The Ballroom.
Oredison Palace, Gazda.
The Commencement Ball.

I held my breath as Cohen and Larkin disappeared through the antechamber door and down the large staircase. Watching them walk, arm and arm, appearing as loving siblings and not the enemies I knew them to be, was surreal. But what was perhaps even more strange, was the paralleled memory of seeing Uri disembark the train on my first day in Gazda, all those months ago. People cheered for Larkin and Cohen now just as they'd cheered for her that day.

I was still thinking of that, still seeing Uri smile and wave in my mind, as the guard nudged me forward from behind. I managed to pick up the front of my gown before I stumbled over it, but then I was at the top of the staircase looking down on a massive sea of upturned faces. My heart sped and suddenly, it took every ounce of strength I had to keep moving.

I forced myself to walk steadily, but stairs were difficult in heels, especially when my legs were shaking uncontrollably and I couldn't even see my feet. Thankfully, I was met at the landing by a steady hand at my elbow. I'd been so preoccupied with not tripping that I hadn't seen Kai standing there, waiting.

I met his eyes and he smiled, the real sort of smile—the sort I'd always craved back in Third Corps.

"You look—" he swallowed and ducked his head closer to mine as he escorted me a few feet away to a waiting photographer. We smiled together, his arm a firm weight on my lower back, his other hand holding mine tight. Behind us, someone was announcing Heidi. Before Kai stepped away from me, he brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. "You look amazing," he finished. "Breathtaking, truly."

I opened my mouth to say something in response, but he was already stepping past me to go to Heidi. And just like that, the moment was shattered and I remembered that he wasn't my Kai anymore. He wasn't the young man I'd fallen in love with. He was a king with another girl to fawn over.

Abandoned, I glanced around, entirely unsure what to do now that most of the attention was off of me. A few reporters stepped forward, eager to talk to me despite what Harper had said about them having a gag order.

Before they could say a word, I held up a hand and slipped into the crowd. Once I was out of sight, I walked a meandering path around the far edge of the ballroom, doing my best to locate Caine. I wanted to know where he was so I could stay the hell away from him. Halfway around the ballroom, I ran into Cohen. He seemed to be doing the same thing.

"You alright?" he asked. "You look...nervous."

He already held a glass of something that certainly wasn't water. Bubbly, not quite clear. I smiled and plucked it from his hand. Before he could stop me, I sipped it. Wine.

I made a face and shook my head. "You really know how to compliment a girl, Cohen. And I'm fine, thank you. I'm not the one drinking before the dancing has even started."

I made to hand the glass back to him, but he waved me off. I started to take another sip, questioning if I'd ever actually enjoy the taste, when he said, "You can have the rest. That is my third glass."

I nearly choked. "Third?"

He laughed. "I work quick. You attend enough of these sort of things and you learn to pre-drink. My father taught me that. It's one of the only helpful things he ever taught me, to be honest. A strong drink can make even the most dull event...interesting."

"Cohen!"

He shrugged. "What? You act like anyone here is actually paying attention to me. I'm the forgotten prince, remember? I'm the ex-heir. The one no one needs. I'm the extra. The devilishly handsome and yet somehow entirely useless spare."

I snorted at that. "Well, I haven't forgotten you and I'm still apparently the chosen one. So, my vote has to count for something."

He rolled his eyes. "Thanks for that."

I nudged him with my shoulder and asked, "Were you drunk the first time?"

"What, for the first Commencement Ball? Hell no. I was too afraid of my mother for that. Caine doesn't hold a candle to her." He shot me a wry grin. "And, I'll have you know, I'm not drunk now."

I nodded slowly. "Sure."

His smile grew. "I'm not!"

Someone approached us and Cohen's sobered. "Oh, Synoder Raveena." He held out a hand towards the older man and they shook.

The Synoder was bone-thin with graying black hair and brown skin that complimented his dark eyes. Even if Cohen hadn't said his surname, I felt certain I would have recognized him anyway. There was enough in his posture and in his tight smile that spoke of Kinsley. This could only be her father.

This was confirmed for me when Cohen turned and introduced us. "Synoder, this is Monroe Benson. Monroe, this is Kinsley's father, Synoder Alexander Raveena. He's the current Speaker."

Those dark brown eyes slid to me. "So," the Synoder said, his voice sharper than I'd expected, "It's you we have to thank for our current change in regime."

I blinked at him.

Cohen, always the diplomat, clasped his hands behind his back and said, "Monroe was as surprised as any of us to learn that I had a half-sibling. She didn't know Kai was my brother."

I glanced at Cohen, surprised he'd even admitted that was who Kai was to him. I'd never heard him refer to Kai as being anything other than the king or his father's bastard. To hear Cohen admit to anyone that Kai was his sibling, much less his brother, was enough to stun me into silence.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to silence Kinsley's father. He hummed in response, his expression turning feline. "I'm sure your mother would have been thrilled to hear of it."

Cohen met the Synoder's stare head-on. Even though his posture was stiff, there was an edge of uncertainty in his voice as he said, "I'm sure my mother wouldn't have been surprised by anything my father did. Their relationship was always contentious."

"Oh," the Synoder said. "I didn't mean that sarcastically, Prince. I'm sure Viera would have been thrilled at anyone keeping your father out of her bed, even if it was some Vaylish whore."

Cohen's brows rose, his only sign of surprise. I could see him warring with himself. For weeks, months even, Cohen had been questioning his late mother and everything he'd knew about her. Larkin had been revealed to have a poison ability and she'd even admitted to poisoning Cohen growing up—this had changed the narrative.

He'd spent his entire childhood believing that Viera hated him and that she'd been the one making him ill. But now that he knew that wasn't necessarily true, a lot of what Cohen had believed about his mother was being brought into question. Especially since Cohen knew for a fact that his father had worked to make him feel like Viera was out to get him.

So, to have someone who would possibly know the truth, needle him with that knowledge...well, it was no surprise that he wanted to ask. He wanted to know. I held my breath as Cohen stepped forward, moving into Synoder Raveena's personal space.

He kept his voice low and even as he said, "I would suggest keeping your commentary about my parents and your opinions about the king's mother to yourself, Synoder."

The older man stepped back, his mouth falling agape as he took Cohen in. Those dark eyes ran the length of him, sizing him up. And, to his credit, Cohen didn't flinch away. He stood there, waiting, his jaw tight and his hands in fists.

Good goddess.

Cohen had claimed Kai as his brother and now he was all but defending Kai's mother—even though he didn't like him. The world must be ending. Maybe I was dreaming. I glanced around the ballroom, certain I would see apocalyptic chaos or signs that all ten levels of hell were indeed freezing over, but I saw nothing.

Well, shit.

The Synoder backed away from us, his eyes falling on me once more as he said, "It was wonderful meeting you, Miss Benson. I look forward to seeing your trial. May the goddess be honored."

I didn't respond.

Once the Synoder was out of sight and out of earshot, Cohen sighed. When I still said nothing, only continued to stare at him, he looked my way. His brows rose and he ran a self-conscious hand over his blonde hair. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I shrugged, trying to hide a smile. "No reason."

He shook his head. "Oh, there's a reason. What is it?"

I nodded in the direction the Synoder had gone. "You defended Kai to him."

Cohen swallowed and tugged at his suit, fiddling with the lapels of his jacket as he said, "No, I didn't."

I nodded, unable to hide my smile now. "Yes, you did. Or, well, you defended his mother."

He rubbed at the back of his neck and his ears flushed scarlet. "She's dead. There's no reason to call her a whore, she can't even defend herself."

"You also called him your brother."

He reached over and took the wine glass from me. In one swift motion, he downed what was left of it. "Well, it's what he is, isn't it?"

I shook my head. "I mean, yeah but—"

"Monroe—" As if summoned from thin air, Kai was at my side. He shot Cohen a nervous glance and then looked back at me. "We're up first to dance."

"Oh." Suddenly my palms were clammy. I wiped them on the skirt of my dress before I took Kai's offered arm. People were already starring. I'd rather run the damn perimeter of Third Corps in freezing rain than dance with Kai in front of all of these people.

"Smile, Monroe," Cohen said. "It isn't your execution, it's a dance."

"Easy for you to say," I grumbled. "You get to stay here and hide."

He shrugged. "One of the few pros of being the spare heir."

Kai shook his head. "Just one song and then you can come back."

My grip on his arm tightened as I turned to look at the now staring crowd around us. "As you wish your majesty."

I shot Cohen one more pleading glance as I was led towards the dance floor.

The prince only lifted his glass in my direction and gave me a half-assed salute. "Good luck!"

Somewhere to my right, the orchestra finished one song and fell into silence. Waiting for us. Kai didn't say anything to me as he led me towards the empty dance floor. People gathered around the edges, all of them smiling and waiting. Reporters stood nearby with cameras.

The crowd around us parted as we neared and, in a few seconds, we were on the dance floor. A few of the reporters called to us, asking for a posed picture. My heart was in my throat as Kai's hand found my waist and he turned to face them. For a moment, I forgot to smile. The cameras flashed.

It felt like this was all some strange dream.

I caught sight of Caine watching us from a dais a few yards away, his expression hard. They'd brought the throne in, just as they'd done for the first Commencement Ball. Last time, it had been Viera sitting there. Now, the throne was empty.

Because the king was here—next to me.

Kai must have seen his uncle too because his hand at my waist tightened. His voice was quiet, worried, as he said, "Smile, Monroe."

I did, hoping it was believable.

We stood together like that for what felt like forever. The press snapped pictures and called out questions, but we said nothing. I kept my eyes on Caine, who in turn watched me.

It was clear he didn't like this at all. I knew if he could've found a way to keep me from having to dance with Kai, he would have. He didn't want us talking to each other. But there was nothing he could do as the orchestra started up and Kai led me away from the photographers and towards the middle of the dance floor.

I'd danced with Kai only once and that had been on Sauenmyde.

As his hands took mine and he pulled me close to him, I was reminded of that night. Everything had been a blur then and I couldn't remember very much aside from the basics—the most frightening parts. For instance, I had no real memory of dancing with him. I couldn't recall how it had been, only that I'd been surprised.

But Kai obviously knew how to dance, because he was quick to position us for a waltz. It wasn't necessarily the stiff way I'd seen other people stand, but it was close enough. I tried and mostly failed, to relax as my hand fit perfectly in his—like mine, his palms were clammy. He ducked his head and offered me a shy, almost apologetic smile as his other hand found my waist.

Close, we were so close.

This, I thought, should be romantic. I loved him, but I couldn't seem to separate that love from everything else I felt. And, as the music pushed forward and Kai began to lead us around the dance floor, I wished I could let it go—if only for one dance. Goddess, I wanted to be done wishing, and yet I kept finding things I wanted.

And I wanted this to not be what it was.

Kai seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he said, "I'm sorry."

I shook my head, unable to speak. I thought I might cry if I did.

He leaned close to me, so we couldn't be overheard. "I mean it. I'm sorry. I've apologized so many times, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. I know that. I know there's nothing I can say to make it better."

I swallowed. "I'm fine."

I am a girl made of lies.

He knew that better than anyone. "No, you aren't," Kai said. "Monroe, you—you look beautiful tonight, but...but I see how I've hurt you. I've left scars on you. Marks just as bad as the ones Caine has left on my mother. You aren't yourself and you haven't been for weeks. The bruises and the scars, the shadows under your eyes. You're starving yourself here, you're withering away in front of me and..." He shook his head. "And it isn't even just the physical things. This," he glanced around the room, "this isn't your dream. It isn't what you want. And it's killing you. Tacet is killing you. I see it and I'm sorry. It's my fault and I'm sorry."

"How—How can we come back from this?"

It was a real question; one I'd held onto for a while. I wanted to know how we could ever return to how we'd been before. The trust was gone. My freedom was gone. And it had all been replaced with things I couldn't reconcile.

The music changed, a rising crescendo of sound, and Kai spun me away from him. When he pulled me back, he brought me closer than I'd been before. He met my eyes. "I—" his voice broke over the word. "I want you to be happy. I want you to have a future and a life away from all of this. And, if that means I have to give you up, I'll do it." His smile was sad as he said, "You're worth losing, Monroe. You're worth letting go of. Especially if it would mean you could have what you want. I'd rather lose you than see you hurt or put in the arena. I'd rather lose you than see you dead."

"You act like it's an option," I said. "I'm stuck here. We can't just part ways, Kai. Even if we decide we aren't—even if we decide we don't love each other anymore, Caine will still use me to hurt you."

His brows rose. "Is that what we're deciding?"

I bit my lip and buried my face in his shoulder. All the while, we danced. He didn't falter even a step as I said, "You just told me I was worth losing."

"Yes," he breathed, his mouth a warm caress against the top of my head. "But I never said I wanted to lose you."

I looked up at him then. "Did you even consider what would happen if I found out you were lying?"

He didn't meet my eyes, but I could see the answer written all over his face.

My cheeks burned as I whispered, "You knew it would cost me everything—finding out you were the heir."

"I know."

"But you were selfish and you didn't have the guts to tell me the truth. But now you're ready to be noble. Now, you're willing to give me up. Now—now that it's too late. Now that I have no choice. But you weren't willing to give me up then, back when you knew you were lying to me. Back when you knew the truth might actually help me, might keep me safe from all of this."

"I know."

"I'm so mad. I'm so damn mad at you." I closed my eyes, just for an instant. I didn't want to cry—I couldn't cry—not here. Not with Caine watching and the cameras poised to document it all. "I'm so mad and I hate it. I hate that I still—that I can't seem to stop loving—"

I didn't get to finish, because then he was kissing me.

It was so sudden; I didn't have time to even realize what he was doing. I was just there, being kissed by him—kissing him back—deeply. His mouth was warm and insistent, and I fell right back into him. This was the sort of kiss that stopped the world, the sort of kiss that came with a declaration. The sort of kiss that had us halting—mid-dance in the middle of a crowd.

When he finally pulled back from me, we were both breathing heavily.

Kai's fingers shook as they dropped from where he'd tangled them in my hair. It was then that I registered the flash of cameras—the silence of the orchestra. Hundreds of eyes were looking at me—Kai was looking at me—and I didn't know what to say.

I'd kissed him back. I'd fallen into his arms the way I always had but—it was different. Everything was different. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words died on my tongue as Kai's gaze moved defiantely to his uncle. A challenge.

A game.

And suddenly, I felt so small.

Stupid and small and used.

Around us, the room was the roar of people whispering. Some were cheering. Reporters were snapping pictures and calling for him to kiss me again. Across the ballroom, Caine was red-faced, his eyes like blades as they cut into me.

And Kai was looking at me too now, waiting.

Of all the violations I'd experienced in the last month, this—

This was perhaps the worst.

I stepped back from him, snaking out from where he'd wrapped his arms around my waist. I took three steps away before he caught hold of my wrist and tried to pull me back. I used the momentum to my advantage, using every bit of strength I had to haul back and slap him.

The sharp sound of my hand striking the side of his face seemed to echo through the room. The crowd inhaled a shocked gasp, but I didn't care. I was too busy looking at Kai.

There was a coldness to his eyes that I recognized. It was the look he gave Caine when he'd been pushed too far—when he'd decided he didn't give a shit about the consequences. But I cared. I cared and I wasn't a pawn. I wasn't a way to anger his uncle.

If he wanted to prove something to Caine, fine.

But leave me out of it.

Kai didn't even flinch at my slap, he stayed exactly where he was, his hand hot around my bare wrist. I spoke between clenched teeth. "Go to hell."

This he recoiled from.

My hand was still stinging as I gathered my skirt and turned away from him. The crowd parted in two as I left the king standing in the middle of the dance floor. I felt his eyes on me as I went, but he didn't try to follow me. No one tried to go after me as I ducked through a small side doorway and into the gardens beyond.

***

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