Next morning

I stir awake, brushing away something tickling tickling my cheek.

"Finally awake?"

My eyes open, and meet with Beatrix's. She's standing on the side of the bed and leaning over me, with her long golden hair trickling down her shoulders and down to mine.

I instinctively look towards the window, with a feeling of building stress, but thankfully it's only almost daylight. I almost groan at the thought of another day filled with the torment of paperwork.

What am I even doing this for anymore?

There's no need to rush anymore, is there? My chest starts hurting again, as my mind drifts back to yesterday in a swirl of dark thoughts.

As if to interrupt my stream of thoughts, Beatrix pokes my cheek. Not just revealing the tickling feeling from before, but also some rather bratty behavior.

I stare at her disapprovingly, and then end up glancing down, and realize that she's only in a chemise and an apron. 

I sigh and cover my eyes.

"Why are you wearing that?"

I know I'm heartbroken, but you're a lady for gods sake.

"Why? Because my night intruder has to start his work day soon, and I made breakfast, as you were going to be late otherwise"

I roll away from her. Not the apron.

A moment of silence spreads between us.

My stomach turns.

I don't want to go back... but...

I want to grab Delia in my arms and forgive her. Say that it was just stupid misunderstandings... but will fixing it this time prevent it from happening again? Or something else for that matter?

What if she just leaves one day without a letter, because she thought I did something again, and I have to search for her?

"...you have to go back."

No...

"Unlike with me, you cannot just run away from Delia. She is not a forced betrothed you can just entertain when you feel like it. You are the one that invited her into your heart, your family, your home and called her your fiancé. She is waiting for you, probably brawling her tears out over the mistake she has made."

I look up at Beatrix.

"Why are you doing this? Trying to help Delia out instead of seducing me."

She looks at me quietly for a long while, and hesitates.

"Think of it as me making up for telling you something I shouldn't have."

"But you were right."

"...Even if I was, would you be here in my bed if I had not told you? I think I gave you an easy way out, instead of making you face the situation, like a king should. If you don't go back now and make a proper decision, won't you regret it?"

I frown and then let out a heavy sigh. I would.

"When you say it like that, you aren't cute at all."

She's mixing duty into it. But she's not wrong either. But part of me wishes that she had given me an easy way out. I feel a soft wave of bitterness.

"Then, was letting me in yesterday your duty to the crown? Because you couldn't just let me 'off myself' in heartache?"

I sit up, feeling confusedvand upset as I try to read her expression, but all she gives me in return, is a coy smile.

"Then I would have called your guards to take you home. Not let you wear my undergarments, in which you look... quite unthreatening, your highness."

I deflate a bit, and sigh as I lay back down.

"Does it really amuse you so much?"

Her eyes narrow, into those bullying eyes she make when someone's foolishness really does amuse her.

"Of course. You might get to see me in a chemise, but I get to see you with that princely act torn apart, just acting like a normal heartbroken person."

Princely act? That's how I'm supposed to... act you know...

I let out a soundless groan.

Beatrix is full of truths I don't want to think about.

She always was.

But she also looked down at me, like I was an unknowing child sometimes.

I sigh.

"Besides, what am I going to say when Delia asks if I know where you are, and why I'm here? Do I tell her that you're sleeping off a heartache in my bed?"

"I get it."

I sit up, and get out of the bed.

Satisfied, she straightens up, and then points to the chair.

"Your clothes are dry, and I have breakfast ready, your earliest morning meetings should start in half an hour, so you'll have to hurry up. I made sure you can eat breakfast on the way. I'll meet you downstairs."

She leaves, unceremoniously.

I look outside, where the sun hasn't risen fully yet, and I can't help but to wonder if she's always up this early, or if she herself got up to wake me, since I fell asleep like that. She used to be a part of these busy times after all, so she knows how it is.

I feel like her room was messier yesterday though, without remembering clearly.

One thing's for sure though. That blanket fort of hers is practically hanging on a thread. I can't help but to give a half smile. Books are stabled in uneven stacks, barely sorted by genre, like it was a rush job.

Usually I'd never be let anywhere near Beatrix's private space, and we would always meet in a greeting room or in a garden, surrounded by guards and servants.

I don't think I've ever been alone with her like today, and the meeting in the student council room, since we were around seven.

She has a point when she says I don't know her well.

Privately.

I just thought there wasn't any point, after all, she never gave the opening to show that there existed something else.

How different could she be, is the thought I had... I frown. Unlike Beatrix, I was taught to be perfect every second of the day. Princely... I suppose. I never thought that Beatrix would be any different from me. That she would have kept a part of herself behind closed doors when no one is looking.

I finish changing clothes walk out of her room and down the hallways.

I thought the place was quiet yesterday, but even now, where the servants usually wake up and get the day started. It's deadly quiet. Is there even anyone here?

As I get to the entry all, I see Beatrix waiting for me, looking somewhat impatient, with a sandwich in her hand.

Though, getting closer I stare at the half squished loaf of bread, and it's insides almost falling out.

"...is that supposed to be a sandwich?"

She looks at it, and then back at me with a shrug.

"What did you expect. I'm not Delia."

You really aren't.

"Why don't you at least have a cook here?"

"I didn't want anyone disturbing my vacation."

...Vacation...

"So instead you're all alone, making yourself a target by abduction, by staying all alone and opening the doors for men at night," I jab at her, to make her consider her own safety just a little bit.

She huffs, and puts a hand to her cheek, giving me a cold stare.

"And who would try to abduct the coldest and cruelest woman in the country? They shake in fear at the sight of me."

I stare at her. A few weeks ago I might have agreed with that statement of hers, but now...

I look down at the apron for a moment, and then back up to her eyes. 

I can't tell if she's looking that much down on people, or doesn't realize her own charm.

She's been locked up in a castle her whole life, and had people cower at her feet for her entire life, so to be honest, it might be both.

"Get some guards. I'll send some over until they arrive."

I grab the sandwich from her and walk past her to the door.

"What disservice did I do for you do think I'd allow you to ruin my vacation?"

I freeze. Then sigh. Turn around.

"Does that 'vacation' consist of walking around in a chemise all day? One thing was last night, but you're still barely wearing anything. Why aren't you wearing a proper dress?"

Her answer comes bluntly.

"Because the corset is a pain to tie up and wear, for a single guy that's not here for more than ten minutes, and has never had any genuine interest in me, not even passing. Now get going and don't send any guards."

She might be smiling as she says that, but her eyes aren't.

The more I get to know about Beatrix, the more I notice that the love I thought she had for me, was merely pleasantries, and she's treating me exactly as what I've worked for. Like someone with no importance to her.

I hesitate for a moment, and then step out of the door.

"At least find a summer dress..."

I sigh and start walking towards the palace, my head a different sort of mess than yesterday, until I realize that I now have to explain to Delia where I've been.

With the woman that terrifies Delia to the core.

I don't think 'because she told me you would do this'  is going to pass as an answer.

At least the sandwich is easy to finish.

The guards give a look of relief and worry as I approach the gate, and let me in without a word.

On the other side is Delia, Syrel and Louise Winterbell. The one that kissed her, and the one she exploded in jealousy from just seeing me work with.

Delia is wrapped in a blanket, and her eyes a puffy from crying. My stomach sinks with guilt. I can't stand seeing her cry.

"Your highness, please forgive me. I beg that you not take your anger of me out on Lady Delia."

Syrel drops to the ground again, taking any and all blame for the situation, while Delia stands behind him, looking at me with those blue doe eyes pleading with me.

Louise smiles at me awkwardly.

"It was just a misunderstanding Clovis. See, she never had anyone in her heart but you. She's just been insecure because she's all alone in a new place, and you haven't time with her all week."

Yesterday Louise was teasing me about my eagerness to get back to Delia... today she's half scolding me I didn't. But she also looks guilty. She probably thinks this happened because of her, so she needs to make up for it.

Beatrix and Louise don't get along well. They work together fine, but Louise hates Beatrix's scheming, just like I do. Louise also grew up with us men, rather than her fellow ladies, because of her family situation, so she doesn't understand Beatrix's way of doing things... then again, neither do I.

Perhaps that's why she likes Delia. The Delia who doesn't seem to scheme, and looks weak and unthreatening.

I look to Delia, waiting for any sort of excuse, or apology from her... but she glances to Syrel and Louise, as though looking for backup.

With it, a sudden realization hits me. Is this how she's been dealing with Beatrix?

Am I the villain now?

Am I supposed to hug her close and say it doesn't matter what happened, that it's my fault, and that I'll try to spend more time with her?

I didn't know she'd been working hard. I haven't had the time to find out. Am I supposed to put her under surveillance, and read a report on what she's been doing, before going to bed so I can praise her in the rare case she's still awake?

Should I treat it as a one time incident, and try to stop worrying?

But...

I glance down to Syrel.

He might have kissed her... but her hands tightened into his shirt, she didn't struggle, pull back, or anything. She just closed her eyes and let him.

If I hadn't run after her, what would have happened?

To begin with, I only noticed her, because I noticed Beatrix' mansion faces the garden, so I got a bit paranoid about being watched, and noticed the basket being dropped. I wasn't really worried until I saw Delia's bloody shoes, and my heart sunk with worry for her.

I didn't even think about that it might be because she saw Louise, until I saw her kissing Syrel.

"Clovis?"

Delia calls me, her sweet voice trembling.

I stand at the crossway, feeling my heart tremble, and my lips press together. But... what is the right choice. To forgive Delia, and try again, or to try desperately to give her up?

If Beatrix hadn't told me ahead of time, what would I have done? If she hadn't put the seed of distrust in my heart... 

Would that be the right answer?

I gave up on Beatrix before knowing her properly, and made a mess out of things. If I give up on Delia, then won't I be exactly the same as I was back then?

I fought for the chance to be with someone I loved. Can I give that up so easily?

I stand there, looking at Deliah that stares up at me with tears in her sweet eyes, and remember the time of love we had that lead up to this. The times I was certain I would be with her forever... and I- find myself scared of losing that. 

It's... alright... Delia just got worried once. Not everything is broken between us... it was just a misunderstanding... right? and Syrel himself says that he initiated it.

I put a smile on my face, forced, and an act, as I convince myself.

"I understand, I- should have told you about Louise...too..."

I compromise, and lift the guilt from her shoulders. She seems to have stayed awake all night. She has learned from this. It won't happen again.

Delia darts into my arms, and her small figure presses into mine. I gently stroke her hair, but it still feels like something isn't the way it was before.

Like something is broken.

"I have to go work now, Delia. I will see you tonight."

I kiss the top of her head.

"Clovis... please don't go..." she looks up at me teary eyed with the blanket around her shoulders.

I cup her cheek, the way I know she likes it.

"I have to. The day is already scheduled. I can't be a bother to the ministers, and all the people waiting."

I see her tears spilling over again.

Should I just ignore the arrangement with Beatrix? But if Beatrix finds out she might make the situation harder.

But at this point, it isn't just a promise to Beatrix. All the officials have their schedules adjusted to this as well.

"It's just for a bit more than two weeks more, Delia," I try to calm her, but it only makes her cry more.

I hold her tight.

This isn't going to hold up for two more weeks, is it?

"I love you, Delia. You know that. Once this time is over, things will be back to normal."

It never will go back to normal.

It's not the academy any longer, after all.

Delia manages to halt her tears, and turn it into her little hiccups, where tears drop out every time a hiccup escapes. She really is cute...

"I'll be good, I promise," she whimpers in my arms.

"I know. You always are." Is this a lie?

I kiss her forehead, and then pull back.

Louise looks at me with worry, but walks with me towards the offices.

Once we are out of Delia's sight, she asks me the question I had hoped not to answer.

"Where did you go last night?"

...

"To visit someone so I could cry my heart out and clear up my heart before facing Delia."

Louise doesn't look satisfied with my explanation, but doesn't press any further.

The first couple of days, Delia would cry quietly against my chest as I hugged her when I came home late. Louise said Delia was probably trying to hold in her loneliness so I wouldn't notice... but how can you not notice, when she shakes like a leaf, and your shirt gets wet with tears?

In the end, I ended up spending my thirty minute break running through the castle to Delia, give her a flower I hurriedly picked up on the way, eat lunch hurriedly with her in the few minutes we had, and running back to the office. 

The people around me smiled every day I did it. Praising me for being so loving, and going so far for her. They also called me a fool when I wasn't looking.

The ministers did scold me lightly, as I started running out of energy faster than usual, but that was all.

In return Delia was happy. She started preparing lunch for me when I came by. Sometimes bigger lunch than I could eat in the time I had, so she'd pack it up in a basket, expecting me to eat it, or share with the others after I ran back with it.

But she was happy.

Even when she started making the lunch more heavy with meat and protein and different herbs, I ate it, though it got hard to force down. 

As long as she's happy.