Grade Ten - Semester One & Two

Grade 10 you are no longer at the bottom of the food chain. You finally have a grip on how things function so you can have a smooth day. Grade 10 though seems to be the year things get more difficult for people, whether that be the schoolwork, maintaining friendships or relationships, it just seems to get harder. Adeline didn't know what to expect from this year, but she had changed her entire look. She cut off all her long brown hair and dyed it black, just after picture day so she would be unrecognizable on her student ID card.

By this time, she thought she was over Elliot, she was still angry about the whole thing with Daniella, especially after he told her he was not interested in her at all. Adeline hadn't talked to him since they broke up, but they've shared some looks in the hallways. She no longer avoided where he hung out, she passed through there quite often because it was the most convenient way to get to most of her classes.

Some days Adeline had it bad, she would wake up and hurt herself before school, she more than dreaded it. It was one of those days, and she just knew something was going to happen, and something did. Adeline was waiting in the main hall for Quinn, like she did every day, watching the front doors for when she walked inside. She smiled as she saw Quinn approach, walking quickly towards her. Adeline's gaze shifted to behind her where Elliot was now holding hands with some girl in a miniskirt. Adeline blinked in confusion and watched as they walked past, her skirt so short you could see her ass cheeks.

"Is she even wearing any underwear, jeez." Quinn looked up then grimaced.

"I heard them talking on the bus, something along the lines of they were fooling around at the beach before they got on the bus." Adeline scrunched up her face and laughed, acting as if she was unbothered. When she got to her art class that day, she had felt better about the whole situation, pushing Elliot out of her mind and diving into her art. Less than halfway through the class, the fire alarm went off, the teacher calmly explained it was only a drill and they all headed outside. As the drill ended and they went back in, Elliot caught her eye, walking hand in hand with that girl again, laughing with each other.

When Adeline got back into class, she rested her head on her arms and began to cry. She cried nonstop for about twenty minutes and no one had noticed, until Madeline, the same girl from her gym class the year before, who Adeline found out was dating one of Elliot's friends asked if she was okay. Adeline looked up and nodded, her eyes puffy and red.

"Are you crying?"

"Yeah..." she admitted, her voice cracking.

"Is it because of Elliot?" Adeline just nodded and Madeline frowned. "He's an asshole anyway, just forget about him he's not even worth it. I dated him just before you did and he just sucked, you know?" Adeline cracked a smile, she didn't know why or how it was amusing in any way, but it was. And in that moment, she realized where she had recognized him from. He used to linger around the gym just as her class was ending, waiting for Madeline, and she saw him a few times walking her home. It was strange to know, but also made things clearer.

-

High school can be a confusing time, maybe even eye-opening. Adeline hadn't put much thought into her sexuality, until one day she realized out of the blue that she had a crush on a girl. It was a harmless crush, she never attempted to engage in conversation, just looked from afar from time to time. She knew she still liked guys, but there was just something about girls. Shortly after her first girl crush came her second, Vanessa Roe.

She found out her last name by asking around, Malerie knew her and told Adeline to talk to Elliot if she wanted to know more because they had dated for a short period of time. Adeline was surprised, very surprised and confused at the same time. She hadn't talked to Elliott in months now, and she didn't really want to, but she wanted to get to know Vanessa a little before she actually introduced herself. Adeline followed Vanessa on Instagram from her secret account, then sent Elliot a message, a simple 'hey'.

Adeline and Elliot sent messaged back and forth, it felt like they had never stopped talking, and it wasn't awkward at all despite the breakup. Adeline eventually brought up the topic of Vanessa, and Elliot said he didn't know her that well, they didn't date for very long. She mentioned that she may or may not have had a crush on Vanessa and Elliot became very interested in trying to set them up.

She sent Vanessa some messages through her secret account to get to know her and she surprisingly responded. They chatted for some time, then she got a message from Elliot that he told Vanessa he knew someone who had a crush on her. This was Adeline's time; she would finally be able to tell Vanessa how she felt.

During class, Elliot sent Adeline a message saying that he and Vanessa were in the stairwell. Before she went to see them, she sent Vanessa a message, saying that she liked her. She read it but didn't respond. Without having to say anything, Adeline took a picture of Elliot and Vanessa and posted it on Instagram. Shortly after Vanessa looked up from her phone at Adeline.

"That's you?" she exclaimed as Elliot laughed in the background.

"Yeah..." they were all silent once again and Adeline headed back up to class, her face red from embarrassment. She was assuming that Vanessa didn't like her that way because she hadn't really said anything about it. She and Vanessa didn't talk much after that, but Adeline continued to talk to Elliot.

In the midst of all that was going on with Vanessa, Adeline had managed to fall for Elliot once again. They didn't date, Adeline couldn't handle that heartbreak again, and Elliot didn't seem that big into commitment at the time, so they just made out once in a while, cuddled during lunch while watching stuff on his computer, then went on not talking for days or weeks, and then back to the same thing. It was a good way for Adeline to distance herself from him, and not get her heartbroken, but still able to have something with him.

It wasn't long after that while hanging out with Elliot and his friend group, he began to get to know some people, even starting to like someone. His name was Cole, he was quirky, odd, and showed interest in her. They began talking and became friends, and she kind of pulled away from Elliot. They still talked quite frequently, but anything romantic died down. After Adeline and Cole became friends, it was super obvious he had feelings for her and then asked her out. They dated for only a few weeks, and she never kissed him, even when he tried a few times.

Even the thought of kissing him made her feel gross, but she didn't know why. It could've been she wasn't as interested in him as she thought she was, or that she was still hung up on Elliot. It became harder and harder for her to ignore these feelings, and she finally came to a conclusion she was still in love with Elliot and didn't want to hurt Cole with those feelings. So, during class, she sent Cole a message saying she needed to talk to him and met him in the stairwell. She thought up all the ways to break up with him, but settled with the, "I just can't do this right now." Cole had seemed fine, but she broke down into tears, she felt awful about the whole situation, then went back up to her class, the same class she had with Elliot. When she sat down, tears still welled in her eyes, and Elliot rubbed her back.

"It's okay," he whispered.

Adeline still felt like shit for what she did, but they still remained pretty close friends for the time being. As for Elliot, they had pressed play again on anything romantic, but he was going through some rough patches. Vanessa had manipulated Adeline, using her feelings towards her to try and get Adeline to write a statement against Elliot that he was abusive. Adeline had never experienced anything like that with Elliot, but she had heard the stories. There was no way she would go through with it; she wanted to protect Elliot.

-

Everything was normal for a few days, until the English class she had with Elliot, he just sat down, a frown tugging at his lips. He tilted his head down lightly and Adeline watched as the teardrops splashed on the desk below him. She had never seen him cry before, so she knew something was very wrong.

"What happened?" She asked, putting her hand on his arm lightly. He paused for a moment, a few more tears falling from his eyes.

"The uh, the cops came to my house last night and gave me a warning, apparently there were-there were people who reported me for abusing them. They told me never to lay a finger on another girl again or there would be consequences." His eyes were red when he looked at Adeline. Her chest got heavy; she knew exactly who had done this, but she didn't want to say anything and make it worse. Adeline didn't know if there was a bad side to him, and she didn't want to find out. At that moment, she knew she had to stop talking to Vanessa, even if it hurt her.

-

Despite the breakup between Cole and Adeline, they remained pretty close friends. They hung out a lot and one day they decided to walk through her favourite forest. They sat in the opening and talked, then he kissed her. She felt gross and so uncomfortable, but she kissed him back. Next thing she knew, he took off his shirt. She became increasingly more uncomfortable, then he tugged on her shirt to take it off and that's when she had to stop. She pulled away quickly and made up an excuse to go home. He asked if she was okay, and she smiled, assuring him she was fine, then headed home.

Adeline started to cry as she walked, she was so upset at herself and so disgusted. When she got to the end of the road and had to cross the street, she just walked, paying no mind to the cars as they rushed past her. When she made it safely to the other side, she cried harder. She didn't even know why she wanted to die, but she knew she didn't want to exist in a world where she acted the way she did. When she got home, she composed herself in front of her family, but once she was alone in her room, she sat on her bed, hugged her knees to her chest and cried quietly until she curled up and fell asleep for the night.

She tried to ignore Cole for as long as she could, but they were friends, so she had to get over it and talk to him eventually. They were okay for a while, nothing weird had happened between them. Adeline and Elliot were talking on and off and they hung out quite a bit at school because Cole and Elliott shared the same friends, so she just hung around with them. 

However, one day Adeline had a supply teacher for one of her classes, and her mom had allowed her to skip if there is a supply because she won't learn anything new, so she went to Cole's auto class and hung out there for the period. He showed her the cars they were working on and went outside to one of the parked cars that they were working on and got in. They were talking and laughing, they Cole leaned over and kissed her. Adeline kissed him back on instinct, then started to feel very uncomfortable rather quickly and pulled away. A sick feeling rose into her stomach and she made an excuse to leave, saying she had to use the washroom. Almost running away from the car, she went inside and into the washroom, locking herself in a stall and breathing heavily. She closed her eyes and held her head with one hand and stomach with the other.

"I'm so stupid," she whispered to herself as tears started to fall from her eyes. Adeline regained her composure as the bell rang for lunch. She wiped the tears from her face and left the washroom, heading to the corner in the hallway that her, Cole, Elliot and their friends all hung out. Elliott was the first to show up, and he noticed something off with Adeline.

"Are you okay?" He asked and she just shook her head. "Why don't we go for a walk, okay?" Adeline nodded and they headed out the side doors before Cole could see them leave together. They talked about what happened and Adeline expressed her hatred towards herself. Elliot advised her not to kiss him again, and she agreed rather quickly. 

"Just kiss me instead," he said, wanting to kiss her and hesitating before he did, but she melted into it. She didn't understand why kissing Elliot was okay and made her weak in the knees, but kissing Cole made her uncomfortable and physically sick.

-

As Cole and Adeline's friendship continued, without anything sexual, not even kissing, he had convinced her to open up to someone about her problems. Adeline had written a note to the school's guidance office, and Cole dropped it off. Later in the day, she was called down by one of the guidance counsellors named Mr. Trunel. 

They talked about the note, then some of the things she was struggling with, including her eating habits. She explained that her mother didn't have that much money, so she would usually only eat dinner unless her friends offered her some food. Mr. Trunel suggested that she may have an eating disorder, as she was very skinny, didn't eat much, and thought that it was normal. Adeline disagreed, she thought she was fat, but she had never starved herself or anything like that.

Adeline felt refreshed after her meeting, but as soon as she got home, her mother began yelling. She essentially told the guidance office that Adeline was lying about everything that she had said and that her mother fed her more than one meal a day. This made Adeline feel awful and she knew she was never going to hear from the guidance office ever again, as they probably suspected she was lying about everything and didn't want to deal with her.

Adeline sulked off to her room and began crying and doing what she knew how to best; hurting herself and keeping it inside, just like she knew she should've kept doing instead of listening to Cole and writing that stupid letter.