We discussed a plan for how to get the award. We would have to create the most pathetic, self-sympathizing post on Reddit. But how? Here's the conversation we had.

KEY: M=me, P=u/poopeater19, F=u/MrFartLover

M: Hello, rad rascals, how do we get the award?

P: Maybe we can meet in real life?

M: No, we'll only do that if worse comes to worst. 

F: How about we look up how to be a pathetic waste of sperm?

M: Your ideas are all bad and you all snap my cap [1]. I think we should go to different subreddits and study all the pathetic redditors.

F: How will that help?

Suddenly, a magic white alien appeared. It had red eyes, noticeable ears, and an antenna. it also had a somewhat thin body, relatively long arms, and two stumps for legs.

"Hello," it said. "I am a snool, Reddit's mascot [2]. I will transport you and your friends into Reddit to complete your journey. You all will have unique snoolsonas that you will appear as [3]. Your very own Reddit adventure is about to unfold! A world of dreams and adventures in Reddit awaits! Let's go! [4]"

I was thrown into my computer monitor. Strangely, the screen didn't break like last time I headbutted it. Stars flew by me as I zoomed toward a white planet. As I got closer, I noticed some red writing on the planet. It read, "re/ddit". When I landed on the planet, I saw lots of snools roaming the surface. They were posting random things, they ranged from pictures of pets, to videos of puppets, to poorly written cash-grabs. I was in r/everything [5].

After 5 minutes of doing nothing but wasting oxygen, I decided I should figure out where my friends were. I looked everywhere, and found them in about 5 hours.

"Alright, guys," I said. "Where should we look first?"

u/MrFartLover suggested that we go look on r/mildly cool [6]. We all agreed to go there.

[1]: "Snaps my cap" was slang in the 40's, which translates now to, "Pisses me off".

[2]: The correct term is "snoo"

[3]: The correct term is "snoovatar"

[4]: This is an homage to Pokémon Red, Blue, and Yellow. It is Professor Oak's opening speech, but edited to accommodate this story's plot.

[5]: Ben means "r/all", a subreddit where trending posts appear.

[6]: Subreddits cannot have spaces in them, and the subreddit Ben is referring to is "r/mildlyinteresting".

~ A Note from the Ghostwriter ~

HOLY CRAP I FOUND A SKULL DOWN HERE I'M GOING TO DIE HERE SOMEONE GET HELP

~