Grade Nine - Semester Two

It was the second semester now and Adeline's first-ever English class in high school. She loved it. She was with two of her friends and her teacher was nice and they got along. It was probably her favourite class so far; she enjoyed the reading and the writing and the conversations she had with the teacher. The content was interesting, and she was always eager to learn when it came to literature. At this point, Adeline had finally got her feelings under control a little. She knew how to hide her sadness from everyone around her, to be seemingly happy so it didn't raise any questions.

It was an average day sometime in March and she was waiting for her bus that was always late after school, standing with her friend. Their conversation dwindled and they stood there in awkward silence. Looking around, observing all the people around her, her eyes landed on a beautifully dangerous creature. He was sitting on a saltbox, the sleeves to his blue plaid button-up were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his forearms that were decorated in Mardi Gras beads and scars. At first glance she didn't see his face because he was looking the other way, then she was more focused on his arms, confused as to how he could just show them like that with no sign of fear.

She noticed his head turn and looked up. Their eyes met for a moment and she looked away quickly, her face turning a dark red. He was cute, she had to admit that, and she felt his gaze linger for a few seconds before turning his attention back to his friends. The bus pulled up and she got on, not sparing a glance in his direction until she sat down in her usual seat. His back was now facing her, and she studied him as he talked to his friends, his hands moving a lot while he told a story, which made her smile to herself. She had seen him somewhere before but hadn't really acknowledged it until then and couldn't put her finger on where or when.

The next day she stood in the same place again, but as more buses came in, she walked further down and past the boy, holding her sketchbook. She noticed that he had started to walk towards her and looked down at her feet, beginning to panic, hoping he was just walking down to wait for his bus as well, but he stopped right beside her. He didn't say much when he came over, just said 'hi' then asked if she drew, noticing the sketchbook she hugged against her chest. She nodded, trying to stay quiet and he asked to see. Reluctantly, she handed over the sketchbook and he flipped through while she stood there, swaying back and forth, unsure of what else to do. Not even halfway through the book, his bus pulled up.

"They're good," he said and handed it back, "high five." His hand hung there for a moment and she high fived him lightly, then he stalked off to his bus. She had a stupid smile stuck on her face as she replayed that interaction over and over in her head. For a little while after that, they talked in the same spot, waiting for their buses. She had found out his name was Elliot, through her friend Quinn. They had gone to the same school in elementary before Quinn switched to Adeline's school for the French program, and he was a year older than them. Her friend warned her though that he was trouble and she should stay away, of course Adeline didn't listen, she was stricken with such infatuation, she wanted to know more.

Her love and obsession with the internet were the reasons they started to talk more. She found him on Facebook and added him quickly. When he added her back, she was ecstatic. They would talk whenever she could get internet at her house, stealing it from her grandmother who lived next door. It was an awful connection that didn't work very well, but it sufficed to talk to him once and a while, if she stood at the window that was.

He opened up a whole new world of music to her with bands like Black Veil Brides, Pierce the Veil and Bring Me the Horizon. She was used to listening to pop music that mainly consisted of One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer on repeat. Every once in awhile, he would comment about how she was cute or so on and she would squeal, her face flushing. He even gave her a nickname, Addie, which she loved. No one called her that, it was usually just Adeline.

They had a conversation about this girl, Daniella, who was in her art class. He told her about how this girl asked him to go to the semi-formal dance and was seemingly obsessed with him, but he wasn't very interested in her. After that conversation, she had noticed Danielle glaring daggers into the side of her head in class and blatantly acting as if she didn't exist and wasn't sitting at the same table. It bothered Adeline a little bit, she didn't think it was fair to be hated or disliked because of a boy.

Elliot eventually brought up the question of had she ever had her first kiss. She admitted that she had not, and he offered to change that, which excited her. The next day, at lunch, he pulled her from the school to walk around. Every second she anticipated the kiss she knew was coming. It was cold but sunny. She wore her favourite skirt and a t-shirt because she wanted to look nice for him. As they walked, they passed by a park where Danielle and two of her friends were hanging out on. It was awkward, to say the least, she could feel Danielle's eyes follow her as they walked past.

Soon enough, they stopped, just as they were out of view of the park, leaning against an electricity box. They were quiet for some time before he stepped closer, looking her in the eye and asking, "will you go out with me?" Adeline nodded, with a huge smile on her face. "Can I kiss you?" he then asked, and her heart was beating out of her chest. She just nodded again and watched as he leaned in, closing her eyes when his lips touched hers. That is one memory that would linger with her for a long time, it was a magical moment.

She and Elliot hung out every lunch and talked online when they could after school. Adeline was so infatuated with him, and her mother eventually found out. She disapproved because Adeline had kept it a secret. Elliot wanted to hang out one day after school, so Adeline asked her parents. They were at her little sister's basketball game down the road at an elementary school, and her mother said she could go to the game and hang out with Elliot there. Adeline was not thrilled; she didn't want to hang out with her boyfriend and her parents. Elliot was a bit awkward, who wouldn't be in that situation? They barely spoke, sitting next to each other very still.

"I'm sorry about this," she said sadly, and he chuckled.

"It's okay, really."

Even though she was happy with him, she was still addicted to the pain of hurting herself. She tried to hide it from him, changing places on her body for scars to remain, it was quite the coincidence that he accidentally saw them. He didn't seem shocked or even disappointed, just a little sad. Adeline still had her bad days, but he was there to cheer her up, usually.

Her Instagram account where she admitted her darkest most fucked up secrets was still active, and she rapidly gained followers. She didn't think anyone knew about it until Elliot mentioned it to her, asking if she had more than one Instagram, Adeline denied it, not wanting Elliot to know everything about her just yet. He pulled out his phone and opened Instagram, bringing up her account.

"H-how did you find out about that?"

"Evelyn told me."

"How did she find it?" Adeline was very careful about what she posted, she didn't want anyone to know it was her, but just the other day she had posted a picture of herself covering her face, but she was still identified. "No, no, no, no!" Adeline buried her head in her hands and was on the verge of tears. She didn't even know Evelyn that well, yet she knew her biggest secret.

"It'll be okay, she told me she wouldn't tell anyone, just wanted me to be aware of it," said Elliot, hugging her tightly.

-

Adeline had always been very self-critical on her grades. Her parents weren't that concerned about them, as long as she didn't fail any classes. She had very high standards for herself, working towards 80s and 90s, and that is what she usually got. She received her grade for an English assignment and was very upset about it because it was a 74. Absolutely disappointed in herself, she sent Elliot a message, venting to him. She sent it while still at school, knowing he probably wouldn't read it until he got home. When he finally read it, he said she was just being overdramatic and that it was a decent grade. Adeline called him and went on to explain how she was so hard on herself, but Elliot just blew up. He became oddly aggressive over the subject and out of nowhere said, "I think we should break up."

Only a few words and Adeline crumbled at them. Her chest felt heavy as her heart raced the fastest it ever had before. She felt utterly sick and was frozen in shock. Not knowing what else to say, she choked out the words, "why?" so desperately. He was quiet for a moment, thinking of all the clichés in the book, hoping he wasn't going to settle with 'it's not you, it's me', but no, this one was even worse.

"I just can't do this with you anymore. Bye." And like that, he hung up. Adeline didn't know what to do, so she just laid in bed and cried, contemplating hurting herself, but she knew it wouldn't help, there was no point doing that over a boy, especially a boy not worth her time.

"Honey, what's wrong? Are you crying?" Her mom asked, stepping into her bedroom.

"Elliot broke up with me," she spluttered. Saying it out loud somehow hurt even worse, and she sobbed harder.

"Why?" She asked, not surprised at all.

"I don't know," Adeline said between sobs. Her throat began to hurt, and her eyes stung, as her body felt so weak she didn't know if she could stand.

"I mean, you did go a little overboard calling him Angel, and you didn't give him enough space." She stopped crying momentarily as her mother said that, confused as to how she knew, then a realization hit her.

"You went through my messages?!" She exclaimed, angry now rather than upset. She didn't know what her mother had seen, she admitted a lot of things to Elliot, a lot of personal things.

"I didn't know this boy, of course I did. I wanted to make sure you were being safe." Adeline buried her head in her pillows and cried harder.

Adeline felt lost without him, he was the first spark of happiness in her life in months. She couldn't walk down the road where he kissed her for the first time, she couldn't walk down the one hallway she always used to in school to get to class because she would see him happy, laughing with his friends. Adeline tried to avoid him, walking down halls she had never seen him down before, but the school was relatively small, so she did end up passing by him a few times, walking quickly and keeping her head down.

-

In English class they were assigned to create a social justice poster, touching on topics such as bullying, homophobia and so on. Quinn was hiding hers from Adeline, but Adeline didn't know why. She thought Quinn was just being Quinn, her weird usual self, so she thought nothing of it until the teacher showed them all off to the class. There was one about depression awareness and how it could happen to anyone, and Adeline thought it was nice until the teacher told Quinn she did a good job.

'Why did you hide that from me' She wrote down on a note and passed it across the table to Quinn. She didn't even look up from the paper, just wrote quickly and slid it back.

'I found your account on. Instagram. Why didn't you tell me?' Adeline was shocked, more and more people were finding out about it.

'I haven't told anyone, really' they stopped there, Quinn not knowing what else to say. Quinn never brought it up again, she pretty much pretended she didn't know anything of it, and who could blame her?

Her art class was one of her favourites, she loved to draw, always had, but with Daniella in that class, she hated it and never wanted to go. Especially after she found out that she and Elliot were dating. Daniella would constantly talk about him, bringing up her birthday and inviting everyone at their table to her party, except for Adeline. She emphasized many times that Elliot would be there, making sure Adeline knew she wasn't welcome. Adeline was happy for exams to come up, it meant summer was just around the corner and she didn't have to see Danielle or Elliot anymore, at least for a couple of months,

It was an unusual day where Adeline's bus was on time after school. She got on and watched the people waiting outside, her eyes landing on a familiar face. Adeline smiled, then everything rushed through her and she almost began to cry. As she studied him more, she noticed the large purple bruises up and down his neck, the hickeys Daniella had given him and it made her feel sick. She spiralled into thoughts, wondering if they had broken up because Adeline wasn't very sexually involved, and wasn't even comfortable with the topic.