nervously shifting on his feet as he stops a few feet away from me. "Please, don't." I whisper and avoid looking in his direction as I hastily brush away the tears.

"Can I just talk to you for a second? Please?" He whispers so quietly I almost miss it. I look up at him in utter disbelief and nod, letting him say whatever he came to say. It's quiet between as, and I can't help but wonder if this is going to be the end of our friendship. Peter scratches the back of his neck as he breaks the silence with a sigh and says, "I'm sorry. I'm a complete idiot."

"Yeah, you are."

"Okay, I deserve that." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Maybe—maybe I can make it up to you on a date?"

I shake my head. It hurts—physically hurts. Two halves of myself wage a war against the other. One half wants me to say 'yes' because I've been wishing for his exact moment for nearly two years now, but the other is screaming, 'no, he just asked out MJ out,' and 'how do you know that he's not just doing it because he's embarrassed or feels like he should?'

"Pete, you don't get it. I'm not—I'm not the kind of girl you date. Not unless you're wanting to deal with a lot of baggage" I tell him as a fresh wave of tears stream down my cheeks.

"I'm Spider-Man." He shrugs and steps closer to me, which I match with the same number of steps back. "Trust me, I can handle baggage."

"No, not this kind of baggage." My voice cracks in the middle.

"Hey, hey." Peter whispers and immediately closes the distance to wrap me in a tight hug. "Please, Lia, just give me a chance. I promise, whatever it is, I can handle it. Whenever you're ready, I'm here for you and always ready to listen."

I nod and remind myself that this is Peter, my best friend—besides Harley, Will, Trish, and Ned, of course. He's the one I've always been able to confide in. Maybe it's time I gave him a real reason why.

— — Trigger Warning: mentions of verbal and emotional abuse, mild sexual assault — — —

We both settle under the large oak tree, and I rest my head against the rough bark as I begin. "I know I've talked before about my ex-boyfriend Henry, but I've—um—I've never really told anyone the full story besides my two mates who were there."

Peter's hand finds mine and offers a comforting squeeze, which provides me with the courage to continue. "I knew Henry for most of my life, mostly because Will, my best mate, was his younger brother. For the longest time, that's all he ever was to me, but when we stared high school, he started to notice me and asked me out.

"At first, I said no, but he kept pursuing me. That was about the time he made the football—I mean, soccer—team. When he did, a lot of people kept pressuring me and telling me how 'we'd make such a cute couple' and 'c'mon, he's cute and our star football player.' The longer I said 'no,' the more adamant people became.

"It took about a month of Henry asking me out with flowers and gifts before I just agreed—mostly out of embarrassment and peer pressure. Everyone had just made me feel so ashamed not to, and for a while it was nice.

"Of course, it changed the more he spent time with his football mates and the more popular he became. It started out with the small things like him guilting me into going to parties where all I could do was hang on his arm or insisting I come to every single practice.

"It escalated quickly from there. I was only ever supposed to be with him. I couldn't even text—much less spend time—with Will or Trish. He would make me feel so small every chance he got. I can still hear his voice saying things like 'you really shouldn't eat that unless you wanna be even fatter,' or him bragging to his mates about how I was the perfect girlfriend—always attentive and obedient.

Tears stream down my face as I continue, "I tried to tell myself it was normal, but about a month in, I couldn't do it anymore. Thing is—Henry never took 'no' for a solid answer unless he wanted it. So, no matter how much or how emphatically I told him we were done, the next day he'd either apologize sweetly or act like nothing ever happened.

"One day, I heard from some girls saying that Henry had been talking about how he was going to—to—well, I'm fairly certain you can read between the lines. So, I confronted him at his practice." I shake my head and scoff. "He told me, 'don't worry about it, love. I was just joking with my mates. No need to be so dramatic.' His mates cut in with a bunch of teasing, crude jokes, and dares for him to 'seal the deal.'

"That's—that's when he grabbed my face and forced me to kiss him to prove a point." I pick at a loose string on my jacket. "I—I didn't know what to do. So I reacted on instinct and ended up wrenching back, taking a swing, and breaking his nose.

"I got suspended for two weeks because of it, and he walked away without any punishment for what he did. My mates heard about what happened and took me to our favorite diner to help me feel better and get the full story of everything. Of course, in pure Henry fashion, he showed up with roses—which are my least favorite flower—and tried to tell me it was my fault for reacting like that. Will and Trish ended up making him leave, but he waited until I was alone to try again. A guy snuck up on us while we were arguing, tried to rob us, and—and well, you know the rest."

— — — End of Trigger Warning — — —

Peter stays quiet for a long moment, and I gather every ounce of courage I have to look up at him. His jaw is clenched and his free hand is balled into a fist so tight his knuckles are turning white.

I rub my thumb over the knuckles of his hand in mine. That finally seems to calm him down a bit, and he finally shakes his head. "He sounds like a complete jerk, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You—you deserve better."

"Like I said, I've got a lot of baggage."

"If you give me the chance, I think I can handle it." He replies with a timid smile. "I meant what I said before. I am an idiot. I'm an idiot for not realizing sooner that I really liked you—as way more than a friend, and if you'll have me, I'd like to give us a chance. We—we can take it as slow as you want. I just—I want a chance to show you how amazing you are and show you how you should be treated."

His voice is so tender and sincere that it makes my heart melt. "Okay." I whisper, not trusting my voice to be any louder.

"Wait, are—are you saying yes?"

"I mean, you did just ask out my friend, but I trust you, Pete. So yeah, if you're sure you feel the same way, I'll go out with you."

"I really do. I'm absolutely sure." His lips break into a wide smile. "How does this Saturday sound?"

"Sounds perfect. It'll be our first not-not-a-date." I tell him with a soft, bittersweet smile. "We can start there and see how it goes?"

His eyes are bright as he looks at me, and I know that no matter my previous doubts, he really does feel the same. It's enough to make my head spin as I rest my head on his shoulder. It's only now that I'm suddenly thankful for MJ spilling my secret and for having one less thing to keep from my best friend–turned crush–turned to whatever we're going to be after this.

It washes over me in a wave of happiness and contentment, and for one beautiful moment, everything feels perfect.