I drifted in and out of consciousness. Each time I came closer to the surface, closer to waking fully. My senses came slowly, first the dryness of my mouth—the metallic taste of the air. Then there was a rhythmic thudding noise, distant and yet all-encompassing. It was like being in the belly of a great beast, surrounded by the flutter of its lungs and pounding of its heartbeat. This thing, whatever surrounded me, was alive somehow.

It was alive and yet I was dead.

In my dreams, which were woven seamlessly between the reality of waking, the thudding sound was the slap of my boots against Vaylish red dirt. The voices I heard were the noises of camp—the clicking and ticking and groaning of metal were all explained in my mind as being the cacophony of Third Corps.

And then there was Kai.

Always there.

Always running right next to me.

Even when his legs were longer and I knew he could pass me, he never did.

He stayed.

But, as my dreams grew fewer and my awareness began to solidify, I realized I was not in Third Corps at all. The voices around me, although indistinct, were not ones I readily recognized. Soon, grogginess shifted to worry and then to fear. And when my eyes finally did open, I was propelled forward with the terror of it—the realization of what had happened at the Commencement Ball flooding me with emotions I couldn't even begin to process.

I opened my mouth to cry out—to call Kai's name—but nausea hit me and the word died on my lips. I rolled sideways, realizing as I did that I was on a small cot, in a small windowless room. Before I could stop myself, I vomited all over the floor below me, sputtering even as an unknown hand shoved a bucket beneath me. I coughed wettly and tried to speak around my fear, but was shushed.

This voice I recognized.

I glanced up into Anna's worried face. She was gaunt as ever, but her blue eyes were bright, more alert than I'd ever seen. My grip on the edge of the thin mattress grew white-knuckled as I tried not to fall off the edge of the cot.

I winced as my head gave a painful throb and I glanced up at Kai's mother again. I was still suspended between real and unreal, dream and reality. I wasn't sure which she was. None of this made any sense.

Why was she here? And where even was here?

I must have looked truly horrendous because Anna's face paled a few shades and she backed away from the cot. After a split second, she turned towards the closed door, her concern morphing to decision as she opened it and hurried out into a dimly lit corridor. She called for someone, but I didn't process the name. I was too busy throwing up again, this time into the bucket.

When Anna returned to me, she wasn't alone.

"Monroe?"

Nadia knelt in front of me, her boots dangerously close to stepping in a puddle of my vomit. My friend pressed a cold hand to my cheek and that warm, pulsing power ran over me. I inhaled a shaky breath and leaned into her touch, as if I could soak in more of that healing if I could only be closer.

After a second, she pulled away from me. My arms shook as I tried to roll back into the center of the cot and Nadia was quick to help me, her touch as calming as ever. Once I was laying back on the bed, I tried to sit up on my elbows, but she stopped me.

"Don't rush it. You've been out for a while. Give it a minute." Nadia stepped back from me and ran a hand through her hair, knocking dark strands of it from her braid as she said, "Rest, Monroe. There's no need to overdo it. We've got time."

I shook my head, tried to sit up again, realized I couldn't, and collapsed back onto the cot. I closed my eyes and pressed my palm to my forehead. I was coated in sweat, my shirt stuck to my skin and I could taste the salt of it on my lips. Something was very wrong.

My voice was hoarse from disuse and throwing up as I whispered, "What the hell...?" I glanced up at Nadia, trying to steady my breathing as I asked, "What—Where am I? What happened?"

She glanced down at the puddle she was stepping in and winced as if she were only now seeing it. "It's kind of a long story." She shrugged. "The short answer is that we're on a boat. A ship, actually. It's pretty big."

Anna stepped forward, a tin cup of something in hand. Nadia leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me, helping me to sit up. She got me situated against the wall and then passed the cup to me. I downed the water in two gulps, despite Nadia's warning to sip it.

"A boat?" I asked.

Nadia took the cup from me and handed it back to Anna. She sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah. A steamship. We've been here for almost two days."

For the first time, I listened to the noises around me. The thud I'd been hearing suddenly took on a new meaning—the rushing of water, the distinct sound of a propeller. There was something else nagging at me, a sensation I'd nearly forgotten about. I glanced up, my eyes automatically going to a torch on the wall.

I could feel the flame there.

The soft sing of fire beckoned to me, it brought forward a long-dead desire to touch, to feel, to be one with. Nadia saw me looking and smiled. "That's something you should take slow too," she said. "We're in the middle of the ocean, so it'd be—uh—you know, a good idea for you to not burn the entire ship. Please and thank you."

Anna offered me a second cup of water but I held up my hand. "Wait. Are—What happened at the ball? We were dancing and then..." That terror hit me again as I remembered what had happened. My memories were tinged with uncertainty, but I understood what I'd seen, what I'd heard. "There were gunshots. Is Kai—?"

It was Anna who spoke this time. "They shot at Mirren. But Darragh says they missed."

"Who shot at him?"

Nadia hoisted herself onto the foot of the bed and turned to look at me. "We can talk about this later, after you've had time to rest..."

"No," I said. "We can talk about it now."

She sighed and pursed her lips. "To make it simple, let's—uh—Let's just say Cohen talked Darragh into helping us. He used his forces to cause a distraction and he got us out of the palace. Now, we're on one of his ships heading towards Pellarmus. We're about seventeen days out."

"Seventeen days out from where?"

"Pellarmus," she said simply.

I shook my head. "Pellarmus? And they—Darragh had someone shoot at Caine?"

Nadia pulled at a loose thread on the mattress. "Well, they shot in that general direction. I—um..." she glanced over at Anna and then admitted, "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure who they were aiming at—Kai or Caine." My mouth dropped open in surprise and Nadia rushed forward. "But they didn't hit either of them! Don't panic."

This seemed to be news to Anna as well. At the words, she inhaled a sharp breath and lowered herself onto a small wooden stool. Nadia reached forward and gripped my hand in hers. "They didn't hit him, Monroe. He's fine. There's—You shouldn't worry about him anyway. All of that, it's over now. We're here and we need to focus on what happens next."

"Which is?" I asked.

Her brows rose as if she hadn't really expected me to ask. "Oh." She bit her bottom lip and shrugged. "I don't know, really. Darragh's not been super, you know, forthcoming. He talks to Cohen, and Cohen talks to me, but I get the idea that Darragh doesn't really know what'll happen when we get to Pellarmus. I mean, the prince didn't really come all this way to rescue us so..." she shrugged. "He probably doesn't know what he's going to do either."

"So, is it just us then? You, me, Anna, and Cohen? Did he get Heidi too?"

She nodded. "And most of the prisoners in the palace cells."

"My brothers are here?" I leaned forward, suddenly ready to get out of bed. If Ambrose and Kace were on this ship, I wanted to see them now. I needed to see them. There was so much that had been left unsaid between all of us and I wanted closure. I wanted to have my brothers back.

Sensing my desire to get out of the cot, Nadia braced a hand on my shoulder. "They aren't here. They stayed in Erydia."

Before I asked anything else, someone knocked at the door. I leaned over so I could see around Nadia and found Cohen standing in the doorway. He was dressed casually, just a tan pair of trousers and a white cotton shirt. He beamed at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling with surprise and relief as he said, "You're awake." He stepped further into the small room. "How do you feel?"

I ignored him, too busy thinking about what Nadia had just said. "Why?" I demanded. "If we're going to Pellarmus, why would my brothers stay?"

Nadia and Cohen exchanged a glance before she turned to look at me again. "Because Darragh loaned them some troops and they're going to try to get to Third Corps. Ambrose is going to save Ellora. Kace..." She shrugged. "I think he went because he felt like he owed it to you. He wanted to talk to you before they left, but you were still unconscious and we needed to leave. Our group split from theirs pretty quickly after we left the palace."

Cohen spoke up. "But they both said to tell you that they love you and that they'll see you soon."

I nodded slowly. Something about all of this wasn't sitting right with me, I just couldn't quite get my mind to wrap around what the problem was. I considered everything they'd just said and then asked, "Why was I unconscious? I don't—I wasn't shot. I remember..." My brow furrowed in thought and I shook my head as if they could cast away the cloudiness still lingering in my mind. "I think I remember being in one of the stairwells with Darragh. He was trying to get me to leave but I couldn't...I was worried about Kai and I couldn't seem to move."

Cohen nodded. "It was probably the drug kicking in. He timed it kind of poorly. The plan was to keep you sort of confused, not incapacitated. He had to carry you through the tunnels and if we hadn't had a transport waiting to take us to the docks, we'd have been in trouble."

An emotion was rising up in me, dull and foggy and not quite solid—but it was there. I blinked at Cohen, trying to make sense of what he was saying. After a long moment, I leaned forward on the bed, careful to keep my voice steady as I said, "You drugged me."

Cohen blanched as he realized I wasn't taking the news very well. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, technically, Darragh drugged you. I just..." He shot a worried glance at Nadia who gave him a sympathetic wince. "I just sort of knew about it."

"Why?" The word was sharp, full of an anger I was only now beginning to understand. No. No, I couldn't be on a ship headed to Pellarmus. I was supposed to stay. I was supposed to fight and win and—

"Because," Nadia said, her voice hesitant. "Darragh knew you wouldn't go if we gave you a choice. He warned the rest of us, but he couldn't risk telling you. You—uh—Well, we kind of thought you'd refuse. And..." she shrugged. "Darragh said leaving you wasn't an option. And none of us disagreed. So... here we are."

Cohen nodded in agreement. "Darragh managed to get almost the entire prison out. There were a few casualties. Inara didn't make it out, she was shot during the chaos. But Leighton did. So did Tavin. And Heidi's here somewhere. Of course," he said, nodding to Anna. "he got Anna out too. And Isla's here—she's probably on one of the upper decks being a nuisance to the crew, but I'm sure she'd love to know you're up now."

Nadia gave my hand a squeeze. "The others in the prison either chose to go rogue or they headed to Third Corps to try to rescue our people still trapped there."

"What about Kinsley and Larkin?"

Cohen swallowed and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Kinsley...Darragh didn't bother trying to bring her. She and Larkin are still in Erydia."

I collapsed against the wall, defeated. "Goddess, Cohen." I closed my eyes, trying to rein in my hurt and anger. "Caine will make her queen. Kinsley will be queen." I looked at him then. "You've left the throne to her."

But that wasn't even what I wanted to say.

What I wanted to say was that they'd left her to have Kai. They'd sabotaged everything and they'd given Kai to Kinsley. They'd given her the king and the throne. There wouldn't even be a trial. Caine would fold to the will of the Synod, who I knew had to be in her favor, and she would be crowned. Kinsley would win and we'd be stuck with not only Caine in power, but we'd have yet another wicked queen to deal with.

And that wasn't even mentioning the fact that we still had to do something about Larkin.

Cohen sighed. "Darragh did the best he could. Kinsley wouldn't have gone without Larkin and we certainly couldn't risk taking my sister with us." He shrugged. "Seeing as this plan was made and enacted in about twenty-four hours, it's a miracle it all went as smoothly as it did. We only had a few casualties and those—I guess those were to be expected."

"What other casualties?"

The room fell silent and once again Cohen and Nadia exchanged an uncomfortable glance.

"What casualties?" I asked again.

"Well, as Cohen said, Inara didn't make it out. She was shot during the escape. The Pellarmi guards who broke into the prisons said she was dead before she even hit the ground," Nadia explained. "And...well, Ruthie didn't make it out either."

Cohen stepped forward, his expression tight with anxiety. "It was a mistake. One I didn't know about until it was too late. Apparently, she was being held in a separate interrogation cell and those weren't even searched. Darragh didn't realize his men had left anyone behind until we got onto the boat and took stock of everyone."

I inhaled, shocked at the news of Inara's death and even more surprised at this new information. "You left Ruthie Finchum with Caine?"

Nadia closed her eyes. Her voice was soft, full of regret as she said, "We didn't mean to. And...And we wanted to send someone back for her, but by then it was already too late and the palace was probably secured again. We couldn't return. We had to go. We're already pretty sure Caine has sent boats after us."

Cohen nodded. "I'm sure he did. Thankfully, our navy isn't as fast-acting as our other military branches. We don't rely on it and it takes a little while to mobilize. He may have sent soldiers after us, but they'll be at least a few hours behind, if not a full day."

"Caine will hurt her," I said. "He'll use her to control Kai."

"Maybe," Cohen admitted, "But with you and Anna gone, Caine's hold on him is certainly looser than it was. It is definitely possible Kai could rebel now."

"That's our hope," Nadia said. "Darragh hasn't said what he plans to do when we get to Pellarmus, but we're hoping by the time we reach land, we'll hear news that Kai has fought against Caine—maybe even overthrown him."

"I think it'll depend on whether or not Ambrose is successful in infiltrating Third Corps. That's a big thing Caine has over Kai's head. With you gone," Cohen shrugged. "The rebels trapped in Vayelle are really his last hold. Kai would bow to Caine for you or his mother, but I don't know that he'll do it for Ruthie alone."

Nadia sighed. "I guess only time will tell."

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

The room fell silent and Cohen excused himself, saying something about finding someone to clean up the mess I'd made. Once he was gone, Nadia helped me from the bed. My clothes—a sturdy gray shirt and loose-fitting green pants—were sticky with days' worth of sweat so I was taken to a small bathing room where I could change and wash myself off.

Nadia stayed in the room with me, seated behind a small silk screen, as I used a damp cloth to wash my body and face. As I brushed my hair, she talked about the hours I'd missed, explaining that she'd helped to dress me in more suitable clothes once we'd gotten onto the boat. Isla had helped too, she said. According to Nadia, the clothes actually belonged to the princess, which explained why they were made of richer materials than even my palace practice clothes.

Once I was cleaned off and felt a few degrees better, I dressed in a simple cream-colored tunic and black leggings that apparently had also come from Isla. Someone had found an extra pair of boots in a closet and those were assigned to me. Two pairs of woolen socks made the fit bearable, but still not quite right.

As I dressed and Nadia talked, I thought about everything I'd been told and everything I'd experienced. That nagging feeling that I'd missed something—overlooked a detail—was still there. It annoyed me and spurred on my thoughts, forcing me to examine every inch of what Cohen and Nadia had said. Even though the story made sense, something still wasn't right about it.

I just couldn't seem to figure out what.

As I was led above deck, I found myself surrounded by more water than I'd ever seen in my life. I'd never been to the beach or even seen the ocean up close—but, goddess, I was seeing it now. It stretched on and on forever. I could turn in a circle and all I would see was the line of the pink and yellow horizon and the shine of the sun's final rays across the water. Nadia went right to the railing, her smile easy as she turned to look at me.

Wind whipped at her face, blowing pieces of her hair into her eyes as she said, "Isn't it amazing?"

No.

No, I didn't think it was.

I didn't think a girl made of fire should ever be this surrounded by water. But I forced a smile anyway, unwilling to admit my fear. I stayed a few feet away from the ship's edge as I watched the sunset. I found that stars were much easier to see when there was nothing in their way. It was almost like being home again—with only trees and mountains to block the sky. But now...now there was nothing in the way of the stars.

It seemed there was nothing to block the goddess's view of us. And if she'd never noticed us before, I thought for sure she must now. There was no hiding in the ocean. I imagined that even in the dark depths below us, we would be known to the goddess—even if it was the knowing that came just before the forgetting.

I was still standing near the railing, thinking of that, long after Nadia had left. In fact, I was still standing there, staring out at the disappearing horizon, when Darragh approached me.

"Miss Benson."

I spun to face him, my heart in my throat as I said, "Darragh."

The hard line of his mouth twitched, almost a smile, and he offered a jacket to me. "It's cold tonight. You ought to get below decks."

I took the coat from him and slipped it on. He waited, as if expecting me to thank him, but I said nothing. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that I couldn't untangle. This was all some riddle and I knew I was a breath away from figuring it out. And I wanted to understand. Needed to understand.

There was something about all of this that wasn't right.

Something I was missing.

I kept my eyes on the horizon as I asked, "Why did you drug me?"

The question remained suspended between Darragh and me for a long moment.

Finally, he said, "Because you would not have come otherwise."

I tilted my head to one side, considering. "But you didn't drug Kinsley. You could have drugged her and brought her along. But you didn't."

I saw him nod in my peripheral. "I did not."

"Why?"

His accent made his words sharper than I think he meant for them to be as he said, "I told you why I drugged you."

"Yes," I responded. "But you didn't tell me why you didn't drug her."

He sighed and stepped up beside me, so we were shoulder to shoulder. "Miss Benson, I came to your country unsure of what I would find. I came to see my friends and to see if they needed my help. As it would happen, they did."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Did you know, I once made a pledge to always come to Erydia's aid?"

I nodded.

Cohen had told me about that. Darragh had promised to be an ally to Erydia if they should ever need his assistance. He'd done this after his mother had died. Viera had been kind and sent flowers for his mother's funeral procession. And while the dead Erdyian queen had never been known for her kindness or her compassion, the action had stuck with Darragh and prompted him to make a promise of loyalty to her country. Cohen had once hoped to use this promise to secure Pellarmi aid in the fight against Larkin.

Darragh sighed and turned towards me, resigned.

Before I could react, he took my hand and pressed something small and cold into my open palm. I looked at him then, my eyes roaming the planes of his face, trying to decide what his intentions were. Who was this man and what did he want from me?

But the prince only offered me a sad smile. "Well, Miss Benson, someone must have told your king about my promise. Because he asked for my help and I felt...inclined to give it to him." Darragh's hand tightened around mine. "But your king did not ask for the safety of his country. Instead, he asked for your safety and the safety of his mother. And—" Darragh pulled away, leaving me with my hand upturned, the tiny object shining there under the moonlight.

My throat constricted and I closed my fist, unable to look at what he'd given me. I fought for something to say, but no words came. I was stunned. Too shocked to speak. Too tired to even be angry.

Darragh took a step away from me and nodded to my closed hand. "He wanted your safety and...who was I to deny his request?"

With that, the prince was gone, leaving me alone on the deck.

I stood there for a long time, holding my closed fist to my chest, trying not to cry. I was torn between heartbreak and fury. I didn't know what to do or how I could possibly reconcile everything that had happened over the last few days.

I knew that I couldn't make sense of it.

Not now. Not when all I could do was hold myself together. Not when all I wanted to do was fall apart.

That fire in my gut was roiling, stretching invisible hands towards each torch, each lantern, each furnace, and each spare candle. I felt like I was burning and I hoped to the goddess I would never stop. But, as that heat in my blood came to a crescendo, I felt myself deflate. Instead of burning to ash, I became smoke.

My fingers unfurled and I looked down at what Darragh had given me. The ring in my palm glistened in the moonlight. The small stones glittered like the stars and, for a moment, I kept my eyes on that. I didn't look at the piece of paper next to it. Not yet. I wasn't ready yet.

Then I forced myself to see what he'd left for me—what Kai had sent.

It was the picture of me. The drawing he'd done so very long ago—back when I'd first arrived at Third Corps. Back before we were anything to each other. I didn't know how Kai had gotten it back. I'd hid it in my room before Sauenmyde and forgotten about it. But Kai must have gone snooping one day and found it amongst my things.

I already knew the sketch by heart. I'd studied it and learned each line. I knew each smudge, every faded pencil fingerprint he'd left on the page. This had been my first sign—the first thing that had really made me question Kai and what he thought of me. I'd tried to convince myself that the drawing had been like all the others I'd found.

The first time I'd seen it, I'd told myself that it meant nothing.

But I'd known the truth. Or at least, I'd known what I'd wanted to be the truth. And after his feelings were revealed, I had kept the drawing on me, transferring it from pocket to pocket for weeks. It had been my talisman. A good luck charm. A reminder of the boy I loved.

But this drawing in my hand was different. It took me a moment to realize what it was, what he'd done. Then I saw it. The three words written at the bottom in clear, easy script:

Don't come back.

***

If you enjoyed this chapter: leave this emoji 🥺 in the comments.

Here's this week's extra chapter. Don't forget to write a Goodreads review for The Culled Crown if you haven't already! Thanks. ❤️🥰

My upload schedule for The Reckless Reign is Tuesdays and Thursdays. 🧡🔥👑

For more information on The Culled Crown series and other projects, follow me on Instagram (@briannajoyc) or check out my website (www.briannajoycrump.com).