Let's break some hearts, because apparently I'm really good at doing that to these characters.

Also, there's a little ship fluff in here because why not?

I don't own anything.
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Bodhi's P.O.V.

It's a tense night. While Lyra and I are getting along fine, Lyra's relationship with Orson and Cassian is iffy. I'm doing everything I can to stay out of the way. Sometimes it feels like that's the best option to make things better.

I glance over at Cassian. He and Orson seem to have made some sort of truce for dinner but I worry how long this peace between them will last, especially since it just so happened they got to sit next to each other on one side of the table. I really hope the four of us can work together to find Jyn and Galen and not try to murder each other.

I find myself biting my lip as I think back to when Cassian and I first met on Jedha. After my time with Bor Gullet, I had been confused and scared and suddenly Cassian was there. He was like a savior to me. He babied me and nursed me back to health. Then he made sure that I was happy and healthy from then on out... okay, my imagination has to stop running off like that. In reality, Cassian kind of shouted at me for not having any proof that Galen was telling the truth about the Death Star Plans.

Nevertheless, I know whatever Cassian DID  do made me feel this way towards him, I'll never see him as the captain of the Rogue 6 anymore. I see him more as an idol to me, a near-perfect example of everything I wanted to be.

Yeah, I have a huge crush on Cassian.

So it sucks when Cassian hardly seems to care that I'm there. It's even harder when he physically and mentally hurts me. Am I a nothing to him? Am I just another pebble on the concrete, waiting to be trampled on? Did I do anything to impress Cassian? Or were all my efforts in vain?

My teeth cut though my skin and the sudden pain makes me wake from my trance. I look at Orson and Lyra, who are sitting across from each other. I don't think I've ever seen someone look more blood thirsty than Lyra is right now. Feeling stressed by this hostile attitude set by the three, I ate my food quickly and left the table to go for a walk with Gumdrop.

I realize I must have gotten an easy trial to pass over to the Realm of Muertos because somehow this realm knew how tough my future was going to be. I wish I had gotten something like Cassian. Then I would know how he felt and maybe I could relate to him more and life would be easier than it is.

The chilly night wind wraps my body and I shiver. I don't want to go back inside. Not yet, at least. I'd rather avoid being in everyone's way. I hug Gumdrop to warm up my cold body.

A hand touches my shoulder and I freeze. The thought of Galen's abduction flashes through my mind and I jump up to attack them. My staff is grabbed before I can make contact with anything. Cassian's staring right me.

I back away and release my staff, letting it drop to the ground. "Cassian!" I can hardly speak. I had just tried to hurt him! How was he going to react to that?!

Cassian looks at me a strange way... relaxed or something like that. "It's cold out. You should come inside." His voice sounds so strange, and I'm not sure why.

I shake my head. "I'll just get in the way. It's what I do best." I hate having to say these words to Cassian. For as long as we've been together in the Realm of Muertos, I've pretended to be pretty happy and try to keep him upbeat. But now I feel like a wreck and I thought it would be better to tell him the truth instead of lying again.

Cassian doesn't say anything. I turn around to face the horizon. The wind makes me quiver. Even though my body is numb from being out here for so long, I can still feel the temperature dropping with each minute. Maybe this realm was punishing me for being here...

"You're going to freeze," Cassian says calmly.

"I don't care."

"Are you angry at me?" I don't know what to answer. I want to say yes but at the same time my crush on him makes me feel like it was just another little rough spot that could easily be fixed. I think my love is blinding me from the truth. I feel small tears gathering at my eyes. "I'm sorry," said Cassian. "Orson and I talked about it on our way over here... and he's right, I really have not been that good to you."

"You've been good to me..." I whisper.

"No, you have been good to me. You've tried to make sure I was happy in this realm. But I was too stupid to realize that and I thought... well, I thought you were trying to force me to forget about Jyn."

So that's what he thought of me. I begin to cry. I really was nothing but a dead weight to Cassian. Why did I bother to try so hard and take care of him if all I was going to be was another castaway character in his world?

Suddenly my back is pushed against Cassian and he next thing I know, he's hugging me. My mind goes completely blank and I can't remember what I was crying about. "I'm so sorry," Cassian whispers. "I promise I'll be good to you from now on."

I shift so I can hug Cassian back. I no long feel cold. I'd rather stay out here all night long holding on to Cassian.

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Lyra gives Cassian some kind of drink with the special flower in it to heal his mental state. Hopefully Cassian will be better from now. However, I overheard her and Orson talking about it later. "That was not the flower that I read would heal him. What did you give him?" Orson demands.

"I realized Chassis ("Cassian, Lyra. His name is Cassian.") is not as bad as the flower is meant to deal with," Lyra responds. "Hopefully the placebo effect will be enough to fix him."

"The placebo effect?!? You're relying on the placebo effect!? Are you insane??"

"Possibly. But if I gave the real flower to him, it would make him more depressed. Unless someone's depressed and at the bottom of the hole, it's never good to give them a sort of antidepressant medication. It can make them suicidal." I certainly don't want Cassian to feel that way so I'm glad Lyra made the right call.

The four of us and Gumdrop leave the Ersos place to go to ours. Orson and Lyra spend most of the walk talking quietly to each other. Lyra has Orson's staff, claiming that if we all get into some sort of problem, at least she'll have a better chance of making it out of there. "We'll just leave you as the bait or distraction," she says to Orson.

I trail behind, unable to say anything to Cassian. I want him to hug me again. I also want him to kiss me. I'm probably asking for too much but it never hurts to dream, right?

Cassian comes over to walk next to me. "Are you okay?" I nod. Cassian smiles and takes my hand in his. It's only morning and this is already the best day ever! Now if only Cassian would kiss me. That would be the icing on the cake.

Gumdrop eventually wears herself out again and soon I'm carrying her in a makeshift backpack the four of us created. I began to realize that Gumdrop is heavier than I thought she was. I end up slowing the group down and while Orson seems slightly displeased, the other two slow their pace to mine.

Cassian is called up next to Orson. He releases my hand (we've been walking with our hands clasped together since we started) and joins the former officer. Lyra switches spots with him.

"How are you doing?" She asks. "Is that dog getting heavy for you?"

"Well she certainly slows me down but it's no big deal." I grin at Lyra. I can't wait to show her my home. I don't know why but I've become very proud of owning that little cottage. Perhaps it's because I've never really owned a house before.

Lyra nods and we walk for a little while in completely silence. Orson and Cassian are quite aways ahead. I study the scenery and notice it looks quite familiar. Then we pass the area where Cassian said Orson was attacked by the Markavipe. Hooray! We're almost home!

I speed up my gait until I'm running. Then Orson and Cassian stop and I crash into them. The three of us fall to the ground. Orson and Cassian get up the fastest and start trying to block my view. That's odd...

"Guys, what are you doing?" I ask.

"What are we doing? I dunno. What are we doing?" Orson says.

"We're not doing anything!" Cassian adds, sliding to his left a little so I can't see past him. I hate it when people are taller than me, even though Cassian's just five centimeters taller.

"Guys! Why are you blocking me?!" My anger starts to rise as I realize they're hiding something.

"What are we blocking?" The two say.

Lyra walks up and uses Orson's staff to knock the two over. "What is wrong with you two?" She asks. I look beyond Lyra and feel my world come crashing down again.

The cottage is burned down. There's not a single piece left standing. I dash forwards, trying to convince myself that it's just an illusion with the light or that I'm overtired. But it's not. The whole thing is true.

I fall to my knees in front of the ruins and start screaming. I'm not even sure if I was saying words or just using my lungs to their full extent.
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Poor Bodhi!

There are some antidepressants that will make people suicidal rather than help them with their depression unless they are at the very bottom of the depression. This is very rare to find unless a prescription for the antidepressant is totally wrong.

The drawing's by me. Feel free to repost if you'd like. Just give me credit (and if you don't, I'll find you 😏😏😏😏).

Please review!