The rickshaw-wala started the pick and drop from the very next day, just as Sameer had informed Naina. That day when she arrived in college, Preeti asked her "Naina, aaj rickshaw mein kyun aayi tu? Mohan toh dikha tha mujhe bike pe." Naina mumbled distractedly, as she flipped some notes "Ha, ab rickshaw mein hi aayungi... Sameer keh rahe thay ke acha nahi lagta... mera Mohan ke sath aise bike pe aana." Preeti looked at her in surprise wondering, Sameer ko iska Mohan ke sath bike pe baithna acha nahi lagta?! Aur yeh itna casually bol rahi hai?

She asked uncertainly "Sameer ne tujhe bola ke usse tera kissi dusre ladke ke sath bike pe baithna acha nahi lagta?" Naina nodded and then said "Ha yaar, galti meri hi hai. Mujhe khud hi sochna chahiye tha... Agar kissine Nanaji ya humre gharwalon ke sammne kuch ulta seedha keh diya toh kitna kharab lagega, nahi?" Preeti nodded along still feeling rather confused.

Later that afternoon, Swati asked "Preeti, aaj sham ko mere sath stationary shop chalegi? Mujhe college ke liye kuch samaan lena hai." Preeti replied "Aare ha, mujhe bhi do nayi journals leni hai." Turning to Naina she asked "Naina, mujhe bata de tujhe kya chahiye, apne sath-sath main tera bhi shopping kar lungi." Her sister replied "Aare nahi, mujhe toh ab kuch nahi chahiye. Sameer ne already bahoot stationary di hai mujhe. Woh factory wala koi peon double le aaya tha."

Swati smiled and remarked in a teasing tone "Preeti, tu bhi na bilkul buddhu hai! Ab toh isse humare Jijaji hi sari cheeze dilwayenge na... Wah yaar, isse kehte hai pyaar! Stationary bhi khud hi lake dete hai. Naina, aur koi gift diya hai Sameer ne tujhe shaadi ke baad? Bata na... " Naina just laughed "Ha diya hai na... textbooks diye hai!" Swati made a face "Textbooks?! Yaar, koi dhang ka romantic gift nahi diya kya? Mujhe agar mere Pati ne koi textbooks lake diye, toh main toh wahi textbooks uske sar pe marungi!" As Preeti looked at her questioningly, Naina explained that he knew someone who gave a discount, so had asked for her list too.

When Swati asked her if she had enjoyed the Archies comic as Naina returned it, Preeti's eyes almost popped hearing Naina go on and on about the bits that Sameer had really liked and laughed at heartily.

Later, when it was just the two of them, after asking Naina some subtle and some not so subtle questions, Preeti tried to make some sense of their changing equation. She exercised a lot of control and refrained from asking Naina, why were they still living in separate rooms if they were now getting along so much better.

She had been keenly observing whatever interactions she bore witness to between her sister and Sameer. There seemed a marked increase in their comfort level. Not only that, but Naina' interaction with Munna and Pandit had also undergone a huge change. Their increased visits to the Maheshwari household and Naina's account of her cooking exploits and the feedback received from her Devars, left Preeti more and more baffled.

Naina's Devars were equally confused witnessing the warm friendship blossoming between their Bhai-Bhabhi but things not seemingly progressing any further.

Sameer on the other hand had started feeling torn between his decision and declaration that he would never accept this relationship and all the newly developing feelings for her. As much as he tried to tell himself that the attraction was to be expected, considering she was a very pretty girl and they were living under the same roof, on some level he was starting to feel that it was more than that.

Sometimes when he found himself looking at her and some not-so-innocent thoughts flashed through his mind, while she completely oblivious of his thoughts in that moment went about serving him food or conveying some messages, he felt really guilty as though he was taking advantage of her implicit trust.

Like the other day, when she had been informing him of some phone conversation with his mother and all he could think was how the blouse that she was wearing that day exposed a beauty spot on her back which her other blouses didn't. This had further led to him wondering just how many such others were hidden and where could they possibly be. He had abruptly excused himself and sought the privacy of his bedroom, leaving behind a very confused Naina who muttered for a bit about the lack of attention span in men.

Another night as she sat at her desk scribbling away, intent on competing some assignment to be submitted, he tugged open her hair which had been tied in a messy bun as soon as he entered the guest room. When she looked up at him in surprise, he chuckled cheekily. Naina quickly tied it back as before and turned her attention back to the books on a desk. He once again pulled it open and threw his hands in the air trying to pretend that he hadn't done anything. This time casting him an irritated look as she tied it back up, Naina mumbled "Sameer please... tang mat kijiye... pata nahi tum ladko ko yeh baal kholne mein itna maza kyun aata hai!"

Sameer's hand which had already started extending for a repeat performance, froze half-way as her words tum ladko ko sank in. Was she saying someone else had done this before? And if someone had taken this liberty with her, that guy must have been very close to her. Was it the same guy she had been thinking of when he had asked her if she had ever been on a date? Aur kisko fasaya tha aise apne baalo ke jaal mein?!  His hands fisted in anger and his jaw clenched. He turned back and started towards the door.

She sounding confused said "Aare, khidki toh band kar dijiye..." He wordlessly closed the window and casting an angry look in her direction prepared to leave the room. But at the last moment not able to hold it in, asked a little tersely "Aur bhi koi aise tang karta hai kya tumhe?!"

Naina not noticing the change in his tone, replied absentmindedly "Ha, hamesha..." He wondered irately, how could she own to something like this so casually and asked "Tum manna nahi karti usse?" She mumbled "Hazar baar manna kiya hoga... par sune toh na." He was seriously pissed now! But she continued calmly "Taiji se kitni baar shikayat bhi ki thi." His anger turned to incredulity. Despite her repeated complaints to her aunt that guy continued this behaviour?! Was he a family friend? But even that did not make sense. He asked "Ek minute, tum kisski baat kar rahi ho?" She turned to look at him and said "Pralay ki... jab bhi aata tha mujhe aise hi tang karta tha. Aur Taiji bhi kabhi usse daantti nahi thi... unki sari daant bus Preeti aur mere liye hi reserved hoti hai!" He almost laughed out in relief. She was talking about her younger cousin! He shook his head at his own stupidity and gladly wished her goodnight.

As he left the room, Naina touched her own hair blushing a fair bit, thinking that though she had complained a little, his playing with her hair had not felt anything like Pralay's annoying habit. He had said to her the other night too that she should leave it open. Did he really like it in that style? Should she start leaving it open sometimes? But it was too long to be just left open completely... maybe she could tie it in a high pony sometimes... for the next fifteen minutes or so the assignment was completely forgotten.

That night Naina made a new entry in her dairy.

27th Oct 1994

Its been just over a month since the Bidai. And I am so relieved that things are progressing so much better than what I had been expecting when I arrived.

We are actually talking and interacting in a fairly normal manner. Well, it's not what would be considered as normal between a husband and wife, but still normal considering our situation and his decision. He has started spending more time in my room now and I always pray that our talks at the end of the day never end.

And I am so happy that Chachiji sent me to those cooking classes! He really enjoys the different recipes that I keep trying. I love watching him eat. I had never really understood the saying that food not only nourishes our bodies but our soul too. But seeing him eat, definitely makes my soul happy. Nanaji and Munna-Pandit also relish my amateur attempts. And Ramdhari is happy to not have to cook all the meals of the day too! So, it is overall a win-win situation.

Today we had an interesting discussion in college about how the price of things can be easily derived in some instances where just the cost of material, production, labour and targeted profit margin are to be taken into account. But sometimes it is based on the value that the buyer associates with the item or service and everyone's idea of value can vary greatly based on their individual personality and needs.

This has led me to introspect on the Mol of some Anmol things in my life and the price that I am willing to pay for them.

· His satisfied burp at the end of a good meal – my occasionally cut or burned fingers.

· His fun-filled evenings or nights with his friends – me experiencing a sense of overwhelming loneliness at times.

· His sense of freedom – my self-imposed confinement

· His laughter – my hidden tears

Sometimes when I look at him, I wonder how is it possible that he cannot see how my heart longs for him? The other night, we were having such a lovely conversation and laughing over Archies comics when he abruptly decided to call it a night and left my room. I so badly wanted to reach out, hold his hand and ask him to stay back for at least a little longer. But of course, I didn't do it and can probably never do it.

These days he does that often, that is, just walk away while we are talking. I have tried to analyse the conversations that we were having, to see if I said something that he didn't like... but can't find any reasons. For example, the other day, I was telling him about something Mummyji had told me on the phone and he suddenly looked so uncomfortable and just left the room. I am sure I had not mentioned Papaji even once in that conversation. So why did he leave?

At times it's so hard to understand, what does he think or feel? It is so confusing. What does he feel for me? Does he feel anything at all? Does he see me as just a friend? He does act friendly... but then, sitting comfortably on my bed late at night or demanding that I should make his coffee now or engaging a rickshaw-wala for me, all these feel more than what a guy would do for a girl whom he considers just a friend, right? Bhagwanji, aap hi kuch madat kijiye, please!

The next evening, while at the dinner table, Nanaji announced that his train reservation for Bombay for the next evening had been confirmed. He had to meet with the new prospective client Mishra and Sons to finalise the legal terms and complete the pending formalities. The whole process was expected to take three to four days, but Rustam was insisting that he come over early and spend a few days with them. One of their old classmates who was now settled in the US was visiting India and hence some plan to spend a couple of days in Lonavala were under consideration too. It seemed like he would be away for about a week or so.

Naina spent most of the next day ensuring that everything Nanaji might need for the trip was kept ready. This mostly included Nanaji's clothes and a lot of Mithai and dry nashta for the Bharucha family.

That night post dropping Nanaji at the station, both Sameer and Naina looked forward to the next 7-8 days with a mixture of both anticipation and uncertainty. Living in the house together without Nanaji around was bound to be a different, to say the least.

Naina felt very jittery for some time, till she asked herself, just what was it that she was feeling nervous about? She reminded herself that not once had he done anything that would imply that he was likely to initiate any physical intimacy between them. And why would he wait for Nanaji to be away, if he had wanted to? She decided, she was being plain stupid and paranoid for no reason.

Sameer was feeling a little relived that he wouldn't have to watch the clock during their Khidki-band-karo conversations for at least some time now. On a few occasions when he had spent much longer than usual in her room, Nanaji had looked at him with surprise. Nanu hadn't asked him anything but there had been some questions in his eyes. And it had left him feeling a little uncomfortable. After mentioning something about these conversations to Munna and Pandit a couple of times, unlike Nanaji they had been quite vocal about their surprise. Since then, he had refrained from sharing much with them about this end of day event.

It being a Saturday night, Sameer suggested that they watch some movie from his collection. Learning that she had hardly watched any English movies, he selected one from the Rambo series. They settled on the sofas in the lounge and started playing the movie. About 30 minutes into the movie Naina decided it was too gruesome for her liking. The hero was a very good-looking guy, but there was no romance in the movie. Well, I already have a handsome guy with zero interest in romance in my life, she thought grumpily.

Every now and then, Sameer pointed out some action scene that he really liked or shared some tit-bits about how Sylvester Stallone stayed so fit. Naina smiled politely and feigned interest where expected. Finally, she announced that she was in the mood for some coffee and would make them some, thinking she would be able to give at least some of it a miss. But learnt on her return, that her husband had very considerately paused the movie not wanting her to miss any of it! Luckily, she soon figured out that if she sat in a specific position, she could pretend to be looking at the TV, but instead check-out her hero's reflection in the sliding glass of the window.

When he eagerly asked her how she had liked it once the movie ended, she remarked the movie had been alright but a little too gruesome for her liking. Seeing his disappointed face, she quickly added beaming widely, but the hero was very handsome and definitely worth watching. Hearing this Sameer mumbled grumpily "Usse toh paise hi acha dikhne ke milte hai... char-char trainers aur dieticians ke hote toh koi bhi acha dikh sakta hai." Naina countered a little dreamily "Ha, par... kuch log toh yeh sab kiye bina hi ache dikhte hai..." This led to another abrupt and annoyed goodnight from him.

Sunday morning after Sameer left for his cricket, Naina asked Ramdhari to finish off early too and made plans with Swati and Preeti to catch-up at Swati's home. The girls had a lovely afternoon giggling over anything and everything. A couple of alliances had been suggested for Swati by some relatives. These were analysed and then a lot of teasing ensued from Preeti and Naina. Swati seemed partial to the thought of the boy who lived in Bombay in the much coveted Juhu area. Not having seen any photos of the prospective grooms, she had not really created an opinion about the boys but had a lot of ideas about the wedding shopping and venue decoration. Preeti just rolled her eyes.

When Swati's mother served them some samosas with a different style of filling from her hometown, Naina immediately noted down the recipe saying she was sure Sameer would like it. Swati and her mother smiled indulgently, while Preeti thought with an increasing sense of alarm and inevitability, Wahi ho raha hai jiska mujhe darr tha... Pata nahi Sameer ke maan mein kya hai... par yeh toh puri gayi...

After they left Swati's house, Preeti asked her "Sameer ne kuch kaha hai tujhse?" Naina asked "Kiss baare mein?" Preeti retorted "Tum dono ke baare mein hi, aur kiss baare mein mujhe interest hoga?! Naina mumbled "Nahi toh..." Preeti asked sounding impatient "Toh kyun kar rahi hai yeh sab?!" Her sister again muttered "Kya sab?" Preeti replied "Yahi sab... usske pasand ke aur roz naye khane banana... aur tujhe kya lagta hai ke mujhe nazar nahi aata kaise usske aage-peeche bhagti hai tu." Naina stammered "Kuch bhi... main aisa kuch nahi karti... uss ghar ki bahu ke naate khana toh pakana hi padta hai... Aur kaha unke peeche bhagti hu?"

Preeti retorted "O... toh, woh kya hota hai? Roz college pohochte hi pehele woh jaha hota hai pohonch jati hai!" Naina tried to defend herself "Main kahi nahi jaati hu... woh udhar bike stand pe hi toh hote hai... tujhe toh bus aise hi lag raha hain. Kuch kaam hota hai... ab ek ghar mein rehte hai toh baat toh karenge hi na."

Preeti tried to calm her down "Naina, ab toh waha jaake ek mahine se uppar ho gaya hai. Ab toh Sameer tujhe jaane laga hoga na... phir bhi tumhare rishte ko aage nahi badha raha hai. Dekh, mujhe sirf teri chinta ho rahi hai. Tu jitna jyada dil lagayegi usse... kahi aage jaake..." Naina cut her off "Jo hoga mein dekh lungi. Abhi se aisi negative baate karne hi koi jarurat nahi hai. Chal, mujhe jaana hai. Woh aate honge ghar kuch der main... aur unke pass ghar ki chaabi bhi nahi hai."

Naina bid Preeti a quick goodbye and got into a rickshaw. She understood where her sister was coming from, but she was not ready to dwell on it. Nanaji believed that patience was the key here and she was resolved to trusting Nanaji, not that she had any other option. She had realised that staying indifferent to her husband's presence was not an option either. All she could do was wait. And love him as she could, while waiting.

Munna and Pandit joined them that evening. Someone proposed a quick game of cards, which then turned into a few and then into many. Naina lost terribly in the game of Bluff and the other three teased her mercilessly, but she did fairly well in Rummy which helped her gain some respect. Pandit at some point suggested how some hot pakodas would be perfect accompaniment to the game and his Bhabhi happily got up to oblige. But Sameer stopped her saying that he was in a mood for chaat and they could head out in a bit.

The newly formed Fantastic Four decided to make a dinner out of chaat that day. Sameer provoked Pandit and Naina into entering a Paani Puri challenge. Pandit turned out the winner, but it was a close match and his respect for his Bhabhi went up considerably.

That night after he closed the window, he stood leaning against the wall and asked "Maza toh aaya na tumhe? Matlab hum teen ladko ke sath bore toh nahi hui na?" Naina who was sitting on her bed with her back against the headboard, smiled very broadly "Bore kyun hone lagi bhala? Bahoot maza aaya! Aaj kitne dinon baad itni paani-puri khai maine..." She continued after a brief pause "Aaj dopahar Swati ke ghar bhi bahoot maza aaya... bahoot dinon baad hum teeno college ke bahar mile thay." He remarked "Good, tumhe aise hi apni friends ke sath milte rehna chahiye."

Naina nodded "Ha, aur pata nahi woh shaadi hoke kaha jaayegi... aur phir kitna milegi... rishte aane lage hai ab usske liye." Sameer asked "Kahi kuch baat pakki ho rahi hai kya? Ya usse koi pasand hai?" She replied "Nahi abhi kahi koi seriously baat nahi hui hai... par uske parents ne dekhna shuru kiya hai."

Sameer hesitated slightly but then went on "Actually... woh... Munna usse pasand karta hai. Pandit bata raha tha ke shayad school ke dinon se hi thoda soft corner raha hai usse Swati ke liye." Naina looked in surprise "Munna usse seriously pasand karta hai? Aur woh bhi school ke dinon se?!" She went quite for a bit and she added sounding a little distracted "Hmm... waise usse toh bahoot ladke pasand karte thay... ab bhi karte honge..."

Sameer was perplexed by her lack of enthusiasm on this topic. For some reason he had expected her to react to this information with excitement and maybe come up with some ideas on whether anything could be done to promote that match. He asked her "Tumhe sun ke khushi nahi hui?" She looked at him a little confused "Matlab pasand karta hai toh theek hai... par khushi kiss baat ki? Swati Gujrathi hai, hum Marwadi hai... toh waise bhi baat aage badhna mushkil hai."

Sameer asked sounding a little annoyed "Tum inn sab baaton ko maanti ho kya?" She replied after thinking for a few moments "Baat mere maanne ki nahi hai... par shaadi mein yeh sab toh gharwale dekhte hi hai. Aur aisa bhi nahi hai ke Swati usse pasand karti hai, toh khamokhaam aisa difficult decision toh nahi legi." When he stayed quiet for a bit, she continued "Sameer, Swati bachpan se meri bahoot hi close friend rahi hai... as friends hum mein yeh Gujrathi-Marwadi wali baat se koi farak nahi pada hai, par shaadi ki baat toh alag hoti hai na?"

Both were lost in their own thoughts for a bit, before she said "Patta nahi, agar hum dono Marwadi na hote... agar main Maas-Machi khane wali koi Bengali ya Punjabi ladki hoti... ya aap koi Madrasi... shayad humare gharwale Guruji ki baat na maante..." After another small pause she continued "Aur agar Guruji ki baat aur humari kundali ke yog se itna darr na jaate, toh bhi humare gharwale humari shaadi ka kabhi nahi sochte. Yeh Aggarwal aur Maheshwari wali baat toh koi nahi bhulata. Humare yaha biradari ke bhar rishte ka toh kabhi koi nahi sochta. Bus kismet ki baat hai shayad, ek Gujrathi shaadi mein do Marwadi takraye."

He had always hated the word Kismet. It only reminded him of all that he had lost in his life, of things where he had no control over his life. Be it his father's untimely demise, his mother's remarriage or his Nani succumbing to that terrible illness, Kismet had always been named as the final culprit.

He gritted his teeth and took a step with the intention to leave the room. Naina sensing his intention to leave and her inability to stop him, felt a sense of trepidation coming over her. Some of that was probably conveyed by her eyes, because he stopped and recalling that he too had been looking forward to spending some unmonitored time here while Nanu was away, picked a magazine lying on her writing desk and sat at the foot of her bed. Naina felt the calmness returning.

He flipped through the magazine for about half a minute and then asked "Naina, tumhe iss ghar mein aake bahoot different feel hota hai kya? Matlab rehen sehen mein? Main toh jyadatar hostel mein hi raha hu... aur Delhi mein Somanis ka ghar toh kafi cosmopolitan type ka hai. Unke saare family friends jyadatar locals hai. Toh mujhe koi typical Maheshwari ya Aggarwal family mein kaisa hota hai kuch samajh nahi aata..."

Naina mused over this question for a bit and then replied "Alag toh lagta hai... par utna hi jitna shayad kissi bhi aur ghar mein jaane ke baad lagta. Shayad ghar mein koi aur auraat hoti toh baat kuch alag hoti... Nanaji toh itne ache hai aur har baat itne pyar se samjha dete hai, yeh toh maine kabhi bhi expect nahi kiya tha. Ha, kuch sabjiya ya khana banane ke tarike alag hai, par Ramdhari bhaiya seekha rahe hai." She resumed after a brief pause "Yeh toh nahi pata ke yeh sirf aapke ghar ki baat hai ya saare Maheshwari aise rehte hai, par iss gahr mein toh soch aur sara rehen-sehen bahoot hi modern hai... aur acha wala modern!"

He seemed confused by this last statement "Kya matlab acha wala modern?" She bit on her lower lip while trying to find the right words to convey what she wanted to say. He groaned internally and shifted a little uncomfortably thinking Yaar, please yeh mat kar... Naina unaware of the thoughts running through his mind said "Matlab, aapki family broadminded toh hai, par woh show-off wale log hote hai na, waisi nahi hai." As an image of the Somani Dadi flashed through his mind, he understood what she meant.

She went on "Par humare ghar mein jyadatar sab kuch Tauji aur Taiji ke hisaab se hota hai... aur unki soch kafi conservative hai." And then she exclaimed "Baapre woh Pooja didi ke sasural mein bhi bahoot khit-pit hoti hai! Unki saas ekdum teez hai... pata hai, Pooja didi ko bina ijazat ke kuch bhi karna allowed nahi hai. Aapke yaha toh aisi koi bhi rok-tok nahi hai. Nanaji toh bahoot samajhdar hai... ghar mein kabhi bhi darr ka vataavaran nahi hota hai. Chachaji kehte hai, itna acha sasural milna toh bahoot jyada mushkil hai! Bus agar aap" She stopped abruptly, realising she had been about to say how things couldn't have been more perfect if had he been willing to accept their relationship. She flushed deeply in mortification and scrambled out of the bed and room muttering something about being extremely thirsty.

Sameer followed her to the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the fridge to carry upstairs. As they approached her room, both mumbled a goodnight and she closed the door. Before she switched off the light, she pulled out a piece of clothing from her closet and was soon curled up in bed holding to it tight. We all need a security blanket every now and then, right?

Almost an hour later Sameer still lay in his bed wide awake. Her unfinished Bus agar aap had implied that he had rendered her dream of a perfect life futile.

Also, her Bus kismet ki baat hai shayad, ek Gujrathi shaadi mein do Marwadi takraye kept running through his mind. When he first heard her utter those words all he could think of was, once again he had experienced lack of control over his life. But he now pondered on how it could have been anyone else instead of her. Pooja didi or Chachiji could have been running behind Golu, or some ad-hoc ten-year-old girl/boy or a sixty-year-old lady could have bumped into him, but it had been her.

What had the Guruji really seen? Surely Guruji wouldn't have announced him married to any of these other people... so why her? Was she really his Kismet? And people use the word to imply good-luck too, right?

She spoke so warmly and highly of Nanaji. And though Nanu had stopped urging him in her direction, he knew the admiration and attachment was not one-sided. It was hard to miss how fond they both were of each other.

So why had Nanu not tried to get him to reconsider his decision? Did he no longer feel that they made a good match? Did Nanu think that they were better off being friends in real life and just keep up the sham of a bliss-fully wedded couple on the outside?! This was getting far too complicated than what he had anticipated. Well, this was his bloody decision! He tried to beat the pillow into a comfortable form with way more force than required.