The Devil's incarnate

The words have a nice ring to it. Especially if that "Devil's incarnate" is a girl. In novels, such girls were villains. Vile, wicked, and had nothing better to do than torment the female lead. They were destined to fall to ruin for their actions, and that was that. Reality, however, is different.

Amazingly, I have gained the hatred and mistrust of every single person I have ever come in contact with since I was two! And I never even opened my mouth! Even my mum abandoned me and dad then went off to get remarried to a divorced rich man in the same town. I've seen her from time to time. And each time she doesn't even spare a glance at me, her own daughter. I mean, it's not as if she doesn't recognize me. She gave birth to me, she would have been the first to see my patch of red hair and my bright red eyes. I am unforgettable, unfortunately so.  She adopted the man's daughter, Mare, and they became a model happy family. It makes me sick to my stomach. 

Dad was the only one who stayed by my side and loved me unconditionally, even when he was disowned by his own parents for accepting 'a devil' into his family. I don't know how I would have survived as a kid without dad. And I'm glad I didn't find out.

My days as a child were very lonely. With parents making up horror stories about me and telling them to their kids every night, I was always isolated before I even had the chance to blink. As a child, I felt horrible. I asked dad why I was born and even cried in his arms, wishing I could just disappear. Dad was heartbroken and tried his best to console me by saying I was no devil. That I was human and that I'm normal. That he didn't care what I look like and that he loves me. But like any child would, I believed he only said those words out of necessity as my father and took them with a pinch of salt. I particularly remember the day I found out how much I was hated by everyone around me.

On that fateful day, dad wasn't home. He went on an errand and told me not to go outside. I cheerily promised I won't and switched on the tv. I got bored of watching cartoons fast and looked out the window. I saw other kids my age playing dolls on the front lawn of a neighbor's house across the street and I was overcame with the need to join them. I rushed up to my room and searched for my favorite Barbie doll. Finding it I hurried back downstairs and looked out the window again. I saw a semi-familiar face. She was Mare, my mum's daughter. My sister. Feeling elated, every shred of reasoning flew out of my mind and so did the promise I made to dad. I opened the front door and ran towards the street. I looked left, then right, then left again before crossing the street. Just like my cartoons taught me.

I tapped Mare on the shoulder. I thought we shared something special because we had the same mother. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life. She screamed so loudly I thought she would split my eardrums. Immediately the other kids started crying and screaming. Begging me not to eat them. Not to drag them under a non-existent bed. Not to bake them in an oven I did not know how to operate. The noise attracted the attention of their mothers and it turned out they were having a friendly get-together. Well, it turned from friendly to threatening in the span of a second. Every mother ran to her screeching child and checked them like they expected to see gashing wounds. When asked what happened, they all pointed to me like some sort of explanation and their mothers sure took it like one. Their heads snapped to me all at once and I flinched. I wasn't used to getting attention, I have been locked in my house for a very long time. I was even homeschooled by a teacher who wouldn't stop trembling and only stayed because of the exorbitant amount of money my dad paid her.

"I-" I tried to explain but I stopped short because of the piercing glares I received from mothers and kids alike. It was suffocating and tears began to fall down my face. I was terrified. No one tried to listen to me. They all just drew their own conclusions. At the corner of my eye I spotted someone still crying to her mother and trying to talk. It was Mare. Like the child I was I felt relieved. Tell mum the truth Mare. That's right you'll take my side. We're sisters.  Foolish thoughts like those swirled around my head as I watched mum bob her head up and down in understanding. I thought she understood. That she'll support me, protect me even. Cause why not? I was her daughter too. I walked over to her, tears making my vision blurry, snot dripping down my nose and my tiny hands squeezing my doll in anxiety. 

"Mu-mum...I-" I didn't get to finish my sentence. I found my head turned to the side before the pain registered. My eyes turned to her and saw her hand outstretched, face twisted in disgust, breath becoming ragged and stance twisted. There was no mistake. She slapped me. Mum slapped me. I didn't want to believe it. I turned towards her, my eyes instantly dried. Where the tears went I had no idea.

"Mum?"

"How dare you touch my daughter?!" 

Her daughter? But am I not her daughter too? 

"But mum-" THAWCK. Another slap. This time, my head turned to the other side. I saw the other kids and their mothers. No one said anything or tried to stop what was happening. Some mother's even looked satisfied, others looked like they wanted to join in the fun.

"Don't you ever refer to me as your mother ever again. You are not my daughter. I never gave birth to a devil like you." I just stood there. Trying to organize my thoughts. Trying to understand what just transpired.

"I feel bad for Ryan. He has to put up with a devil for who knows how long. He should have just abandoned you like I told him. He kept on claiming that you were our daughter, that he could see his eyes in you. Ha! Now I wonder if he's color blind or just blind" the woman I thought my mother crouched down to me and held my face in her hand. Sounds of disgust were heard amongst the growing crowd. My tears were long gone. My mind still trying to process everything. "Do your father a favor and don't cause any trouble. And do us a favor and live as if you were dead. At least until you really are" she pushed my face away and stood up. Walking away with her daughter. I didn't remember how I got home or how I climbed the steps up to my room. Or where my Barbie doll went or how long I laid on my bed.

Dad came home and made dinner. I didn't tell him anything. Don't cause any trouble. Her words kept ringing in my head and I chose to keep quiet. I ate my food in silence and dad tried to find out what was wrong. I lied about being lonely without him. Well it wasn't a complete lie but it wasn't the complete truth either. I went to bed early and tried to forget everything. 

The ear-splitting noise of glass shattering and people shouting woke me up from a nightmare to an even worse one. It was 11:30pm.

I rose up from my bed and shaking like a leaf, descended the stairs to the foyer. With his silhouette bent and looking tired making me not even want to imagine how tired he actually was, dad stood in front of our door and looked out through the glass panels. I walked toward him and held his pajama pants. Trembling, I saw the mob. There was glass everywhere. Every single one of them carried a weapon like bottles, frying pans, sticks, and pitchforks, which reminded me of mob scenes I had seen in a cartoon I watched earlier that day. Watching it actually happen, I was terrified and desperately hoped a hero would come to stop the mob and clear up whatever misunderstanding they had. But that was reality. No heroes came. I even saw some shovels, which I'm sure were meant to bury my body. A body they were willing to get at all costs.

"Where's the devil child?!"Bring her out!" "She will kill us!" "My child is sick! She touched my daughter and made her sick!" "Mine too!" "Me too!"

I trembled because I recognized most of their faces. They were the women from this afternoon. I looked into their eyes and saw the same thing in each and every one of them. Hate. Anger. Bloodlust. 

Fear creeped up my spine like a spider, taking its time as my mouth turned dry, letting my imagination get the better of me. Letting myself see all the gruesome ways that I could be killed.

My head bashed in with a frying pan or a stick or even a shovel. My body stabbed in multiple places with glass. Blood seeping through many spots on my night gown and unto the floor. A pitchfork pierced through my head, painted in rich crimson red as it drops on the floor every second like a ticking clock. Tick tock tick tock. I felt like my time was ticking, drawing closer to my last breath.

I stumbled backwards, wanting to fall into a pit I knew was not there. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to be consumed by darkness. I wanted to turn myself over to those delusional people, hoping that everything would end peacefully and quickly. But I was smart enough to know I would not have a quick, painless death, not by their hands. And that scared me more than death itself.

Dad quickly picked me up and hugged me. He continued whispering things like

"You're okay, Leelee. I got you. "

Leelee. Even though my name is Lorelei(with an 'i'), dad always called me Leelee and with so much care and love that I thought was impossible to feel in just one word.

"You're okay. Daddy's here. I've called the cops and this will be over soon. "

I leaned into him hoping to drown myself in his warmth. "You're okay. You'll be fine." I almost believed him, almost.

"Bring her over before she kills more people!" "She's a witch! She probably offered our children's souls to the devil!"

Looking back now, the absurdity of those claims is almost funny. Probably?! They weren't even sure of what they were saying.

But my younger self did not think it was funny. I trembled more after just barely calming down

"-Leelee! You did nothing wrong! You didn't - "

"You're just saying that cause you're my dad! You're...just...saying...that" I cried so much that day that I somehow fell asleep with all the ruckus. Dad took me up to my room and waited for the cops so that he could sue all of the people outside, which I'm sure was the whole town.

The next morning, I descended the stairs and headed to the dining room for breakfast. I remembered what happened the day before. How could I not? I can still see glass outside our front door. I pulled a chair back from the dinning table and waited for breakfast. Dad set pancakes and a vanilla ice-cream cake in front of me. Dad never let me have cake in the morning and surely never as breakfast. 

"Leelee-"

"I'm okay dad" I said and gave him a smile I hoped was sincere. He rushed towards me and hugged me. Tears streaming down his face. That was the first time I saw my dad cry.

"I love you Leelee. I love you. Daddy's here for you" I patted his head and pulled back. I looked into his eyes and said "I know dad. Don't worry, I won't cause trouble for you" I offered another empty smile but dad didn't buy it. 

"Lee-"

"Mmmh" I shoved a spoonful of ice-cream cake in my mouth. "It's so good dad! You're the best" The subject ended there. Dad knew better than to push it further. He ruffled my hair and asked if I wanted more cake as he went into the fridge. I squealed in forced excitement and offered yet another smile. I knew it was empty because I felt empty and have felt that way ever since.

I stopped going to school a while after that and did online lessons and homeschooling. That continued until I was allowed to enter high school (after a lot of persuading). High school was on its way to be the best school experience I ever had and I even stopped feeling empty for a brief moment. But that was until....the incident.

Then I resumed homeschooling again until grade 11, and then we had to move because of a new job offer in another town called Wolfridge, after I finished writing my finals. Now, with my suitcase in hand, I survey my empty room one last time. It was spacious, at least. Had a lot of memories here, even though most were of snot-crying. With that, I drag my suitcase after me and descend the stairs. The house is eerily empty, and I can already see the victory dances of everyone in the neighborhood as the "she-devil" leaves. Good riddance to them, too.

Walking out the front door, I sigh of relief. Relief that I am leaving this hell hole once and for all. Relief that I will never have to see the faces of old people (who are supposed to be nice) crinkle in disgust and get soaked with holy water. Relief that I will not see kids run away and scream if I peek out my window. Though I know that it might not be different in Wolfridge, at least the whole town won't be a mob harboring ill intent at my father.

This time, I will not be afraid. I will walk with my head held high and my red locks cascading down my back. I will look people in the eyes with fire in my own. I will not back down or feel unsure of myself. I will talk to people first, try to make them see me before they see the she-devil. I will try this time. And if it doesn't work, I don't mind playing the devil everyone sees in me so much.

I walk to the car trunk, push my suitcase in, and close it. With that, I walk to the front passenger seat and plop down beside my dad.

"You sure took your sweet time,"

"Of course I did. You woke up a teenage girl by five on a Saturday. You should have seen it coming. " I yawn as the lack of sleep catches up to me. I was too excited and relieved to sleep soundly last night.

"Lesson learned then."

Dad says as he pulls out of the lawn

"Good."

I rest my head against the seat and close my eyes. "Wake me when we get there." I mumbled as I slowly fell into the world of dreams. Feeling moist lips on my forehead, I smile and dream of a better world. A world where dad and I could live normally and happily. But sadly, this is reality.